Sterling: It was probably of fifth date. Maelstrom took me to a bone museum. He was very very interested in the displays, which were all real.

You may call me Zachary! I am the founder and CEO of "Speedytheif" aka the ship between Sterling Sterling and Gunnar Maelstrom from the 2019 show Carmen Sandiego..

~Probably when I received the quest for the Holy Mael at the age of 2.~

I might've been a toddler, or at least very young, when I first heard This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us (most likely) on the radio or a classic Top Of The Pops or something. With shows like TOTP and lots of old and new media like magazines and TV shows occasionally referring to Sparks, I SECRETLY REALLY LOVED THIS TOWN.. but didn't know if that was cool or not. OBVIOUSLY IT IS THOUGH. I also found RON MAEL highly amusing, and liked it when other people did too. One yootoob commenter made me LOL by saying "my nan used to always laugh at the bloke with the moustache." Yay nan!

~I found the amulet I needed to defeat the bad magician, it was lying in a random forest. After some extremely weird tasks I defeated the baddies, only then could I go on my Maeling quest. I'm not sure though, that might've been an adventure game.~

I downloaded some Sparks songs on one of the P2P progs of yore, I can't remember which. They were a quite arbitrary selection and not their best, but not their best was good enough for me to buy a "best of" CD in a sael. I don't knock "best ofs" and other compilations, they're an excellent place to start if you don't have friends with similar interest to guide you. I didn't yet. I'm so glad I have so many people to go maeling with online <3

~Having won the haunted dictionary at the battle of Cuddles 1474, I put on my sunglasses and found that in my quest to Mael, I had in fact been Maeling all along. I literally* found the Ron within myself.~* This is the fancy use of 'literally' that newsreaders and lots of other people use, meaning 'figuratively'.

I got Kimono My House and loved it, I quickly acquired the other albums CD or by download. My thanks to people who supported my maeling at this time. I quickly rose the ranks to be well respected in the field of maeling. I have a particular love for the very early albums A Woofer In Tweeters Clothing and the one originally released as Halfnelson.

~Was the story of my first Maeling experience going to end there? No because I HAVE NEVER STOPPED MAELING. I strode into a golden age of Maeling with my new pet robin, whom I had dubbed Russel Junior as a pun for Pulp/Sparks fans. We had met on one of my quests when he fell out of a tree and into my g-string. I was mildly surprised to learn the bird could talk, but just got over it and got on with my life. With the Maelstone and 20 daysworth of bread in my satchel, and St. Ronald's Sword firm in my hand (hurhur), we went onwards, the only ones knowing we were entering a new age of Maeling.~

I developed ambitions to do a Sparks duet at karaoke (having done karaoke about 3 times ever) of This Town. Russell will sing and Ron will Ron. I will do this with absolutely anybody I meet who is willing and there is a good opportunity. I can be Russell or Ron. I know you are thinking "Surely you must Ron, Ron. Mael on." Yes, Mael on. There is that, but I really do know some of the MAELINGEST people in the world thanks to the internettingtons. I'm sure we'll give bloody good Ron/Russell whichever way round it is. That would be my lifetime's dream, that or becoming a professional unconvincing Ron impersonator.

~THE MAELING IS NOT OVER. THE MAELING WILL NEVER END. This is the Maeling experience.~

See isn't Maeling fun?