#lovej

Where to start...

Since you've moved away I've been at a loss. I thought your absence would make things easier, the distance (though not too far) hopefully weakening the connection. Ha, how naive must I be?

I've tried getting over you, the male touch only intensifies my cravings for you. Some nights I close my eyes and see you again, the you I knew and loved locked away behind the walls you've built to keep me out. Drunkenly reaching for me as he smiles through the glass windows. "Come here," you say, tears welling in my eyes as he stares, 'He's still alive,' I think to myself with glee as I crawl toward your lap. Your fingers trace the outlines of my face and my heart pounds so hard I can hardly breathe until I remember that this isn’t real anymore. You told me yourself. I beg you not to look at me like that as David sings and pours another round. "Like what?" you ask, though fully knowing. I feel your desire to have me in your bed again, and my heart aches because you know exactly what you do to me... You know and so you'll take me-- because I am yours. I always have been.

I cry alone missing you more often than I should. I’m trying so hard, but it’s still not enough. I’ve dated and each time they fall short. I get drunk after leaving them and call you. Why do you answer? Why do you give me hope? 

“Because it’s....you” 

Phone number, deleted, snapchat, unfriended, twitter, unfollowed. All of this and I’m still awake at 3:48am thinking of you. What more must I do? How much longer must I hurt and yearn for you? 5 years of suffering and God still hasn’t removed you from my heart... its unfair...

I don’t know what to do anymore D. David says this won't be forever, to just give you time, but I already have and I’m so tired. I don’t know why I still love you, I truly have no clue. So, until I can finally get over you, I’ll write.