#manfiestion

And I thought 'Bull shit.'

But they said even outside observers, after taking elderly people and placing them around things decades old, after 8 months, they looked healthier, younger, and more vibrant.

<again thought bs.>

But....then I thought about these grossly rich old fucks who looked on the borderline of death, for decades, who own fucking dino bones, ancient artifacts, and old shit galore.

Is that how they do it?

<side note, I look WAY younger than most my age. I honestly thought it was me not having kids (still partially true for sure. THEY DO AGE YOU), but ....I also own a shit ton of old things. I do not let go of anything useful till it's broken beyond repair. Everyone, now go to a trash heap of old shit. lol>

<<Side SIDE note: I think it's more the love/usefulness/admiration into these things we put. We are all one with EVERYTHING (good to bad alike), so when we appreciate something, its' strength (focus/ manifestation) grows. That's why divide and conquer is so readily used.

I am sorry that you are so sad. I am sorry you are broken. I am sorry that you weren’t taught that other’s not being able to see your worthiness, does not mean you are not worthy. I am sorry that our dad drinks and yells things at you that no one should ever speak to anyone, let alone a little kid. You were just trying to help. I know. You were just trying to help him do something and to him you “screwed the whole thing up”. But you didn’t. You were trying and if he knew anything, he would know that you gave it your best. You had never tried something before and he scolded you, screamed at you, threw things at you when you got them wrong. I am sorry he did that. You didn’t deserve that.

I am sorry that our mom isn't around as much. I’m sorry that you blame yourself for their divorce. Mom did what she thought was right for herself and for you and your brother- she had no way of knowing the path that Dad would go down when she left. Mom was doing everything she could to save what little relationship you and your brother had with him, she never knew he was going to do the stupid things he did. 

I’m sorry that you had to play Santa for your younger brother. Mom had to work and although you were under 9, Mom told you about Santa’s inexistence to protect what little innocence your brother had left. You made that Christmas extra magical- remember when you cut out snowflakes from coffee filters and placed them all over the house so Mom would have a Christmas surprise when she got home? Remember  when your brother was sad that Dad had abandoned us and Mom was working that night, so you got out your grandmother’s china and made him his favorite dinner? 

I know there were so many hurt times. I know the day you walked into your dad’s house and saw the Christmas tree already decorated from your dad and his “replacement family” that your heart literally shattered into thousand of pieces. I can clearly relive that day because it was so heartbreaking for you, it burns in my memory. I know how much it hurt you to realize that he had chosen another family over you and your brother.

I know there were so many traumatic times. I know you are so hurt. Every day we are healing.  Every day is going to get better. His inability to see our worth does not mean we are not worthy- it is the opposite. His words and actions reflect who he is, not who we are. You are so many wonderful things. 

You are funny. You are smart. You are creative. You’re great at describing things with words. You are great at math. You always want to learn something new. You are a leader. You are fun to be around, you are usually very outgoing. You have so many amazing qualities about you. It’s time that we begin to tap into those and release what has already been said and done.