#manuriosmademedoit

I mean, the rules of the party is that there's no rules. Fine. Everyone is open to experimenting. Everyone is gay this episode basically. Even Philippe makes out with Patrick, and Samu with Ivan, and Ivan with Rebe, and Ari with some cute girl (I'm still shooketh by all of this btw but in the good way lol). So, Ivan could argue that he's only playing along since Anything Goes, right?

But Rebe sees something in the way Ivan interacts with Patrick (how I wish I could screen capture the look Ivan makes after Patrick leaves him to get some drinks. Like seriously. It's at 28:07 or smth). And I'm sure she'd know a bi menace when she sees one 😂. But, okay, whatever, so he's playing along blah blah blah, they kiss and Ivan thinks they have such chemistry etc. etc. And ofc Patrick catches them and breaks his little heart. He confronts Ivan and it's a hot mess honestly. It goes:

Ivan: You're pissed off? Seriously? | Patrick: I'm always fucking serious. I'm not an in-the-closet cocktease who's super fucking repressed. | Ivan: Not again, man. I've told you a million times. I'm hetero. | Patrick: Yeah, sure you are, in your words. What about your eyes? What about your hands? I mean, you gladly touched my dick in the shower, then my ass in your bed. Bullshit, you're hetero.

Ivan: Hey, I haven't done anything with you that I wouldn't do with any friend, okay? | Patrick: Yeah, all right. Sure. But you haven't kissed me. | Ivan: And I'm not going to. | Patrick: Because you're scared to make out with a dude, right? | Ivan: I'm not scared. | Patrick: Ah, yeah? Let's see.

Honestly, Patrick and his manipulations are something else 😂. Unfortunately, though, it doesn't go his way this time. Patrick's trying to get them to kiss to prove what he thinks he knows, but Ivan dodges him. Instead of kissing Patrick since he's already looking at Patrick's lips anyway, to shut him up, and prove to Patrick that he's not in any way attracted to him, Ivan picks someone else. Ivan picks Samu to kiss to prove his point that he's not scared of kissing a guy.

I will give it to Ivan. I think he played that round well and it convinced a number of the audience that he is indeed as straight as he claims. But I still call bs. I don't think Ivan's scared of kissing a guy at all. He's just scared of kissing Patrick.

Because that unwavering heterosexuality parked outside of the club? Might get stolen, indeed.

Patrick looked up from the bench. Ivan still had a little plaster on his head from the accident, but overall, he looked well and healthy enough to come back to school. Ivan was smiling at Patrick, and though he could tell it didn't reach his eyes, Patrick still had a sense of deja vu the first time they were in this position so many months ago. How different was the situation, then.

Patrick managed to pull a small smile, leaning against the bench and nodding at Ivan's question. With honesty, he said, "I wasn't sure you'd come."

"I wasn't sure I'd come, either."

Patrick chuckled faintly, at a loss on how to respond to that. He knew it was only fair - he couldn't force Ivan to talk to him if he didn't want to. They weren't good with words, anyway. They always seemed to find the wrong ones in the worst moments. But Patrick couldn't imagine leaving it like a loose thread. Ivan wasn't one of those guys in his life - better cut off and forgotten. Ivan was someone he would tie gently around the tip and lay in a box for safekeeping.

The silence was heavy between them, but Ivan broke it with a sigh as he moved his feet - scraping his shoes against the cement - and sat on the bench parallel to Patrick. He couldn't stop the twinge in his chest when Ivan refused to meet his gaze. 

Such a shame. Patrick always relied on Ivan's eyes to know what he felt - to understand what he wasn't saying. It would be a while to get over those eyes, too.

"What time are you leaving?" Ivan's voice was so low that it was almost a whisper when he spoke.

"The flight leaves at eight," Patrick replied obligingly. "But we have to be at the airport at least two hours before."

Ivan nodded, clenching his fingers around the strap of his backpack.

It was a fine day. Patrick was sure there were plenty of students out of the campus, going about their routine, but it felt as if they were alone in their little bench, removed from the concealed chaos of Las Encinas. Patrick couldn't remember the last time he'd had a peaceful day at school, especially after his father's arrest. But of all the days to be kind to him, he was grateful that it was today.

"Ivan-" he started but was immediately interrupted.

"What did you want to say to me that you haven't already, Patrick?"

Ivan's tone wasn't harsh. But Patrick was hurt by the dismissal all the same. 

"Plenty," he answered. "There's plenty more, Ivan. But time isn't our friend. And the odds aren't in our favor." Patrick looked as Ivan's throat bobbed, and his expression tightened. "So all I have now are my goodbyes. Won't you let me say them?"

Ivan shook his head, gaze far away into the sky. "I've had more goodbyes than I could handle in the span of a few months, Patrick," he chuckled with no humor. "If you give me one more, I'm not sure my heart could take it."

Patrick's chest throbbed at the crack in Ivan's voice. Even without looking at his eyes, Patrick could only imagine the pain in them. The wound from his loss was recent. It needed to heal. But Patrick knew from experience that it never really heals completely. It was just a matter of living with it.

"If I leave," he took a moment to swallow around the lump in his throat. "Without saying anything, would I make it easier for you?" If Ivan said yes, Patrick wouldn't force it. He would fold his cards, get up at once, and turn his back. Ivan had been so patient and understanding with his insecurities. It was only fitting to return the gesture.

From his position, Patrick could see the mist starting to form in Ivan's eyes. Still, Ivan refused to look at him. He scoffed, shaking his head. "There's no easy way to love you, Patrick. What makes you think there's an easy way to lose you?"

Patrick was surprised by the vulnerability with which he said it. He knew Ivan had always been loyal to him, sincere to the core. But it still managed to get him off-kilter when he said things like that. Patrick wasn't used to hearing those words said about him. He didn't think he ever would. 

Cautiously, Patrick reached out to touch Ivan's thigh. He only relaxed when his touch met no resistance. "Eventually," he spoke, "you'll find someone who deserves you, Ivan. And you'll look back on this day and thank me for letting you go." Patrick wasn't sure if it was for Ivan, or for himself. Maybe more for him. It was easier to leave knowing Ivan had a better chance now at love - preferably with someone less damaged, less fucked in the head.

"You always underestimated my feelings for you, Patrick." Ivan whispered, looking down at Patrick's hand. "You never understood how deeply I care for you."

Patrick shook his head, "Ivan-"

"I said so many things to you that I regret," Ivan rushed on, cutting him off again. "But they could never be unsaid. The hurt on your face will always haunt me, and I will spend sleepless nights going over my head all the 'what ifs', the 'maybes'... but they could never undo what already happened." Ivan paused to take a breath, to unclench his fingers and lay them on top of his. His forehead creased, smarting his lip as he slipped his fingers into Patrick's. "It kills me that I made you believe I can just move on from you."

Patrick closed his eyes momentarily to hold back his emotions. He relished in the intimacy that naturally came between them, but it was difficult to breathe when everything from his chest up wanted to burst. He planned a quick goodbye to Ivan. He wasn't prepared for Ivan saying goodbye to him.

When he opened his eyes, Ivan was finally looking at him, eye to eye. He didn't bother concealing his tears, or reigning them in. "Perhaps, Patrick," Ivan started, voice hitching, "It's you that will evidently find someone who deserves you more than I ever will."

Patrick exhaled a shaky breath, watching in slow motion as Ivan's other hand cupped the back of his neck with a tenderness that could only be Ivan. He waited in anticipation as Ivan's face inched closer, as their noses touched and warm breaths mingled. He slid his eyes shut as Ivan's lashes brushed against his cheeks, angling their faces for their lips to press together in a familiar kiss.

Kissing, for Patrick, used to mean the beginning of something - a heavy session of getting off, a battle of dominance, a victory dance against anyone who thought they could resist him. He didn't know it could also mean the end of something. He didn't know a kiss could wound him this much. He didn't know a kiss could taste sweet, bitter, and salty at the same time.

When they broke the kiss, Ivan didn't immediately let go of Patrick's face. He caressed Patrick with his thumb, held his face like a precious gem inside his hands. When Patrick looked up, he realized the saltiness in his lips came from Ivan.

Between them, Ivan had always been the one who cried freely. Patrick always found it adorable under the security of their blanket inside Ivan's room and the soft glare of the television. He found it brave in more than one occasion. Including now.

"It'll be you, Patrick," Ivan said against his lips. "Who will look back on this day and thank me for letting you go."

They stayed in the same position for minutes - days, months, years, who could even tell - just holding each other for the last time.

Eventually, they had to break apart. Patrick's phone buzzed with a message from Mencia. We have to get ready, it said. Patrick wiped his face, and Ivan followed, sniffing into the sleeve of his uniform.

At last, Patrick rose from the bench, pocketing his phone and straightening his clothes. Ivan was looking at him with red-rimmed eyes.

He cleared his throat, "I have to go."

Ivan nodded, trying his hardest to smile.

"Ivan, I just want to-" Patrick paused to wet his lips as Ivan waited patiently for him to find his words. "Thank you," he decided to say in the end, feeling the tightness in his chest start to unfurl. So, this was how it felt to tie loose ends. "Thank you for being my first true love."

Ivan stared as Patrick turned his back and began walking away. He realized he could breathe better with every step he took. Saying goodbye was sometimes for the best.

"Patrick,"

He halted, looking over his shoulder at the only reason he could never regret Las Encinas despite all that it had taken from him.

Ivan was still sitting on the bench. It didn't look like he was going to leave anytime soon.

"Thank you," he echoed Patrick's words, smiling more genuinely through the strain. "For being my first true love."

When Patrick was inside the taxi that would take him away from Las Encinas for the last time, he looked back just as Ivan was getting up.

As Ivan walked away, back into a life without him in it, Patrick could almost hear the scrape of his shoes against the ground. He smiled.

---

But before we go to the actual dinner scene between Ivan and Cruz, let's backtrack a bit to Ivan and Ari's conversation by the dock.

So, she's crying, right? She just came to see Samu, and it didn't really go well, now, did it? But, yes, Ivan sees her and being the good lad he is, offers her his companionship. They talk about Samu and how Ari feels guilty for hurting him (ahem, cheating on him) and not having the ability to help. Ivan, being the sweet guy he is, sympathizes with Ari (even though he did actively help her cheat on her boyfriend), especially after she confirms that she loves Samu so much she won't ever want to be away from him when he gets out.

Now, Ivan supposedly likes Ari, right? But he's also an understanding, supportive, gentle person that even though the girl he 'likes' is talking about how much she loves her boyfriend, he sits through it, smiles at her, and even offers to help her get the bail money for her boyfriend from his football superstar dad.

I don't normally like editing anything with Ari in it (I can't stand her), but this one is important. I'm going to use this again as a comparison in a future post for the third part of Episode 6. But for now, just look at how darling Ivan is. "Because if you're happy, Ari, then I am too." Ahh *happy sigh* Sounds like a dream boy everyone would be gushing about to their best friend - handsome, patient, kindhearted, and puts others' feelings before his own. There's no jealousy in the way he says it at all, just compassion. And for this, I commend Ivan. (But the flip side of this? Is even better. I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK ABOUT THAT.)

Right. So onto the dinner with his dad. Cruz makes small talk, urging Ivan to share his thoughts, and Ivan obligingly admits that yes, everything is great and that he's happy with what's been going in his life at the moment.

Cruz immediately perks up at the positive response and starts poking Ivan for information. "How come? Huh? Huh?" And I bet he immediately regrets his decision when he hears what Ivan reveals next:

There's also a wonderful gifset of this scene by @andrelamoglia that you can find here and it's just *chef's kiss*

Ivan's smile recedes pretty quickly following the question "Really? Who is she?". Like, 'Oh, right. It's supposed to be a she, isn't it?'. But he soldiers on. It's the perfect opportunity to come out and confess his newly-accepted sexuality to his dad. After all, his dad is one of the cool ones, right? Who doesn't have a problem with homosexuality, and even hangs out with gay people in his parties. Surely, it won't be a big deal if his son isn't 100% straight?

Of course, Cruz doesn't have a problem with Ivan being less than 100% straight, that much is for sure. But why is his reaction much like he's horrified to be hearing this conversation at all? Well, my friends, it's because of THIS:

Because OF COURSE, it's Patrick. Cruz has connected it inside his head during Ivan's silence but he doesn't want to process it. But who else could it be? Cruz's expression is like a mix of denial, disbelief, and horror in the entirety of this confession that it's a little bit funny, but not for homophobic reasons, like some would say.

I mean, do any of you think Cruz would look progressively panicked by the second if Ivan were talking about literally any other boy apart from Patrick? I don't think so. Their table is very Patrick-charged from both father and son it's hilarious.

AND when Ivan mentions being with Patrick at home, Cruz immediately understands that it's on the same night Patrick failed to show up to his room. And he's also likely connected it to when they spoke in Las Encinas and Patrick rejected Cruz with an excuse that he wasn't in the right headspace for any further relationship (sexual or otherwise) with him, and that it was also risky for Cruz's career. He likely realized that it wasn't really because of the things Patrick said, but because he was getting it on with his son Ivan. And it's not sitting with him well for selfish reasons. It's actually a little awkward watching the scene knowing exactly why Cruz is reacting this way. Because he's kinda shitty, hugely jealous, and completely lusting after Patrick. Just - the look on his face, you know?

Can't blame him but still. The nerve of this guy to try and convince his son to focus on Ari and forget Patrick BECAUSE HE WANTS HIM FOR HIMSELF is shocking. Truly. Like holy crap level. But damn if it isn't brilliantly messy. (I've been saying this a lot, but I'll say it again. I'm not as wholly opposed to Cruz's involvement with Patrick as I am with Ari and Ivan. Just because.)

But back to Ivan and the title of this post, Ivan not only confesses that he is not as 100% heterosexual as he previously believed, but also that his attraction to males is very singular and specific. Tall, brunette, green eyes to die for, confidence bigger than Las Encinas, ass 'better than most girls', makes his world right again, fits into his life like a missing puzzle piece.

Now. I can't blame Ivan for getting upset when Cruz insists for him to go after Ari. Even though he just literally told him that she has a boyfriend. Even though the way he described his 'feelings' for Ari is a far cry from how he described his feelings for Patrick. Even though the way he said "I feel great when I'm with him" should have been a dead giveaway that there's no point pursuing Ari because she's not the one making him feel the great things.

No, I can't blame Ivan for walking out of there thinking Cruz is pushing him to Ari because he can't accept his sexuality. It is a really disappointing reaction after such a confession, yes? But we all know how Ivan's going to be even more upset when he finds out the real reason his father wants him to chase after Ari.

And let's talk about that in the next post!

At the beginning of the episode, we got blessed with this tender moment between our boys that I discussed about in part 6, where they talked about feelings, personal issues, what they're looking for in a relationship... just being bros with a serious emotional connection, you know?

By the way, y'all should listen to The King by Conan Gray. I think the lyrics of that song are so on point. Like:

"Crush always making me feel like I got nothing to offer. But I'm the only one that can make you feel right. // And you can't explain why I'm always running your mind. Don't you see the answer is right in front your eyes?"

Well, however intimate it may have seemed, I was still helpless to think that maybe it really wasn't going to happen and they were sticking to being just "friends" - in this season, at least. Especially because for a hot minute, it looked like it was heading southward. To hell where it isn't ideal, but not as awful as I thought, too. I know it's an unpopular opinion but if you're interested and haven't read it yet, I talked about why I'm not disgustingly enraged if they went the Cruz/Patrick route in this little interlude post right here.

Anyway, so after all that, and Cruz's "please come to my room tonight", there's me who's totally blindsided by what comes next. What comes next isn't Cruz and Patrick getting it on a few doors from Ivan's room like I expected, like they were implying would happen. But what comes next is a surprising turn of events.

A question, if you please: do guys really masturbate together and can still claim No Homo? Does it really happen irl? If someone can answer that because I am honestly baffled.

But in relation to our boys, Ivan, at least, doesn't deny that it's not the straight porn playing on his TV that's turning him on but the fact that he's watching it specifically with Patrick.

Why does he put on porn for their movie night in the first place?

Well, Ivan says it himself: "I was feeling it." He was feeling like watching straight porn because his gay friend is sleeping over and they're in their underwear. It sounds kinda douche-y, really, so in-your-face. Like saying: 'See? I'm into girls. I'm into p*ssy.' But I don't think it was Ivan's intention to offend Patrick, at all.

I think what happened is: Ivan is actually more affected by their conversation earlier on the lawn than he's letting on. I don't know, but something has definitely shifted during that scene. I always say it's the way they look at each other even on the earliest episodes, but it starts to really get more obvious during this scene. I mean, look:

So, furthermore, I think what happened is: finally getting more conscious of his feelings, Ivan gets hot and bothered by Patrick's presence and the idea that he's going to sleep on a bed with him half-naked for the first time after realizing the extent of his attraction for the guy. The last time we see it happen, them on Ivan's bed together, they were drunk and Ivan was adamantly "not gay".

But tonight, he's completely sober and still fucking turned on by Patrick. And he can't hide or keep it to himself. Why bother? So he puts on the only kind of porn he's watched in his life, throws pretensions out the window, and sees where it goes.

And it... goes. Boy, it goes. Ivan finally becomes honest with his feelings and it's glorious. The attraction is finally mutual. Even though it lasts all of two minutes.

Because when it looks like it's taking off to new heights, Ivan pulls the brakes at the last few inches.

And, honestly, he leaves not only Patrick sexually frustrated by this. 😒 I'm sure. I would know.

I can't really be mad at anyone, though. I understand both their sides. Patrick is upset because he thinks Ivan is back to playing him, jerking him around, right when he's ready to give it up, Ivan gives him something to cling to but cuts the thread again without warning. And Ivan, after stepping past the threshold of confusion, is now trying to pass through his fears and prejudices, in order to reach Patrick.

And I imagine it can't be easy. Everyone has different ways of accepting the latent sides of their sexuality that's only recently manifesting. And after living and being familiar of the "macho" world that his dad revolves in, and the homophobia that goes around it, it's not surprising that he's hesitant to just go for it. Go after what he wants.

But we'll still give credit where it's due. Ivan's honesty in this scene is commendable. So episode 5: "Please, Tell The Truth", I'd say, is very appropriately titled.

Because it's the usual scene. BECAUSE IT'S NORMAL TO DROP 'EM SHORTS AND FLASH THE DUDE WHO HELPED YOU FIND THE SHOWERS LIKE THAT. BECAUSE THAT'S TOTALLY SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS ON THE REGULAR. BECAUSE IT'S COMPLETELY A NO HOMO BEHAVIOR. 😆 dios mio Ivan, you couldn't even wait til episode 2

And that's not all! It's far from over.

So, Patrick's always said that his gaydar's pretty great, right? So, my mans got excited naturally. I mean, the hot new guy basically slapped his dick at his face at this point 😆. So the scene moves to the famous Las Encinas boys' locker room showers, and-

It's basically the same dance with Ander in S4, tbh, the first time he and Patrick "met" if anyone remembers that. Wandering eyes wander about, and dudes flirt under running water. And Ivan - this is something I like and kinda despise about him - knows he's being checked out and has got the absolute cheeks to acknowledge it. He knows he looks good and maybe it's sort of a validation, an ego booster perhaps, for guys going smug at knowing they've attracted other guys' attention, because that's what happens here. Patrick has never been shy at letting someone know that he's got his eyes on them, so he openly ogles the dude who just flashed his package at his face tbf. But Ivan, the little shit, goes and bursts his bubble

YEAH. YEAH RIGHT. 😆😆😆 But no, I would actually have accepted this to be the truth IF he didn't follow it up with..... definitely not-hetero flirting. I mean:

Ivan: You been at Las Encinas long? | Patrick: I got here from London at the start of the year. What class are you in? | Ivan: Not yours. I would've noticed.

Ivan: Well, thanks for rescuing me when I was lost back there. If it hadn't been for you... | Patrick: Maybe you'd still be lost. Around here, people get confused. and this boy says this like he knows something's up. what something, you ask? like Ivan's bluffing and he's absolutely figured him out? maybe. | Ivan: but he won't let Patrick get the last laugh because he says this next See you around. You can tell me what class you skipped so you could shower with me.

God, I love that. He's a dick. A fucking asshole. 😂😂😂 Two can play the game and same as Patrick, we're here for it.

But that's still not all! They've decided to go all out first episode in. Y'all think that little shower scene was giving off mixed signals? Setting up the tension? It's only the beginning.

Ivan "Not Gay" Carvalho, 30:00 into the ep:

Our new boy arrives late at school bec his football superstar partydad borrowed his charger so his phone died and he slept through his alarm.....right. Idk why there's only one charger in that big damn house, but whatever. So he arrives to Patrick waiting for him on a bench outside bec homeboy is freaking whipped so early on as he tends to do (see: Ander), and the conversation starts off... pretty mild:

Ivan: So, the Nazi's son was kicked out for being late? There's no hope for the rest of us. | Patrick: with absolutely disgusting sparkly eyes You know who I am? | Ivan: The whole school knows who you are. I checked up on you. I like you, man.

Someone got curious after yesterday's shower. 😏😏😏 But I'm sure straight boy asked around about Patrick for science. Like, there's no other reason conceivable. At all.

Then it gets saucy. Because, I mean. It's Patrick. And Ivan's proving to be a pretty decent match to him.

Ivan: You were waiting for me, weren't you? You know, honestly, I can't tell if I'm into it or if it's super cringe. Mans, you have a big ass grin on your face and zero visible cringe. Jesus Ivan. You're too flirty to Patrick for someone who's straight . | Patrick: Have you seen me? I think your only choice is to be into it.

And Ivan's well, you're not wrong.... reaction after 😆😆😆. Sorry, dude. That wasn't your round 🤣. I can't with this pair.

But they do end up skipping class to drink and talk about their respective shitty dads. Then much later, when they're fairly intoxicated, Ivan invites his new friend to his home where Patrick meets Ivan's partydad in the middle of, well, another ongoing party 😆😆. It's not hard to understand why Patrick immediately thinks he's cool. If your dad was Benjamin, any other dad would be cool. 😆😆

(Intermission: While writing this, Netflix is open in another window, and I can't help but notice something I totally missed the first time. I mean, now that I know what happens between Cruz and Patrick, I think I'm being more sensitive to their interaction leading up.... to that. I'm saying this because in their first meeting, I'm definitely seeing something in the way Cruz looks at Patrick. Like... it's too sticky.... charmed, you know what I mean? ANYWAY. Let's not discuss Cruz yet bec there'll be plenty of that in the next ones anyway. I'm just saying...)

Cont. But okay, things are progressively getting more..... Heated when they get to "Not Gay" Ivan's bedroom.

So, they flop onto the bed. And Ivan goes: "How about a nap before we keep going? This buzz is kinda too much for me." So, Patrick starts getting out of bed to look for a sofa or somewhere else to lie on, right? I mean, it's the polite thing to do. But Ivan "Not Gay" Carvalho pulls him back and tells him: "No, you dumbass. You're sleeping here with me. I want you to be comfortable."

And that's also completely fine, you know! Bros sleep on the same bed, that happens. *snorts* Ivan just wants his gay friend to be welcomed into his home properly. That's okay. Totally believable.

BUT.

BUT HE STARTS UNDRESSING PATRICK HIMSELF AND I... AM TOO DUMB MAYBE TO MAKE SENSE OF IT? Or too female? Maybe guys actually do this? Wtf. 😆😆😆 But he takes off Patrick's necktie, unbuttons Patrick's shirt, removes Patrick's trousers until Patrick is down to his underwear, strips himself next until he's down to his underwear---

AND IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH, GRABS PATRICK'S UNDERWEAR-CLAD BUTT and says shamelessly:

Oh, shit. *slaps and squeezes a handful of Patrick's ass like straight guys do* Boy, that's some ass you have with that underwear! Better than a lot of girls. No wonder they're all crazy about you... crazy about you. I'm giving you such a hard-on, huh? You little perv.

*wheezing* Ivan, love, you're the one grabbing his butt but he's the little perv? Is that how straight guys think? 😆

AND FINALLY. THIS. SEE IF IT STILL ADDS UP.

"Imma cuddle with you in my bed while we're in our underwear but I'M STRAIGHT." *inserts lady and too many math equations meme*

*laughs hysterically* wELL, I'm straight up losing my mind tyvm. 🤣🤣🤣 whoever said Elite was a soap opera? It's a comedy show is what it is.

Anyway. That's all for episode one. That's right. We're only in episode one and we're all just as confused as Patrick at this point. 🤣🤣🤣