Mild Manny

Animal: QUIET!!!!

Hal: OK, boys, we have come a long way, and today is the day we show what we’re made of. Now, who are we?

All: The forces of good!

Hal: And who’s evil? All: The Gophers! (all cheer) Referee: We’ve got a schedule change, coach. The Gophers didn’t show up, so you’re playing the Black Hawks again. [all sigh] Don’t worry, I’ll call it before it gets ugly.

Boy #1: We’re playing the Black Hawks again?!

Hal: Boys, listen to me. You’re forgetting your mission. You’re here to fight evil, and the Black Hawks are the most evil of all. You know, when the teacher remembers to give you homework right before you leave school, the Black Hawks are behind it. When your mother says, “You can’t watch TV,” for no reason, the Black Hawks told her to say that. Think of all those Christmas presents you didn’t get that you wanted. Do you know who got them? The Black Hawks. If it were up to them, we wouldn’t have a Christmas! (all gasp)] I, for one, am glad we have the chance to fight for what is right and good! Now, I ask you, boys, who are we going to beat?!

All: The Black Hawks!

Hal: And what are they?

All: Evil!

Mrs. Puff: I’m sorry, SpongeBob. But to be a good noodle, one must behave like a good one. 

Ruby: Everybody lies. Bill Gates, Zac Efron. And don’t get me started on Oprah. “Lose weight eating bread,” my foot! Even Archbishop Desmond Tutu lies. I was sitting on an airplane with him one time. Went to the bathroom, came back, and my peanuts were gone. And I said to him… Desmond Tutu, did you steal my peanuts?! 

  Ahmad Rashad: Ma'am, my is Ahmad Rashad, and your finger is my water.  

 Ruby: Oh. Well… 

Dre: Mama, what are you talking about? 

Ruby: I’m talking about lies! Like the one, your sister told me about your gym teacher and me! 

Dre:    Hold on. I never said “gym teacher." Mama, you were running schemes with my gym teacher? Mama, how could you?!

Ruby: Oh, boy, don’t make such a fuss. It was a hundred years ago, and it was just one time. One time? And then on and off for about two years. What?! Oh, come on, boy. How do you think you passed gym class? 

Steve Castle: That’s what I call a hostile makeover! Hair gel?