Mhmm
Everyone who doesn't want to see vent, skip or unfollow pls.
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Sometimes I just wonder, if people of this fandom would miss the stuff I create (without including the r18 shit).
I know I've been pretty much silent for the last months but it feels like I'm left out already, since you get forgotten so fast when you don't post actively with high quality things.
Maybe it's just me feeling frustrated at the moment.
Slowly don't know anymore what I want. I used to love the UT fandom lots but like, the flame is dying and that is due to the mass of followers that I look at but do not interact. I receive less feedback than before... (but k, I wasn't active. My bad) Still I kinda miss the days when I had around 1k follower who were all hyped and talked to me.
I really appreciate the people who approached me in here. I gotta say thanks to the fandom that I became so much better at what I do and say thanks for the awesome people I met and enjoy to talk to.
Not to mention the heavy support in hard times I've received. You made me make some dreams come true!!
However, I've had some real bad experiences in here too. I guess it's impossible to go without that, especially with the kind of personality I have. I am still hurting from some blows, that's the soft and weak person I am.
I don't feel like doing much Undertale stuff, it's a chore and seems to get zero to little notice. I only know it's worth trying and posting for the 100 people who actually deal with me and seem to be interested in what I am doing.
They wait for art and my stuff, not for high rated stuff or any explicit ships. This is relieving to know... it does pressure if you have to keep producing for one content purpose only.
I am a bit sorry about the negativity I seem to spread lately. It seems like taking a break and having to work fulltime at a very exhausting job was too much for this blog.
Which shows me that I spent a shitton of time building it up and putting effort into it which is now lost due to some reason? It is scary to see how much you lose after putting your heartbleed into it and building up something so huge. No one can tell me I didn't put thought into my images and comics. They have a deeper reason most of the time...
I know many can see exactly that, but these people became so little and rare too. It's just no fun anymore.
I am really stubborn and I need to finish some important facts about the projects I have here. I worry about the future of SFD if I happened not to finish it. I stated many times that I have troubles finishing things. RL issues included as a hindrance. Motivation as a hindrance. Feedback.
I don't want random people to ruin it or even worse state that its origin is in a noncon enviroment. Disgusting, no, I don't want that. But if I look at how much I have to explain... It's hard. I gotta think up of some solution.
Stating that, I will most likely try to complete Blue's Heat with the 3rd or 4th. There most likely wouldn't be more in that kind of scenario because the story ends there.
Also, I am very much seduced to delete all of my Sympathy content. I do not know if I do, but I can't stand it. I prefer to look at Blue's heat that seems to be liked more anyways.
*sighs*
I have too many random thoughts in my head and the main one is why I keep trying to stay positive in here and think up of something, when it seems barely worth it.
If it wouldn't be for my friends and the followers who chatted with me for a long time, I would've just dropped it all and start anew as a newbie who isn't feared or attacked for every mistake they do.
Let's say I am mad about getting lectured right after posting my last commission. It's nothing personally against the user, I know them a bit. But this shows me how toxic my enviroment became here.
I am positive I show too much of myself and give people things to aim at. But I thought it would make me more believable and easier to approach, there that I am human too.
Huh, I need to get my shit together. Gotta see what I'll do about this feeling.
Very unpleasant.
