#maowthoughts

If I need seven years to be new again

Renew again

Rip open these bones

Stretch and spread, I won’t resist

Set aloose my soul

Awash in nervous visceral bliss

The risks I take for you

Yes, please [I’d do it again]

If you’re holding a gurl who has a very active inner world, you deserve compensation…. The psychological effects of this state are understudied and underreported. Do you listen to her? Do you obey her? Watch out because she can get you in trouble! Like, serious trouble. You can’t listen— or you can but you listen to learn, not to obey.

Fr. A hungry pussy has an agenda so it’s kinda like, that healing journey, that intellectual understanding, that behavioral practice… cute. What’s gonna happen if you’re in a dimly lit room standing beside someone with a deep voice who leans down to speak into your ear? Riiight riiight. She’s an op lowkey. And don’t let you had drank some liquor— ur doneski lol.

I am finding balance between hedonistic pleasure and having good sense. That’s why I’ve removed myself from society for 5yrs, damn near. She attempts to make me misbehave 😞 she attempts to get in my mind and bring my guards down. She attempts to blast me with chemicals that make me go 😵🥰😩😨🫨😝🤤🫠. lol I felt traumatized by these cravings loooool but fr, that’s why I’m an artist. I’ve grown a lot— we’ve grown together and now, we have a better relationship. A deeper understanding.

I feel her drooling but I can’t feed you, just cause you’re hungry— I have to serve you the best! The absolute best and nothing less… curating a menu of this caliber takes time! I’ve left her starving in anticipation for a feast, so I take myself seriously: I must meet the mark of perfection. Exquisite ecstasy lol I wanna eat so good and be drunk off satiation, satisfaction. Not sure if it’s the best way to handle a hungry pussy but wtf man, I’m doing my best 🙇🏾‍♀️ din’t nobody give me a manual! I’m learning.

Finding balance now as a grown woman in my way… to live freely… there’s an element of newness. This is actually a new beginning, the one that I’ve been craving and that, all along, I built with imagination. No moment, scribbled journal entry, bubble bath or tearful voicenote has been for nought. I wanted life to be fun again. And in order to exist joyfully, I gave up that rule: the idea that I had to be “nice” in order to be liked or loved. Behaving in a manner that would most likely support this outcome— the gag is, I’m extremely lovable 🤣🤣🤷🏾‍♀️🤭 I don’t HAVE to do anything. This has completely blanked the page: the new story of ~love~. The one where MY BEING LOVED is not up for grabs or debate. The love story where my starting point is the infinite oneness. I’m not hungry for your love in a foundational sense— I’m already full. So let’s be bountiful together, let’s share!

That’s always been my dream but, I admit: some of my ideas, I don’t necessarily have the experience to exact as I envisioned. Core wounds that taught me fearfulness and control didn’t bear the fruit of reciprocal love, only hateful, destructive confirmations of illusion, pain and suffering. I look back and see that I wasn’t walking in the principles of my genuine beliefs— this is called embodiment. Embodiment is something that requires great self respect and self worth. Being agreeable is not more valuable than being honest in my true self.