#mal's note

I know my behaviour had been suspicious recently but it's a form of protection. Changing fandoms and username so that I dun get attacked by my ex-mutuals and their friends.

Don't get surprised. I found out I was exposed in her post in this year. It was one sided accusation post of me. My close friend showed me a screenshots of that and I was shocked.

Back in Oct, I was having a mental breakdown and I know I probably stressed her out and yes, I regret that. But my intention was never to harass or stalk anyone. I was struggling emotionally and not handling things well. That being said, I wish she had simply told me she was busy instead of letting assumptions build up. Maybe things wouldn't have escalated the way they did if there had been clearer communication between us. As for checking her account after she unblocked me, yes, I did. But it wasn't because I was stalking her... I was honestly curious and worried about whether she had said anything about me or encouraged her mutuals and followers to come after me. Those are two very different things. Yeah, I accidentally press "follow" button and I panicked. So I immediately unfollowed and blocked her because I didn't want any further misunderstandings with her. I'm also not the "Karasu Wife" anon and I genuinely don't know where that info came from. There is no evidence of that as well. The same goes for the whole Spideygirl90 situation. As far as I knew, that acc had been deleted from both Instagram and Tumblr so I was just as confused when it was brought up. I was so busy with my other bllk moots that time.

Then, she used her assumption with no proof about tagging game. She called one of my moot (who I often yap) as an acc. She said I tagged her in moot game. But how can I tag her if we both blocked each other in Tumblr? It was my moot who tagged her and I didn’t even tell them about my beef with her. Honestly, I wanna bring this up to them last month but once again they might block me due to lack of understanding haizzz. So I keep secrets from them.

My ex-mutuals are i-am-so-strange and vyzoi. Yeah...sorry to keep this away from y'all. I know some of y'all are moots with them but...pls do not confront them coz of me. I dun wanna get any trouble. I've done pleasing them, puking myself and blaming myself coz of them. Y'all can continue to be moot with them but I'mma keep my distance away from them.

I feel like Jei often dismissed or shut down things I was excited to talk about which made me feel like there wasn't space for me to express myself. Because of that, I sometimes felt overshadowed or like my voice wasn't valued. It made me feel like Vyzoi wanted me off Tumblr. I can't know for sure what her intentions were, but bringing these issues up publicly made me feel unwelcome and pushed out of a space I enjoyed.

One thing I don't understand is why they both think I'm trying to take revenge. If that's what they believe, I genuinely like to know which posts or conversations gave them that impression because I don't see it myself. When I was younger, I won't deny that I sometimes had immature thoughts about getting back at people when I was hurt. A lot of people do when they're kids. But as a young adult, I don't deal with conflict that way anymore. My response is to distance myself and move on rather than plotting against someone.

I wish I could have blocked them earlier because they way they are treating me is off from my other bllk mutuals, close friends and irl friends. They have been interrogating me instead of understanding me. I wish I can open up sooner.

Sadly, I deleted all the evidence coz I thought we will forgive each other. Well, I gotta move on. Like I say if I block them it means It's over.