#malcolm haynes

Frank, Tosh and Jim are out for a drink when they spot Pete driving past in a panda. "TAXIIII!" Frank calls, putting his hand out. "That's handy!" "He's probably naff all else to do!" Pete is heading to Whitechapel Road - now via Sun Hill. "Why?" "Why? If you want to get back in CID, you wanna make some friends!"

Tucked up in the back, Jim pouts that the panda isn't 'exactly a Porshe'. "Yeah, you never did tell us how you got that Porsche, Peter."

"Playing cards, wasn't it?" Tosh adds helpfully from the back before Burnside tells him to stop sulking and drive. Before he can, they're interrupted by banging on the window from Mrs Mancini, last seen in Trouble And Strife.

Mrs Mancini asks for help as there's someone in her car. The three CID officers get out to help her and Pete is ordered to stay where he is. Frank tries to get Jim to stay in the car too, but spotting the chance to chat Mrs Mancini up, Jim refuses and follows - even walking in front of Frank which earns him a "CARVER!!!!" Frank moves in front and introduces himself - and his "junior colleagues." They follow Mrs Mancini to the underground car park. "That's a lovely perfume you're wearing, Margrief [too many echoes to catch it 100% but it's v similar sounding to that and links into the next line] isn't it?" "I'll give you grief!" Frank mutters to Jim. On reaching the car, the men laugh at finding a 'romancing' couple inside. "Would you mind... adjusting your clothing... and stepping out of the car?" Frank calls on identifying themselves as police. Tosh and Jim go to comfort Mrs Mancini, but she loses her temper after seeing who steps out of the car and launches something over the car at the man. It's only Mr Mancini enjoying a bit of quiet time with his mistress. Or at least he was.

Mrs Mancini attacks them both and the car with an oil canister and is held back by Frank. The Mancini's spit at each other. 'OI! .... Mind my coat!" snaps Frank. The Mancini's continue to argue with Mr Mancini shouting at his wife that the much older woman who had run off could teach her a thing or two! The boys are enjoying the show but are very surprised to hear that one of Mrs Mancini's more prominent upsets at what had happened is that not once, in 15 years of marriage, had they ever been intimate in a car. "The woman's crazy! She's crazy! What about our honeymoon?" he shouts back. "We don't want to know!" Frank cuts in. She bursts into tears, grabs Frank closer and wants her husband to be jailed for indecent behaviour.

Frank hands over his handkerchief and checks his suit and tie for signs of tears. Mr Mancini's mistress collars Jim and Tosh at the other end of the carpark and discreetly asks them to return her clothes to her before she has to go home to her husband as she only had the chance to quickly pull her dress back on. Pete approaches and Mr Mancini instantly takes a step to hide behind Tosh. "Take that gobsmacked look off your face and come here, Mancini!" Mancini tries to hide behind the car and promises Pete he hasn't been up to any of his 'nasty little tricks' as he's still on probation. Pete tells Mrs Mancini to remove her sunglasses. Both her eyes are black.

Jim excuses himself with the underwear of the other lady. Pete brings Frank and the others up to date on his prior dealings with the Mancini's. They were moved onto the estate 2 months previously after destroying their home. Malcolm has already been called to their flat to deal with their domestics twice. "You seem to know what you're doing. You sort it out." Frank tells him, walking off with Tosh.

Jim doesn't understand why a man with an attractive wife would go off with a much older woman. "It's not the age, Jim." Frank educates him. "It's the mileage that counts!" Tosh agrees. "Age doesn't come into it; some people have just got it!" Frank continues before they all turn and go running back onto the estate at hearing a scream and thud.

On the floor is Mr Mancini's affair partner, Mrs Andreas. "What do you think, was she pushed?" "Get Ramsey and get an ambulance!" Frank orders, noting that Andreas' jumper is inside out. Jim tells him she'd mentioned a husband. The Mancini's come running over with Pete so it can't have been either of them. She lives on the floor below them at number 31. Frank sends Tosh to her flat to look for any signs of what might have happened and to see if her husband is home.

Jim and Tosh attempt to race up the stairs and are sent flying by a gang of vocal Italians running down them. Tosh manages to grab one man and bring him down in a headlock until Jim can stagger back to his feet and help him.

Outside Pete and Frank attempt to stop the Italians from attacking the Mancini's. Jim helps restrain one as Tosh brings out his little friend from the stairs. "Where the hell did these people come from?!" Frank yells.

Jim stops one of them from stabbing Mancini - or Pete who he's right next to - by shouting a warning. Pete smacks him on his arm to make him drop the knife. Thankfully, Uniform backup comes running and helps contain the fighting.

"I want all these people arresting!" Frank orders, pointing at one man who comes running towards him about to strike him. "You so much as sneeze in my direction, and it'll be GBH!"

Pete forces Mancini against a wall and orders a man who has come armed with a tool to "SCRAM!" Thankfully, Tosh appears and grabs him away. Trapped in the lift with Pete, Mr Mancini is arrested and then further arrested for assaulting Pete, who fell against the side of the lift when Mancini tried to dodge him. Pete quotes several parts of the Police Act legislation, warning Mancini that he's going to teach him to 'stop swinging it around, you slaaag!'.

The paramedics finally arrive and load the victim onto a stretcher. WPC Extra is tasked by Frank to go in the ambulance with her whilst Tosh and Jim are to coordinate what's happening. Jim asks Pete to look after a group of arrested men. "They're Italians!" "I don't give a toss if they're Martians. I'm looking after Mancini!" Tosh shouts him back and asks PC Extra to take Mancini to the ambulance instead. He warns Pete to stop behaving like a one-man band as it's an attempted murder.

Malcolm tells Frank and Tosh that the next-door flat is empty and that no one else appears to have seen anything. Frank tells Malcolm not to let anyone else in until it's been checked over by SOCO. "What have you found?" Tosh asks. Frank knows it's not a suicide. There's one shoe left in the living room, which indicates a struggle from inside the flat.

The A&E department is overrun by angry Italians. One of the women shouts "SCREW YOU AND THE REST OF YOUR FAMILY!" at Mrs Mancini and they argue in Italian. Frank arrives as a porter shouts for help. He has blood on him and tells Frank that a patient is being attacked by a man with a kebab knife. Jim, Tosh and Frank run in the direction he pointed and hear screaming coming. The injured man is Mancini, who is found collapsed on the stairs. They split up into all directions, looking for the suspect with PC Extra remaining with Mancini.

Jim and Pete follow blood trails and Jim expresses surprise that Mancini isn't dead from the blood loss. "Yeah, it's a shame." Pete drawls in a tone that suggests it really isn't. They head into the dark boiler house. Pete has to go inside alone with a lighter to try and find the man with Jim remaining by the door as there's no other light source he can find. "Remember he's got a kebab knife." Jim warns him, telling him he doesn't like the look of this. "Chickeeeeen." Pete calls back.

Pete finally finds a light switch deeoer inside the room and turns the lights on which finally allows Jim to join him. They remain as quiet as they can and hope their movements are hidden by the sounds of the machines.

Ken questions a porter about what is in the bag he's carrying as he leaves an operating theatre. "A leg." he answers calmly. Ken decides against checking it!

Pete climbs to the next level just above Jim. Both he and Jim are spotted by the suspect, who draws back into the shadows. He's wearing a mask and holding the knife and it's all very horror movie like. He then gets to the switches and turns the lights off before leaving the boiler room all together.

Jim smacks his head and shouts 'OW!' and then for Pete. Pete is too busy running after the man! Jim catches up and spots their suspect running down a corridor opposite them.

Tosh wants to speak to the unconcious Mrs Andreas. The doctor is astounded and tells him she can't speak, she's just had surgery and she's under anesthetic! Tosh says he'll used a board to communicate with her but a statement is vital incase she dies. She's out for the count still, how he expects her to function is anyone's guess! "DID YOUR HUSBAND PUSH YOU!?" he shouts in the British way of trying to communicate with the locals when abroad. The doctor tells him to leave.

Frank chastises Jim and Pete for letting the suspect get away. "I'm quite glad he has, Guv. He's got a kebab knife!" Jim reminds him. Frank tells Jim to get a description of the victims husband whilst taking Pete with him into the Intensive Care Unit. Pete literally bumps into a nurse, apologising with a cheeky smile and a "Sorry love..." He's still distracted and watching after her as Frank walks on. "I'll have to come back and check out some of these nurses later!" he grins. "What woman in her right mind would want to go out with a wrist job like you, Ramsey?" Pete just looks amused. "You're the second person to call me that!" Pete suggests Frank has a problem with him because of his car. Frank clarifies. His problem is with Pete himself because he behaves like a prat. The hospital has been remodelled and Frank is getting dizzy trying to find the ITU. They're spotted by a doctor who leads them there whilst they continue to talk. Pete calls Mike 'a clotheshanger' and claims he has more right than Jim to be in CID. "You may not like me but I get results!"

The doctor asks if it's Mrs Andreas that they're visiting and asks if she was pushed. Frank tells him they're not sure. Pete tells Frank quietly that the doctor is the man they're looking for. "Are you sure?" "Think so, he could have dumped the kebab knife." They charge after him and ask for identification - the poor man is innocent and really was just a helpful doctor who doesn't have his ID so ends up getting shoved against the wall and frisked. The real suspect, Mr Andreas, is climbing the stairs towards the Intensive Care Unit. "What's that?" " A packet of extra strong mints!"

Mr Andreas pushes a cart up behind Ken who orders him to wait there. Andreas side steps the cart and escapes further into the unit, still armed with the knife. Ken, Pete, Tosh and Frank end up running after him.

Mr Andreas shouts at them to keep away from him when he tries to find his wife. He takes one poor innocent victim hostage - thankfully she's unconscious - asking to know where his wife is. Some quick thinking from Tosh tells him his wife is dead and in the mortuary when really she's in the operating theatre again. Andreas breaks away and runs down the corridor with Pete following and Jim joining the police conga. Andreas blocks the door he runs into with a mop so Pete continues down the fire escape with Ken tasked to call for further back up direct to the mortuary as CID bang on the door for someone to let them in.

A nurse lets them in and directs them to where Andreas went. Claire spots him coming and jumps to the side behind a heavy door and kicks it closer just as Andreas reaches it. It knocks him clean out cold, allowing Pete to safely arrest him. Pete shouts for a doctor. "RAMSEY! What you done?!" Frank demands. "Claire done this!" he tells him with Tosh sounding absolutely astounded. "... Did she?" Frank congratulates her whilst grinning. He then calls Ken a prat for 'letting old Shish Kebab' ere' get past him. "If you don't keep your eye on things son, Jesus will not be your friend, he'll be your next door neighbour!" When Mr Andreas comes round, Frank lets him know he's nicked.

Jim congratulates Claire for what she did and asks him to put a note on Mancini's body. Claire didn't know he was dead. Jim gives her rather exact instructions which part of the mortuary to find him in. Not at suspicious. Claire enters and looks around, going to drawer 16 as requested. As she pulls it out, the 'body' leaps up and spooks her with Jim and Tosh laughing.

Tosh pretends he spots Ken approaching and they talk Claire into playing the body to give him a scare, giggling as they shut the door.

It's not Ken approaching however, it's Frank. They all leave the mortuary with the boys still giggling! "What's up with you lot?!" Frank asks, not in on the joke.

All goes quiet for a few moments...

The Bill » Top 100 Episodes (In No Particular Order) » 4x15 - Trespasses

Nurse: Still waiting for her to make a statement? Pete: Ah, it's a girl, is it? Nurse: Can't you tell the difference? Pete: Don't look unless I'm asked.

Interesting fact: Terry Marcel is directing and his daughter, Kelly Marcel (actor sister of Rosie Marcel) plays an extra at a party.

A PC 'extra' who later becomes Timothy Able in about 20 eps is guarding the front desk as an Italian gentleman asks for directions. Timothy disappears into the back of the front office (nice picture of it here...) to ask Tom what he should do.

Tom calls upstairs for Jim because he knows a little bit of Italian. When asked, Jim admits he knows 'a bit' but doesn't look too keen on the thought of being able to understand properly.

Yorkie's having trouble with his girlfriend and they argue on the telephone. Tom urges him to hurry up and he promises he'll only be a couple more minutes.

In the canteen, Taffy, Viv, Claire and Malcolm are reading the papers and discussing how much the wind kept them awake. Taffy says it's the deterioration in the ozone layer, also known as the greenhouse effect. Malcolm reckons his flat felt like someone had started up a nuclear winter. [You forget how big the threat of Nuclear War was then. How things change... ha!] Behind them, Tosh is frying something at a cooker and tells them they've got a 'nice morning' outside where it's peeing it down. Tom calls for his uniform lot to finish and get back outside. "It's only a little bit of rain!"

Jim reports that the driver is Scilian and he wants to get to the Blackwall Tunnel but Jim can't remember which is left and which is right in Italian.

Pete clearly had a good night if the others didn't...! The boys think it was from a fight, but it definitely doesn't look like it! He tries to find a scarf to cover it up but only Jim has one he can borrow - and it's bright yellow. That's a no then. Tom leads briefing as Pete comes in late and with a plaster over his bruise, having 'cut himself shaving'. "I thought perhaps a vampire had got you."

Heading out on the beat, it's still peeing it down and is pitch black. Pete wants to nick the driver of a broken down van for blocking the station carpark exit and pissing him off. It's the Italian from the front office. Tom sends him out on foot patrol with Yorkie instead, as they can't get the cars out. Yorkie disappears when Pete wants to nick someone for a naff crime just to get back in the station; he's clearly still worked up about his argument with his girlfriend.

Malcolm and Vic are trying to hide under a canopy but are still getting wet through. I love their friendship, they really have a natural rapport together. Just look at their grins! Viv is supposed to be going out that afternoon. Malcolm asks if she plays Trivial Pursuits(!) "Often!"

Yorkie makes his way over to a phonebox and calls his girlfriend again. Their argument is interrupted when Yorkie is asked to go to a report of an all night party. He tries to get his girlfriend to agree to see him that afternoon, but she refuses and he has to leave it to go to the call.

Pete tries to stop someone for cycling the wrong way down a one-way street but unfortunately for his dreams of a dry uniform and warm station - he gets away!

Tosh reports to Tom that the ceiling in CID is leaking but Tom claims he already has enough on with the carpark being blocked.

Viv and Malcolm keep hiding under a shop doorway before Alec radios them to attend to an ongoing alarm.

Thankfully it stops raining, but the officers are all still wet through. Pete has to give directions to a young woman... and then he gets splashed by a massive lorry!

Viv and Malcolm find the gate to the trading estate locked. "Ladies first..." Malcolm grins before both of them climb over. The estate is vast so they split up. Viv calls in her location and spots someone so she advances on them. The man claims he's a builder before wrestling with her and hitting her to the floor. He aims a gun at her before being interrupted by Malcolm shouting. Viv shouts a warning that he's armed and Malcolm does an impressive leap into the bushes.

Viv runs after him, closely followed by Malcolm. A few moments later, the van speeds towards her and she throws something at it to try to stop it. At the same time, the man aims the gun at her and takes a shot. Malcolm hears her scream and runs immediately towards her whilst the van crashes into another parked car.

"Oh god, BASTARD!" Malcolm shouts, gently turning Viv over and believing she's been shot. Thankfully it looks like there's just a cut from a bit of window shrapnel or the side of the bullet because for a horrible moment there it looked like he'd shot her in the face. She reassures him she's OK and tells him to go after him. Malcolm only leaves her when he's truly sure she's OK and calls it in before running after the burglar. He advances on the van and shouts for him to throw his gun out the car. There's no movement inside, so he slowly moves nearer and looks inside. The burglar has gotten away.

Pete shelters in a doorway, miserably eating a packet of Munchies.

Taffy pulls over a car with a faulty break light and does a vehicle check. The driver doesn't speak but does do as he's asked by both him and Claire. Taffy tells him to clean up the inside of the car and to get his light fixed as they let him go. It's only the burglar who shot at Viv....!

Yorkie asks the partygoers to turn the music down. The young woman whose party is it protests that it's almost time to get up so she doesn't have to because 'it's not that loud'. Yorkie asks again and she snarkily snaps 'OK'.

Tom, Jim, Tosh and some other Uniform have reached the Industrial Estate. Tom tells them that Viv is OK but in pain with cuts and bruises. They've found some studs and similar that came off his jacket in the fight. Tom's going to accompany her to the hospital. Jim sniffs through the gap of the door that the man was trying to break in and tells Tosh it smells 'funny' like an Indian Takeaway. Tosh laughs and tells him not to be daft, but he sniffs and claims it smells more like a Chinese. They need to work out what's in the room, who owns the targeted premises, and if he had a larger van there to load up, where did the little one that he drove off in come in? Tosh makes a proper Dad joke about getting a cup of tea and sends Jim off to get him a drink from the nearby snack bar so he can ask the owner what he saw.

Viv relives what she saw and thought when she was held at gunpoint. It's all too similar to Tom's own thoughts when he thought his time was up. Tom sympathises with her and says that it's said that the chances of them being in those circumstances again is very rare [If only it was for poor Viv...]

"Didn't even have me truncheon with me..." she almost whimpers and refuses a hug, telling him she's alright. "Me bag..." she mutters, "I've left me bag behind!" Luckily, her nose isn't broken and her teeth are still in place. It will be a bit sore for a while, but she will be OK.

The van was stolen 2 days ago in Chigwell. It's a new food importing company and they're trying to locate the unit owner. Tosh makes another joke but Jim isn't feeling it and reminds him that Viv and Malcolm could have been killed. "That's the sort of sobering thought that gets me drunk!" Tosh frowns, telling Jim that he has to keep a sense of humour in the job." "Everyone tells me what I need in this job..." Jim mutters.

Pete smirks to himself as he stops at the side of a large puddle far enough back as another van approaches. He thinks he's swerved that bad luck...

Pete calls at his most recent flings and asks if she can let him in to dry off and warm up. She is about to refuse before he promises it's only to dry his trousers. When he leaves, he's sure they've shrunk but he doesn't mind given how they spent their time. It becomes clear that it's Yorkie's girlfriend... uh oh!

The owner of the unit arrives and has no idea who might want to steal from him. Inside is a kitchen and Jim tells the owner they could smell the Chinese food from outside. "We are Vietnamese." Whoops. Jim is saved by a well-timed radio call! The unit owner tells Tosh he employs 16 people, alongside some family members. Tosh asks for their names and addresses.

Jim's radio call was a follow-up on the yellow escort seen hanging around by the snack bar owner. The man has previous and soon Tosh and Jim are outside the mans house with armed support.

Armed support force their way in and arrest the man. Or rather they will in a couple of minutes after squirting a bit of air freshener. At least he won't have problems with constipation.

Tom drives Viv back to the station and they stop at a disturbance that is called in just as they drive past. It's the party girls again! They're refusing to quieten down and are rocking the police van as Taffy, Yorkie and Claire try and arrest them. Tom tells Viv to wait in the car and goes to assist. Seeing the chaos Viv goes to get stuck in and ends up being assaulted herself [By Kelly Marcel as mentioned above, the directors daughter]. The girl is dragged off by Taffy and shouts that it's police brutality! Tom checks on Viv who is holding her face. The poor love has only gotten hurt on the other cheek.

At the station at the end of the shift, Viv goes to attempt to put lipstick on but one look in the mirror stops her. Claire asks if she's alright. She's clearly not, despite what she says. Claire tells him that they've got the burglar and that he had a lock up of things he'd stolen from other jobs. She also thinks Viv will get a commendation. Viv is unmoved. "Have I got any hair missing?" she asks. Claire tells her no and asks if she's alright again. She says she didn't do anything and 'today was a day like any other day.' She recounts what happened and starts to cry.

Malcolm tells Pete and Taffy that he knew the man had a gun and still doesn't know why he chased him. Taffy tells him he'll get a commendation for it. Pete asks him for a drink and Malcolm agrees as he's going to get absolutely legless to forget it all. "She's lucky, she's not a bad looker, our Viv." Pete muses.

Viv asks Malcolm if he's alright. He congratulates her for stopping him. Pete jokes that they're alright on the beat with Malcolm. Malcolm asks Pete if he's wearing perfume...

Tosh comforts and congratulates Viv and tells her that the prisoner says she put up a good fight and that he wants to see her to apologise. Viv walks off to the cells and peeks in through the grill. The man moves nearer the grill and has a look at her face. He says he didn't aim to hit her and wouldn't kill anyone. He claims they shouldn't use women to patrol at night because it's dangerous. Finally, he adds a 'sorry, love!' Viv just shuts the grill in his face.

At the front desk, Timothy comes back to speak to Tom. He has another problem. A rather angry young woman is there demanding to know why her sister has been arrested. "Your thugs broke into a respectable party, beat up my boyfriend and arrested my sister." She wants to make a complaint. Tom looks flatly at her before he's called back by Tosh. Tosh presents him with a present - it's what the thief was after. He jokes that it will be replacing them soon enough!

The angry woman shouts and so Tosh just smirks and tells Tom to wait...