#major vent

My tummy hurts because I'm hungry. I ate an early breakdast and so I got higry earlier byt the lady said she was making food so I haven't eaten. Then the lady wanted me to do dishes. Then she wanted me to cook. Then she was also cooking and our kitechen is NOT big enough for two people so we were tripping over each other. The entire time she angry complaining and I'm expected to act like everything is fine and the second I go "I'm overwhelmed I can't do this" she fucking tells at me. Then she's asking what she did wrong when I start cryinf and I just don't have an answer for her. I just want out.

I'm really suicidal right now and I know there's so much to see, so much to do, and sp much life to live but honestly... I just can't bring myself to care. I just want ro die because it's the easy way out and life is so, so grating. While I've known happiness... I just keep being uprooted and with how things are going, it'll likely happen again. I'm so done. I just want want out. I feel so pessimisric about my future. Usually I promise myself things'll be better because often once a wave of depression I feel a lot better but who cares if it'll get better right now sucks, certain points in the future will suck, why not cut my loses? And I know the answer is because of the times where things'll be nice but... I'm just finding it hard to care. I think my Ramen done but I don't want to... food feels gross. I nibbled on a pancake the lady made and it feels gross. Nothings wrong with it. I don't know why

I hurt myself to make the thpughts slow and like if worked but now I'm in pain. On one hand I don't want to post this because I don't want to worry people especially because I'll probably be fine soon but on the other I'm so isolated and if I don't talk to people about how I'm feeling, I'm scared things'll get worse.

Mommy and momma make it kind of better. Feel a little less alone when I imagine them around.