#lupesti

BEST OF ROBERTA COLINDREZ

i don’t think this scene will ever stop emotionally obliterating me. there’s so much that builds up to this moment, you can almost see the moment lupe knows that she has to talk about it, and you can see how painful it is, how it’s still painful to think about her daughter, so much so that she pushes away and dismisses esti because she reminds lupe of her.

in the earlier car scene, before esti crashes, it’s like lupe finally sees how much she’s been contributing to esti feeling alone, that it’s been hurting her. she seems surprised to even learn that esti just turned 17, and you can see the moment it clicks for her. she could have been thinking about herself at 17—how much she needed someone the way she could have been there for esti. but it was too painful for her, it might have felt easier to pretend she didn’t care, to keep her distance, to hide away her pain behind anger.

but she realises the impact that it’s had, how esti had to grow up too fast just like she did, but she’s still a kid who just wanted to feel less alone. who saw lupe and thought lupe would be just as excited to have someone on the team who speaks spanish. except she ends up feeling more alone because lupe brushes her off time and time again, even when esti is trying to help her.

“it’s like seeing her and not seeing her.” is the most gut wrenching line—she’s reminded of alma but simultaneously reminded that she can’t see her. having that reminder be constantly present would have been hard to handle, how difficult it must have been, to be expected to care for and be the sole person responsible for esti when she was told by her parents that she would screw up her own kid, when esti’s a reminder of that child that got taken away.

the way lupe looks at her kills me, because it’s like she finally lets herself feel the pain of it, without the anger, without the defence mechanisms that she normally uses to disguise it.

then esti hugs her and lupe doesn’t expect it but she realises how much she needed it. it shifts something, because she immediately jumps into caring mode when esti is cold, and you see so clearly the change in their dynamic. the start teaming up with each other, lupe looking at esti like a proud dad when she does her pep talk.

this turned out way sadder than i expected

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