#lucysdiary

Anyway on my way to my parents I was starving idek whyy anyway I also had to change money and I had to wait so long I missed the final train (3 trains to my parents) and by the time I was done changing money I almost broke down and so I bought lots of sugary stuff.. it was better immediately^^

Then i got to my parents and I talked to my sis a lot :3 

Well then there's that other thing that kinda ruined my day..

My dad asked me to skype with him yesterday for today and I agreed so I called him after dinner and besides to asking me if I'm fine he just blamed me for not contacting him the past month and I said him I'd be sorry but bcos I finished work and I was so much at my love's place I kinda forgot about it? I knoww it may sound cruel but it was like that >__< my dad is always so damn worried and I just never write him or anything (same with any other family member tbh, also I forgot to contact my grandma again damn)

Idk what it is.. I'm actually rly caring when it comes to other ppl but apparently I don't think so with family members,  maybe I just take them for granted? >_> my mom can handle it better btw or she just writes me and then I write her back and it's fine again.. my dad thoo.. he apparently expects that I write him every week, I mean I understand it too but still.. I'm an adult jfc 

Saturday had been hell.. srsly. the store made a super sale and there were a lot of ppl.. messing everything up. There were clothes all over the floor and nothing was at the same place anymore bcos the customers were so rude and ignorant, we didn't even had the chance to clean anything of this.. today we had to tidy everything up again.. it went quite well even tho my boss was there but she was extra nice idekk!?!? well I guess she overcome the preggo grumpiness.. Anywayy I felt useful and good at my job after like.. forever oh and last week I sent in my cancellation and I only have to work til saturday and then I'll be gonee o/ 

It's rly late rn bcos I talked like 3 hours to my roommate bcos we didn't see each other in like a week? oh well we had fun and tmr will be free so :3

On my way to work I missed two calls from my boss and when I called back she said she alr called another worker to say she didn't need to come bcos too little work yeah..

I didn't even try to get mad at myself at least I had some new songs on my Ipod and I was happy even tho I had like crappy earphones and I heard everything the two girls next to me were discussing (smth about shoes and guys eww) well

I went to work and was motivated out of nowhere and even tho I literally had to search for work and it was as hot as in a sauna in there I was in my thoughts and happy about that

In the afternoon they sent a co worker home and someone asked me if I wanted to go leave earlier too and.. I said yess.. she said it'd probably be around 6 and I agreed, feeling bad bcos if I had said no it would have been her probably and she never leaves bcos she mostly has to stay..

Anyway, around 4, 2 hours earlier than I thought I could leave too, picking the things I had thought about earlier to buy and I actually bought them which made me happy too^^

I was either sweating or having a bad conscience about leaving and being happy about earning less but well >->

as I came home I talked with my roommate and we were both cursing the heat and all, pretty much being normal ppl around each other and I liked it :3 didn't rly do smth productive til now but I have a free day tmr so let's do it tmr^^

rn I'm just happy about tmr bcos I'll meet my love again and we'll go to the cinema watching 'the fault in our stars' with some ppl and yehh^^

ohh and--

OOOHH AND BTW

YUNHO WAS IN A SWISS NEWSPAPER LIKE THIS (X)

I mean it was bcos of the movie 'make your move' but stilll 

boa is on a pic too but much smaller even tho she is the leading actress kk

Well I had quite some time at home anyway and it was okay until I managed to be late again as I left for work..

My mood was terrible until I got to work and then it was okay.. well there was literally nothing going on in the store so I was almost bored? xD in the afternoon I could finally work at the cash desk again which is wayy more interesting than doing all the other shits and I hadn't done this since.. forever idek

Well I kinda got used to the thought that I'd be staying til the end and all when my co worker came and said I could leave fter the reckoning of my cash box..

So I was 2 hours off early

I still don't know how to react to this tho, on one side I'm rly glad that I can leave earlier and I don't have to clean up in the end but at the same time, I don't get money either, involving the night addition..

Oh well.. came home and talked to my roommate, who has snakebites now like woww and she talked and talked oh well at least we can talk again^^

Our apartment is a huge mess and I rly need time to fix all of this but idk the hours are passing so quicklyyy ugh >_> the good thing about this is I see my love again soon^^

Anywayy I could sleep a bit longer and then left the house too.. I wanted to go home first and change some things.. I had like 10 mins at home and that was fine but I also had to go to the near grocery store to get my bank card bcos I forgot it there on wednesdays I'm dumb I know so I went there and thought I could go buy food too.. Well there are a lot of old ppl in the grocery store in the morning.. i managed to miss the train, more like it came in when I was on the other side of the rails and I gave up before I even tried so..

I tried out some other possibility but eventually it was official I'd be late for work.. I decided not to call tho bcos it was only a few mins and my boss wouldn't be there and I haven't been late in weeks and yeh

The whole way to work was a torture bcos I imagined things happening and mentally prepared myself for shooting back  and it stressed me already so much my belly cramps came back which I alr had on wednesday I fainted on the streets  short story I was pissed..

Arrived at work and it wasn't that bad I just had to deal with myself a lil bt better and yeh.. working was okay it was just fricking hot.. After my first break my headache started and I had that feeling.. it would get stronger the more I would work and.. surprise! it did. I tried a lot of things like mental training, cooling my head on the metal frames of the clothes, drinking water, oh yeah and innerly screaming. I also took a pill and I think it worked a bit but not fully so I always felt it in the background, not rly there but not gone either and so I just hoped it'd be over soon.. After 4867 years it eventually passed too and there weren't as many customers so I was glad, bcos if there would have been I would have ended up with a huge migraine 

I'm home now and the headache is gone.. trying to calm down... idk if it's working.. miss her ;;;

I did a phone call I had to do and I'm doing better the more I call ppl and I'm kinda proud of this.. There was never a time I thought I didn't have to do anything I watched series, wondered if my roommates were home and left after lunch to get my love from school <3

we spent a wonderful afternoon, it felt so good and we were so careless and happy, i wished we'd have more of these days >.< I planned on leaving in the evening again but ofc we talked about me staying, it wouldn't have been a problem but my stomach was acting up and out of experience I alr knew that it would be even worse tmr morning.. I didn't want to scare her and said I'd leave..

It was pretty much always like this when I had to leave her again.. When we spent a wonderful weekend together and in the morning after when it comes to leave her and say goodbye I feel like vomiting and can't concentrate on anything anymore, even if I know we'll meet soon again, it's not a good bye forever, I KNOW  she loves me I KNOW I'll be able to handle I KNOW.. but my body doesn't.. I hate it jfc I always feel like I destroy everything >.<

So I left and voila rn my body feels great but I don't >-< I miss her so terribly and I still feel her it's shit srsly ><

I listen to this on repeat and hope it'll help to numb that feeling ugh

how can I be like this, not even a year ago I was reckless and alone.

I called my mom and we met up for an organizing thingy and I felt confident and good^^ idk what it was but it was good :3 talked to my mom lots and was soooo close to tell her about my 'real' me and about my love but I didn't.. like.. I COULDNTT  ughh 

when I came home again I watched vids, played on my ds and did all the relaxing things.. I ate so many different things tho I feel sorry for my stomach.. I rly tried not to think about work for once bcos I have 4 free days ahead like.. half of my plan wasn't filled out and when I saw it yesterday I asked y boss and she said I had free then.. don't need to come.. I was so overwhelmed

I don't feel comfortable with it anymore, as soon as I don't work for some days I feel bad for it >.< especially bcos my love has so much going on and I can't handle ;; I tried to help her with homework but well.. idek if I did a lot I just wanted to do it for her so she won't sufferrr I feel like she cried too much today I can't stand her crying I can'tt makes me tear up immediatelyy

she also cried bcos of a friend who is rly suicidal and bad rn and she's the only person left with her as it seems and she is so scared ;; tbh I am too and I never even talked to her >.<

well too much ranting going on again sry ugh

haven't seen much of my roommates today and I think that's why I've been so well^^ 

tmr I'm gonna meet my love and cheer her upp