#lpq

My Snooze went off about twenty times this morning. I finally rolled out of bed at 7:30 AM, when ideally I would have liked to already have been indulging in gentle yoga at 6:15, followed by espresso from my own kitchen at 6:50, enjoyed quietly on my couch next to my cat and facing the NYC skyline, throwing in perhaps a ten-minute meditation and quick shower, dabs of lavender perfume, and then a leisurely mile-stroll down to work at 8 o’clock. Alas, I wouldn’t fit in my exercise, shower, meditation, coffee brewing, and cat petting in thirty minutes, so I embarked on a condensed version of my morning. This involved throwing on clothes, brushing my teeth, hurriedly packing up the salad for lunch that I prepped last night, buying a six dollar latte at the new LPQ that just opened on the Upper West Side, and calling an Uber to my office to get there by 8:30.

Not the best, but it worked in a pinch.

The LPQ on 77th and Broadway opened up a few weeks ago, replacing a similar French patisserie, Maison Kayser, that used to live in the same space pre-pandemic, where my family would often buy elegant raspberry tarts and airy chouquettes for out-of-town brunch guests when we’d host.

Feeling inspired standing in the new café with its tiled walls, fresh bouquets, and modern metal light fixtures, I decided that, yes, this would be my Very First Review as Coco Calm. I’ve been wanting to review coffee for a while. . . and where better to do that than in a brand-new establishment? (Fine, LPQ is obviously a chain—one whose artichokes may have given my mother food poisoning last week—but still, a brand-new location.)

The café was clean and smelled really good. Like actual fresh pastries and chocolate, not that heavy oily smell that clings to your clothes and hair all day that many cramped NYC cafés have to offer. The staff was nice, if not a little reserved: being new employees, they’re still getting to know each other and the operations behind LPQ. So they didn’t give off the aloof and headachy vibes that Starbucks baristas all have perfected. Understandable.

A sweet woman took my order: a Large Oat Milk Latte. My Uber was arriving in a mere three minutes, which made me a little uptight lest my rating should drop below the 4.76 at which it currently stands, but, like magic, the young, shy barista had it whipped up in only two. Even with a line of people ahead of me. I was impressed. I handed over 5 bucks and seventy-something cents.

Unfortunately, this LPQ had only organic sugar granules, honey, and some other agave in a clear bottle, when typically for my oat lattes I would choose a single Splenda. I was out of luck. Barista apologized. It’s okay, not her fault!

I ran into the Uber that was outside, buckled in, and tasted my first sip there in the backseat. My initial impression was one of an airport coffee that you’d buy in a little Peet’s Kiosk on the West Coast. After another sip, well, I concluded that this latte was indeed on par with airport coffee. Not that that is bad. Just not made with the freshest, most potent bean one can find. I wasn’t disappointed, however; I had been expecting as much from a chain.

I took some risky photos of the coffee without its cap in the back of the car, laughing at the thought of accidentally spilling it all over myself. This did not happen.

When I got to work, I had an urgent task to take care of, leaving my coffee untouched for almost an hour! Test Number Two: how well does it reheat?

I popped it in the microwave for a minute, lidless, and when I took it out, stirred it up so it’d regain its frothy texture. If I’m being honest, it smelled a little like burnt fish -- as maybe reheated oat milk tends to do, unless that’s just me -- but thankfully, it didn’t taste like fish.

The coffee did its job, but it still wasn’t fresh. It was flat and lacked layers, those gorgeous bold flavor profiles that good coffee can’t lack. The color was also a little gray once reheated, but I think that happens with all reheated lattes?

By the end of my drink, I found a bunch of grinds at the bottom. Oh, well. I was done with the lukewarm beverage by then, anyway. Bottom line is that when I’m rushed out the door again. . . I’ll probably get coffee at the other café on the very same block.