The Reality of being a single mama (that noone talks about)
As a single parent, it can be hard to keep it together and easy to get overwhelmed andstressed when you’re the one carrying most of the responsibility.Over the past few years, I’ve been working on finding a balance that works for us. Most of the time we do great but other times, it feels like way too much for one person to handle. I know this is true for all parents, regardless of your relationship status, but single parenting comes with its own challenges. It’s All You, All the TimeYour child is up vomiting all night. Guess who is cleaning it up? That would be you. And guess who has to call into work? Yep, you again. Your children pass it all around to each other and you get to call into work a few more times because there’s no one to take turns with.What if you’ve been up vomiting all night? Guess who still has to get up and feed the kids and get them where they need to go? That would be you too. And it sucks but somehow you find a way to do it. Because you don’t really have a choice. Your Guilt is AmplifiedWe already have enough guilt as parents. But 8 years later and I still get caught off guard when out of nowhere they ask me, “Why don’t you and daddy just get along ?” If a child is struggling emotionally or not doing well in school, it’s hard not to feel like it’s somehow my fault because I’m the main caregiver. Am I not reading with them enough? What am I doing wrong? Am I not present enough? I have to constantly try to put things in perspective and realize that every issue is not a result of being separated and most are related to my children’s personalities and stages of development and do not mean I’m failing as a parent. Every family struggles in different ways. It helps to focus on the positives, the most significant one being that you’re no longer in an unhealthy or unhappy marriage. I love having my own space where my kids aren’t witnessing tension or arguments. As a single parent, you get to call the shots in your home, make the rules and set the routines that work for you and your kids. Also, you get the closet all to yourself and you don’t have to clean anyone’s beard hair out of the sink. It affects friendships. People say you know who your friends are when you have kids. I hope that isn’t true, if it is then I have very few! What I do know is, it’s a rare breed of person who gets what you’re going through and stands by your side. Only being available for chats after bed time, or preferring to hang out in child friendly places might make people think you aren’t prioritising them. But in reality I often prioritise friends above myself (instantly phoning them as soon as my son goes down despite being so knackered I just want to collapse) but what I cannot do is prioritise them above my son, single parenting just doesn’t work like that and unless friends are willing to prioritise you then relationships will wither. All mums have a little human who relies on them, but my son relies on me entirely and completely and having no one to share that burden with makes it extra hard to find the space for other relationships too. Single mothers figure things out on their own. You are rediscovering yourself. You want to learn from your mistakes. You don't go through something like ending a marriage without becoming a different version of yourself.
