#m's rambles

@ the anon who submitted this...

holy fucking shit i’m so pumped to write this. it might take me a hot minute because i’m a college student and have been swamped with homework but this is going in my drafts asap so that i can work on this in my spare time. i fucking love this idea. and thank you i’m glad you enjoyed señor escuella, he’s a cute dude

Just got told by one of my "friends" that I should've stopped grieving today.

My grandfather died two weeks ago and it was his funeral yesterday. I don't deal with loss very well and I've been low for a while. On top of that, it's coming up to the anniversary of one of my favourite singer-songwriters deaths (Jonghyun).

She also told me that I'm making up my mental issues and asking for attention by going to see a counselor.

I'm still undiagnosed, but I've suffered low mood, unpredictable mood swings, anger issues, panic attacks, insomnia and suicidal thoughts since I was 7. I'm 18. And this is the first time I've had access to a counselor.

To finish things off she decided she no longer wants to use my new name and pronouns.

You may be glad to know, after reading that, that I've broken off the friendship. She's treated me like shit for as long as I've known her. She bullied me into submission, getting away with backstabbing, lying, threats and all sorts.

She tried bullying me into not going to college. She tried manipulating me into coming back to school. She tried telling me that my friends didn't care about me. And when I confronted her, she told me I was the bully.

That was the breaking point for me. I'd finally got my life together. I'd begun my transition to non binary, I was in a place I felt safe, with friends I adore, and she kept trying to make me submit.

I began distancing myself from her then. She lashed out saying I was neglecting her and being a bad friend. I didn't answer.

I no longer care for her. And today I took all the photos that she'd taken of us and put in crappy plastic frames as birthday gifts, and I tore them up. I then fixed the frames, put glass in them, repainted them and put in photos of my friends, grandad and dogs.

Because fuck toxic friendships. She'd beaten me into the ground for too long. Toxic relationships don't have to just cover the romantic ones - friendships can be just as bad. I'm just lucky she wasn't physically abusive.

If you ever EVER have any doubts about a relationship of any kind, (romantic, friendship etc) just leave. Distance yourself as much as you can. Maybe you'll grow closer again after a few years when you've matured and when you can both talk it out, but if it's anything as bad as what I described? Or worse? Just go. You'll feel better for it.

and here’s my ship in five minutes!

Yippee Ki Yay It’s Fanfic Author’s Appreciation Day!

i want to thank @deputy-sarah-sux for giving me the confidence an odd amount of months ago to actually post my stuff. This bitch has fueled me with ideas and rambles and it’s one of the many reasons I love her. She also writes some of her own stuff on Archive (which is real fucking good).

I’m tagging @seedlingsinner @deputyash @johnathot-seed @jacobsknifeplay @uncommonly-average @villainfuckers-world @arthur-morgans-blogg and many many others who give me the inspiration to keep writing and give me good things to be inspired from. I got into Far Cry because of @deputy-sarah-sux and if I said I haven’t made friends, I’m lying. This fandom has been one of the friendliest that I’ve been apart of and I’m so grateful that you guys love my stuff and send me requests to keep writing because I tend to get uninspired and stop, but when I get requests it forces to me to keep practicing.

this was such a nice thing to wake up to in the morning! 😭 my writing's been a work in progress for about eight or so years now, and i always try to make sure that i am able to write multiple characters with different styles that reflect them better. thank you so much that was so sweet! because alas, school has not been so kind but i won't bore everyone with that story. i'm trying to work in some time to write here and there though normally i'm just too tired by the time i'm done with school for the day. this week has actually been an extremely rough one, so this always means a lot to me! ❤ gonna go be emotional about this forever!

p.s. take your time! i'll never close my requests so it'll just be added to the list when you're ready!