10/29/2017 Mediocre anything > nothing.
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10/29/2017 Mediocre anything > nothing.

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I’ve only filled six pages of my journal for this year. I’m hoping the colder weather changes this.
Hi there 2017.
09/25/2017
This past weekend started off splendid. My friend Nikki came over and we grabbed an awesome dinner at the Fuji I hadn’t been to, then we came back to my place for her to work on a personal photo project. With just the light of my laptop she tried to capture other light pouring into the dark room using a 10-25 second exposure time. She left late in the evening. I set my alarm to wake up early on Saturday and make a kilt for Jordan’s beer olympics. Almost two hours later and I had something I could work with. I planned to stop for food and beer on the way and headed out. Driving down 3A, I hit far more traffic then I anticipated. That wasn’t a worry since I was ahead of schedule. There were several cars backed up at a light around where 3A becomes or has a turn off into 53. And at that light I felt and heard a smash. I looked behind me, I had just been hit at the light. I shut the car off and sat in my seat unhappily. No one enjoys an accident. Thankfully both parties were not injured at all. However, the inconvenience is what I dislike the most. We exchanged information and parted ways, I told the woman I would call my auto body shop and see what could be done. The shop was closed and after calling my mechanic who does not do body work, I called my mother. Without a moment’s thought she told me to call insurance immediately and report the claim. I called the woman to let her know that is what I would be doing. I spent the next 30 minutes on the phone going through the process. What a bad start to my Saturday. I was still able to enjoy myself at Jordan’s and actually got along great with some of his friends. The Olympics was a long day and I had sent Dan a few snapchats knowing he was returning that night. He messaged me after he landed and I invited him to come stay in Quincy that night. At home, Dan arrived around 2AM, bringing in a San Diego shirt for me. It was sweet. We didn’t go to bed until after 4AM. I was pretty glad to have him back in Mass. In the morning I delayed getting up, thinking that if I got up he would leave. Because of this we literally stayed in bed all day, leaving the room for about 5 minutes to get something to drink, and that wasn’t until after 4PM. At that time I also suggested ordering food, securing him there a while longer. While we waited I hooked up my PS3 and brought him through a few of my two player games - CTR, Swords and Soldiers, and ending on Dungeon Defenders. I thought we would play forever but it was getting late and Dan would be starting work at his new company in the morning. He offered to help with my tail lights before heading out. We played around with the fuses for almost an hour before we decided maybe it was another issue. I love that he tried to fix my car. We wrapped our arms around each other and I gave him a kiss. I could have held on forever, but knew he needed to leave. I went to bed with an alarm set for 6:45AM. Willard’s auto shop in Quincy was open around 7AM, and I wanted to get the car stuff fixed. They had recieved the paperwork by the time I had arrived and I left my car with them. Currently I had to put the rental against my own credit card. I’m now hoping it doesn’t take too long and everything is resolved, including the payment of the rental and the no need for deductible.Â
Car problems suck.
Confined
01/11/2017
I walked in the door to my mother's house after an hour drive home in traffic carrying a large blue ikea bag in with me. I had just emptied some of my camping supplies I had left in my trunk this summer to make room for my snowboard and make more space. Not two steps in the door, my mom inquired "What'd you buy?" My calm demeanor transitioned to unpleasant. "I didn't buy anything, I emptied my car - not that I have anywhere to put this stuff, I live in a box." After being ignored by my mom and ridiculed by her boyfriend I made my way to my bedroom. The only room in the house that I feel comfortable in. The main storage grounds for everything that I own. Four walls, painted Magenta years ago when I shared this same room with my twin sister. It wasn't long ago this room held two twin beds and zero privacy. Currently, the room holds most of my camping gear, my sewing machine, and my TV. A foldable table is set up below one of the two windows. Clothes in need of organization, christmas gifts, and sewing patterns have kept the table from being tucked neatly away. My desk is somewhat cluttered and in a dark part of the room diagonally opposite my lamp light. The front piece of the middle draw is not attached and is hiding in the chest that's at the foot of my bed. That draw acts more like a shelf now and is home to random toiletries. A different unit holds kitchen things. I keep my toothbrush in the bathroom. It's one of the few things I actually let outside my room. Outside of my room nothing else feels like mine. I never watch TV in the living room and cooking is a rare activity. If I eat at home, it tends to be on my bed streaming a TV show off of Hulu or Netflix. The one commodity I do enjoy at home outside my room is making tea. That's probably due to the quick simplicity of it. I call my room a box. It's not large, but I wouldn't call it tiny either. However, when your 26 years old you start to accumulate much more. And thus, this not-so-small room becomes part bedroom, part living room, part craft room, and part storage room. I keep everything in my box (of a room). Although, I clean it well, and manage the clutter to the best of my ability, the room starts to feel more and more confining. Confining my things. And confining me.

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Kevin
01/11/2017
Gosh, my life has changed so much in less than a year - though practically a year. I've gone through a couple cycles regarding the status of my own relations. Ultimately I want to end up with one person for the rest of my life. Unfortunately I don't know if I'll meet my forever man today, tomorrow, or ten years from now. Maybe I even met him yesterday but I just don't know it yet. For that reason (and probably other reasons) I'm not looking for commitment at this moment. I spend time with guys. I spend different kinds of times with different guys. Nothing crazy. Not many men. No relationships. Except one.
Kevin. When we first met I hoped to play the dating game with him. However, we didn't do much and saw each other sporadically. I was fine with that. Could be a week, could be four weeks. We've been hanging out with each other for over 4 months. I wrote our relation off as nothing - just casual, in-frequent friends. We didn't enjoy Christmas together and we had no plans for New Years. And that was fine. Recently, Kevin has been more consistent with trying to hang out. He also invites me to stay the night and stocks his freezer with chocolates for me. I can't complain. It's hit me however, that maybe he thinks we are dating. And our relationship feels far from dating to me. He's a nice guy. Makes decent money. But we live two different lives. His, a consistent (boring) routine. Think Eat-Sleep-Work-Repeat. And not much else. Mine, much different. Though I have a bed and belongings at my mom's where I do actually live, my mind lives out of my car - planning ahead for wherever I might end up after work. Rock climbing, meeting a friend, staying over my sister's place, staying over Kevin's. I think we have different objectives and desires in life. And as much as I enjoy time with him - it's not much passed that, simply time with him. The point at hand though was what we may be in his eyes. I think in his eyes we may be dating without ever have even discussed anything of the such. Without ever having left his apartment to go on any date. Relations(ships) are tricky.
With four blank pages remaining, I’m closing the book on 2016.
Cozy vibes with Christmas time.