#mackenziekelly

A morning in the life of an unemployed almost 25 something girl feeling lost, confused, with the drive to make it (alone) in this world.  

I’ve taken the last two years to utterly find and fall in love with myself. I became a butterfly someone who was outgoing, self-reliant, and felt comfortable being herself. It hurts that within the last two months I’ve felt like my wing was broken. I am none of these things I’ve prided myself on. Most days I'm struggling to hold on. However I’m working every single day to be a better version of myself. I’ve spent the last two years in Europe, I made my life there. I want it back, not the same version of what I had, but a better one. I’m not sure how I’ll get there or what I’ll do next and honestly that part absolutely terrifies me *cue working out and meditation and journaling* every day. The overall current feeling I have scared and unstable, but the routine,  keeps me steady like a boy who has his arm around me when I’ve had a little too much to drink and I’ve started swaying. 

So a day in the life,  I wake up and make my bed and tidy up.  It’s lame, but true, the organization and lack of clutter help keep my mind clear.  That being said (and my roommates of past can attest to this) I am not the cleanest of people all the time. I come down stairs and make coffee (or absolute doodie water that is coffee in America).  I normally spend some time talking with my mom before going back to get back to the rest of my day.  

I’ll sit down at my desk (well my sisters that’s currently in my room) I look at my to-do list in my organizer (that I make the night before so my brain isn’t buzzing before bed). I write in my journal and then depending if I have work or not my morning will proceed one of two ways.  Option 1: I go for a run, proceed to wash up, take my daily vitamins (currently at 5 a day), get changed, make-up, and greet the day *hello day* Option 2: I do all my morning getting ready and go for a run at the end of the day.

These morning (and evening rituals) are keeping me sane through this strange in between time. I also work part-time to socialize and make some money. Everyday gets a little bit better, but it’s frustrating not knowing exactly what I want. I know what I don’t want. I do know I want something I’m passionate about because it makes me feel like I’m making a difference and motivates me to do a good job.  I truly miss that about teaching, that moment it all clicks in a students head or when they start using something I taught them.

So stay tuned for this absolutely tumultuous time in my strange life. 

Xo,