If you told people what you were doing, and seeing they would think you were crazy. Your mom would pat your hand in the most loving way possible, “If it’s what you need to do,” and she was being honest. She would do anything to make sure her little girl stopped hurting. You also wanted to stop the pain, but you knew once it was all gone, you’d lose him forever, and you weren’t quite ready for that. You stood in the woods, the sky barely breaking passed the tree tops that rocked in the wind (1/?)
“I’ve always loved it here,” Jae mumbled as you stood beside him, pinkies hooked with one another. “I know, you always say it’s when you feel most at peace,” you glanced at him, your eyes losing focus for a moment, and in that split second it was almost as if he disappeared. You quickly squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head. “Hey… Hey…” his fingers cupping your flushed cheek, “I’m right here,” he whispered, giving you the courage to open your eyes once more. (2/?)
And there he was, still standing beside you. Your chest continues to rise and fall rapidly. “Breathe, baby,” he cooed, taking a deep breath, as is instructing you what to do. You followed his lead, listening to the way his breath and wind almost sounded the exact same. “You’re already starting to sound like the wind,” you said between slow, deliberate breaths. “Maybe that’s what’s I’ll become,” he smiled, the ends of his lips tucking into his cheeks, “so when you feel it, you’ll think of (3/?)
me,” he pulled on your hand, tugging you into his arms. They felt light, almost like the whisper of a touch. Your heart stuttered, begging to halting from the pain. “Promise me, you’ll think of me as the wind,” he pressed his lips to your forehead, “I promise,” your voice cracked, the words burning your throat like a shot of vodka. “How much is left?” He asked, quirking a brow as you glanced up at him, “Less than half, most of it went into the ocean.” You pulled away, opening the lid. (4/?)
“Are you sure this is the last place?” You looked down, your foot pressing into the soft forest floor. “I’m sure, baby.” His voice more quiet than before. “Does… does that mean…?” You couldn’t bare to finish your sentence. “Yes, my love. It’ll be goodbye, for now.” The first round of sobs rattled from your chest, they were loud. They were unlike any sound you’d ever heard, it was the pain ripping through you like a hurricane. “No, no, please,” you begged, your knees no longer able (5/?)
to hold the weight of your body, or the even heavier weight of your grief. He quickly knelt to your side, “I am sorry, I am so fucking sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, or us.” He kept repeating to you, like a mantra. “It’s not your fault,” you were able to squeeze out after a sob. “Please don’t hate me,” he begged, his voice falling off as his own strength began to disintegrate. He was completely wrecked, watching you fall apart in front of him. (6/?)
“I could never,” you admitted, and although it would make this easier, you knew you couldn’t. “But, I can’t hold onto you anymore, cause you need to go, you need to be free,” the words felt foreign in your mouth. You couldn’t believe you were actually saying this, but it was true. “I know,” he croaked, watching as you turned the last bit of his ashes upside down, spreading them around the ground. “I love you so much,” the tears streamed down his cheeks, cutting off at his jaw. “Goodbye, Lim Jaebeom,” you whispered. And as if the wind heard your pleas to free him, he was carried away. The image of him you had tried to hold onto for so long was finally gone, and you couldn’t feel him there. What you could feel was the wind blowing passed your hair, knowing that was him giving you one last goodbye.
So, this bitch uses my crippling fear of death and my suffocating love of Jaebeom to do this. Bitch…
