#mannscave

Word count: 426

Drabble using Jason Manns song “Put the Past Behind”

Summary: OFC recalls the night she made a change in her life, and the person who helped her through it

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I remember that night well, I was sitting in my room the words from my friend echoing in my head, I wish you didn't care about where you've been. My past had gotten to me again, another night of pain and reliving the fights. I searched in vain for the things I saw, but I never learned to love me. Moving on hadn’t been easy, I was stuck with no hope for a better life. I remembered the fight with my ex.

“Why did you choose her, why couldn’t you love me?” The pain visible in my voice as I fell to my knees sobbing. I couldn’t believe this was happening. He looked over with an expression clear as day that said he was done, “I just don’t have time for this, you’ll be fine” and he left. Just like that. Anytime he told you fine, he’s in pain left behind. 

My friend, the wise one would tell me, the happiness you take is only what you make, so easy to say or sing but what did that really mean? Sometimes the only joy I would find would be laughing at my ex’s pain in life and relationships that I would hear about from friends. He couldn’t really ever be happy without me, could he? 

I know you’ve had it rough, but you’ve carried it enough. Time to put the past behind you and move on

The words my friend spoke, the ones about moving on sounded so hard. Can change really happen without leaving a sting? How do I let him go? How does the love go away? Will I ever be okay?

That night I was just tired of being kicked to the grown by him, me and allowing that to happen. I looked at myself and said, “Get up, eyes up ahead... and a future’s found”. 

I knew if I stayed in pain, where I was, my heart would stay in disarray. I had to leave him and it all behind, the secret was realizing that I deserved better. 

My friend was there for me, he was my rock who empowered me through all of this. We don’t talk anymore, but I know he’s out there living a good life. As for my ex, I may not have gotten the closure I need then, but I created my own eventually. 

You never smile at another’s pain, on your soul it’ll leave a stain                         I know you’ve had it rough, but you’ve carried it enough                             Time to put the past behind and move on