#malignantmilligan

 I read your texts and I wanna rip your head off and make you feel as shitty as I do right now, but at the same time I wanna tell you its fine and that we’re cool, and I’m mad at myself for feeling this way. I miss my friend, but there’s no way I could ever look at you the same after what happened. The trust is gone and so am I. 

BIANCA looked up at the familiar window sitting a story above her. It was becoming a routine of hers to pay her good friend a visit in the middle of the night.  After a terribly exhausting night of dealing with Vince, the last thing Bianca needed was a lecture from her auntie about staying out so late. Owen's house was the best option for her; She practically lived there to begin with. It was somewhere where she felt safe and welcomed. With ease, the exhausted girl climbed the near by tree and stepped quietly onto the roof. Knowing her friend would frequently leave his window unlocked she opened it slowly and slid into the pitch black room. She looked around to find a sleeping Owen peacefully tucked into the left side of his bed. Kicking her shoes off, Bianca crawled onto the unoccupied spot she frequently deemed as her own. Making herself comfortable she used her hand as a head rest and turned her body to face her dozing friend. "So my night sucked. How was yours?" She asked in a loud, annoyed tone hoping to wake him with easy.

OWEN: was more than pleased with the results of his performance enhancers. Just by working out alone, he'd noticed a great difference in his overall performance. In a perfect world, people could just pop pills and watch as their insecurities washed away. Unfortunately, since life was far from perfect, that wasn't the case for Owen. He experienced slight side effects from the medication, the two most prominent being exhaustion and unsystematic anger. He was able to refrain from going off any anyone, as he locked himself in the basement of his home and did his daily work-out routine. Afterward, he'd been so tired that he hadn't even changed from his loose fitting workout shorts. Owen was in a deep sleep, but was quickly shaken awake by the feeling of a body beside his own. He wasn't startled, knowing immediately that it was Bianca. Her loud tone was the only thing that shook him from his sleep completely. Groaning, he turns himself in bed so that he could face her better, balled fists moving up towards his eyes to rub at them. "Great. Worked out. What happened?"

BIANCA rolled her eyes at his mundane answer. "So you basically spent your night doing the same thing you do every night? Wild." Reaching over she playfully grabbed the top of his bicep. "I think you can afford to go a day or two without working out. If you get any bigger Flora's gonna have to replace your door frame." She teased with a smile. Her smile quickly faded when it was her turn to divulge the details of her night. Although she wanted to vent she knew not to get too specific with Owen. Changing positions she sat up with her back against the headboard and her arms crossed. "Vince was extra douchey tonight. I barely made his quota and he wasn't exactly thrilled.." She began to trail off in a frustrated rant. "And he's so fucking skeevy, too! You know he calls me honey bee? Ugh." Her face contorted with disgust. "He actually thinks I'm his girl." She ran her fingers through her curls gripping at their roots. "I'm just sick of this shit." With a sigh Bianca turned her head to face her drowsy friend. "Any chance you'd be willing to run away to the states? We can bring along Fitzy incase you get lonely" she teased with a smirk.

OWEN: rolled his eyes as her hand took hold of his muscle. "That's the goal, baby," he teases back, adjusting his position as well. Sitting himself against the headboard, a wave of chills rolled down his spine at the feeling of his bare back against the cool wood surface. He rolled his head back against his shoulders, still groggy from having just woken up. Azure hues are shielded by heavy lids as he does his best to listen to Bianca talk about her day. "I'm sorry, honey bee , sounds like you had a rough day." His tone was joking, or course, as he let his head fall to his right shoulder, giving him a better view of her. "I mean, I'm down, but I thought you could handle yourself, Bee. Is my big, bad Bianca not so big and bad anymore?" Owen dropped his arm to nudge her in the ribs as a laugh escaped him.

BIANCA's initial reaction was yet another eye roll. The gesture was used a lot among the pair of friends. It said a lot without having to say anything at all. Her rant was vague but it got the point across. She hated most nights because of the obligations she was forced to fulfill, and desperately needed a way out. But unfortunately for Bianca there wasn't a foreseeable way out of her situation, at least not without getting herself seriously hurt or worse. For now the small amount of venting was enough of the frustrated girl. Even though she would never divulge any specifics on what a typical night entailed, the generalization of what she deals with is enough to bring her some relief. Glaring at Owen for his snarky response, Bianca playfully threw a nearby pillow towards him. "Shut up" she snarled. The nickname made her cringe even if it used in a joking sense, but she couldn't keep her annoyed expression for long. The corners of her mouth rolled up into a small smiled that she tried hard to conceal with another instinctive eye roll. Owen was right. Her tough 'take no shit' attitude faded whenever she was around Vince due to fear. It wasn't like her, but it was something she couldn't help. Just as she went to open her mouth for some sassy retort Bianca felt Owens hand playfully tap her on her rib cage. She immediately jerked back, nearly falling off her side of the bed, as she felt a rush of pain shoot through her body. Trying her best not to draw anymore attention Bianca tried to keep her face calm, but the fragile tone of her voice ruined the facade. "Whoa, hands to yourself stud." Her response was breathy. It was as if the wind was knocked out of her by the light contact. Quickly she changed the subject hoping the boy laying next to her would ignore the odd reaction. "So, how's football? You score any goals or whatever?"

OWEN: watched with curious eyes as his best friend pushed herself further away from him at the joking contact he'd made with her. Though she seemed fine, Owen was taken back by her reaction. "Yeah, yeah," he mumbled, thick brows furrowing in confusion. He knew for a fact he couldn't have nudged her that hard. Then again, with the supplements beginning to show progress, he wasn't sure he could control his strength. "Are you okay, Bee?" He moved closer, shifting his position as if to get a better look at her. "Did I hit you too hard, or something?" Owen only hoped that wasn't the case. Though he couldn't imagine - or didn't want to imagine - the other possibilities that would make Bianca flinch from his touch the way she had.

BIANCA could tell Owen was concerned about her reaction to the playful contact. Although she did her best to cover up the pain it was clear that something wasn't right. Repositioning herself, Bianca sat up with her legs crossed facing her confused friend. "No, you’re good. Its just lady shit. Cramps." she lied, hoping he would be too disgusted to ask any further questions. Truth was, lying beneath her shirt, were bruises along the side of her ribcage. They were a painful reminder, both literally and figuratively, of the night she had. She wasn't hit or pushed; Just held into place by her 'owner'. They were marks she didn't want herself to see let alone someone as close to her as Owen. It would rise too many questions or, even worse, propose too many theories. "So." she said with a sigh trying once again to change the subject "I'm thinking about playing hooky tomorrow and just chill at the ravine. You in?"

OWEN: didn't believe Bianca for a second. He shook his head, lifting a hand to run through his hair. "Look, I know I'm not the best student, but I'm pretty sure when Perino was teaching all that nasty time of the month crap, he never mentioned getting cramps in your rib cage." Bianca's behavior caused Owen to be suspicious of what she was trying to hide. Owen knew Bianca didn't necessarily enjoy sharing the details of her nights with Vince, so he never expected her to confess anything to him. They always had that bond. Though they'd constantly tease one another for 'becoming soft', they knew the other was always there when needed most. "You're full of shit, Bee. What's wrong with you?" A larger hand moved to gently press up the fabric of her shirt. He could see aggressively placed bruises along her side. Owen couldn't help but roll his eyes at Bianca. "I can't," he scoffs, retracting his hand. Annoyance bubbled within him as he eyed the girl beside him. When Owen would express his feelings over Bianca being in the gang, she'd often get annoyed and tell him that she could handle herself. The very sight of sporadic bruising up and down her side prove that to be a load of crap. " I can handle myself, O. " he mocked. "Clearly you can't. Vince did that to you?"

BIANCA knew it would be a long shot to have her friend believe the ridiculous lie. It was a desperate attempt to change the subject. A Without any surprise, he wasn't buying her story. "Are you really gonna trust the public school system to give you information with 100% accuracy?" The conversation became more uncomfortable for her as it went on. Judging from past conversations there was no doubt in her mind that if she revealed what was really wrong she would receive some sort of lecture. The last thing she needed was someone telling her things she already knew. "It's nothing" she bit back. "Just drop it. Geez." Without hesitation the boys hand reached out for a fabric of her shirt. Quickly she jerk backed and grabbed his wrist fighting to keep the bruises unseen. "Fuck off, Owen!" she exclaimed but it was too late to stop the much stronger jock. His hands lifted up the side of her shirt to reveal what she's be hiding. Bianca shook her head in defeat, her eyes rolling in the process. She's was angrier than ever and began to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from exploding as he mocked her past replies. "Nope. Fell down some stairs." she answered sarcastically. "Look, save your fucking parental lecture. It isn't gonna change the situation."

OWEN was less than amused by her tone. He knew he couldn't change the situation. He knew this. But he wanted to. He had to do something. Bianca always swore up and down that she could handle herself, but it's now coming to seem as though she really couldn't. The dark bruising burned it's way into Owen's mind as it only made him more and more annoyed about the entire situation. "Can you enlighten me on something, though. Really, Bee, I'm curious as fuck as to how you're ever gonna live a normal life when you've got that fucking prick breathing down your neck twenty-four-seven." He scoffed, throwing the blankets off himself and swinging his legs over the side so he was no longer facing her. "You don't have to act like such a fucking hard ass, you know. I could always tell you were full of shit." He spat, the anger within him physically turning him hot to the touch.

BIANCA gripped the roots of her curls in frustration. She came to Owen's to forget about the activities she had to deal with almost every night, and here he was not allowing her put her mind to rest. She bit the inside of her cheek in an attempt to stay calm, but that effort was fruitless. His question enraged her. She couldn't believe he was dumb enough to ask such a thoughtless question. "You don't think I think about that every god damn day of my life?" her voice was sharp. "Do you think I wake up in the morning and say 'hm I'm kinda bored. Maybe I'll go see Vince later and he can hold me down real hard to make sure I don't squirm'." The statement was vague, but she knew Owen would have no problem catching on. "I crave for normalcy, Owen, but I don't have a fucking choice. I'm stuck." she admitted for the first time. " I thought you of all people would understand how shitty I feel every day, but I guess your heads so far up Armstrong's ass lately that it's damaging whatever few brain cells you have."

OWEN could feel rage bubbling up inside of him as she spoke. "No, but you did!" He snapped back, red hot with anger. "You did have a choice, Bianca. You had a choice whether or not to join the gang and you chose to. It's your fault you're like this, so don't go ahead and preach that bullshit to me when you know damn well this is your own doing." Standing, he poises himself at the end of his bed, eyeing the brunette. "No wonder you're so fuckin' miserable. You let people walk all over you, Bee, and then you whine about it like this wasn't your choice to begin with." Owen scoffed, rolling his eyes at her words. "Yeah? Well I rather have my head up Armstrong's ass then a gang member using me as his personal fuck toy."

BIANCA sat quietly as she listened carefully to each attack he spat out at her. She knew her lifestyle angered him, but she never thought he would turn on her because of it. "Are you kidding me?" she screamed. No longer able to sit idly by as he ripped her to shreds. "When I have EVER acted like this shit wasn't my choice?" Jumping up from her seat she stood at the opposite end of the bed facing him. "I take responsibility for my mistakes Owen, and I know everything I'm going through right now is because of ME." She was in a state of shock. Blinded by the rage coursing through every inch of her. Her best friend, the one person in the world she didn't have to worry about judging her was doing just that. Briefly bending down to put to her shoes back on her head shook continuously as he continued to take more jabs at her, but it was his final comment that struck a nerve within her. Reaching for a nearby baseball she quickly stood back up and forcefully chucked the object towards Owen's head. "Where the fuck do you get off judging my life and my decisions anyway?" She took a few steps forward now standing face to face with the taller male. "You sit here in your perfect house with your perfect family pretending to be all tough, but you have no idea what's its like to be in my situation." her jaw tightened with anger. "You don't know SHIT about what I go through so back the fuck off!" If there was one thing Bianca wasn't it was afraid to stand up for herself. No matter the person or their stature, she refused to let someone put her down. "Look at yourself." she huffed "Standing there trying to act all big and bad when we both know that underneath that macho exterior you're nothing but a pussy.’

OWEN was luckily quick enough to duck from the baseball she'd thrown at his head, though it didn't help his already red hot anger towards her. "Are you fucking insane?!" He yells, staying in his spot as she walked over to him. "Don't fucking play that game, Bianca. Don't. You could've been just as fucking happy as I am if you'd stop being such a bitch and avoided the gang in the first place. Then again, you seem to crave trouble. It fucking surrounds you, you know. You're like a blackhole, Bianca, no matter where you go your shit is brought with you." The steroids had made Owen susceptible to extreme rage, but he wasn't aware of it. Even if he was, there was nothing he could do about it. With the drugs he was putting into his body, he'd become merely a puppet for them to run their course. His jaw clenched as she laughed at him. "You wanna talk about putting up a front? 'Cause you're the biggest offender. You're such a hard ass, Bee, the way you push people away and keep your guard up so fuckin' high. But deep down you're just as much as pussy. Craving for the attention you never got when you lived with your parents, so now you’re searching for it in some fucking gang member. It’s a good thing they got out when they did, huh?”

BIANCA knew she took it a little too far once the baseball left her hand, but she was too enraged to care. Every sentence he spoke was a thought that Bianca had in her head one time or another. One of her biggest insecurities, perhaps her only, was that her chaotic life would effect the people she cared about most, and here Owen was confirming exactly what she feared. "Why are you acting like such a dick?!" she wondered. The two frequently argued but it was nothing like this. Her brow furrowed as he continued his unwelcome rant. She couldn't help but to scoff when she was the one accused of putting on an act. Just as she was about to interject he spoke of the one subject that was off limits; her parents. Her face drained of all color the second they were brought up. Everything said up until then meant nothing to the angry brunette. She could take any insult he threw at her, but not this. He went too far. With tears welling up in her eyes she bit the insides of her cheek once again, determined not to let a single one fall in front of Owen. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. With every ounce of pain and anger she felt, Bianca lifted her hands and pushed the boy back as hard as she could. "Fuck you, Owen." was all she managed to say, her voice trembling with rage.

OWEN could practically feel the tension rising between them, though nothing was said between the two for some time. It was like the two were in a pressure cooker and it was just seconds from blowing. He watched as her face contorted, and tears began to well up in her eyes. Any other time, seeing Bianca cry would tear him up inside. Right now, he wasn't himself. Her next move was unpredictable as the male didn't see the physical contact coming. When Bianca pushed him back, Owen stumbled, nearly landing on his ass. Though he was able to regain his balance quickly, and went through with his next action without a second thought. Retaliating, he pushed Bianca back. Owen didn't realize until it was too late that he certainly was a lot stronger than Bianca, and could do a lot more damage. Almost immediately, apologies began to spew from his lips. "Bee, I'm so sorry."

BIANCA was still in shock over how easy it was for Owen, the boy she thought was her best friend, to tear her down. He was the only person in her life that she cared for; his words held the most weight. Their friendship over the years had caused a trust to build up between the two, something that wasn't easy for Bianca to do. It was incredible how quickly all that trust washed away once the off limit topic was brought into play. Once she lashed out psychically she had almost no time to react. A second later she felt her body being shoved back. The push sent the girl flying across the room tripping backwards over randomly scattered items. Her body instinctively turned as she tried her best to break her fall, but because she was caught off guard there was nothing she could do. Her face caught the bedpost which caused her to gasp with pain. Her hand reached up to cup her cheek as she tried to process what just happened. As hard as Bianca tired to remain tough she couldn't help but to let a few of the tears she tried desperately to fight back fall along her cheek. Picking herself up from the floor, she removed her hand and noticed a small amount of blood lingering on her fingers. "Don't" she whispered. Her face contorting with rage. Her eyes met the ones of the stranger standing across as she repeated herself, this time more forcefully. "Don't."

OWEN didn't realize the severity of his actions until he saw Bianca was bleeding. "Fuck, Bee, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry - I didn't mean to, re-" Before he can stammer out the rest of his apology, she's standing to her feet and he can't help but step toward her. Bianca's words cause his heart to drop into his stomach, too upset by what he'd done to formulate any type of response. Shaking his head, his gaze falls to the floor, too embarrassed to return the eye contact. "Bee, you have to hear me out. That wasn't me. You know me. I just --" He couldn't tell Bianca about the steroids. If he did, he'd be nothing but a hypocrite. Owen constantly ridiculed Bianca for her involvement with the gang, and her tainted life, meanwhile here he was, depending on a bottle of pills to get him back on top. He purses his lips, shaking his head at her words once more. He knew that now, there wasn't anything he could do or say that could make Bianca forgive him. He'd shattered her trust with his outburst and his malicious words. At this point, Owen wouldn't be shocked if she dropped him altogether.

BIANCA stood in total disbelief of what happened. The last 30 minutes seemed like one big dream. If it wasn't for the pain on her face letting her know that this was real she would've tried to pinch herself in an attempt to wake up. As soon as Owen took a step in her direction she backed up even further. Unfortunately for Bianca this wasn't the first time she was knocked around by a guy. Vince wasn't one of most affectionate people, especially when she didn't cooperate. But this wasn't Vince. This was her best friend. The one person she trusted to never let her down. It was a betrayal Bianca never saw coming. "No." she interjected. "I thought I knew you, but apparently I was wrong. I don't know this person standing in front of me at all." She shook her head in disappointment as she cupped her face one last time to check for more blood. "Lose my number." she demanded lowly. Before he could say anything else Bianca was already out the window. She sat in the drivers seat of her car and wiped away the tears she finally let fall. She had no one now. She never felt more alone than she did in this moment. Bianca knew now that the only person she would be able to count on going forward was herself. Taking a deep breath she made the decision not to waste another tear on the matter. Starting her engine she drove off into the night taking one final look in her rear view mirror. Silently she said goodbye to the house in the distance, not sure if she'd ever be able to return to the place she once considered an escape.