hello !! can i request some hcs or one-shot for kageyama (or any character you want ) with a foreigner (canadian maybe ? i'm from canada !) bf ? i love your work, thank youuu !!!! •//v//•
Summary: Transfer student L/N Y/N meets Karasuno volleyball team through tutoring and Yachi
Pairing: N/A
Format: Heacanons
Warnings: None
Notes: I decided to do just Karasuno in general because I was struggling slightly with this (I have no idea why I struggled so much). I’m not the proudest of this but I hope you like it. Also, the language thing may not apply to everyone because I’m going based off my own experiences with learning Spanish and being around those who either don’t know English or know very little.
*****
You had just moved to Japan and even though you had been studying Japanese since your parents said you guys were having to move there; you struggled to talk to people.
The teachers were nice to you about it, understood how Japanese was one of the hardest languages for native English speakers to learn, and tried to find you a tutor.
Yachi appeared in your life like a ray of sunshine because she was one of the few at Karasuno that was pretty good with English, but she was so shy and anxious that it was hard to talk to her at first.
She’s tutoring you every other day and then she becomes the manager for the volleyball club and switched to only studying on the weekends.
That’s when you meet Kageyama and Hinata, who are struggling in English and Japanese kind of like you are (except you’re really good in English).
You join the study group easily, you and Hinata help each other with Japanese and English while Kageyama is writing down the answers you’re giving them.
When the study session is over, Yachi makes the comment that you didn’t stop to ask what someone had said once, which meant you were getting better with Japanese.
“Of course, I am. I have the best tutor ever,” you said as he ruffled her hair and she gets all flustered at the contact.
Then she says she may not be able to tutor you anymore because of becoming the team manager and you start begging because she was the only first year that understood English good enough to talk to you.
“You could always convince Kageyama and Hinata to study with you, even though they may struggle to talk with you sometimes.”
It’s an idea that you don’t explore until you start really struggling with your summer homework.
You call Yachi, desperate for help and you can hear her sigh on the other line before she agrees.
Kageyama and Hinata are there too and they are telling you how smart you are because you’re so good at English.
“I was born in Canada. English is my first language.”
The look on their faces and Hinata is then amazed at your Japanese while Kageyama just stares at you in awe.
“What’s volleyball like in English?” Kageyama asked and you laugh a little.
“I’ve actually never actually seen a volleyball match and only girls played it at my school,” you said and both Hinata and Kageyama just can’t believe it.
Instead of studying, you’re being bombarded with reasons why you should either watch a game or join the team. Yachi is trying to calm them down.
“Hey, he could be busy! Stop harassing him!” Yachi exclaims and is throwing her hands around all over the place.
“Don’t worry, Yachi. It’s kind of adorable,” you said and neither of the freak duo understood what you just said because it was in English (which was on purpose).
One day after studying, Kageyama asks to speak to you and you are kind of excited but not because your Japanese isn’t the best outside of study sessions.
You blame your parents for only speaking English at home for the reason of struggling with Japanese when at school and attempting to make friends.
“L/N-san, you should come to one our practices,” Kageyama said and you just stare at him because it was unexpected.
“I can try, I just know nothing about volleyball.”
“I will teach you everything you need to know about volleyball,” Kageyama said and you just nod because you’re pretty sure it doesn’t matter if you said yes or no at this point.
You go to one of their practices after they get to move on to the November tournament and it’s kind of stressful in a way. You’re impressed though.
You somehow get roped into going to practices nearly everyday with the promise of tutoring afterwards.
“Do you remember what that was called?” Kageyama asked and you just nod even though you kind of can but can’t say it aloud.
It’s like all those moments when you know what you want to say but you just can’t verbalize it. This time it’s literally just the word ‘receive’
“Kageyama, stop harassing Y/N and get back to practicing,” Sugawara said and of course, Tobio listens.
You’re about to go over to Yachi when Suga stops you and you just look at him kind of scared and confused.
“I’m sorry about Kageyama. You don’t have to come to practices for him though, no one will be upset.”
You would definitely stop going if you weren’t learning more slang Japanese from Tanaka and Noya or having Tsukishima correct you in a way kinder than you expected.
“It’s actually pretty cool watching you guys play,” you said with a smile and Suga chuckled before he walked off.
Noya suggests you become a manager because “you come to practice every day anyways.”
“He may not be comfortable with that because everyone we go against only speaks Japanese,” Tsukishima said nonchalantly. “Also, he probably doesn’t want to deal with your screaming.”
Tsukishima is right about being hesitant to join due to maybe not knowing enough Japanese to understand what’s going on all the time You were pretty sure that you’d know what was going on at least 75% of the time.
“Y/N! You came to practice again?” Kiyoko asked and you nodded, trying to figure out what you wanted to say.
“I really like the team.” There was more you wanted to say and you were getting nervous. “I don’t know some words in Japanese.”
“Oh, maybe try to explain them? I’ll try to help.”
Kiyoko is a literal angel.
“You and Yachi.”
“Managers?” She asked with a weird look and you nodded.
“Manager is what I want to be.”
That was such a choppy sentence and you want to die from embarrassment. You want to tell her that you really are better with words.
“You want to join the team?” She asked and that was what you were trying to say but your brain wasn’t processing.
“Yes, that!”
Takeda doesn’t necessarily try to talk you out of it but tries to make you aware.
He explains how everyone around you may speak Japanese you understand and you can’t always ask what they mean, which you knew. You didn’t grocery shop alone when you first got to Japan for that reason.
He also explains how late in the season it is to join, but you could if you really wanted to.
“You obviously know the best option for you and I can’t stop you from making that.”
Everyone on the team pretty happy you joined and Tanaka and Noya make sure to make a big deal out of the fact they’ll help you whenever you get confused.
Ennoshita then makes the comment that they would have to actually good at formal Japanese and English to really be of help, which deflates the two starters.
Surprisingly, enough Tsukishima is one that helps you most because he can tell when you’re trying to figure something out when others can’t.
Tanaka screams out “maji de” and looks frustrated, so you know he’s upset but you don’t know what to say to help if you don’t really know what he said.
“He said ‘seriously’ aka majime,” Tsukishima said as he took a drink out of his water bottle. “He’s pissed about something; I didn’t see what.”
You had never heard Tsukishima speak English until then and Hinata had once said he was a terrible tutor, but you’d disagree.
“Sorry, I won’t be at practice today I have to go to the doctor,” you said and Hinata got all wide eyed, even though everyone went to the doctor constantly in Japan.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I just have to go for the.” The words were there and you knew them because your mom had told you them yesterday but what were they again?
“He’s going for his yearly checkup.”
Tsukishima saves the day again when Hinata would have probably just stared at you.
Yachi helps you understand the rules to the game better than if you would have tried to research it yourself and she even helps you make a notebook of the English terms (you had to look some of them up or ask your parents) to Japanese, which made it easier for you to learn.
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TAGS: Magical Realism; Moon! Reader; Male! Reader; (This is honestly so bizarre)
WORD COUNT: 590 words
NOTES: I really liked how I wrote this but I have no idea how to finish. Basically, this is all I can give you for this idea that is coherent enough to write. I have really awkwardly phrased ideas attached to it that I don’t know how to actually put into writing words. This is a really long notes but essentially this is it and nothing else will come from it any time soon.
“I want to touch the sun,” Hinata said with wide shimmering eyes. “I want to go higher than anyone has ever gone before.”
“I can make you touch the stars,” Y/N said with a gentle smile. “You can mess with the constellation however you please.”
Hinata went quiet for a moment as a he stared up at the boy on the moon. Y/N was used to the pauses he received when anyone spoke to him. It was rare that anyone spoke to him because only those with the biggest desires ever noticed him as his feet dangled off the crescent moon. They typically commented on the soft tune he hummed and somehow ignored how he was perched on top of the moon.
“Don’t you want to see the sun?” Hinata asked with a tilt of his head.
The moon stopped swinging his legs as he froze. He had never been asked that question before and wasn’t sure if he really had a valid answer. L/N looked at him again with a small smile.
“I mean I’ve seen her once before but only very briefly.” The Solar Eclipse. It had only been mere minutes they had been able to say hello. “She’s too bright for my taste. Her hair is made of fire and those honey colored eyes full of passion. I prefer the night where things are calm and cold.”
“What if you could meet her again?” Hinata jumped slightly with excitement. “What if I could make you want to touch the sun?”
“Then there would be no moon. A world without a moon isn’t a world at all,” the moon said as he ran his fingertips over the rocky texture of his home. “You still want there to be a world, right?”
Hinata nodded but he had intense eyes. He started to remind Y/N of the sun with how brightly he shined. Maybe he and the sun were related somehow and he was trying to get home without even knowing it. The sun was bright and had burned L/N the last time he had met her, maybe this ginger kid would do the same.
“But I want touch the sun with you.” Hinata fidgeted a little. “I want you to show me how.”
He was going to set the moon on fire. Let Y/N ignite and burn in a way he had never done before and would never do. The moon thought the sun had always been the most compelling thing in the universe because every object in the solar system loved her. Hinata was changing his mind about that though.
His bright amber eyes looking up into the moon’s silver ones, and it was clear that he was serious. He wanted to use the moon to meet the sun and L/N was going to let him do it.
“Okay, but you have to wait until morning until the morning. I must tell my brother to come sit for me while I’m away.”
“I didn’t know the moon had a brother!” Hinata exclaimed and the h/c haired man chuckled as he nodded.
“He’s training to be a moon one day for when I eventually leave.”
“Where will you be going?”
Y/N’s gentle smile turned into an amused one. Humans were always so full of questions and believed he had all the answers. It was cute sometimes but annoying other times.
“Don’t worry about that right now and just meet me here in about five hours.” Hinata smiled at the words. “Dress nice because you’re going to meet the sun.”
Kageyama believes Y/N, his twin brother, is the complete opposite of him, which means they have to hate each other. The only thing is that Y/N didn’t get the memo.
NOTES: I’m still struggling to write reader insert things. This was actually my first one to write, so I hope it’s not too bad. Also, feel free to send in requests.
It typically felt like everyone forgot Kageyama had a twin brother, and he fine with it. They were nothing alike, which also caused Y/N to ask him what the point in even being twins was. Tobio would just remind his brother was bitter they didn’t have any special twin powers, and the y/h/c boy never disagreed.
Y/N was pretty good when it came to school; he studied, made good grades, and teachers really liked him. He said it was because he could actually focus without thinking about which play to bring up to the team next practice, and Kageyama always threw a pillow at him for it. When Kageyama was desperate to be tutored and went to Yachi, his brother actually got angry with him.
“We literally live in the same house and I make the same grades as Yachi-chan!” Y/N yelled one night when Kageyama couldn’t figure out a problem. His brother had offered to help but declined.
“I never asked for you help!” Kageyama screamed, and soon enough it was just a screaming match.
There came a time where it had been decided one would be good at school and the other wouldn’t. It was accepted to think that, even if Kageyama refused it by saying he was good at school too. No one ever said anything about it to him on how he was wrong even if Y/N always made over 80’s and Kageyama had never gotten anything close to that.
*****
Y/N had a lot of friends. He could just smile at someone for them to talk to him and they were already calling him Y/N-san, never using his surname. Kageyama was sure it was because he was ashamed of being related to him, but he had to admit it was easier to know who was. They were fraternal twins, so it wasn’t like it was hard to tell them apart but when speaking about them or speaking to both of them at once, it helped.
Y/N always went on about the fact that if Tobio just spent time trying to talk to people and how to smile, then he could be so popular. He didn’t have to wear things that Y/N did, because ‘it wouldn’t fit your aesthetic’ but he could just dress to impress more. Kageyama constantly told him to stop teasing him, even if Y/N kept telling him he wasn’t trying to.
His brother could get anything he wanted if he just barely tried. He was extremely pretty and used it to his advantage. He could smile, unlike Kageyama, and it was his biggest weapon. Y/N wore sweaters nearly every day, sometimes a pastel orange hoodie, and all the girls constantly talked about him.
“Did you see Y/N-chan today? He looks so cute today,” a girl said in Kageyama’s class during lunch, and he rolled his eyes. If only she knew that he dressed cute just to manipulate everyone into thinking he was a good person.
Kageyama walked past the two, going to the vending machine like he did every day. He had to walk by the girls who were speaking about his brother though.
“Oh, I always forget he’s related to Kageyama,” one of them whispered as he passed. “Y/N-chan is so cute and nice unlike his brother.”
It never really bothered Kageyama, the whispers, because it came with being related to someone apparently so cute. It pissed him off when he was compared to his brother by those who didn’t know them. If they spent that time talking about the differences in the two, they could instead be talking about the volleyball team and how they were going to win nationals.
When he made it to the vending machine near the gym, Y/N was waiting next to it with a milk in hand to give to his brother. He was smiling at Kageyama, and it pissed the setter off for some reason. Maybe it was the fact he heard those girls comparing the two as he left the class, or maybe it was the fact Y/N knew where he always got his milk from. He was just pissed.
“What are you doing here?” Kageyama barked at his brother, and Y/N didn’t look fazed by the angry outburst. It was the way the black haired boy spoke, why would it faze him?
“I wanted to eat with you. I noticed you forgot your bento box, and I made enough to share,” Y/N said with a small smile that only his family saw. “We could eat on the gym steps.”
“Don’t you have friends to eat with instead?” Kageyama asked, and the y/h/c boy retreated slightly into himself.
“I guess, but I wanted to eat with you,” Y/N said before a wide smile appeared on his face as turned to pull something out his bag. “I have something I’ve been meaning to show you!”
“I don’t want to see it,” Kageyama snapped before the other could even put his hand in his bag. “I don’t even want to eat with you, leave me alone.”
His brother frowned as he zipped his bag up and shoved the bento box into the other’s chest. “Okay, you need this more than me though. Sorry for bothering you.”
Y/N walked off without looking back at Kageyama. It was obvious he was extremely annoyed, but Kageyama was sure he didn’t care about that. He opened the bento box to see all his favorites packed in it, even things his brother hated. Maybe he had given him his own bento box instead sharing his. Either way it annoyed him that the other thought he was being a knight in shining armor by just giving him food and some milk.
*****
Girls really liked Y/N, and Kageyama could see why but didn’t know why. His brother was known as a pretty boy, every girl spoke about him at least once when talking about attractive boys at Karasuno. It seemed like he was always being confessed to, but he was the worst as rejecting them. Multiple girls had ended up crying because of it.
“Yachi-chan,” Y/N said as he walked into the gym before the team’s afternoon practice. The blonde girl looked over at him with a squeak from not knowing he’d be there. The first year boy had somehow managed to already change out of his uniform into a pastel blue t-shirt and black shorts.
He made eye contact with Kageyama across the gym, there was a hint of mischief in his gaze. A small smile played on his lips before turning into a charming one as he looked back over to Yachi. The sight of his brother made him want to scream, he hated when his brother came to practice without permission.
“Oh, Y/N-chan, what are you doing here?” Yachi asked, and the y/h/c boy’s smile turned into a small pout, which caused Yachi to go into a small freak out. “Not that it’s an issue you’re here!”
“All I want is to see my favorite brother play volleyball, is that not allowed?” Y/N asked, his voice sounding even sadder than he typically did whenever he wanted something. “I understand if it’s not.
“I’m your only brother, idiot!” Kageyama yelled from across the gym only for his brother to look over at him with sad eyes, which made Tobio want to scream even louder.
He hated how his brother could get nearly anything he wanted with just a single look. His smile got him the most things, because it was just ‘too cute’ and Kageyama had always been slightly jealous that he couldn’t smile like the other could. All of the photos of the two in their house had a smiling Y/N holding up peace signs and a frowning or attempting to smile Tobio next to him. They would always share as children though, Y/N would get something if Tobio hadn’t gotten it just to share or give to him. One day Kageyama told him he no longer wanted the other’s things, and he’s always say it was a pride thing even if he wondered if it had put wedge between them.
“You don’t actually want to watch me play,” Kageyama said, voice angrier than before but not as loud. His brother threw his head back with a small groan before he looked over at Kageyama. Everyone was watching them, because they rarely had actual conversations around the team.
“I do want to watch you, but I’m also trying to avoid a girl who wants to confess,” Y/N admitted as he started to walk over to Kageyama.
“Why not just let her confess?” Suga asked as he put his water bottle by the wall.
“Last time I rejected someone, she begged me to consider just dating me without even liking her because I’d eventually fall in love with her. I kept telling her it wouldn’t happen, and she started crying, and I’m scared this one will be like that one,” Y/N said with a stressed look in his eye.
“Okay, I understand your fear now,” Suga said, and Y/N groaned once again.
“Why don’t you just go to the club room like you do every day?” Kageyama snapped. “She won’t find you there.”
“O-oh,” Y/N stuttered out slightly as he looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think of that.
“You never think, dumbass,” Kageyama snapped at his brother, and the other first year looked up at him with an amused smile.
“Says the kid who has never passed a test,” Y/N said with a smirk before turning to everyone else and walking out of the gym. “See you after practice.”
“I wish your brother was on the team!” Noya exclaimed when he got in the gym, it was obvious the two had just passed each other. “It would be cool to have two Kageyama brains.”
“I don’t think it would ever be a good idea to have them on the same team,” Suga said with a chuckle, and Kageyama looked over at the third year. “They argue constantly.”
“I think it would be a great idea!” Hinata exclaimed as he picked up a volleyball. “He tells me my jumps are all gaah, and he’s so nice and pretty and he makes me feel like we’re actually friends!”
“He’s definitely nice, too nice for his own good,” Tanaka said before yelling. “Why must all the girls like that pretty boy!”
“Maybe because he’s not an idiot,” Tsukishima said coolly, and Yamaguchi snickered next to him. Tanaka growled, and Kageyama was pissed.
Volleyball was supposed to be his thing, even they had played together as kids. Y/N stopped playing volleyball their first year of junior high and joined the creative writing club, where he actually did pretty good in. He had won some award for a short story he wrote that Kageyama never read because he was mad his brother had quit volleyball.
When it just became Kageyama on the court, he didn’t want to hear Y/N’s name. It reminded him of betrayal and hurt. He also wondered what Y/N would’ve been like with Oikawa, if his charm would’ve worked against the senior. Seeing Y/N in the gym and hearing his name while he played the one thing that was his, just made him livid. Why couldn’t he just have one thing?
*****
Everyday Y/N waited for Kageyama in the club room so they could walk home together. He worked on homework as he waited, sometimes wrote for his club activities, but never said much when the team would come in after practice. He was normally chatty, but in the club room it’s like he turned off that part of him, and Kageyama was sure it was to piss him off.
Kageyama was livid from his brother coming into the gym hours before, and when he entered the club room to see his brother leaned against the wall on his phone; something in Kageyama snapped. He stomped forward to tower over his twin, who looked up at him curiously.
“Why do you always wait on me?” Kageyama snapped, his brother’s eyes widened in shock. They’d never acted like this in public, because they never fought in front of people because it was considered rude by their mother.
“What do you mean?” Y/N asked as he squint his eyes up the boy. It was almost like he was trying to test him without actually doing it. “Are you saying you wouldn’t wait for me?”
“Why would I wait for you!” Kageyama screamed, and the other was soon on his feet. They were in each other’s space, and Y/N still had some lazy smirk on his face.
“We live in the same house, dumbass,” he said with a roll of his eyes, and Kageyama didn’t know why his brother wasn’t livid. “Also, one of us always forgets the key and it’s always empty.”
“I’d rather it be empty than you be there,” Kageyama snapped, and Y/N took a step closer into Kageyama’s space as a fire come alive in his y/e/c eyes.
“What’s your deal,” he asked, venom dripping from his voice, and Kageyama took a step back only for Y/N to take a step forward. “Why do you hate me so much? Come on tell all of us!”
The team had filed into the club room, but no one had done anything to intervene. No one knew if you were supposed to step in when siblings were fighting, or if you just let it happen. Kageyama caught Suga’s gaze, which screamed for him to just stop and drop it, but the first year didn’t.
“You’re you, that’s why,” Kageyama sneered as Y/N smirk disappeared into a thin line with his jaw clenched. “I don’t give two shits about anything you do, but everyone else does! I just wish I didn’t have to hear about you or see you!”
Suddenly Kageyama was being pinned to the wall by his brother, who was in his face more than ever now. They’d never had a fight like this before, one where Y/N actually got physical.
“You think you’re so tough and scary!” Y/N screamed, and it was obvious he was about to hit the setter when he was pulled away by Tsukishima and Daichi. Suga held back Kageyama.
Kageyama went to surge forward, but Suga grabbed his shoulder and Tanaka grabbed the other one. The sight of his brother wearing some ridiculous pastel orange hoodie with shorts being held back by his teammates made him laugh.
“Oh, so this is all so funny to you?” Y/N screamed, obviously a lot angrier than the other. “Well congratulations, Tobio! You don’t have deal with me ever again! Have fun home alone!”
Tanaka had thrown the y/h/c bag over to him, and the first year glared at Kageyama as if he wanted him dead. Sure, the black haired boy was angry, but it was almost as if the tables had been turned until his brother spoke again.
“See you never, dickhead!” He called out as he flipped the setter off and exited the room.
Kageyama was now having to be forcefully held back from leaving the room. He was on the verge of only seeing red. How dare his brother speak to him like that. What was wrong with him? The setter usually went to play volleyball after their fights, to calm him, but he knew it would anger him even more.
“Hey, Kageyama, take a deep breath,” Suga said as Daichi walked over to the two setters. He looked pissed, but the first year didn’t care for once.
He noticed Hinata behind Daichi with a lot of the other teammates, he looked shocked for some reason. Probably because his precious Y/N turned out to not be what everyone thought he was, even though Kageyama had always known.
“What’s going on with you?” Daichi snapped, which made Kageyama look the third year in the eyes with a sharp look.
“Why do you care?” Kageyama asked, and he really meant it. Why did they care about him right now, usually people were running off to comfort his brother at this point.
“Because you’re my teammate. You matter to us,” Daichi said sternly, and Kageyama rolled his eyes with a scoff.
“Why are you so mean to Y/N-chan?” Hinata asked, and Kageyama glared at the ginger from across the room. If he could, he probably would’ve already been fighting the middle blocker.
“I’m mean? Did you not just see how he treated me?” Kageyama snapped. “He’s the one who is being mean!”
“Dude, all he had been doing was waiting on you to go home,” Tanaka said, causing Kageyama to look at him. “You started acting like a dick for no reason. He treated you that way because you treat him that way.
“Why are you still defending him? He showed you that he’s not what you guys think he is! He’s not charming or nice or cool or whatever you say!” Kageyama screamed, and he could feel himself getting so angry he could cry soon. “He’s an asshole just like me!”
Suga turned him to look at him, and he scared the first year a little. There was so much annoyance and anger in his eyes, and it reminded the first year that his upperclassman wasn’t just a soft and reassuring person, but also aggressive. It was obvious the third year was ready to go off when the door opened to reveal a very angry Yachi.
“What did you do?” Yachi asked as she pointed at Kageyama, there was anger in her voice but not enough to scare him.
“Nothing?” Kageyama questioned, not sure what she was asking.
“Oh, so me running into an extremely upset Y/N because you told him you basically don’t want to be his brother is nothing?” Yachi asked, and now she was starting to get scary.
“It’s none of your business!” Kageyama yelled for the blonde to flinch slightly. “Just leave it!”
Yachi looked conflicted before she took a deep breath and stared at Kageyama with a challenging look. “No. I’m not going to leave it when one of my best friends is upset.”
“Do you know if he even wants to be your friend or if he’s manipulating you?” Kageyama asked, and he knew that Y/N was just trying to take his team away, he couldn’t actually befriend them.
“Enough with it, Kageyama!” Suga yelled as he yanked the other to look at him. “We all know he’s an asshole! You two are so alike there, but he just knows how to hide it better than you!”
“We’re nothing alike!”
Thy couldn’t be alike, because they were different. Fraternal in everything, especially the way Y/N had left Kageyama when he needed him most; Tobio wouldn’t have done that. His brother was something else, maybe worse than an asshole, and no one was seeing it.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re alike or not,” Yachi said as she walked closer to the setter, never getting too close to him. “You two are family!”
“You don’t know anything about our family,” Kageyama sneered slightly, because he knew he only had Y/N in the house with him now since Miwa had left and mom rarely home.
“I know that he loves you,” Yachi said, not backing down. “He started making a scrapbook for this season, but it mainly focuses around you. We became such close friends because he needed help with something that was meant for you.”
“A scrapbook?” Kageyama asked, and he remembered how his mother used to make them all the time when they were really young. Miwa would help her as Y/N stared at it in amazement, and Kageyama practiced outside with his volleyball.
“Yes, he said you may really like it. He made sure to buy one big enough for three years, because he wants you to have something to remember years from now. The scrapbook is done now though, he said there’s no point in continuing if you hate him,” Yachi explained, and Hinata stepped up beside her.
Kageyama couldn’t help but think about all the times Y/N had been running cold water on burnt fingers with the excuse of burning himself with candles. Or the countless band aids on his fingers from actually getting into thorns. It made sense for it to end up being from making a scrapbook, but the first year didn’t want to accept his brother wanting to do something for him like this.
“He went to every game you had just to buy tickets, asked me to bring him a schedule from the Tokyo training camp, and there were mainly photos of you he had taken at games. I told him to just become a manager, but he told me that you’d hate it and he’d just stay on the sidelines,” Yachi continued, she trying to not scream but everyone could feel it coming on soon.
“How was I supposed to know any of this?” Kageyama barked back. “It’s not like he told me!”
“Kageyama, how is Y/N supposed to know to tell you anything when all you do is push him away?” Daichi asked as he placed a hand on the first year’s shoulder, and it made Kageyama fall silent for a moment before started to get angry once again.
“You guys don’t know anything!” Kageyama screamed, pulling out of Daichi’s grip. “I was the one who was pushed away, not him!”
“Kageyama, calm down!” Suga screamed as he made him look at him, maybe now he was going to say what he wanted. “Y/N is your twin brother, and it doesn’t matter who pushes who away or how different you are! You guys are actually really alike, but neither of you see it!”
“We’re not alike!” Kageyama screamed back, and he didn’t know why it made him so angry. He remembered wanting to be like his brother when he was younger because of how much people liked him. He wanted to be like Y/N because he always had everyone’s attention, especially when they played volleyball as kids.
“You are though!” Noya screamed, obviously getting riled up from everyone around him.
Kageyama noticed only the starting lineup, Suga, Yachi, and Yamaguchi were the only ones left in the clubroom with him, even though the majority of them hadn’t said a word. Yamaguchi looked pissed off, and Kageyama wasn’t sure as to why.
“No, we aren’t!” He screamed back. “Everyone likes him. He’s smart, funny, cute, and someone everyone wants to be friends with! He’s always had more friends than I do, and always had people who call him by his given name!”
Everyone stared at him as if he had confessed something so secretive. It was common knowledge that Y/N was the ‘better twin’ in those aspects, and there shouldn’t be shocked expressions surrounding him.
“You’re both assholes,” Tsukishima said, breaking the silence. “That’s how you’re like each other. Just because Y/N is better at being secretive about it doesn’t mean you’re completely different.”
“It’s like he could tell you that you look like shit, but it seems like a compliment because of how he says it. You just can’t hide aggression,” Yamaguchi added, and Hinata looked like he was on fire for a second.
“He’s also obsessed with writing just like you are with volleyball!” Hinata exclaimed, and Kageyama rolled his eyes. “No, really! He’s always writing! The other day he was writing during lunch by himself as he ate!”
Kageyama stared at everyone and didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t like Y/N, he just couldn’t be. His entire life had been only seeing the differences from the way they looked to the way people interacted with them. They didn’t understand what he meant when he said they were completely different.
“You’re just jealous, Kageyama,” Yachi said, she started look like her normal self; ready to run if things were too much or just freak out. “He’s jealousy of you too.”
“Why would I be jealous of him?” Kageyama screamed, and Yachi flinched as she took a step and bumped into Hinata.
“He’s got loads of friends and is super pretty!” Hinata exclaimed with a laugh. “It’s silly though because you have us and volleyball!”
“He used to play volleyball too,” Kageyama said quickly. “So, it hasn’t always been mine, just like you guys will end up being ours after a while.”
“He used to play!” Noya and Tanaka exclaimed, missing the entire point of learning that. “Why doesn’t he anymore?”
“I don’t know,” Kageyama snapped, before he took a deep breath. “He quit when we got to junior high.”
“Wait, what,” Noya said as a confused look made its way to his face. “How could Y/N even make this scrapbook; he doesn’t come to anything.”
“He’s come to every game we’ve had this year,” Yamaguchi said, and Kageyama looked over at the freckled boy. “He sits where you can’t spot him, well if you’re on the court that is.”
“King, you look so confused,” Tsukishima said, and Kageyama was confused. Why would Y/N even do any of this? The setter had been sure his brother hated him. “He never shows his face because he’s scared you’ll get angry with him.”
“I wouldn’t though!” Kageyama yelled, and he knew there was no need to. Maybe he was yelling at himself instead, because he realized this was all his fault. “Why would I get angry at him for coming to a game?”
He knew he would’ve been angry. There would’ve been a whole scene in the hallway where Kageyama told his brother he didn’t deserve to be there. He’d be angry because Y/N didn’t get to take back what he had done three years ago.
“You need to ask him that yourself,” Yachi said before looking at her watch and shrieking. “I need to go now! Bye!”
She dashed out of the room, and suddenly boys were getting ready to leave immediately while Kageyama stood still. How was he supposed to ask Y/N why he felt too scared to talk to him? It wasn’t really a conversation that most siblings had, especially twins. A clap on the back brought him out of his thoughts.
“It’ll be okay, Kageyama, don’t worry,” Suga said with a smile, and Kageyama nodded. Maybe things would be okay.
*****
Kageyama was walking home, already separated from the group at this time, and he hadn’t realized how lonely it was. His brother usually kicked rocks and they had competitions to see who could kick the rock the farthest (Y/N always won somehow), or he’d hum whatever J-Pop song was stuck in his head. Sometimes he’d sing, but his singing voice wasn’t the best; not that it was horrible by any means, just not the best. Without all of that, it was just quiet and Kageyama didn’t like it.
The thought of an empty house made him cringe, because that would be another level of quiet. Typically, his brother was always doing something, whether is be playing music, humming, studying, watching tv, etc. he was always doing something that created noise in their house. The setter had always thought of it as annoying, but now he couldn’t imagine his life without out.
He heard someone sniffling, as if they were sobbing, and looked ahead to see Y/N sitting on the sidewalk next to a small bridge. His face was between his raised knees, and he looked like a mess just like that. Who knew how long he had been sitting out here in the crisp autumn air.
“Y/N?” Kageyama asked, and the other looked up fast and he looked worse than before.
Kageyama had seen his brother cry before, it had never been something he enjoyed seeing, but this was something else. Red cheeks and eyes with tear stains that could almost be tattooed on him. His hair was everywhere, unlike usual when he tried to keep it looking as nice as possible.
“Tobio?” Y/N asked as his voice cracked, and suddenly the raven haired boy remembered the last time his brother looked like this. Their grandfather’s funeral.
The memory of his brother sobbing when they had gotten home from the funeral. Kageyama didn’t like it at all.
“Are you okay?” Kageyama asked as he walked over to sit next to the other.
“What do you think,” Y/N said with a hurt laugh before he wiped his eyes as he looked at his brother. “It’s not like my brother basically said he didn’t care if I died or anything.”
The venom in Y/N’s voice made Kageyama flinch. He should have known that would be what he was going to say, but it still hurt in a way he didn’t realize would. Tobio looked down at the ground as he pulled his knees but to copy his brother’s actions.
“I didn’t mean it,” he said, before he sighed. “I mean I did, but I don’t anymore. I’ve just been so angry with you.”
“No shit,” Y/N said with a laugh. “I just don’t know why, and I was going to ask but I knew you’d kill me if I did.”
“I know it’s because I quit volleyball when we go to middle school,” Y/N said as he looked up at the night sky. “I had quit for a couple reasons, but it was mainly because I felt like you didn’t want me there. I waited for you to reach out to me, but you never did though and then you confirmed it earlier tonight.”
“I never wanted you to quit volleyball,” Kageyama said as he looked at the concrete. Neither of them could look at each other while they spoke, and maybe that was something they had in common.
“You didn’t?”
Kageyama finally made himself look over at his brother, who was staring at him, and the other still had eyes full of tears. He looked happy though, as if he had never felt this relieved before.
“I didn’t,” Kageyama said slowly as he looked away. “I just didn’t know how to make you stay or why’d you leave me like that. At the time, I was so angry that I didn’t care why’d you quit, I only cared that you had left the one thing we really had together.”
Y/N looked straight ahead and took a deep breath. It was quiet between the two, but at the same time it was like the y/h/c boy’s thoughts were so loud.
“I quit because everyone always surrounded me, but never you,” he said eventually, and Kageyama looked up at him to see him still staring straight ahead. “I’d score a point, and no one ever complimented your sets, which were the real reasons why mine and everyone was able to spike so well.”
Kageyama remembered grumbling about it once to his brother. He wished someone would tell him good set outside of Y/N, but no one ever did. Every spike his brother did received a ‘nice kill!’ or ‘great one, Y/N’ but never anything towards him.
“People ignored you, and it just made me so mad. You were the setter!” Y/N yelled as he threw his hands up. “You were the one who made it all work and they just ignored you! I just thought if I left, then you’d get the credit you deserved, and I wasn’t all that great anyways; not like you.”
“You were great though!” Kageyama screamed, and he felt riled up from his brother’s frustration. “You deserved all the credit you got, because he hit my tosses no one else could hit! We were a great team!”
Y/N gave him a warm smile, one they used to share on the court when they won a game or had the perfect quick attack. Tobio hadn’t realized how much he missed that smile, because it reminded him of the last time volleyball had been fun until he got to Karasuno.
“You have Hinata now though, Tobio,” his brother said softly, no malice in his voice. He looked away with a sigh. “Remember how I won that dumb short story contest?”
The setter hadn’t expected for that to come up. He did faintly remember it, but he mainly remembered that he didn’t read it. There had been a whole statement out of not reading it and Miwa had tried to get him to read it because Y/N didn’t seem all that interested in forcing him. He didn’t know what that had to do with any of this though.
“Yeah, why?” He asked, and Y/N chuckled as he wiped his eyes. He wasn’t still crying, but his eyes were still watering because it took so much to calm down when he cried like that.
“I know you didn’t read it, so let me tell you what it was about. It focused around a setter, an extremely talented one, but he struggled to find his voice on the court. He tried silence, bare minimum, and demanding but he just couldn’t find the right voice. He thought he was alone, everyone had left him, but his brother was still there to encourage him to keep looking for that ‘right voice’ he needed.”
Tobio stared at the other, unsure of what to say. Y/N had wrote about him throughout his years of volleyball, even years where Kageyama didn’t think they had each other. He had been so angry about his brother quitting, he never actually paid attention to the other.
“So, you wrote about me?” Tobio asked softly, worried Y/N was going to tell him that was all a lie.
“I wrote it about us, or what I wanted for us.” Y/N looked at his brother, a look Tobio couldn’t figure out on his face. “I wanted you to see me, and that’s how I made it a reality in my life. I went to every game, learned every annoying chant, cooked for you after every game, and so much more but you never saw me. I was so angry even though I knew it was my fault, if I just stayed in volleyball, then you’ve still loved me.”
“I didn’t know you felt like that,” Kageyama said slowly, and his brother stared at his feet as if they were the most interesting thing ever.
Neither of them had ever been the best at expressing how they felt until it all just happened at once. They could say sorry without an explanation, because it was hard to explain to your brother how you had hurt him. Y/N was able to speak more than Kageyama could though, but it seemed to have gotten better since he had joined the creative writing club.
“It’s not like I ever told you, so you can’t help it. I just,” Y/N paused to look at Tobio, y/e/c staring straight into him as if he was searching for the words in the other. “I just became so frustrated that I started to appear randomly where I knew you’d be because you’d react, and people would realize we were related. I just wanted to be seen.”
Y/N quickly looked away after saying that, as if he was embarrassed. Kageyama didn’t know what to say, because he never knew what to say in these situations. They had never had to talk like this before.
“I just never realized how much it upset you that I quit volleyball, but I don’t think I would’ve stayed either way. You have a team who loves you, brings out the best in you, and you don’t need me anymore.”
It was silent for maybe a minute or two, there was no way to really know. All Tobio knew was that it was getting late, and they needed to get home soon, but they couldn’t until everything was out there. They needed to talk, even though this was hard.
“Volleyball was how we spoke to each other when we were younger. It was like our stupid twin superpower that you want so badly,” Tobio said, and Y/N chuckled. “When we played, we knew how the other felt and thought without having to ask or say anything. You quit volleyball, and it felt like you cut off communication because you no longer wanted to be there with me.”
Y/N threw his head back with a groan as let out a deep sigh. He wouldn’t look at Tobio, eyes going the opposite direction when he finally brought his head back down. So much hesitation, and the setter wondered if this meant his brother had wanted to cut off communication. The raven haired boy looked down at the ground as he waited for the other to speak.
“I miss volleyball.” Tobio’s head whipped up to look at the y/h/c. “I don’t think you understand how much I miss it. You’re right, that is how we used to communicate, but I hoped we’d find a new way to.”
“I didn’t,” Y/N cuts off his brother.
“It doesn’t matter if you didn’t know!” He screamed as he stood up. “I left you all alone, and it makes sense for you to hate me! I don’t even get the right to miss it.”
Tobio slowly stood up as he grabbed his brother’s things. The other looked like he was about to cry again, and they both knew it was getting too late to just be sitting on the curb.
“Let’s go home,” Kageyama said, and his brother just nodded. “When we get there, we can play around with the volleyball a little.”
A small smile broke out on Y/N’s face, one that his brother missed. It was the one he used when he complimented Kageyama on the court. He was content.
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
*****
“You have your lunch, right?” Y/N asked as he and his brother were about to leave the house to go school. “If you don’t, then it’s being locked away in the house.”
“I have it!” Kageyama yelled from the other room, and his brother wasn’t sure if he yelled out of annoyance or for him to hear; maybe both.
“Okay, then let’s get going.”
Y/N talked on the way to school, Kageyama chuckled occasionally or inserted a ‘dumbass’, but it was mainly the older twin speaking. A lot of stories of how he had to deal with girls and a small part of how he wasn’t sure if he even liked girls before skipping past that as if he had never said that into his teachers. Tobio never knew his brother could talk this much.
Hinata waited for the two of them, more like for Kageyama, and then the two raced as Y/N walked behind them. He wasn’t in a hurry and was actually really tired from staying up so late, but it had been worth it. He hadn’t been able to talk to Tobio like he did on his walk here in a long time, and his brother seemed to even enjoy the random stories.
“Y/N!” A voice called out and Suga was jogging to meet up with him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, everything is a lot better. I’m really sorry you had to see me like that. I would apologize for Kageyama, but I imagine you’ve seen him pissed off like that before,” he said with a gentle smile.
“That’s really good, I’m glad things are better,” Suga said as they walked, and he looked down at the first year’s attire. “You’re not in your uniform?”
“Oh, yeah. Kageyama and I want to try something. I didn’t think being in my uniform would be the best for it,” Y/N said, and Suga realized what Kageyama meant when he said the first year manipulated people. Last night the y/h/c had been screaming, violent, and overall aggressive, but here he was, giving a smile to Suga that made the third year feel as if he had never done anything wrong.
“Oh, well I hope it goes well,” Suga said, and the other nodded as he walked to the gym as the third year walked to the club room.
Daichi had already opened the gym and had started stretching. The first year followed his lead, but not stretching to the extent the other was. He just didn’t want to tear something, because he knew that would be his luck. Attempt to spike in front of an entire team only to fuck up your body.
Tobio and Hinata appeared soon, and the setter had a smirk on his face when he looked at his brother. He turned to Hinata, who looked starry eyed like he did every morning. Y/N wondered if the ginger was ever tired.
“Can you throw a ball for me and Y/N, we want to try something,” Kageyama asked, and Hinata nodded with a confused look.
“Don’t ask what we’re doing, you’re about to see,” Y/N said, and that somehow made the ginger seem less confused.
They got the balls out and the gym had started to fill up with players, but Y/N hadn’t noticed. He had to remember how to get into the zone with this. The embarrassment of it he messed up made him want to die just from the thought, so he had to get this right on the first time.
Hinata threw the ball and Y/N ran like he used to; quick. He remembered thinking about how Hinata was a little faster than him, but Y/N’s main skill was his speed. He jumped in the air and his hand hit the ball perfectly, making a sound that he had missed so much. It slammed into the other side of the court, and he grinned at his brother.
“Hell yeah!” He screamed, and suddenly they were doing the handshake they had made up when they were 10 to impress everyone on the team.
“You never told us you could do that!” Hinata exclaimed with so much excitement, he seemed to be even more starry eyed than before.
“We’re the Kageyama twins, we’re geniuses,” Y/N with a laugh, and Tobio smiled over at him.
“You could always join the team,” Suga said, and Y/N was grateful Ukai had yet to make it. If he had seen that, he’d either be pissed or excited.
“Nah, I prefer cheering you guys on. You have to have a number one fan, don’t you?” Y/N asked, coming off as more charming than he had wanted to.
The team looked so touched, and he awkwardly looked over to his brother who started to laugh. Well, that wasn’t what he wanted, but he knew it was a good sign.
“Guess I won’t be your biggest fan,” Y/N said to his brother who rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, right,” Kageyama replied before he went to go stretch, only for Y/N to let out a huge sigh.
“Not your biggest fan anymore, it was that easy!” Y/N exclaimed, and Suga laughed into his hand at how the siblings were acting.
“Shut up, dumbass!” Tobio yelled back, not even turning to look at his brother.
“Seems like they made up,” Suga whispered over to Daichi. “Kind of weird seeing Kageyama acting like this with someone he thought about killing constantly.”
TAGS: Time Skip; Angst; Implied Previous Sexual Content; Male! Reader
NOTES: I just wanted to write angst, so this is what I wrote. Also, Yamaguchi is a trans girl in this but it’s only seen at the very end, so it’s not a huge thing in this I just wanted to include it. This was written in an hour and I just wanted to post it, so beware of it’s not fully edited (I only did one round of editing instead of three)
*****
“If you don’t say something now, then this never happened,” Y/N said, and there wasn’t any fear or doubt in his eyes, unlike Tsukishima who felt those things trapped in his chest.
Fear ate at Tsukishima to a point where he thought that maybe he should say something because then the h/c haired man would stay. They wouldn’t last though because the h/c haired man was confident and the blonde backed out of talking to anyone that didn’t approach him, even if they did try to talk to them; he shut them out. Everyone lied and they would only turn on him in the end, so how would L/N would be any different?
“Are you really not going to say anything?” Tsukishima remained silent and Y/N scoffed and looked at the ground before he looked at the blonde. His e/c eyes were full of hurt and it felt like a dagger stabbed Kei in the chest. “It’s been nice knowing you Tsukishima, it really has been.”
He didn’t give Tsukishima time to say goodbye as he started to walk off. It wasn’t like they had been close enough for him to reach out to him to ask him to stay. It also wasn’t like he wouldn’t also do that. Instead he listened to the steps on the concrete and how the air felt as it brushed over him. Then he felt how his hand nearly fit perfectly around the h/c haired man’s wrist.
“I love you.” It was desperate and Y/N stood still, not looking back at the blonde. Kei could feel the other’s racing heartbeat through his wrist and it comforted him in a way. “Please don’t leave.”
“Pathetic,” L/N said as he pulled his wrist out of the other’s grip and he turned to look at the Tsukishima. His eyes were angry and fierce, something the blonde had always loved about him. “You really think saying that will fix all of this? It really took me actually walking away to make you realize you want me. You must think I’m pathetic enough to think this would work.”
He didn’t.
Kei knew this would make this worse but either way he was losing Y/N, so he might as well finally say it. He imagined that Osamu would say it every day when they woke up next to each other. It was just that he regretted not saying how he felt because actions don’t always speak louder than words. People needed to hear it along with seeing it and he never gave the h/c haired man both of those things.
He had the chance to say it to Y/N in the midst of a white comforter while the blonde saw him come apart as well as take him apart. Or when they sat across from each other in the morning as they drank their coffee and L/N always laughed into his cup at some joke he read online. Instead he was doing it in the middle of the sidewalk at 6pm on a Saturday because this was his last chance.
“I’m not going to fall down to my knees thanking you for actually wanting me back after I started to finally get over you.” Y/N pressed a finger into Tsukishima’s chest forcefully to where there was a real dent in his shirt and skin. “It’s not my fault that you can’t express your emotions. We’re 23 years old, you need to learn how to actually create a connection with someone other than people you knew in high school.”
Kei would admit it hurt to hear that, especially after he had told the other how he didn’t know how to make friends. The only way he got to know L/N was because the man had been persistent in a way the blonde had only really ever seen in Yamaguchi but the h/c haired man radiated confidence and certainty. No matter the insult used against him, he just rolled his eyes and laughed slightly before saying how he doubted the blonde actually thought that.
“I didn’t know how to say it,” Tsukishima said and his eyes are so vulnerable that even he could feel and see it. “Everyone lies and leaves, so I never thought I could say it.”
“I told you I loved you.” There’s a pause that’s obviously only made so he doesn’t scream. “I told you I loved you after we had sex that I thought meant something but then you said nothing. I thought that time was different but then you proved me wrong and it fucking destroyed me.”
He remembered that night when he couldn’t help but let his love show. He remembered the gentle fingertips that ghosted along his sides and how he begged for more. He had always wanted more when it came to Y/N, in every single way. It was clearly different than every other time they had sex because it meant something unlike the pathetic friends with benefits thing they had set up.
“I was scared. I’ve always been so scared,” he said and it felt like he was pleading. Kei could feel his eyes start to water but he didn’t want to cry. Crying always meant things were going to be cemented and nothing could change again. “I wanted you just to feel what I wanted to say; what I couldn’t say.”
The sounds of cars driving by, people speaking in the distance, and birds chirping were all that were heard between the two. Y/N squinted at the other, as if he were studying him with this new information. All Tsukishima could feel was how his heart pounded to a point he felt nauseated.
“No.” Y/N dropped his hand and took a couple steps back. “You don’t get to do this. I told Osamu about everything between us and he still wants to be with me and expresses it. He confessed to me before he ever mentioned having sex with me unlike you. We got drunk and hooked up and you said we might as well do it again and I deserved better than that.”
This is where others would fight to keep the h/c haired man; make sure he doesn’t go to the other person. Now was the time there truly wasn’t a point for Kei to continue trying because Y/N was right. He never gave what the other deserved and it was unfair to him and at least Osamu gave the other what he deserved and needed. Part of him wanted to reach out and just kiss Y/N because maybe that would be his way of getting him to stay.
“This is goodbye.”
Tsukishima felt his chest ache on a level he had never felt before. Who knew there was something more painful than losing a volleyball match that you put your all in or watching your brother lie to your face. He couldn’t do this. This hurt too much.
“I really hope you have a good life. I really do,” Y/N said with a gentle smile before he turned around and the blonde watched him walk off. He watched until he could barely see him.
Tears dripped off his jaw and he hadn’t realized he was crying until he felt that. His eyes burned and it only got worse as he wiped his eyes over and over again in attempt to make the tears stop. He had always told himself he would never feel heartbreak because he’d never put himself in the position where he would have to one day.
His shaky hands pulled his phone out of his pocket and he quickly unlocked it and pressed the contact of the person he knew would always be there for him. He knew she’d be with someone else and he needed that person too. They had always been there for him when he needed them most.
“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima breathed out once the call went through. His breathing was ragged and he felt slightly lightheaded. “It’s over.”
“What are you saying?” She asked, voice so gentle that it made Tsukishima cry harder.
“Y/N ended things and why does it have to hurt so much?”
NOTES: I hope I got Kenma’s character down enough in this? Writing letters are a lot harder than some might think. Also, I posted two of these today because I knew I would forget if I didn’t.
Dear Y/N,
I promise I’m not like one of your fangirls and I won’t make this cringey because after reading some of your confession letters, it resulted in them ending up in my nightmares. Anyways, I’m writing this to tell you I like you. Like could be too small of meaning but love is too big. If you figure out the word I’m looking for, then tell me. I like you and have for a couple months I think. Kuroo pointed it out like he points nearly everything out, it’s really annoying. He told me to confess but that’s so much and stressful.
It’s nothing against you but looking you in the eyes and saying this without knowing what will happen scares me. What happens if you end up telling me that you hate me and we’re no longer friends? I doubt you’d do that but it’s a valid fear. It’s also like confrontation and I’m not a big fan of that. Of course, you saw when I got into that fight (or yelling match I guess) with Yamamoto but that was the last time I’ve been like that, so over a year ago. I’m getting off topic and maybe it’s because I’m stressed about this. I promised Kuroo I’d do this or else he’d do it for me and the thought of him doing it gives me nightmares.
So, I like you. I was told I was supposed to add in reasons why I like you because Lev told me all about the confession letter he wrote to someone. I think it was to Shouyou, who definitely doesn’t like him back. It’s going to be funny for Lev to get rejected. Anyways, you always manage to make me laugh and smile, which is an accomplishment. You always know about the game I’m playing and tell me how you’re already ahead of me when I got it before you. Actually, that pisses me off but it’s nice to know someone who likes video games as much as I do. You’re attractive. You’re passionate and nearly on the same level as Shouyou, which is slightly draining because you always want more but it’s nice to see.
It’s nice to see how you seem like you won’t care about practice until we’re there. You’re always certain of what you want and what needs to happen in order to get there. There aren’t many people like you and it makes you interesting. I don’t think you’ll ever stop being interesting. There’s also that look in your eye when you do a solid block out or I set you the perfect set, and I hope I always get to see that look, whether I’m on the sidelines or right next to you.
I honestly don’t know what I’m saying at this point. I could’ve just said that I like you and ended the letter but I guess I wanted to be like one of your fan girls and make this cringey. Please send me a letter to respond because I don’t know if I can handle rejection face to face.
Sincerely,
Kozume Kenma
*****
Dear Kenma,
I wasn’t expecting a letter from you, seems like a pretty bold move but then I read that Kuroo was behind it and understood. I think the word is adoration is what you were looking for, something between like and love. Like you, I’m not exactly sure on what to say but I’m trying to collect my thoughts enough to figure it all out.
I love you, which a bit more than your feelings towards me apparently. The only problem is that I’m leaving for university soon and you’ll be a third year at Nekoma. I want to be with you but I don’t believe it’s actually fair to either of us to date. Say the word though and I’d wait for you for however long you need but I’ll need that answer before graduation.
Also, off topic, Lev confessed to Hinata. and got hardcore rejected. Apparently ginger likes some guy he met at nationals and also said that Kageyama is like his rival brother when Lev asked if Hinata liked their setter. Why is Karasuno full of more drama than Nekoma? I’m slightly jealous and I doubt you are because have the inside scoop constantly via Hinata.
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It’s not like Kenma doesn’t think Y/N will show up, but it still surprises him to see Y/N sitting on the bench outside the fine arts building. He’s dressed in his usual hoodie, mask, and hat combination. It’s different from when he saw him last, wearing the turtleneck. It’s not a bad look, though. Not by any means.
“Hey,” Kenma says. Y/N looks up, and the corners crinkle from him smiling. Kenma wishes he could see Y/N’s face, but he understands that Y/N likes his privacy. He won’t ask him to change that.
“Hey, there,” Y/N says as he pockets his phone and stands up. “How was class?”
“It was class,” Kenma says with a shrug. “There was work and lecture.” Y/N stretches and rolls his neck a little. “Were you waiting long?”
Y/N shakes his head. “Nope. Got here about 10 minutes ago.”
Kenma’s brows scrunch together in confusion. “That’s long.”
Y/N shrugs. “Maybe, but I’m usually early to everything.” He laughs slightly. “Tooru hates it since he likes getting there right on time, while I’m asking if we can take separate cars.”
Kenma nods, but he doesn’t understand that mindset. He’s always been similar to Tooru with getting there on time, but he’s like that since he doesn’t want to go in the first place and doesn’t want to be the first person there. With class, he always arrives early, but only by five minutes. Bouncing Ball events are different because he knows people tell him the wrong time, so he’ll be there early. It should bother him more, but it doesn’t since he’s never the first one there.
“Oh, there’s a coffee shop near here if you want to talk there,” Y/N says, and his voice pulls Kenma from his thoughts. He’s ready for Y/N to seem annoyed that he spaced out, but Y/N’s eyes are kind and curious. “Or there’s a park, but I figure you might be hungry.”
Kenma slowly nods. “The coffee shop works.”
“Great!” The corners of Y/N’s eyes crinkle again. “I’ll lead the way.”
It’s a nice day, but Kenma keeps stealing glances at Y/N through his hair. He has a hard time not looking at Y/N, and he’s not really sure as to why. Usually it’s because Y/N is talking, but Y/N is silent right now. He’s just walking and taking in the spring sun as he watches people pass them.
“So, Tooru already told me, but how was filming?” Y/N asks, and it’s obvious he caught Kenma staring and just wants to fill the silence.
“He’s pretty good with montage stuff, but he was having a hard time with the actual scene,” Kenma says, and Y/N nods. “He wasn’t sure what you needed.”
Y/N nods again and sighs. “He told me the same thing, and I’m pretty sure he’s overthinking it. Sure, it can all be complicated, but I’m not striving to make it complicated.”
“Then what do you strive for?”
“To make something I’m proud of,” he says as he looks up at the sky. Kenma can see his hair peeking out from the hoodie, even with it pulled up. “Sure, I want this film to win, but what does first place matter if I hate it?”
Y/N is looking at him now, and he doesn’t know what to say. He likes winning and the being the best at things, but he doesn’t have “guts.” Y/N has guts—Kenma doesn’t have to truly know him to know that. He has guts and lots of it. Kenma can’t verbalize that, though. But that’s okay because he has a hard time verbalizing what he thinks about Y/N beyond this.
“The only way I can explain it is that feeling you have after a good game, even though you lost,” Y/N says, and he clasps his hands together behind him. “Winning matters, but it’s not everything. I care far more about it feels getting there.” He laughs slightly, and it’s such a beautiful laugh. “It’s stupid, I know.”
“It’s not stupid,” Kenma says, and it isn’t. It makes sense. He felt it during the battle of the trashcan happened. Even though he wanted to win so badly, happiness still consumed him afterwards.
“Only athletes can understand,” Y/N says as he laughs again. Kenma wants him to keep laughing. “I strive to make things I’m proud of and can enjoy. Is there anything you strive for?”
“Depends on the day,” Kenma says as he looks away from Y/N. “Obviously, there’s being the best, since that’s what my job calls for. It’s just that there are days where it’s hard—I’m struggling to have things together. Those days, I usually just don’t strive for anything.”
He’s not sure where that answer comes from. He’s not even sure why he’d share an answer like that with someone who isn’t Shoyo or Kuro. There’s never the fear of them judging him, because they wouldn’t.
“I’m typically struggling too,” Y/N says, and he sighs. “I had to take a semester off my sophomore year because it got so bad.”
Kenma isn’t shocked at the information, because it’s something he’s thought about. He refuses to take a break, though. It’s just strange that Y/N did that, because he comes off as someone who has figured everything out.
“But you look like you’ve got everything together.”
“I’m the master of faking it until you make it.” Y/N steps closer to him, their sides nearly touching them. “Want to hear a secret?” he whispers.
Kenma stops breathing for a moment before nodding. “Sure.”
“I haven’t made it yet.” There’s a gentleness in his voice. “I may never make it, which is fine. I’ve prepared myself for that.”
“Sounds like you’ve made it in a way, though,” Kenma says, and Y/N shrugs, their sides brushing each other. Even though it’s through several layers of clothes, all of Kenma’s nerves light up.
“Only time will tell—Oh!” He points ahead of them at a small coffee shop. “There it is! I’ve heard it has some of the best coffee around.”
The doorbell rings as they walk into the building. It’s not busy, so the barista with pinkish brown hair standing behind the counter is the first thing Kenma sees. Y/N gasps and his eyes widen.
“Is that Hanamaki Takahiro?” Y/N asks, and the guy laughs as he nods. Y/N quickly walks to the counter. “What are you doing here?”
“Making money,” Hanamaki says, and Kenma quietly follows behind Y/N.
“Well, last I heard, you were unemployed after getting fired from 7/11.” Y/N tilts his head slightly. “Wasn’t that the third one?” he teases, and Hanamaki rolls his eyes.
“Seems that Oikawa-kun has been keeping you up to date,” Hanamaki says, and Kenma doesn’t know which Oikawa Hanamaki is talking about. He hadn’t thought too much about how confusing it’d be if they didn’t call Masaru and Tooru by their given names.
“Someone has to since you never answer my texts, asshole,” Y/N says, and Kenma can hear the smile in his voice.
“Whatever,” Hanamaki says as he waves a dismissive hand. “Now, what can I get you guys?”
“You know what I like, and I want a croissant with it,” Y/N says, and he shuffles out of the way for Kenma.
“A short black coffee and croissant for me,” Kenma says, and Y/N cringes. No one likes that he drinks straight up black coffee, but he believes it’s the only way to get all the caffeine out of it.
“Anything else?” Hanamaki asks, and they shake their heads. He gives them their total, and before Kenma has the time to pull out his wallet, Y/N is already paying.
“I could’ve paid for mine,” Kenma says, and Y/N shrugs.
“I suggested coming here, so I should be the one to pay for it,” Y/N says, and Kenma just nods, unsure of what else to do. He’s never liked when people pay for him, especially since he has money now. It’s always made him feel like a burden, but he doesn’t feel like that right now. Y/N seems so genuine about not minding, similar to Shoyo and Kuroo.
“How long have you been friends to where he just accepts he’ll lose an argument?” Hanamaki asks before looking at Kenma. “He argues a lot, doesn’t he?”
Y/N glares at Hanamaki, and Kenma is slowly realizing how expressive Y/N’s eyes are. “I do not argue a lot.”
Hanamaki snorts. “Yeah, and I’m not dating Issei.”
It’s inevitable to feel left out whenever with someone new, and it’s how Kenma feels currently. He’s not sure who Hanamaki is to Y/N—clearly a friend, but that’s all Kenma can come up with. They’re teasing and they’re talking about people they both know that aren’t here. It’s not the first time Kenma has felt like this, but annoyance bubbles in his chest. He wonders if it’s because it’s Y/N.
“Your order will be done in a minute. Just wait over there,” Hanamaki says as he nods to the left.
They walk over there, and Kenma thinks about how this feels so friendly. This feels like two friends getting coffee instead of a business interaction like he initially planned. He doesn’t know why he ever thought they’d be like that, especially with how Y/N is. Bright smiles and genuinely wanting to listen to what others have to say. Y/N cares so deeply, and a business relationship doesn’t fit him.
“How do you know him?” Kenma asks, and Y/N closes his wallet.
“Oh, sorry, I should’ve introduced you two,” Y/N says, and rarely does Kenma get an apology like that. “We went to the same high school. He was on the same team as Tooru, Hajime, and Masaru.” The corners of his eyes crinkle again. “He’d help us look for Masaru whenever he’d run off. Matsukawa, or Issei, would stay at Tooru’s house.”
“Does Masaru go missing a lot?” Kenma asks, and Y/N pockets his wallet. It hadn’t been noticeable at first, but Masaru had disappeared for nearly two weeks. He went silent on Twitter, never texted the film chat, and no longer appeared in Tooru’s vlogs.
For some people, it wouldn’t seem strange, but Masaru doesn’t seem like the kind of person to vanish. He likes being around people too much to do so. So the sudden silence is unnerving, but there are the snapchats Y/N and Tooru took of him. However, he never looks like himself, though. There’s exhaustion in his eyes and smile and movements.
“He did in high school, but he doesn’t anymore.” Y/N pats the pocket with his wallet in it, almost as if he’s double checking. “It’s more of a public thing now instead of everyone.”
Kenma nods, not understanding, but he’s learned that he doesn’t have to have all the answers. This is especially something he’s learning the longer he gets to know Y/N and all of his friends. He’ll probably never have all the answers when it comes to them, and he doesn’t need them.
“Here are your orders,” Hanamaki says, and Y/N grabs the drinks while Kenma grabs the food. “Enjoy.”
“I’d enjoy it more if you actually text be back every once in a while,” Y/N says, and Hanamaki rolls his eyes.
“Then don’t enjoy.”
Y/N scoffs, but any frustration doesn’t make its way into it. Perhaps they have a similar relationship to his and Kuroo’s. “Tell Matsukawa hello for me since he never answers my texts, either.”
“Okay, but in his defense, he recently started university,” Hanamaki says, and Y/N laughs slightly. “But I’ll tell him for you since I know Oikawa-kun will text me if I don’t.”
“Alright, see you later,” Y/N says before leading Kenma away from the counter to a table in the corner. Half of the table has a window and the other half is hidden by a wall. It’s a strange arrangement, but Kenma doesn’t say anything about it.
As they sit down, Kenma pulls out his phone to look at the list he made of all the equipment Y/N needs. It’s not that he thinks that Y/N’s set-up currently is bad, because it’s not. It’s worked in the past, but it can be better. Kenma wants to give him better.
“So, you don’t have a lot of equipment,” Kenma says as Y/N lowers his mask to reveal his entire face. Kenma’s heart stops for a second before beating twice as hard.
“Yeah, it’s just that Tooru’s stuff isn’t exactly designed for what I need. Kousaka is letting me borrow some of his equipment, but he has projects he’s working on,” Y/N says, and he takes a long sip of his drink before looking past Kenma, outside.
“I understand that, so I did some research on what kind of stuff you need,” Kenma says, and he takes a drink of coffee, preparing himself to go through everything. “Now, I imagine you also have a list, which you need to send to me, but this is just the things I’ve found.”
“Okay,” Y/N says, and he’s looking at Kenma again. Being able to see his face again makes it far more intense that he thought it would be. It’s almost as if he’s reading into Kenma’s soul, and it’s making Kenma dizzy.
“To start off, you need different cameras. 4K would work far better than the JVC cameras Kousaka uses. He’s even said he doesn’t use those cameras for projects like this,” Kenma says, and Y/N nods. “There’s also proper lighting, which I can spare some of my lights. Then there’s needing light reflectors, especially since you want to do some filming outside and that was a problem the other day.”
“My light reflectors are torn up, which is why I don’t have any. I’ve just never gotten around to buying new ones.” Kenma nods. “My job can be unsteady with income depending on clients, so I usually put rent and food first. New filming equipment tends to be luxury.”
Kenma wonders what Y/N’s job is, because this is the first time he’s ever heard of Y/N really having a job. Of course, he knows Y/N helps Tooru, so he thought that was his job. However, he once overheard Masaru talking about Y/N having an editing job, but Masaru speaks so fast it’s hard to understand him at times.
“Well, that’s why I’m here to help you. I have money to spare,” Kenma says, and Y/N smiles with a small laugh. “Also, microphones. You need a boom mic along with all the equipment attached to that—and more than two wireless mics. I’ve read through the script, and you’re going to need better microphones to do everything you want to.”
Y/N shyly looks away from him. “Yeah, it’s just that I tend to want high-quality equipment, which always ends up being more than I can afford.” He pauses. “Also, thank you for helping me out. I don’t think you realize how much it really means to me.”
Kenma softly smiles—a smile he reserves only for those he believes truly deserve it. Y/N smiles back, and Kenma’s heart flutters for some reason. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, but he finds he doesn’t mind it.
“Currently it’s about ¥569,544.86 for everything right now,” Kenma says, and it’s the wrong time for Y/N to take a drink since he chokes on it. “It’s a bit cheaper than I expected because some of the stuff is near that price.”
“I’ve never bought anything that expensive in my life,” Y/N says, and he looks ill. “Well, there’s university, but I never fully count that.”
Kenma understands how Y/N feels, because before he’d earned his money, he was so careful with spending it. A video game would be about ¥6,000 and it would nearly break his pocket every time. So, whenever they make eye contact after Y/N staring at the table for a couple of seconds, Kenma understands the fear in Y/N’s eyes.
“I also have a list of things. Are you sure you still want me to send it?” Y/N asks, and Kenma nods.
“Of course. My job is to help you.”
Y/N laughs a little before he takes a bite out of his food and points at the croissant in front of Kenma. “You should probably eat that before it goes completely cold.”
Kenma thinks about what Hanamaki said about Y/N always arguing and wonders if that applies to Y/N’s demands. When Y/N closes his eyes with a happy hum at the taste of his food, Kenma takes a bite of his. He doesn’t want to ruin the happiness his friend has.
The sound of a phone buzzing makes Y/N flinch and put his food on its wrapper and pull out his phone. Kenma figures it’s a text since it had only buzzed once. Y/N’s brows scrunch together as a worried look crosses his face.
“Is everything okay?” Kenma asks, and even though the coffee shop bustles with noise, it feels like he just broke their silence.
Y/N looks up at him and forces a smile, putting his phone back in his pocket. “Yeah, sorry. Let’s get back to eating.”
Kenma wants to tell him it’s okay to tell him what’s going on. Although he won’t judge him, he wants to know for a selfish reason. He’s never liked not knowing what’s going on. They spent the rest of the time in the coffee shop with Y/N looking like he’s somewhere else and Kenma wanting to know where’s gone off to.
Y/N insists on walking Kenma to the train station since Kenma said no to Y/N giving him a ride. It feels like a shoujo manga because a pretty boy is walking him to the train station with the concern he’d get there and home safely.
“Thank you for eating with me,” Y/N says, and Kenma looks over at him. Y/N had pulled his mask up before leaving the coffee shop, so Kenma can’t see him entirely, but Y/N is looking at the ground with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “I’ve not been eating with many people recently, so it was nice. Thank you.”
“Is everything okay?” Kenma asks, and Y/N looks over at him. He’s smiling, even though Kenma can’t fully see it.
“Don’t worry about it, Kenma,” Y/N says, and Kenma doesn’t know how not to worry. “I’m okay, so at least don’t worry about that.”
Kenma barely nods, and Y/N takes his hands out of his pockets. They’re in front of the train station. The walk always feels so long whenever he walks it alone, but not this time. This time he feels like they hadn’t had enough time when he thought maybe they would.
Y/N pulls down his mask, even though they’re surrounded by people. “So, this is you,” he says with a cheeky smile. Kenma nods with a small chuckle. “You’ll text me when you get home, right?”
“Yeah.”
Kenma looks down at the ground, and he doesn’t know why he feels so nervous. It’s like he’s some kind of shoujo schoolgirl with a crush on her senpai—her overly dreamy senpai that makes everyone weak in the knees. It’s why she feels so inadequate around him—Kenma doesn’t feel inadequate around Y/N, though. He just feels nervous.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home? It’s no problem for me,” Y/N says, and Kenma nods.
“I’m sure,” he says, and Y/N looks at him with an uncertain expression.
“Okay… Can I give you a hug? It’s okay if not.”
Kenma’s heart is pounding in his chest. It wants to break free. It wants to jump into Y/N’s hands. “Okay.”
Y/N wraps his arms around Kenma’s shoulders, and Kenma feels so warm. He feels so warm and safe, and he never wants it to end. He feels Y/N’s hot breath on the side of his neck, and he shivers. Y/N pulls away, and Kenma wants to pull him back in and make him stay.
“Are you cold? I have a jacket in my car if you want me to run to get it for you,” Y/N says, and butterflies aggressively erupt in Kenma’s stomach.
“No, it was just a chill. Thank you, though.”
Y/N smiles at him before pulling his mask back up. “Well, you better go or else you’ll miss your train.”
“Bye,” Kenma says, and Y/N waves bye as he watches Kenma enter the station.
It’s not cold—it’s nearing summer where the heat will be blistering—but Kenma’s always ran cold. He’s always needed to wear sweatpants and hoodies to survive, but he finds they’re too warm now. It’s almost as if the warmth of Y/N’s embrace had been enough to fight away the chill he always has. He wonders if it’ll do that if they ever hug again.
Kenma isn’t exactly sure why he agrees to go to the meeting. It’s not like he’ll really be part of the filming process outside of buying anything L/N needs. Maybe it’s the slight mystery of L/N that has him go. The mystery of what does he look like because there are no photos or videos on L/N anywhere online. Tooru and Masaru only ever post photos of L/N’s back, or where any identifying features are covered. Sugawara’s posts never show L/N’s face, but outside of hair color. Kenma doesn’t know what L/N looks like, even after looking to see if any of L/N’s classmates ever posted photos/videos of him. L/N’s face is covered in every photo with a mask and typically wearing a hood or hat. Kenma has to respect the extent L/N went to so no one knows what he looks like.
Like in all fanbases, there’s discourse surrounding L/N not having any photos of himself online. Some say it makes L/N a shitty boyfriend, because they believe it means L/N hates Tooru’s job, which doesn’t make sense. L/N films and edits all of Tooru’s videos. Their bickering is in every single one of Tooru’s vlogs (if not every video).
L/N’s apartment complex is nice, and Shoyo keeps gawking at everything, still in the mindset of his small home in Miyagi. Kenma wouldn’t say it’s extremely fancy, but it’s obvious L/N and Tooru have more money than they most likely broadcast. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not like it’s anyone’s business but their own.
“They’re probably loaded,” Lev says as he looks around them, and Kuroo rolls his eyes.
“I bet most of their money goes toward rent and university since both L/N-san and Masaru-san are in university,” Kuroo says, and Kenma wants the meeting to be over with now if he has to sit through this for longer than three minutes.
“Please quiet down. We’re almost there,” Akaashi says, and Kenma hurries to be closer to him. “Also, refrain from asking any questions about their money. It’s impolite.”
Kenma sees apartment 21, and Akaashi fixes his posture. The three idiots behind them go quiet, and Kenma wonders why they’re all so stressed out about this. It’s not like L/N is scary. From what Kenma has seen on Twitter and YouTube, L/N is fairly awkward and jokes around with everyone he meets.
“Is L/N-san scary, Akaashi-san?” Shoyo asks, and Akaashi shrugs.
“I’ve only ever seen him once, and it was when he was leaving,” Akaashi says, and then looks down at the bottle of wine in his hands. “He told me to stop bringing wine anymore because of Tooru-san, which I just remembered.”
Lev pushes past them and knocks on the door, clearly impatient. The door opens almost immediately, and a man with fluffy brown hair and excited green eyes greets him. Oikawa Masaru. Kenma has seen him in countless photos and videos, but his smile is brighter in person than it is on screen.
“Akaashi-san!” Masaru exclaims, and his smile widens when he looks at everyone else. He looks back at Akaashi. “You brought wine!”
“Yes, I’m sorry. I forgot about what L/N-san said,” Akaashi says, and Masaru laughs a little. “Is it alright that I brought it?”
Masaru has a twinkle in his eye—mischievous and teasing. Kenma wonders if maybe the mystery of L/N won’t be as interesting as Masaru. He can’t determine that until he actually meets L/N, though. It’s impossible to know things when suspense hangs in the surrounding air.
Masaru laughs a little. “Of course, it’s okay. Also, Y/N told you to call him by his first name.” Masaru takes the bottle out of Akaashi’s hands before looking over his shoulder. “Tooru, can you put up the wine?”
Kenma hears someone walking down the hallway, and then Tooru pops his head into the entryway from the hallway. The apartment seems to be a lot bigger than what Kenma had expected, but he doesn’t know anyone with this size apartment, which may be why. Sure, his rental home is bigger, but that doesn’t take away from the fact L/N’s apartment seems massive right now.
Tooru is pretty. Kenma already knew this, hard not to with how he’d gone through looking at his photos and watching his videos. Tooru’s hair is perfectly styled to be fluffy, but as if it’s naturally like that instead of having to use any product. His skin is clear and glowing, probably from the light makeup he likes doing. He and Masaru look so much alike, but Tooru is different. Kenma can’t explain it.
“Sure, Y/N is in the living room—or is he in the kitchen?” Tooru says, tilting his head before shrugging. “Not sure, but he’s in one of them.”
Masaru rolls his eyes and hands Tooru the wine. Tooru smiles at everyone before quickly going somewhere else.
The casualness of Tooru is strange since he typically acts overly chirpy in his videos, similar to Shoyo. This side of him is relaxed, maybe a bit tired, and like someone who is easy to talk to. Kenma tries not to change too much of how he acts on camera compared to real life, but Tooru’s genre of YouTube differs from Kenma’s genre.
“Alrighty, let’s go,” Masaru says, and Kenma wonders how he’s so chirpy and energetic. “Sadly, we don’t have time for a tour, so maybe next time. Please put your shoes next to everyone else’s.”
Shoyo and Lev pout as they take off their shoes. Kenma looks around after he takes off his shoes. Movie posters line the walls, most of them are classics that Kenma watched in film appreciation. Masaru is talking to Akaashi a thousand miles a minute, and Akaashi seems to understand everything being said to him.
“Hello,” someone says, and Kenma looks over at one of the doorways to see a man. The man’s hair is a little messy, as if he’s been trying to fix it, but eventually gave up, and he has a lovely smile on his face. “I’m L/N Y/N. You guys can bring your snacks in here.” He moves for them to pass by him. “Sorry about Masaru. He gets excited whenever Akaashi-san comes over.”
Kenma’s brain struggles to work for a second, because L/N is far more attractive than he thought he’d be. He hadn’t even thought about him being attractive, but he is. It’s so easy to see why people (Sugawara and Masaru) say L/N and Tooru are an attractive couple. Tooru has had meet and greets that L/N has gone to, but he always wears masks and hats to hide his face as much as possible. He also refuses to take photos with people because he doesn’t want to be on camera. The silly thought of Y/N doesn’t want to be on camera in fear of killing people with his good looks crosses Kenma’s mind for a second.
“Chocolate-covered potato chips?” L/N asks when Kenma passes him. Kenma can only nod, and L/N grins. “My favorite.”
Tooru goes over to them and laughs slightly, but he’s only looking at L/N. It’s almost as if Kenma doesn’t exist. Kenma doesn’t know what’s going on, so he just puts his snack next to everyone else’s. He follows Akaashi into the living room, and L/N and Tooru follow behind them. Kenma takes the empty spot next to Tadashi, which is nice because they won’t try bothering him like some would.
“Hello, welcome to our home,” Y/N says, and his smile is dazzling. Kenma’s heart races slightly, like when he’s gotten a new video game and the wait for it has been so worth it. “I’m L/N Y/N, but just call me Y/N. I use he/him pronouns. I’m a film major, and obviously, I’m the creator of the short film I’m asking for help for. If everyone can give their name, pronouns, and what they’d like to do for the film, I would appreciate it.”
Y/N’s hands are shaking a little, and Kenma can’t look away from them for a reason. Tooru takes one of Y/N’s hands in his own. “I’ll go first,” Tooru says with a smile. “I’m Oikawa Tooru. Feel free to call me whatever, but Tooru will probably lead to less confusion. I use he/him pronouns, and I’ll be acting and directing alongside Y/N.”
“I’m Iwaizumi Hajime, just stick to Iwaizumi. I use he/him pronouns, and I’m here because I’m sadly friends with them.”
Y/N rolls his eyes but laughs a little. Kenma noticed the playful dynamic Y/N’s friend group has online. He wondered if Sugawara and Tooru actually hate each other like they act like they do online. He doubts they hate each other, but it wouldn’t surprise him if their friendship isn’t as strong as Y/N’s friendship with them.
“Okay, my turn!” Sugawara exclaims with a bright smile. “I’m aware almost everyone in this room knows me, but I don’t want to be left out. I’m Sugawara Koushi, but call me Sugawara or Suga. He/him pronouns for me. And I’m here to become the shining star at the Tokyo Film Festival.”
Sugawara had been more reserved in high school than when Kenma had originally met him. He was somewhat chaotic, but it wasn’t as present back then as it is now. Is Y/N the reason for that? Or has he always been like that but hid it well?
“I’m Oikawa Masaru, please only Oikawa, because it proves I’m the better Oikawa,” Masaru says, and Tooru narrows his eyes at him jokingly. “I’m kidding! Call me Masaru to avoid confusion. I use he/him pronouns, and I want to help with everything, especially camera work.”
“I’m Akaashi Keiji, he/him pronouns, and I’d like to help however I can,” Akaashi says, and Kenma is glad there’s at least one other person he knows not going for acting.
Kenma has never seen the guy next to Akaashi before. He’s the best dressed in the room with his dark blue button up rolled up at the sleeves tucked into black slacks. His brown hair is messy, though. It looks like he attempted taming it, but eventually gave up whenever he realized it’d be too much work.
“I’m Kousaka Rei. I use he/him pronouns, and I’m here to help with the technical side of things,” he says, and his voice is deeper than Kenma originally thought it’d be. “I was nominated for the festival last year, and Y/N asked for some help, so I am here.”
“And I’m thankful for that,” Y/N says, and Kousaka smiles.
Kenma doesn’t know when he comes back to, but he realizes he’s after Tadashi, whose turn is coming up very soon. What’s Kenma supposed to say again? What’s he even going to say about the film? That he’s there to give them money?
“I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi, but I go by Tadashi,” Tadashi says, and Kenma wants them to take their time. “My pronouns are they/them, and I want to act. Sugawara-san told us you have several trans characters in the film, and I think that’s amazing.”
Y/N gives Sugawara a look that screams “stop telling everyone everything” before looking at Tadashi. If Kenma wasn’t currently having a minor crisis, the soft smile Y/N has would make him completely melt.
“The majority of my films have LGBT characters, because I believe representation is extremely important, and no one else seems to be doing it.” Y/N leans into Tooru, their sides pressed firmly together. “Even gay men don’t have accurate representation in the media—always being fetishized or stereotyped. I can’t even imagine how hard it is to find representation for those who use they/them pronouns.”
Tadashi smiles at Y/N, and Kenma smiles a little too. Helping Y/N out doesn’t seem like a bad idea anymore, not that he ever really thought of it as a bad idea. Silence settles over the room, and Kenma realizes it’s his turn to go.
“Oh, um, I’m Kozume Kenma, but just call me Kenma,” he says softly. “I use he/him pronouns, and I want to help fund the film.”
“What do you mean by fund?” Masaru asks right as Y/N opens his mouth to probably ask the same question.
“I’ll help you guys buy whatever you need.” Kenma looks down at his hands, not liking how everyone is staring at him now. “If you need better camera equipment, then I can buy you some or you can borrow mine. Same with lighting, and I have an editor if you need one. He’s the best.”
Y/N laughs a little. “I edit all my videos myself. I don’t really trust anyone else, but thank you for all of that. To make sure you don’t regret it, I’ll keep this all interesting for you.”
Kenma nods, and Y/N sighs before getting up and turning on the television. It’s then Kenma realizes he was the last person to go, completely spacing out for just about everyone else. Y/N puts a DVD into the DVD player.
“So, I imagine Koushi sent out the link of my short film on Tooru’s channel, but I’ll show you one of my better films.” He’s not looking at anyone as he brings it up. “I didn’t post it, because I’m not a fan of having my face on the internet.” He stops and looks at everyone. “Oh, yeah, do not post any photos of me. You will be kicked out of the film, and I will refilm things to take you out of it.”
Kenma wants to know why Y/N is so against photos of him being online. Sure, Kenma hated when Kuroo posted photos of him online when they were in high school and a little after. A big part of it is that Kuroo likes posting terrible photos of Kenma, either unflattering or Kenma flipping him off or glaring. The only person Kenma says is free to post whatever they want of him online is Shoyo. But Shoyo never makes him look bad. He always posts selfies of them or “silly” photos of him.
“This film is sad. Masaru, Tooru, and Hajime will tell you nearly all my films are sad,” Y/N says as he rubs the back of his neck. “The one for the festival doesn’t have a sad ending, though.”
They watch a film about a man falling in love with a moon prince. They meet when the man speaks to the moon every night before one night the moon prince visits him. It ends with the moon prince dying—disintegrating in the man’s arms after they go on their first true date after months of knowing each other. Kenma has to bite down the urge to cry. Media has made him cry before, he’s not heartless, but something about that short film grabbed his heart and tried to tear it from his ribcage. The emotion in it was so potent and overwhelming. He looks around a little, and several people are crying, and he can’t blame them.
Tooru had been the man, although neither of them could’ve been older than 19 or 20 in the film. Y/N had been the moon prince, and he was phenomenal. Tooru’s acting is good, but Y/N’s acting is hard to compare to when he’s waxing poetry about the night sky and love and never wanting to let go of the ones he loves.
His last line being “Thank you for filling my life with happiness and love” hurt, because Kenma only remembered the sadness the moon prince had in the beginning. Kenma closes his eyes, trying to not over analyze every second of that film.
“I promise the film for the festival is not nearly as sad as that one,” Y/N says as he stands up and takes the DVD out. “This is one of my best films, though. I received a pretty good grade on it.”
“How did you come up with that idea?” Lev asks, and Kenma doesn’t want Lev to ruin this moment.
“In one of my classes, we talked about magical realism, and I thought of that idea one night,” Y/N says before chuckling. “Well, I thought about it as I laid on the bathroom floor, blasting sad music like I usually do when coming up with ideas.”
“It’s really annoying actually,” Masaru says, and he’s pressed against Akaashi at this point. Is he overly affectionate? Because he’s with Kageyama and committed, so what’s going on? “Well, sometimes I join him, so it’s not always annoying.”
“What’s the concept of this film?” Yachi asks as they tilt their head.
“It’s about Masaki, a man in his early 20s, going through a breakup with a high school sweetheart and having the relearn what love is,” Y/N says, and Kenma notices how he talks with his hands. “The concept of love is hard to grasp to begin with, because it’s depicted in so many ways and differs between types of love. In this film, I want to focus on platonic love and self-love while touching on romantic love, even though the romantic love shown isn’t healthy. Masaki comes to learn that as the film progresses, though.”
Y/N has a way of speaking that makes it easy for him to captivate a room. Kenma would listen to him read off a receipt as long as he speaks as passionately as he currently is. Y/N’s gentle smile makes it easy for Kenma to know that this is going to be interesting, which excites him. The last time he felt like this was with Shoyo (which is an ongoing ordeal). Maybe it’s exciting to think that he has two people in his life that bring excitement to his life like this.
“Okay, let’s eat and then continue this conversation. I’m starving,” Y/N says, and everyone chuckles a little. “Kenma-san brought some chocolate-covered potato chips, and I call dibs.”
