#make it angsty

Elijah had been able to keep his darker self at bay many times. Even with his mother’s spell intact, there was always a way to come out of it before he had done something he regretted. One thing was always for certain, his family had remained protected at all times. At least that was until the darkness consumed him. 

The simplest of conversations had triggered the monster within. He and Y/N had been talking about the safety of their family. A plan being put into motion to stop Esther once and for all. But the dormant monster’s interest had been piqued by the blood Elijah’s wife had been cleaning off of her shirt, blood from the last person she pulled a heart from. The clean up triggered the monster that she shouldn’t be hiding who she really was. 

The more Y/N spoke to Elijah about her plan, her eyes had been on the towel in her hand as she wiped the last of the blood off. She had missed the way Elijah was beginning to lose his hold on the present. She had missed the way the darkness was so eager to consume him. And when she finally noticed it, it had been too late. 

The last thing Elijah had remembered was the way Y/N slowly reached her hand up to his face. His name left her lips softly as she attempted to call him back to her.  The same maneuver she had done several times to keep him there with her. But this time it didn't work. It wasn’t long before Elijah had completely lost control of himself. 

Screams filled his ears even in the darkness. The part of Elijah that fought for control could only listen to the destruction that his body was creating. The cries for help may have brought pleasure to the monster currently at play, but to Elijah, he couldn’t even bring himself to begin to think about the damage. 

‘Lijah. It’s me. You know me. You’ve known me for centuries.

The familiarity of the voice that played through his ears should have helped. The very voice that had brought him peace was there trying to break through to him. The voice that had been embedded in his mind for centuries. During his times of being daggered it was that voice that helped him through the darkness. Yet at this very moment, he couldn’t grasp onto the hope that the voice held. 

You know me, Elijah. I can show you.

The voice was breathless. As if the person speaking was having trouble breathing. And in the darkness that surrounded Elijah, he knew he should be worried. He knew that what was happening wasn’t good. That every fiber of his being should have been fighting to stop what was happening, but nothing he did to gain control worked. 

The darkness kept him under. Held him down while he was forced to listen to the sounds that entered through his ears. Even his brain refused to let in the familiarity of the voice that he was currently listening to. The magic within him taunting him. 

You should have taken Esther's offer. 

I-it’s okay. The sweet voice played through his ears once more. The words cracked slightly and it caused an ache to fill Elijah. One that the monster didn’t or would ever understand. I’m not scared. I promise. It’s n-not your fault if you do this. It’s going to be okay. Just know that I love you.

NO!

It was the first thought that Elijah had been able to force out of the abyss. The one and only thought that begged and pleaded his body not to do this. To not do anything to the voice that had brought him comfort in the darkness. No matter how hard Elijah tried to pull himself out of the darkness, nothing worked. Nothing he tried to keep the voice safe worked. 

It wasn’t until the satisfaction of subduing a threat washed over him that he knew he failed. The ache that he felt moments before had lingered, if not grew more with each passing moment. The silence had proved he had lost the comfort of that voice. 

Elijah?

The echo of his name registered in his mind some time later. How much time had passed, he was unsure. He had no idea how long he had been held under in the darkness. But he knew that was his name. He knew the familiarity of that voice. He just had to push himself out. 

“What happened Elijah?” His sister’s voice. He knew that. He knew Rebekah’s voice. He could hear the panic in her words as he pulled himself closer to the surface. 

“It’s Esther’s spell.” Klaus’s voice filled his ears. “I’ve seen this look on him before.”

“Where’s Y/N?” Rebekah asked. Elijah could only assume that Rebekah had been asking Klaus. But the question had brought Elijah closer to the surface than he had been in hours. 

“Y/N.” Her name came out as a whisper but it was enough for him to gain the necessary control over his body once more.

He blinked his eyes a few times before the darkness that held onto him so tightly finally let go. The blurred edges of his vision finally clearing and allowed him to focus on his siblings. Klaus had been standing to his left and Rebekah to his right. Both of them had the same worried expressions displayed on their faces. 

“Are you and Y/N okay?” Rebekah’s voice was soft. She was trying to keep her voice calm. If Klaus was sure this was the spell, she didn’t need her older brother being triggered once more. 

Confusion filled Elijah at her question. He and Y/N had been fine moments ago. They simply had been discussing what steps to take to help get rid of Esther.  What could possibly have happened in the last few minutes that would have caused his siblings to worry as they were?

That was when he caught sight of his blood drenched sleeve. It rested on the arm rest of the chair in the courtyard. He had no memory of ever sitting in that chair let alone how the blood had gotten on him. Dried blood covered his arm and was even caked on his fingers. 

The more Elijah had a grip on reality, the more he noticed the smallest of details about himself. Besides the blood that lingered on his sleeve and hand, his face felt dry. No doubt from the blood that currently covered his lips and chin. While his suit may have been dark, a shade of crimson had taken front and center. The white button up ruined by a victim he was unaware of. 

“What happened?” Rebekah asked once more. 

Elijah shook his head. “I have no idea.” 

As he moved to stand, his siblings allowed him the space he needed to do so. Elijah took in his surroundings, looking for any clarification as to what happened. His eyes moved from one place to another, trying to piece the last thing he remembered. 

The rest of the courtyard had been left untouched. There was no evidence that there was an altercation of some kind. There were no bodies lingering on the floor somewhere. There was no scent of fresh blood filling his nose to indicate the death he caused had been there. 

“Where’s Y/N?” Elijah asked, looking towards his siblings. “She may be able to explain what I cannot.”

Elijah knew that this had been his mother’s doing. He had known that there was something that had caused his mind to blank. But he had no idea how long he had been under or what had caused it. Everything deep within him was telling him something horrible had happened. 

“She’s not here.” Klaus noted. “When we arrived, it had just been you.”

“I tried calling her phone.” Rebekah added. “But she left it here. I know she wouldn’t leave you while you were fighting this.” A flash of a memory passed through Elijah’s mind at her words. 

“Stay with me.” Y/N’s said as she brought her thumbs up to Elijah’s cheeks. Her thumbs moved over the veins that were forming underneath his eyes. “Elijah.”

Elijah had been fighting it off. He was trying his hardest to stay there with her. To fight the darkness that wanted to consume him. He watched as her hands moved down to his neck in a comforting touch. But the only thing the darkness registered was a threat. 

His hand quickly grabbed a hold of her arm and twisted it. As he had done so, a sickening crack played through the air and Y/N cried out in pain before she pulled herself free. He watched as she took a few steps away from him. 

In return, Elijah took several steps towards her. The only thing registering in his brain was to get rid of the threat that stood in front of him. Y/N’s eyes filled with fear for the briefest of moments before she turned and ran with him following right behind her. 

A gasp left Elijah’s lips as the memory left his mind. The details left him shaking his head in disbelief. He wouldn’t do that to her. Never in his wildest dreams would he ever hurt his wife like that. 

“What is it?” Rebekah asked, watching her brother’s face change with his emotions. 

“I hurt her.” His voice carried his disbelief and he hadn’t missed the look of shock on his siblings as the words settled within him. He shook his head once more trying to get things straight. “I broke her arm before she ran. She couldn’t get through to me."

An indescribable feeling began to form within Elijah. It was a feeling Elijah had never felt before. It was almost a deep satisfaction mixed in with grief that he knew he shouldn’t be experiencing. Yet it was there in the pit of his chest. 

“She got away.” Rebekah was hopeful. “She managed to get away and she’s waiting until you came back to your senses to come home.”

I-it’s okay. I’m not scared. I promise. 

The ache in his chest grew as he shook his head. The voice that rang within his ears was part of a memory that he couldn’t force himself out of. He could only hear her voice but not see what happened to her.  

“I need to find my wife.” He said before turning and began leaving. Klaus and Rebekah were right on his heels in hopes to find Y/N and to find her completely fine.

It wasn’t long before the Mikaelsons had found themselves in the woods just outside of town. The familiarity of the area alerting Elijah that he had been there earlier that day. Klaus and Rebekah watched their brother as he tried to piece his memory together. Their mother’s spell was doing a number on him in the worst possible way. 

The further they ventured into the woods, Klaus tried his best to be hopeful. But he was slowly picking up on how things had gone. Klaus knew what it was like to thrive with the darker sides of vampirism unlike his brother. As thrilling as the kill was, the hunt had been part of the fun. 

If Elijah’s darker side had been hunting, Klaus knew there was only so far that Y/N could run before she found herself within his grasp. His sister in law may have been a vampire for centuries and stronger than most, she wasn’t an original. Even she could be killed easily if he or any of his siblings got a hold of her. 

The sound of a twig snapping right under Elijah’s foot had snapped another memory through his mind.

With every step Y/N took as she ran, Elijah hadn’t been far from her. He could see the way she ran through the woods. Every fiber of the monster within him enjoying the hunt. But even while a hunter could find the hunt exciting, eventually there needed to be a time where the hunted needed to be caught. 

He watched as Y/N steered towards her right before he moved himself to lead her to turn in a different direction. The game plan to keep moving her in the direction he wanted her. Her attempts at running from him would soon be pointless and he’d have her right where he wanted her. 

He watched as she occasionally brushed by the branches close to her. Some of them broke while others bent to the force of her passing. He slowed his steps a bit, knowing it would give the moment of peace before he’d pounce. 

That was until the slightest tug of a smirk played at his lips the moment he heard voices close by. 

The soft late afternoon breeze picked up, allowing the scent of blood to fill the air. It alerted all of them to the strong scent that had been close by. It caused them to turn their attention in the direction of the wind. 

“Blood.” Rebekah said out loud. Even though they knew what the scent was before the clarification, it needed to be heard to make sure they were all on the same page. 

“Not her’s.” Elijah noted as he looked back towards the direction he had been going moments before. “Two hikers if it is needed to be known. They never saw it coming.”

Klaus looked down at the ground before looking towards his sister. A silent look shared between the two of them. One meant that this may not have the outcome they were hoping for.  While Klaus wasn’t by any means hoping for Y/N’s death, that was all his mind settled on. If the bodies in the distance were any indication his brother had been pulled deep into the darkness that there was no telling what he could have done. 

All it took was for Elijah to take a few more steps further into the woods before dread completely filled him. His chest became tight as the ache filled him. His heart knew well before his brain had registered the dark memories that were kept at bay. And with one more step his world had come to a complete stop. 

Not too far in front of where he currently stood, his eyes fell to the base of a tree. Just peeking from behind it laid a hand, resting. One that currently rested palm down with the sun catching the ring that took residence on the fourth finger. A ring he had spent months perfecting the band the stone that Y/N loved sat in. 

“No.” Elijah’s head shook as he took another step toward the hand. And with every step he took, his mind took the opportunity to torment him with the memories that he couldn't grasp onto until now. 

Y/N had been looking just past the tree she had been hiding behind. Her attempts at being still to try and locate him had been pointless. The moment she had stopped, Elijah had her. The brief moments he had with hikers didn’t stop him keeping Y/N exactly where he wanted her. 

Her moment of distraction allowed for his opening. Elijah grabbed a hold of her arm and spun her around to face him, pinning her to the tree. Her startled yelp filled his ears and the monster within him had chuckled. 

He could see the way her eyes had been taking him in. No doubt taking in the creature that was reveling in death it was causing. He could see the way her eyes held worry for what was happening to him. But the creature within him could see the spark of fear that played within them as well. 

“‘Lijah.” He watched as she shook her head slightly. “It’s me. You know me. You’ve known me for centuries.”

From the moment Elijah noticed Y/N’s hand, there was hope that she was okay. While he may not have known what happened to her, he had hoped that she was only knocked out. He hoped he hadn’t hurt her too much and that he would send a lot of time trying to make up for what he may have done to hurt her. But once he reached her, he fell to his knees in front of her.

Her skin had been ashen gray. The dark colored veins that covered her body had been every indication that she wasn’t going to wake up. Y/N hadn’t been like him or his siblings. There wasn’t the possibility of waking up from an attempt at her life. And if that hadn’t been proof enough, her heart laid close by. 

Tears filled Elijah’s eyes as he reached for her. His hand gently ran along her cheek as he took in her face. The life and color in her eyes that he loved so much had been gone. Even as he lifted her body into his lap, there was disbelief that even his darker self had been capable of killing the one woman he would never stop fighting for. Yet, she laid lifeless in his hold.  

A sob passed his lips as he leaned down and pressed his forehead to her face. There were several emotions playing through him. Guilt, grief, anger at himself and at the monster that laid within him. Anger at his mother for the spell she had placed on him that forced that monster to the surface when he spent centuries trying to keep him at bay.

A gasp left Rebekah’s lips as she and Klaus had come to Elijah’s side. They both had taken in the scene just as Elijah had moments before. grief had instantly flooded the siblings as they watched their brother hold onto his wife. 

When Rebekah tried to take a step towards Elijah and Y/N, Klaus pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting hug. While he knew that Rebekah meant well in wanting to be by their brother’s side, Klaus knew that Elijah needed a moment with his wife without anyone else interfering. 

A loud cry of pain rang in Elijah’s ears as it left Y/N’s lips causing her hands to fall to her side. He watched as she looked down to find that he removed his hand from her neck, his other had been shoved into her chest. Her heart was within his grasp as he watched her take in her current situation.

He could feel the way her heart beat within his grasp. How fragile she had become the moment he had his hand in her chest. He had been holding her literal life in his hand and only one movement would bring the threat in his eyes to death. 

He watched as Y/N's eyes had filled with tears before they began flowing down her cheeks. He had been studying her reactions. Taking them in as if for a moment as he was fighting himself on what he was doing. But the magic rooted deep within the monster would never allow the man out of the deep to save his beloved. With the simple action of squeezing his hand, another scream filled his ears at the action.

Elijah watched as even though Y/N had been struggling to fight against his hold, the tears that had once been streaming down her face had slowed. The fear that once was in her eyes, vanished almost completely. Her reactions went from surviving to accepting of what was to come.

Elijah shook his head as the memories flooded in. The details that poured into his mind did nothing but fuel the guilt and anger that filled him. Y/N tried everything she could to break through to him. Everything that worked beforehand, she had tried once more. 

It was when Elijah had watched as her features changed in his memories that he understood how deep he had been under his mother’s spell. And as the memories continued to play, his hold on Y/N’s body became a little tighter. 

Elijah watched as Y/N struggled for a moment more as she tried to gain some control over herself. Her eyes met his as she took a shaky breath. 

“I-it’s okay.” Her voice cracked slightly before she groaned from the pain from the slightest movement of his hand. “I’m not scared. I promise. It’s n-not your fault if you do this. It’s going to be okay. Just know that I love you.”

Elijah may have received the message Y/N had been trying to get to him, but that didn’t change what happened. Y/N had known she couldn’t break through to him to get him to stop. The only thing she could do was speak to the man that would come out of the darkness eventually. 

“Forgive me.” Elijah said as he looked down at Y/N. Tears had fallen from his cheek and several tear drops had landed on Y/N’s face. 

His mother had been hell bent to prove to her children that there was a way to get away from the creatures they had become. She offered each of them a way to start over and each of her children refused, content with their life even if there were centuries of heartache and darkness. None of them would be willing to trade their lives to live within an innocent’s body. 

With that refusal, Esther played dirty and Y/N was the necessary means to the witch in order to drive her words home to her children. While it hadn't been directly her doing, it was her spell that left Elijah holding his wife’s body as he cried uncontrollably at what he did.

No amount of apologies that passed his lips could take back the actions he had done. No amount of begging to anything that would listen to bring her back would force life into her. No shaky touch of his fingers along her face or press of his lips to her skin would change the actions the creature within had done. 

His blood stained hand held her ashen gray cheek as his thumb ran along the veins that littered her face. “Please forgive me.” 

The words had been repeated several times in hopes that some way she’d be able to hear them. He said them more times in the last several minutes than he ever had said them within his existence. Yet, she’d never be able to say the words that he needed to hear. 

His heart ached at the thought that she wouldn’t be able to give him the forgiveness that he seeked. Even though she accepted and went into her death with no fear, all while promising it hadn’t been his fault, he felt otherwise. Her blood, and others, were literally on his hands. 

With her gone, Elijah knew nothing would be the same. The woman he spent a majority of his existence with had been taken from him. The woman that pulled him from the edge of darkness time and time again would no longer be able to. And that thought alone scared him more than anything. 

His eyes moved over his face once more. His mind was trying to picture her in any form other than the ashen gray that took a hold of her. Anything to bring life into her. A way to hold on to her for as long as he can mentally do so. Physically, Elijah knew he could sit there for hours holding on to her, begging for the events to be different, begging for her forgiveness for killing her.

It was what would come after, that scared him. His light within the darkness had been snuffed out. The one person that could always bring him back would no longer be able to. The further into the spell he went, there would be no telling what would happen next. 

As his hold on Y/N tightened, clinging onto what he had left, the creature within taunted him. Taunted him with the memories that he wished never happened in the first place. And with each fresh wave of guilt, Elijah was faced with the undeniable truth. 

The next time he fell into darkness, there would be no coming back.

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