#magicnarcosis

I’m at a buffet in Vegas, yesterday night. Off top… I look like I’m from LA, (Proudly)

South Central, get off me!

SoTrip..

I get a stone-face waiter, Hispanic, slick, middle aged play no-bullshit looking type of waiter who just BURRRRRLY smirks. I mean this guy smiled half a time. Spoke respectfully, but he never slacked on the “constant drink demand” from this parched person such as myself.. No complaints? His only job was to bring drinks in the first place. He didn’t have to take shit from NOBODY. I feel em. It was late, anyways.

An hour and a half away from closing. Late much? I move my girl’s purse to the chair. One of the customers dinning in

Sigh.. this guy being all “Ninja in Nirvana Shirt” kept eyeballing my girls property. . He walks by too many times and, I’m uncomfortable about that, now.. Guess he wanted more than all the free food, after paying $50 bucks. Scooted the chair under the table out of view.. (I had to reach over the table to acquire her purse, and lean over to put it in the chair. I look down at my table to resume my instagram foolery, trying to finally use it like everybody else be- and my soda is creating it’s own Hoover Dam flow type of action, right off my table, down to my Levis, and onto my new J’s (OH SHIT, I get to say J’s,now. I’m cool?) and  I never heard it fall, felt it hit the table or understood how this terrible thing could hap-, mm..nvm (Yeah,  I’m just clumsy as fuck). I also let go of my girlfriends brand new phone right on top of the soda soaked table out of pure shock due to the stealthiness at which this soda decided to spill onto my MUTHA-FUCK-KIN new kicks! SMH, IRL.. MN…..MN… lol„, MY phone was in my pocket when the sprite spilled, and didn’t realize my cell had sticky buttons from the occasion til today. Neither phone was damaged, damaged. But all the onlookers are looking at my giant “thug” looking ass hurrying my lady to “dislocate the back, battery and sim card to avoid potential damage to the circuit board of her phone”. - as fast as I got her to try this marinated steak she wanted to slack on.. She got shrimp and some other lobster mac’ncheese madness..

I needed another soda, I had a damn dilemma!

I figure out how to re-salvage my image, and get more marinated steak.

Or get more marinated steak..

I chose -get more marinated steak. FTB. But they just can’t help but to laugh at me when they already expect me to devour the place due to my size. Jokes on them, though!!!!!  I just pick through shit and break shit, cuss, tell stupid jokes to my girlfriend at an outdoor volume and demand drinks more than the marathon runners who ditched the race on Las Vegas Blvd. to reside in a plate of Rio’s finest “Crustaceans”

(Hey I know what you might be thinking and, fuck you, alright?! I knew what the word was off top, but never knew it was spelled without “tion” aspect of what I presumed a common way to spell this pronunciation.. Winnin’ like a mugg.. Didn’t gamble shit. HAVE YOU RODE AROUND AND GOT IT LATELY?)

anyways.. After I explain to my already not-so-kind-waiter that I spilled all his current hard work for our dinning experience onto my new shoes and his clean floor, he cleaned up the mess immediately with no hesitation, no mood change, or any type of visible change of mood regarding this matter, poured me a drink in my old glass, and poured me 2nd one to go with it.

In my head I’m screaming

He’s on fire!!!!!(NBA JAM)

But nahhhh?

He took a kind shot at my clumsiness and showed his only humor in our dining experience after cleaning up the mess He said it in such loose way, it was funny. - “it’s because i put tequila in your last drink, heh- Stoneface. So in the end of it all, Girls ready to kill me, but can’t because she can’t stop laughing… People quietly cracking THEE f— up… The marinates steak at the Rio will make you walk back over before even wiping off your favorite soft drink… Stoneface cares, afterall… I found it the hilarious, I don’t feel embarrassed in these situations because not only am I used to knocking shit over, spilling and dropping shit but, I’m fine with who I am nshit. I just have fun being me, even if it makes me look stupid to you, I guess.

Shit. I save my girl money on sunglasses.

She learned to Cover her eyebrows with the sides of her hands with an arch.

Like -

When everybody in a 30 foot radious INSTANTANEOUSLY FOCUSES ON THE “US” because I’m fucking !up! something.

Or something againnn.. lol. I be messin’ up though hahaha.

 (I loved the service and the food at Rio, and I can’t wait to go back! Thank you Las Vegas for the enchanted stay, btw!) I thought you’d enjoy this, to those who know my klutz lifestyle. It’s not often, but when it happens, it’s always epic, and uncontrollable. Domino effect ain’t got shit on me, and Murphy and his law got me 25 to life when The young My Klutz factor kicks in, and I mean it can legit KICK IN, sometimes.

Now I just laugh. It’s all you can do! That, and…

Wipe the fucking soda off you already.

PS I found the solution to my future accidents and I’ve come to the realization that my girl can’t bring a purse to eat, ever again. This is all her fault I dropped the soda anyways. If I hadn’t been moving her stupid purse from the postmortem Cobain fan, this would have never happened, so she can’t bring it again.

Get a wallet for your pocket-less pants like most girls do. Damn!

Luuuuv ya’ baby jk :p