#lovewagon

i’ve been thinking about the impending degree show (two years away, but it’s a BIG deal) one thing i’ve been thinking about since last year, is this love wagon.

 so i want to make this movable wagon that represents all of the below ideas. some beautiful hand painted rustic wagon, bare, open, honest, ever growing and ever changing, ever evolving with it's trips a constantly evolving thing, with no finished, illusory aesthetics, which grows naturally and is shaped by those who encounter it, their own soul/essence/presence changes it, it GROWS. a physical piece of art which represents a philosophy of life, that encourages love, and union with others. a piece of art which becomes part of the artists everyday life and part of those who enter it. a piece of art which can also be my travelling home,  everything i believe in seems to be covered by it. SO:

the degree show acts as a kinda ‘finally’ from the four years we spend in the studio, it’s also a beginning, it’s like, all the things we’ve been given, it’s our first step into the world, out of art school,from student to artist? I know I want whatever I’m doing to be the start of something, the work of the degree show to be a doorway into new beginnings.

 I already know that I want to do something that makes a positive impact on the world, that makes people feel good, good about themselves. I want to use art as a tool, not only for self exploration, but I want to do things which lets people truly realise their own beauty, that lets them be themselves, that perhaps makes memories, that perhaps for a while makes people see the world more beautiful than they previously thought or at least believe in others, because so many people are disheartened by life, and I am too, except half of it is so breath taking, so awe inspiring, so beautiful and mysterious and divine and that’s the side worth pushing, worth playing up, I want to make art which encourages people to believe in each other, to loosen up and laugh, trust in each other, strip all their barriers down, open up with each other. 

 to travel this mystical isle. i love the folklore, the extensive, rich cultural history, the beautiful and the gruesome. i had this idea (another grand, over ambitious scheme) to build my wagon, or renovate a truck or whatever (dream stages, like all my pipeline projects) and i’d leave art school, and that;s when the practice would begin. i’d be all dramatic and like, ride away on the last day of the show,and i’d take the love wagon around, and i’d live in it, work from it. go to every festival, and like, sell tea or something. and it would also be a performance space. and a connecting space, where those who enter the wagon, leave all their woes, their walls behind, and it’s a truly open, safe, loving space, where people really connect, without walls or pretences, it’s completely authentic, honest. i want to sit in the wagon and people to come in and tell me everything about themselves, so i can drink in their souls, have them tell me the favorite things, their life stories, what they’ve learnt, wha’s special to them, tell me about their families, their loved ones, their lost ones.  this connection that’s missing from everyday lives. There is a broken connection and I want to use art to try and heal that. 

art is the tool. expression is the tool.

  I want to make people feel good, never bad.  I definitely want it to be accessible to everyone, the process of my work will always be mine, and what I learn, but I want what I physically do and make to make sense to as many as possible, despite background, race, relgion, age , even to children. art children delight in, which stimulates their imagination and sense of wonder. Childrens minds are the beautiful uncorrupted, they are newer and more primal and intuitive. they are all about fun. They are learning, inquisitive, curious, and they extend love and smiles without judgement. they haven’t been tainted by society yet. I want to make art that will resonate with them, and also with the child within all of us. I love childrens art, childrens drawing, and outsider art, those who create without pretence, but for fun, or for themselves and not for recognition, or for the art world, and a lot of outsider art has a childlike quality to it. Picasso said all children are artists and I agree. I want children to help paint the wagon, it will be painted with energry with youth, with glee.  I want to make art that’s honest, simple, rustic, stripped back,soulful. i’d like people to look at, or read my work and be taken back to that state, that childish longing, of hope, adventure, of anything’s possible. Maybe I should make drugs instead, try and create some magical substance which turns even the grumpiest adult into children again, cept with no possibility of bad trips (in my in-progress kids/probably more adult book, there’s  moonberry wine, whichis made by the children of the woman who lives in the shoe wagon..the shoe wagon has a vineyard garden on top, and the cherubic children play in the pen buckets to crush the grapes whilst the old woman travels the land, and so the wine is made in childhood, in laughter, (literally wine from the barrels of laughs) and when one drinks the wine, one becomes full of childish giggly, amazed glee once more) like the man who can’t stop laughing in mary poppins.  http://youtu.be/pOMqqI-kzHY

YES. that is what i want to do. just create joy. somhow. i feel like i'm trying to be a million things with this. artist,therapist,comedian,gypsy. ugh.

there are millions of reasons i want to create this wagon. as a basis for my future work, and life. i know i want this little peaceful creative hub of nostalgia and wonder and magic where i can take people and know them and their stories, drink in their souls, shred our skins of anxiety and be completely open. For a while, you inhabit this free space, and the inhabitants connect truly with each other. Share stories, share themselves. I don’t know. Mary Beth Edelson started these performance pieces in the 70s which were all about making eye contact, for as long as it was comfortable, two people stand or sit opposite one another and make eye contact, really simple. Marina Abramovich did something similar with the artist is present, you see the power, people crying, really letting themselves go, their guard down, simply from looking into each others eyes. It’s so powerful.  So many of us are ignored, and treated like we have no place or worth in this world, we are taught that we have to build up such worth, we are taught inequality. I don’t know how, but I want to make people feel loved, because they are , and not alone. I believe people are good.

“Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart”  - Anne Frank

Another reason: I‘m interested in travellers.  In those who move to a beat they create themselves, those who move organically.  the new age travellers that emerged in the 60s, and which movement grew into 70s,80s and 90s. the philosophies that many of them held, the free festivals, the peace convoys, the spiritual awakenings, the community living. Community living is something we don’t have anymore. I don’t even know my neighbours. It’s sad. How can we live in such close proximity to people and know nothing of their lives

People who have travelled, who have took  to the road to live include Vashti  Bunyan,  who did this in the late 60s.  beautiful interview here: http://www.artcornwall.org/interviews/vashti_bunyan.htm  and more recently the magical Rima Staines.  http://intothehermitage.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/wayfaring.html

I was watching a documentary on new age travellers recently, getting moved by police, not being able to live in a society that believes in the ownership of land!  and a man was being told to leave and move again, and he said all he wants to do is: "sit around the campfire and drink tea" – and whilst many would argue his right to do so, the practical things in life, the 'giving back' the blah blah, I love it, i relate to it, being a naive idealistic flake.

e the scolding and the bitter may rejoice – the hippie stereotype: To long for that slow way of life, not for things, for material possessions, for cars, houses, nothing, to just sit and indulge in simple pleasures, with others, and drink tea. tea is another thing i’m interested in, as a social custom, a positive, beautiful one that I’m happy that humans have. that there is a drink we universally make and sit and drink and communicate over, a simple leaf. i want to make tea and drink it with others and communicate, deeply, with the world.  Theres a beautiful bit in the Dharma Bums, Gary Snyder talks about tea. one sip, two sips. 5 is perfection quote…..i like the idea of this link between tea and people, gradually loosening up, like the tea leaves and flavours, over the cup. it’s a natural remedy. i’m glad that tea acts as a beautiful symbol. tea is one of my favorite customs in the world, that has filtered down through all people. Makes me love people. Another thought I had was that I could totally use the wagon as a tea wagon at festivals. Sell tea from it, home made tea , black tea, cardamom blends that smell like heaven

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"I WANT TO TALK TO EVERYBODY I CAN AS DEEPLY AS I CAN. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP IN AN OPEN FIELD, TO TRAVEL WEST, TO WALK FREELY AT NIGHT." – Sylvia plath

This is exactly how I feel about humanity right now. I want to be everyone’s friend. I saw a woman the other day walk past me on the street and I felt a complete sense of love for her, for no reason other than she was alive at the same time as me. I can’t even remember what she looks like, but at that time, I felt a sense of love, and attachment towards her, but also sadness too. I knew I’d never talk to her, and we could have the world in common but instead will just drift past each other, both existing at one time, in one place, but will never share any of our experiences of life with one another. It’s all sad and beautiful and unnatural to our true nature at the same time. To be surrounded by so many of your own species and ignore most of them, and mostly always because we’re fearful that they may not accept us for who we are. I wish we could just skip past all the society necessary protocol of looking away from each other’s eyes and down to the ground, and just jump right into holding hands and discussing philosophy.  so i want to get rid of that. i want to meet and drink in the soul of others. everyone is different and that is the most magical thing in the world. that we inhabit the same earth and all came from the same place but all have completely different perception, ideas, views of the earth. it’s really beautiful, poetic. it’s a miracle. i want to feel their energy. i want to truly get to know them, and they to open up to me, freely, as much as they can, and connect with them.

When I was a kid, I’d be sad when people visited but kept their coats on, it made me on edge (parental separation rejection issues right there eh) or my family would talk to another family at the next table in a restraunt, share some joke, and then we’d never see them again. I still have it. I’ll sit opposite somebody on a train, and just study them the whole way, listen to their conversations and fall a bit in love with them, and then I’d get off the train or they would, and I think wow I’ll prolly never see them again, or know what happens to them,  and it’s a little bit  sad.  falling inlove with old women and old men and children and young men and young women when they smile and  knowing i won’t ever listen to their stories. the root of it is not feeling connected to people. the madness of feeling alone in places poplulated by people.

I’d hate people turning away in the cars on the motorway, i;’d had a breif connection with them whilst we rode along side one another for a few minutes, then they turned away and i’d never know where they were going, and who they were. it’s a fact of  life, of society, but one i don’t want to embrace. I mean, Amazonian rainforest  tribes don’t have this problem, you probably know everyone.

 So another thing is embracing this sensitivity in light of our communication with others., opening up to being vulnerable to the earth, at the hands of others. To being bruised by the earth, allowing love in.  

"VERY LITTLE GROWS ON JAGGED ROCK. BE GROUND. BE CRUMBLED, SO WILDFLOWERS WILL COME UP WHERE YOU ARE." – Rumi

I also feel like the art world can be scolding to sensitivity, labelling it to be twee, feminine. Feminine art which is often regarded less in the postmodern, stark, clinical, often masculine quality of what’s art world today. Even female artists are regarded less often, ironic seeing as the majority of my art school is female, yet majority of tutors are male.

The wagon rejects this, rejects stereotype, rejects a movement, rules, fashion. It is about sensitivity, vulnerability, humanness. because those who enter it strip their arms of defence, lay down their blades, and bloom inside, open like flowers, in LOVE. In the wagon of love.  Sunflower sutra – underneath our skin of grime we are sunflowers. INSIDE. Inside the wagon, we are free to be so. i don't know how you get people to open up to you. maybe you give everyone a cup of tea and a spliff when they come in. chant. 

"EACH FRIEND REPRESENTS A WORLD IN US, A WORLD POSSIBLY NOT BORN UNTIL THEY ARRIVE, AND IT IS ONLY BY THIS MEETING THAT A NEW WORLD IS BORN." ~Anaïs Nin

All experience just enriches our experience of life. and i am lucky, to be able to communicate, with language and in other ways, with others, who are on their own journeys (another SYMBOL OF THE WAGON - JOURNEY.  my own journe will become part of anyone who encounters it, who enters it.

I want to travel around in it. living art – art as live, with NO barrier. I suppose this is a personal desire to be completely without pretense, without barriers in any aspect, because I often find like I can’t be all the  versions of myself at once, because others often hinder your idea of who you are and you feel like you have to fit into boxes for them, like, you can’t do this, and be this if you do that and like that, or talk to them, wear this, dance to that… YOU GET THE SCORE. Livng without any of those barriers people like to box you in, even though it’s their own ideas of you, and are in the process inhibiting their own life by such judgement of others. So living, without barriers. Performance becomes living. Art becomes all you are doing. It is authentic, truly. Honest.

I think the whole idea of the above, people relate too really, and they will all understand the child fantasy of life wandering, adventuring, huckleberry finns of the world. theres a romance to them that cannot be explained. i believe it pulls at the heart  strings, a getting back to nature idea, all our ancestors were once nomads.  everyone dreams of running away. New starts. the wagon will symbolise that, inside you can be the real you. adventure, the journey. enjoying life, the slowing down. To live in the moment. The wagon embraces the now, and embraces impermanence. I like the idea of the passage of time becoming visible. Everyone that enters the wagon leaves something on the walls, or a handprint or their name, or a quote, or a poem or something, it becomes decorated with every person. A print of that moment, of that person, shows they are alive.

I’d like the wagon to bring others together. To be a place in which people gather around.  Performance space or something, for others to share their own art.

in essence, you create a WAY OF LIVING. Of LIFE. Create EXPERIENCE, create MEMORY, instead if of what is tradionally accepted to be ‘ART’, but people can accept it for that too. A painted wagon. a story. Something that talks to everyone. that is the most creative thing i can imagine, it becomes what you want it to become.