#love log

rules: post your spotify repeat playlist

tagging : no one in particular, anyone who wants to can do this!! ♡

BF and I no longer engaged. Been fighting and distant. Now he says he might leave the country in a couple years and I'm like did you know that all along? He's like basically it was always the plan... I'm like cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

We're not broken up it's just kinda strange to me to share so much with a person but they share so little back then find out maybe they were always a stranger.. maybe that's the pattern I repeat. I find someone hurting I try and help them, I give them love and support because I like to do that but then I wonder if they truly love me back or I'm just kinda convenient like I'm doing all the work for them, I tell them I need more from them (they hate this part because it means actually they need to change), they say they'll change and give me support back, they don't exactly.. years pass and I question if I'm being too forgiving or patient, they slowly start to unveil details, details that feel like a betrayal.. details that show the frayed edges of the life we've woven together..

For some those details were, I never factored you into where I'd go to grad school, for others it was I never wanted you to meet my parents or get married or build a life together in any capacity (despite 6 years together). Others still it was I have no desire to ever tell you what I'm feeling or thinking just surface conversations and fun and sex is all I truly can give you and I know I said otherwise but this is how I feel in the end. And even moreso, it's odd because they assumed all along all the things I've said were half truths, they were sweet little lies you tell to stay loved or keep up the act of the ideal of love when the thing is they were never lies they really were truth and there were no hidden meanings in the messages ever..