#lovelydeceit

Prologue

Chapter 1

“If you thought I was perfect boy you were wrong… I’m far from that. There’s one thing that I’ve done to you that I regret”

Shay

Here I am again….. writing in this damn diary. Everyday I ask myself why on earth did I put myself in this position. I can never answer in a way that would justify my actions. But the answers I do come up with lead me to a realization of why I did it.

We used to be so great, Keith and I. It’s like our spark just got on the first train available and left. I always thought by the time we made 1 year into our relationship we’d be tired of one another. I was wrong. We were still so very in love like the beginning. It was the time between year one and year two that things got rocky. Everything switched up. The relationship wasn’t the same. Keith started to treat me as if he could give a shit about me. It wasn’t all bad though.. when it was good, it was great! Like now… it’s great. And here I am, still thinking about another man. I keep telling myself to leave Chris alone. But honestly, it’s way too hard to leave dick that amazing alone.

I’m stuck… kind of.

Let me start from the top.

**disclaimer: the majority of this story will be from Shay’s POV (It’s my first story idk if I can handle so many POVs lol). Eventually, when needed, I may add POVs from other characters… okay bye, happy reading (;

I’m gonna say the right thing at the right time at the right place.. and you won’t know what to do..

Shay

Being at school 2 weeks early is the worst thing ever when your friends are not there yet. I have a love - hate relationship with being a LEAP counselor. LEAP is a program that my university puts on for students to build skills that will make them successful throughout their college career. I’m here early to train on how to be effective. Think of it as being an RA (resident assistant). Yep. I have to deal with immature freshmen on the regular. I’m just there as a mentor primarily, but me being me I’m gonna end up a good friend of theirs too. That’s fine with me though long as they aren’t too childish. I’m entering my junior year and I definitely don’t want to be annoyed by childish people.

It wouldn’t be too bad if I didn’t have to be here on my birthday. ITS SATURDAY, MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND and here I am with my one friend, Raven, on campus trying to figure out a move. My actual birthday is on Thursday so I’m celebrating this weekend and next. I’m turning 20. My second decade on earth. I need to be lit. Okay I’m over exaggerating, I have a few friends here but they live off campus. I don’t; I stay in the dorms so I’m lonely if not with Raven. She’s also here early due to being a leap counselor.

I opened up my Twitter and my DMs was first to pop up on my screen for whatever weird reason and my friend Chris’s name was there from old messages of ours. I then remembered that we were supposed to link up when I got back in town. I know he would have something to do so I decided to text him.

See, Chris is one of the coolest guys at my school. A lot of people know him and a lot of people love him. He has a great personality and people usually flock to him. Surprisingly, he’s really to himself. I mean he has a lot of friends. Like actual friends. He parties a lot. But he’s a typical guy - lays low when needed. He also sells weed so, that alone makes him known. He isn’t in a fraternity, nor any other organizations. He built his name based off his personality alone.

7:48pm Shay: CHRIIISSS! What’s up? I’m out here. Let’s hang.

I continued to scroll through Twitter, just to see if anybody posted anything that I could attend. I went back to Chris and I’s DMs because I know they’d make me laugh. He is a flirt and our DMs show that. He slowed down with the flirting after I reminded him that I had a boyfriend. Now he just asks how my relationship is going or just checks up on me if we haven’t talked in a while. If you asked anybody else, Chris likes me. But if you ask me, he doesn’t. Chris and I had a short lived past. When I first got to college, I met him. We started talking up until I got serious with Keith, my boyfriend. We were in a party, I was super drunk and I told him we couldn’t talk on that level anymore. It was so Funny because my drunk self told him it saddened me to leave him alone. It all worked out in the end. We remained friends. Distant friends actually. 8:12pm Chris: What! Shay’s back? Bet. I’m supposed to chill with some friends in a few. I’ll text you the address soon.

Soon to Chris could mean hours… or never.

8:13pm Shai: Okay. Please don’t forget.

8:15pm Chris: I won’t.

“Rae, we got a move! Chris said he’s gonna text me the address of a kickback in a minute.” I yelled out to raven as she sits in my bathroom fixing her hair.

“So, should we get like dressed dressed orrrr?” She asked me.

“Honestly, I have no clue. I think I’m gonna get slightly cute. I think shorts and a nice top or jeans would be cool” I told her.

I went to my closet and attempted to find something to wear. Of course I struggled. It literally took my an hour just to find something I liked. I decided on ripped jeans and a white body suit.

————

I knew it. Chris never texted me the address, if I wasn’t so desperate to turn up I’d just chill in my room with Raven. Ya know, play monopoly or some shit. But nah. I can’t not turn up so I’m gonna call Chris because I’m just about fed up. I hate waiting. Chris is literally the worst texter in texting history.

“Chris wtf, you forgot about me huh?” I said as he answered. “Shay….. chill. I just got here. I didn’t forget. I told you we were gonna hang so we are. I’m about to text you the address, you can come right now.” He replied.

“Alright. Is it far from campus? And I’m with Raven” I said to Chris as my other line started to ring. It was Deja, my other friend who lives off campus. “Hey, hold on REALLY Quick Chris! Hello, Deja?”

“What’s up girl? What you got planned tonight?”

“Chris is about to send me an address now to a kickback. He’s actually on my other line right now” I said to her.

“Okay. I wanna go. I’m with Marvin tho” she said back to me. I immediately rolled my eyes. Marvin is her annoying ass boyfriend. We’re not even gonna get into him right now though.

“Alright bet, I’ll text you the address once I get it. Gotta go Deja, see you in a few.” I clicked over to the other line “hello? My bad. Deja wants to know if her and Marvin can come out”

“That’s fine, just let them know it’s not a party. I know y'all like to juke and shit” he laughed.

“Whatever. I haven’t juked in forever. Text me the address bye” I hung up as I laughed. He’s so annoying.

I texted Deja the address and luckily she lived by the house so I didn’t have to get her. It’s now close to 10:30 so I texted Keith goodnight. I haven’t really talked to him today. Or lately at all. We’ve been very dry in our conversation. I made sure to send a sweet text just so he can sleep with a smile on his face. I love him.

As I arrived to the house, Chris and his friends were sitting on the porch. I approached him and he greeted me with a long, long, tight hug. It was a great hug actually. I haven’t seen him in forever so I guess it was a hug for lost time. He then hugged Raven and Deja and dapped up Marvin. Their greeting wasn’t nearly as long as mine. He hasn’t seen either of them in a while also. He told us we could go in the house, but we’d probably be leaving soon to go somewhere else. As we went inside Deja looked at me and laughed. I asked her what was so funny.

“I seen that Shay.” She said to me. I asked what she’s talking about. “Shay, that hug. Chris likes you girl. I don’t know why you can’t tell. I didn’t even tell you he asked about you a few weeks ago”

“Why’d he ask about me? What’d he say?”

“He just asked about you girl, relax. You need to be careful hanging with him forreal. Chris is gonna get you in trouble” she said referring to my relationship.

I laughed, “no he isn’t, I’m the only person who could get me in trouble. He knows I have a boyfriend. Chris and I are just friends.” She didn’t care what I was saying. Deja is always right and she knows it. She’s like a psychic, not kidding. This girl is never wrong. But in this case, she is. And she’s gonna see that tonight.

In the house, we were clearly bored. There was like 6 people outside, 4 inside not including the people I came with, and other people who were leaving. Chris came in and spoke with us because we’re sort of his guest. We tried to play water pong, but the people before us lost the damn ball. So we’re just sitting here looking silly. Raven is next to me on her phone. Deja and Marvin are being caked. Chris is in a chair near me talking with these guys. He’s dressed in all black today. I can’t lie the color has me a little weak. He looks good af today. I mean really good. I caught myself staring a few times. To my surprise he didn’t even notice. After about 20 minutes of being at the kickback. We left and followed Chris and his guys to another kickback. This kickback actually looks like it has potential. These two whirs girls threw it. You can tell it was on a whim. When we got there they were pulling out the water pong table and a guy with bottles came in.

My type of party. If there’s no alcohol, how am I gonna loosen up?

I asked Chris if we were able to drink those bottles. He went to the kitchen and brought out both a bottle of Apple New Amsterdam and some other stuff I didn’t care for. I chose the New Am. Chris was delighted. He said it’s his favorite drink. We immediately took a shot. All of us. Raven, Chris, and I basically had that bottle to ourselves because Marvin already had his own liquor. A disgusting four loko.

After a while, I started feeling my liquor. Not too much. I wasn’t even tipsy. I just was feeling it. I needed to be around more people I knew. So after consulting with my right hand man, Raven, I decided to invite our old pal Vee. Surprisingly she was with my boyfriends best friend so that was even better. They ended up coming out and that made me feel so much more comfortable. I can be shy sometimes.

At one point in the KB (kickback), Chris came to sit next to me and we talked. At this point it was obvious he was giving me extra attention. I still thought nothing of it because Chris is social in general and come on… I’m his guest. Mid-conversation, all I remember is me stopping what I was saying and telling him he didn’t want to hear me talk this much.

That statement came from Keith and I’s issues. I talk A LOT. As I grew up, I learned to control it. I actually do pretty well. I know when I’m talking too much now, ya know rambling about nothing. But, no matter what I would say Keith would stop me in the middle of my sentence and say something along the lines of “OKAY Shay.” When he didn’t want to hear me talk anymore. It messed with me every time because I would barely be saying much. We’d be holding a conversation and he’d stop me from talking. Yet, I would have just listened to him say everything he wanted to say. I would feel shut out. So to change that, I reduced the the things I had to say to a minimum or I wouldn’t talk much at all. After telling Chris that what I was saying was a waste of his time, he said something that made me realize how unhappy I was in my relationship.

"No no.. I want To hear what you have to say. I enjoy hearing you talk Shay. Finish...

I haven’t been told that before so it caught me off guard. To be honest, I wanted to cry. Sounds weird to want to cry from that but it was something I’ve been wanting to hear from Keith. I love to talk. To hold conversations. I hate feeling like I can’t. So for Chris to want to listen really shocked me. It was foreign to me.

We continued to talk until we decided to play water pong. It was his idea, we partnered up and played against Deja and Marvin. We made a good team lol he was really good and I wasn’t bad myself. We strategized as if we were gonna win a trophy in the end. Chris showed me so much attention during the game which confused me completely. He touched my lower back. Softly touched my arms. At one point I was against the wall with his arms and hands touching the walls behind me while he was in front of me. We were close. Just talking about the game, it was completely innocent. But I felt it. It was there, something strange. I couldn’t understand. He was flirting with me. I couldn’t stop him either. If I did I’d end up making it obvious to Keith’s best friend who was sitting on the couch not paying us any mind.

After the game I tried my best to avoid close contact with Chris. I went as far as sitting with Deja Raven and Vee to try to make it seem like us girls just wanted to talk alone. He came by me again though. But attention wasn’t solely on me this time which was cool. I almost ended up in the bathroom with him alone. I was about to pee, but he asked if he could rinse his finger because he cut it. At one point we were both in the bathroom taking care of his bleeding pointing finger. I started to feel nervous so I got out of there once I could. I didn’t understand this feeling that was coming over me or where it was coming from. Chris doesn’t make me nervous. Yea, he’s flirting with me. Big deal. I get flirted with a lot. It doesn’t phase me but for some reason it made me feel a type of way this time. 

 The night started to come to an end. Everything started to die down. I realized I needed to leave when Chris friend came and sat next to me and my friends and asked what we were about to do. He asked me, “Aren’t you going home with Chris?” I quickly said no. He was drunk. I assumed he seen us flirting and just thought that’s what I’d be doing. I’m sure that’s what normally happened after parties. Chris brings home a girl. Not this girl though. 

After my friends left, Raven and I prepared ourselves to go. Chris walked us to our car which was across the street. I said something about the gym and he felt the need to begin complimenting me.

 “Why do you need to go to the gym? You look fine… I mean you look really fine Shay” I then begin to explain to him that you don’t have to feel fat to want to practice a healthy lifestyle.

 “I’m just saying you look good how you are. You’re already small. You had guys asking me if you were single in there. You’re beautiful. You don’t need a gym.” He continued ranting. 

He was drunk. I was getting annoyed. I hate when people tell me I shouldn’t go work out. I did gain weight, but I’m not fat. I know I look fine but damn a girl can want some abs right? 

 After we wrapped up our convo. He hugged Raven and I goodbye and told me to text him when I got in. I did exactly what he said and let him know I had a great time and thanks for inviting me. 

I laid in my bed and began to recap the night. See, Keith doesn’t like to go out. Like at all. He’s not a people person and parties aren’t his thing. I’m the total opposite. I’m super outgoing and if there’s s party you can bet I’m there. I don’t mind Keith not being like me, it’s never phased me. I would love to party with the love of my life sometimes though. That could be why I was so nervous to be around Chris. Yes, cause he was flirting and I felt something. But also because I don’t have too much experience partying with someone that interested in me. I normally push people away and continue partying with my girls when I’m out. I have a boyfriend, there’s no need for any guy to get too close to me. I guess I allowed Chris because he was drunk and he’s my friend. I didn’t want to embarrass him. He’d never act that way if he was sober. Chris is really the most respectful guy I know when it comes to my relationship. This was the only time he stepped out of bounds. I didn’t think about it too much longer. Sober Chris will apologize later. 

Shay

“Damn babe you too wet, I’m bout to cum” Keith whispered in my ear as he visibly tried his hardest not to let the feeling get the best of him. Again.

Sex with Keith has been different lately and I HATE IT. I don’t know what’s been going on with him but he cums fast. It’s been happening since summer break, but that wasn’t often and it was because we weren’t having sex a lot. Now it’s almost every time. It’s so frustrating.

After Keith cleaned himself up, he came and cuddled me. “Did you cum?” He asked immediately.

“No, but it’s fine. ” I answered, trying not to show any irritation.

“No it’s not fine. I’m sorry babe, let me give you some head”

“No it’s okay. I feel good regardless of me not cumming.” I said giggling.

“Damn man… you just be too wet and I can’t take it. I’m sorry. You have to cum tho. I got–”

“I’m okay I promise. It’s time for you to go to sleep anyways. Okay? Don’t worry about it.” I said as I kissed him to shut him up.

Keith has so many excuses as to why he came fast after we have sex. It’s ‘you were too wet’ ‘it’s been a while’ 'I needed a break, it felt too good’. And I’m just like we’ve been having sex for almost 2 years now. Same pussy. Stop with the excuses.

Keith soon fell asleep and I just stared at him. He’s literally flawless. He’s so handsome. It still blows my mind sometimes, after I get over the bad sex. He moved out of my room like 2 weeks ago so he’s just spending the night with me. I was so happy when he moved out, sad to say. I needed a break from him. We were doing good but still - I needed my own space.

—————–

My dress for homecoming came JUST in time and far from my surprise I didn’t like it. I needed to be able to wear a bra but the dress is strapless. It’s a white bandeau choker dress, meAning that it’s a choker connected to the bandeau bra part of the dress with is connected to the skirt part. I immediately called one of my best friends Kammy to show her the dress.

“Hi there” she answered the FaceTime.

“Okay so check this out, my dress sucks. I need your help. Can you bring safety pins and invisible straps so I can try to fix this” I said to her as I showed her the dress and everything I didn’t like about it.

We continued to talk about hoco and what she was wearing as well. She told me that her and our other best friend Ashley would for sure be coming on Wednesday. They’ll be staying in my room so I have to make sure I clean up. I can be a bit messy. I also have to tell Keith before he tries to come stay the night.

Other than my dress, everything for hoco is working out perfectly. My best friends are coming. I have all my outfits planned, I just hope we have a good time. We’re doing everything. My bffs are coming Wednesday so Kammy can do my hair and then we can go out to the thirsty Thursday parties.

———-

Luckily for me, the safety pins and invisible straps worked for the dress. I mean it could’ve been better but it’s okay. It’s the night of the Rec party, where we all put on our best outfits so we can show off. Black student union and the Greeks put this party on so it’s gonna be lit.

My hair is curled and I decided on a mostly natural face. I just put on eyeshadow, mascara, eyeliner, and lipstick. I decided on olive green heels to go with my dress. Im basically dressed, I’m just waiting on Ashley. She’s the slowest out of all of us because she always waits until the last minute to eat.

“What’s going on after the Rec party, y'all heard of anything?” Kammy asked.

“Nope but it better be something, cause a bitch ready to shake her ass all night you feel me?!” Ashley said holding her bottle of Hennessy in the air.

“Man honestly I haven’t heard of nothing. Not even kickbacks.” I said. It’s true, this homecoming doesn’t seem to be as hype as previous years. I started looking on Instagram for any fliers and I still didn’t see anything pertaining to tonight. So I decided to FaceTime Chris. I haven’t talked to him in a while, but he always has the moves so he is my best bet.

“What’s up Shaaayyy” he answered in a sing song manner.

“Haha, hi Chris. What are you doing”

“Shay you look beautiful..”

“Thank you, Chris. You looking pretty good yourself.” I replied as we began to stare at each other like high school kids. Just smirking and shit.

“Anyways what’s on your agenda tonight you going to the rec party or what? You know of anything going on after?” I broke the silence.

“Nope, you know that’s not my scene. But I’m not too sure what’s going on tonight. I just been chilling with my niggas. I’ll let you know if I find something though”

We conversed a bit more than we got off the phone.

“So who was that?” Ash asked. I told her and she said she remembered him from freshman year. Ashley stopped going to school after our freshman year.

“You still ain’t talked to Keith huh?” Kammy asked.

“Girl no. Idk what’s up with him. I talked to him earlier but he been acting weird since I told him y'all was gone be staying in my room. We only been texting and it’s been short.” I said

I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if he’s giving me space since my friends are here or what. He’s not going out so I know that could be a reason but that doesn’t mean be cold to me. I hate that. Other guys calling me beautiful while you out here acting like I don’t exist. Smh.

I sent Keith a picture of me so he can know what I look like before heading out. I like to send him pictures so that he doesn’t see it first on Instagram. He told me “cute, be safe and have fun 😘” Better than nothing. I continued to text him of course. He’s playing the game with his friends over some drinks. I’m glad he not sitting around, I would’ve started to feel bad.

After Ashley, Kammy, and I finished up we headed to the Rec for the party. It wasn’t as packed as previous years but it was still fun. Me and my girls was fine as wine and that’s what mattered most.

——————–

“Chris can me and my best friend come to your crib so we can smoke?” I asked as Kammy and I walked out of the football stadium. It was about to rain and we definitely didn’t want to get caught up in that. Ashley stayed with her other friends.

Chris said we could come through so we did just that. When we got there he greeted me with the best hug as usual. Kammy rolled up immediately, she’s the smoker of our group. We then went upstairs to his room. Chris stays with 4 other guys in this massive house. It has three floors and Chris lives at the very top.

I got comfortable on his bed and Kookie sat next to me. It was just us, Chris, and his homie Jay who was asleep on his floor. Supposed jay had a rough morning.

Chris started to direct his conversation more towards me. He came and squeezed his way in between Kam and I just to be next to me. It was cool and innocent but it was short lived. Like 5 people were heard coming up the stairs and Chris jumped up when he seen it was one of his good friends. They were all in the hall laughing and talking. Then they proceeded downstairs while Kammy and I remained upstairs. As 10 minutes passed Kammy asked “Did that nigga forget we was up here or something?”

“Nah. He couldn’t. Chris ain’t like that” I replied. He couldn’t possibly forget that I was up here.

Five minutes later, I asked kam if she was ready to go and she said yes. Right on cue, Chris walks in and says “Ohhhhh shit Shay. I forgot y'all was up here my bad, y'all gone?”

I know for a fact that Kammy is thinking I’m a dumb ass. I just spoke highly of this man just for him to actually forget my existence for 15 minutes.

I told him it was cool and we were indeed leaving. He apologized once more and walked us out, making sure to tell me to text him later.

I know I’m feeling Chris a little…. cause ain’t no way I would’ve let another guy get close to me like he did today and I definitely wouldn’t have waited for him to remember I was in his room. I gave him a huge benefit of the doubt. Chris is cool though, it’s hard to deem his as anything other than a good guy. So maybe I’m not feeling him, maybe I’m just trying not to jump to conclusions and say he wants me. He probably doesn’t. He knows I’m in a relationship. He knows. He’s respectful.

Kammy and I went back to my building and took a much needed nap. I got up early to work desk and kam just gets up early period. It was almost 6 o'clock so we decided we'd get up at 8:30pm.

We got ready and ended up going to this block party that was extremely dead. No one was really there. I mean there was no block party at all, it was basically just people standing around looking stupid. We left and went to this football kickback that my friends on the team were throwing.

Kammy ended up getting one of the finest players on the teams number. I was excited for her cause that man is really drop dead gorgeous and she needs some dick. I told her it was time to have a one night stand, I mean she needed it. It's been nearly a year for her. So I let her have my room and I went to Keith's place for the night.

there ain’t nothing better than you, got me watching your every move

Shay

I woke up today as the most chipper person in the world. The day is finally here!! I made the dub club. 20 years old. 2 decades old. I swear when you say your she in decades it makes it sound like you way older than you really are. I got to sleep so late last night my phone was being blown up by my best friends, Kammy and Ashlee. The two of them alone had my phone lit. I’m pretty sure they were competing on who could tell me happy birthday the most within the first hour. Weirdos.

I’m super excited about today even though I won’t be doing anything, but I’m slightly sad because of the message I got from Keith this morning:

7:58am: HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL. I love you so so much. I’m pissed at myself for not being there with you today. I hate not bringing in these moments with you, but I promise when I get there we’re gonna celebrate. Me and you. I still have to give you your gifts.I love you again. Have fun today. Send me pictures.

I love him so much. The organization that gave Keith a scholarship to come to this school asked him to speak at their banquet and it so happens to be Saturday. He was going to just skip it and come be with me but I told him to handle his business. Even though I want him with me, we can always celebrate. We live 3 hours away from the school and he works Mon-Friday from 8am to 5pm so he can’t just come see me and then leave. He’ll be back when everyone else comes back, next Friday.

Keith swears he’s my sugar daddy. I sent him a picture of the pink fur Fenty slides, next thing you know he ordered them and sent them my way. They should be here tomorrow actually. He got me other stuff, but I won’t know until he gets here I guess.

I got out of bed after replying to my text messages and completed my morning routine. I decided to just put a grey jumpsuit, my pink adidas, and one of my jean jackets. Its gonna be hot out but I’m gonna be sitting in training until like 5pm and those rooms are cold af. I’m still cute, jacket or no jacket. I put on some lip gloss and some mascara. I threw my hair in a ponytail for the day, I really didn’t know what to do with it. I grabbed my things and met up with my coworkers so we can go the stupid training.

Once I got downstairs all 9 of my coworkers screamed happy birthday and damn near gave me a heart attack. They’re so great. I really didn’t expect any of them to remember. One of my favorite coworkers Maria gave me a chocolate cupcake and I swear I nearly hugged her to death, I love chocolate cupcakes. Maria is literally the sweetest girl ever I kid you not. She’d probably cry if I told her I hated chocolate. She’d be shitty because she just wanted to get me to smile. After all the birthday wishes we headed to training.

—– My phone was ringing all through the first leg of training. I been waiting for lunch all morning just to call people back. Lucky for me, today is a short day. We’re gonna be getting out of training at 3pm instead. The last presented had to reschedule.

I decided to call Keith back first being that I know his lunch break will be ending soon.

“Happy birthday to my favorite girl!” He answered.

“Thank you baby, how’s work?”

“Eh, work is work. Missing you so I’m not feeling it today. How’s your day going? You gonna do anything?” I told him I probably wasn’t and he told be not to be lame on my bday. We talked for the next 10 minutes then he had to head back to work. He’s right though, I should definitely figure out something to do.

I sat with the other staff members for lunch and we actually talked about things we should do to celebrate the birthday of myself and two other staff members. Our birthdays are around the same time. We decided to go to BDubbs and that’ was fine wit me cause Um… 60 cent wings plus broke college student sounds like a plan that works. ———–

Why is that when you look good and you post pictures on Snapchat, twitter or instagram your old niggas start to hit you up? I posted a flick on twitter, 10 minutes later my ex started texting me. Like what do you want? I hate having to remind these dudes that I’m a taken girl. Like you know. You just wanna keep pressing me.

Anyways, I just left BDubbs and it’s time to talk to daddy again before I go to sleep. He told me to call so.

“Baby remember when I told you that I’m waiting on everything to be finalized with the apartment And I might need a place to stay for a while? Well yea I’m gonna need to stay with you. Is that still okay?” He said.

“Yea. You’re lucky I have my own room. We just gotta figure out how to get you in the building all the time. You have to live in the building to key in now. Then changed the rules to the residents halls. If you don’t live here you can’t swipe in. We’ll figure it out. How long you gotta stay with me though?”

“I’m not sure I’m assuming 2 or 3 weeks.”