#lovejd

Tw: sensitive content, sa

As im laying here and am looking for the perfect way to start a biography about my life i realized that it doesn't matter how because im still living it.

Or something else that sounds smart.

I decided to start writing this book because i noticed that those "movie-moments" you have in life, the moments that feel like they are copied out of an indie coming of age movie about depressed kids, have been happening non stop and i feel the need to share them.

Ok so im not a writer neither am i a native english speaker so keep that in mind while reading my thoughts (also this is based on my life not a 1:1 retelling of it). I do not know how to organically move into those stories so im just gonna start with one of the earliest memories of one of those moments:

I am in highschool (like 13 or 14y/o) and had broken up with JG about a year ago. JG was in the same grade as me and we're still friends to this day and hell be part of a later story. Our grade could have been split into three groups; the popular ones, the trainwrecks and us, the nerds/unpopular ones. Our friend group consisted of: MD, PA, VN, AB, JG and his best friend FB. FB and me really hit it off. We joked around and had the same humor and we were really vibing (i know cringe but theres honestly no better description than that). Its my birthday (in January of the last semester of HS) and i invited my bestie at the time (LDS) and FB to a slumber party, just like last year with the exception that JG wasn't there, obviously.

LDS canceled last minute and so it was just gonna be me and FB. I let him know that LDS canceled and that i would understand if he was uncomfortable staying alone with me.

Btw my parents, although they were kinda strict, were aware that this happened. I made it clear to them that i am not interested in him and that he has a crush on my bestie anyways so they don't have to worry. (Spoiler warning: really Ironic in hindsight)

Anyways that evening hes laying on a spare mattress on the floor next to my bed and were watching some move i can't remember.

I was craving some physical contact so like the teenager i am i hit him over the head in a playful way. He, a bit shocked, looks up and blocks my second attempt with his hand. So time goes by and im slowly hitting his hand until were just holding hands.

I ask him if he wants to get up on my bed bc watching a movie on a laptop like we were was very uncomfortable. So were cuddling and talking about our very private interests and preferences. I am a very open and honest person. If i get asked any question i will usually answer it straight up and often shock people with my "openness".

Nothing more happened.

Anticlimactic i know.

I remember that around that time FB and me were texting and talking on the phone all night.... like the horny teens we were we had phone sex... while still being virgins....

Anyways

Well like a week after the sleepover LDS was free so she and FB came over to delayed celebrate my birthday.

We shared my queen-sized bed bc its way more comfortable than the floor mattress. LDS fell asleep and FB and me started to make out and touch each other inappropriately. 69 My first oral sex experience was next to my sleeping best friend with the guy i tried to set her up with a few months ago (tbh it wasn't even that good and he came on my pillow 🙄).

She doesn't know. Still doesn't almost 10 years later.

Now that already sounds like an episode of riverdale but the actual movie moment that stayed with me is that like a week later my period was late. You probably know where this is going but don't get your hopes up.

My naive (and child phobic, 13y/o) ass thought that because we made out in between going down on each other, somehow his precum might have traveled from my mouth to his and that i am pregnant bc he went down on me.

Also i wasn't on any birth control yet.

So i went to the pharmacy got two expensive pregnancy tests (because thats the only ones they had) and went home to take them.

I never told my parents or FB.

Now a day after i took the test i got my period. My Periods were always on time. Like clockwork. But after that night Mother Nature decided to torture me and i was late for 7 days.

Oh btw these stories are very tmi but im not forcing you to read it neither do you know me so fuck it.

Anyways like a month or two after the spicy sleepover FB and me were hanging out at his apartment. Our relationship was absolutely private and a secret we told noone.

His younger brother was home and i didn't want him to catch us making out so i started to say stop and push FB away yet he grabbed my neck and forced his face on mine. I know this sounds bad and i have had time to process and archive this experience but the worst part about this whole thing was that he was dating another girl when that happened.

He didn't tell me. I found out like two weeks after the forced kiss that like a month after the sleepover FB got a girlfriend. I felt so dirty and disgusting. I now know that that's absolutely not my fault but it ate me up on the inside.

I confronted him with my best friend (whom i told about "our relationship" and the kiss) and made him tell his girlfriend.

Cheating is unacceptable. There is no reasonable excuse for cheating on someone when you're dating someone and you're monogamous.

And if you do cheat you owe the person you're cheating on the truth.

So this was the first part of whatever this is gonna get called.

I neither spellchecked this nor is this the full story so be respectful and have a nice day/night.