#maddgrace

I dive in To the deep end Feet first Ending my thirst

Back then

I would in the mirror and see this girl

Back then

I only saw a girl who was lost in this wild world

Now

I look in the mirror and I no longer see what I used to

Now

I see more than anyone else could ever see in me

my wrongs, my rights, my sorrows, my joys

Now

I look at how I have shaped myself

Now

I look in the mirror and I don’t see a girl

Now

“The number is six-hundred and sixty-six”

I stop for a moment

in order to record

falling asleep with my hand on your chest

my wrist on your heart

to feel the beat through my veins

to make sure you're still there

and that you are real

although you claim all the time that you can't feel

but then I paused because I didn't want to forget this moment

I wanted to take note of how it feels

to remember as sweet

to remember you by

to make sure you're still there

to feel like you care

and know that you're real

“It’s always tecate season”

I have learned to dig deeply

Through my thoughts

At 3 am

When i can’t sleep

I fall hard

Into my soul

Into my heart

Into my body

Into my mind

but sometimes 

I am left wondering

what is left to find

at 3 am

when i can’t sleep

I don’t know what I am Yet I don’t know who I am Yet I don’t know who I want to be Yet I don’t know what I want to be Yet

Oakland