I just canât do it- self indulgent bull crap
So I havenât been feeling to good so imma write this. This is a mainly platonic with a small romantic side. Including Malik and Altair from assassins creed, and the au by the marvellous @modernausass , who have allowed me to write this.
I groaned out loud looking around the library I sat in, tapping my pencil against the wood, words on the page I was reading turned into swirls of nothing coherent, my eyes stung hard, and I had no one to care, when I had left my mother might as well have cut me off expect the small phone call here and there, even then I knew, she wasnât to bothered with my existent, not like I came out of her or anything.. oh wait. More questions and comments about my mother and people around me filled my head banging against their bone cage and screaming out into my ears, the water I held back was close to flooding and I knew I couldnât do this anymore, I slammed my book shut backing away quickly before rushing off out of there, I took out my phone ignoring the droplets of rain that appeared and scrolled through my contacts. Until and hit M, noticing the name I wanted, I clicked it waiting for him to pick up.
âHey... Malik do you mind if i come over?â
I listened the the pause âwhat happenedâ
âNothing..! Nothing happened, why does something need to happen jeez, I canât wnat to come see my step in father figure?â
I smiled at the chuckle from the other end followed by a sigh obviously smiling âYou want a coffee then? And I have those biscuits in you like, because, yet again you ate them allâ
I made a audioble moan and smiled âyou are amazing, be there soon!â
I ended the call and practically speed walked to get there, though alone with my thoughts again things became clouded, âher again, and that dumb âmother knows bestâ, siblings donât care either, and your all aloneâ I shook my head attempting to rid of what ever thoughts came to me head next, but theyâd already been planted âyouâre not important, not to you family, not to the planet, and definitely not to those twoâ I hadnât noticed my eyes on my phone screen, the picture of me, Malik and Altair, at the coffee shop. My breath hitches for a moment, and then again, had it not been for the difference to the cold rain, I wouldnt of felt the tears on my cheeks.
I blinked, still crying stuffed my phone away and walked faster, as my breath exelerated, I could feel my chest heaving to get air. I knew what this was, and I knew all to well the reaction. But I had no other plan. Slamming the code to get into the building and raced towards the apparment panting as I went into my panic, and it was obvious my entrance caused a scene
âWhatâs going on? Kay? Talk to me!â
I blinked a couple of times looking up into the angry face but worried eyes Malik, how long was I sitting there for? My chest was still heaving from whatever had triggered it and my cheeks were being re-wettened with tears, shaking he head he lowered himself enough to that, he could get his arm around and pull me up, I noted silently I would have to make up for this close proximity later.
I was walked quickly into the living room and sat down, I stared into the floor as Malik walked back to whatever his previous task was, I sighed shaking my head, hearing him walked back in and place two things on the table.
âSo.... what happened?â
I groaned at the repeated question, though, knew he would most likely poke at me tilt he got something and gave in. I leaned back looking towards him sniffing.
âIâve just.... thereâs been a lot to do lately.. and, no one is there to, help.â I paused to see if he would interrupt, glad to see he didnât I continued.
âItâs stupid, I know I have people there but... I just get so alone, and then I think about my fuching mom-â I noticed his stiffen at the mention of her, âand I just, canât do this..! I just canât do it anymore.â
A new set of tears had made home on my face as I looked at him, he stayed silent for a a moment before he leaned forward.
âWell... thereâs not worth crying over is it?â I blinked about to talk but he continued.
âYou know im here, and you got the others, no matter how... distant some of us may seem, we care about you.. of course part of you are still and idiot, and unfortunately an idiot I care about all the more.â
I let out a dry laugh as his remark, shaking my head and sighing, he simply shrugged, âtake a drink.â
I looked to the table seeing my coffee and the biscuits, I smiled leaning over and taking a sip, I knew I was still shaking and crying but, it would pass, though the sound of a door opening caught my attention, I looked towards the door locking eyes with Altair, who looked at me with a mix of shock and confusion as I practically launched himself into the room.
âwhat happened? Are you alright? Who-â
I stopped listening to his bombardment chucking lightly and waiting till it stopped
ânice to see you too?â He groaned sitting next to me and raised a brow
âAlty Iâm fine... I just had a momentâ he nodded seeming to understand,carefully warping, more like placing, a arm around my shoulders and bringing me slightly closer to him.
âYouâll be alright, youâve got usâ
I could heard his smirk at his words before he moved away ânow do me a favour and donât scare me like that next time?â
âAh yes, of course, anything for our lord Altairâ
âDonât call him that youâll inflate his egoâ
I chuckled lightly and Altair glared Malik, Who simply shrugged before walking back to the couch.
âMovie sound goodâ me and Altair nodded as I leaned back sighing happily, watching the screen as he flicked through the movies, though I was happy with just how it was.
I blinked hearing a buzzing half way through the moive, turning to see maliks screen lit up,
âAnd just who it that?â I raised a brow looking at him, he looked back shaking his head.
âItâs just chee, wondering what Iâm doing tomorrowâ
âOh right, she knows youâre her boyfriend nowâ
âYour not gonna let me forget that are youâ
I chuckled and shook my head âof course notâ
âWait so-â I looked towards Altair who leaned forward âif heâs your step in father figure... does that make chee, your step in mother figure?â
Malik groaned covering his face, muttering something about us being idiots, I and chuckled and made a small fake gasp.
âMalik why didnât you tell me about my mother!â He let out another groan, to the amusement of Altair who began laughing quietly at his friends embarrassment.
Okay hey! Thanks for reading!