#lossofdecency

An open letter.

To the Nerdy

I suppose it must be stated that I fit the parameters for what people describe as “nerdy”. I am okay with being a nerd, given that I am also okay with being me. I am not always a fan of being called a nerd, for the mere popular denotation that us nerds are somehow aberrant souls in society, recluses that live in basements and/or frequent comic book stores. But the thing is, it’s not aberrant at all to live in basements and/or frequent comic book stores, or obsess over your favorite characters and TV shows. So it does offend me that people think these are bad things, weird things, just because they might not do them (openly, I might add). In my opinion, being a nerd is so much more, and pretty cool, and some people just do not agree. And that’s okay. All I’m saying is that if they did, and it was a more positive term for the world, I would be alright with being called a nerd by everybody. But for now, I’m alright with a select few calling me such.

Many people use the term “nerd” as an endearment, but it would be considerate if people actually let us know. Otherwise, you think that they’re attacking your personal ideals and activities, calling you “different” with another noun. Even if they do call it a term of endearment, do they mean it? Or is it just them calling us a name and trying to get away with it? Ah, people. Gotta love ‘em and their ulterior motives.

In an ideal situation, you would have a conversation with your friends, foes, and family regarding what it means to be a nerd, how it’s not bad, and whether or not you’d like to be referred to as one. It’s perfectly okay for some people to be called a nerd, but for others, not so much. It’s not necessarily because they believe nerds are bad and they’re ashamed of being one -- perhaps they want to be called by a nickname or something else entirely, like “bandersnatch”. Who knows? But it is vital to respect other people’s wishes. If you have the slightest inclination that the person you are calling “nerd” doesn’t like it, maybe stop. Just be a nice human being.

To the Weird

Me: [Shares opinion in what I assume to be a supportive, understanding environment, not at all expecting a personal attack.]

Friend: You’re weird.

Wow, thanks for not respecting my opinion. I really appreciate it.

*sigh* Some people don’t have filters. And some people are plain mean. The mean variety tend to gravitate towards hurtful adjectives, hurling them at you like they’re candy at a parade. The mean variety might also be insecure, or think they’re always right, and then continue to hurl the previously mentioned candy.

I’ve been called weird by my own friends. And it sucks. And it’s hurtful for me. Accompanied by a sardonic tone, with an ounce of I’m-not-going-to-try-to-understand-you, “You’re weird” hits me hard. I have a hard time sharing my thoughts with people, and being totally brushed aside with that one statement is truly frustrating. Maybe people don’t mean to be mean when they say it, but it’s just rude. All of my opinions aside, saying that to someone else is rude. Way to kill the conversation, pal.

I know I’m weird -- we all are. No person is completely average and normal. Normal exists in our idealized fantasies and on coordinate planes. But being called weird seems close to being rejected for our thoughts and actions. It seems like a dismissal, a “you’re not good enough” in fewer words.

The thing is, “You’re weird” can be substituted for so many other, kinder statements!

“That’s interesting. Here’s what I think…”

“Hm. You’ll have to tell me more about that sometime.”

“Oh, okay. That’s pretty unique.”

“You’re a fascinating human being, and I’d like to get to know you.”

“That’s a little different from what I think, but that’s okay.”

“Cool.” ----> (Use this one, it’s super safe for conversation.)

So, proclaimed weird ones, go find someone who supports your decisions and respects your opinions. Life is too short to let people dismiss you like you don’t matter, because you do. You matter so much, weird or not. Don’t try to be normal. Be yourself, and be weird.

The Finale

Thanks for reading, folks! I really needed to vent about these things, and I felt like it needed to be shared. Sometimes we think we’re alone, but we’re not. We never are. Someone, somewhere, feels the same way I do, or you do. Maybe this post will help someone, or just prompt some chuckling.

I am nerdy, and apparently I am weird. And both of those things are okay. As long as I am a decent human being, who does my best each and every day (no matter what my best looks like), I am okay. Don’t let other people belittle you for who you are. Embrace your inner nerd, and your weirdness. Make life interesting. A true friend would love to listen to you obsess over your favorite characters, or get excited about a new comic book. A true friend would love you and all of your weird, and would never even think about dismissing your opinions.

I hope you have a wonderful day, and a terrifically weird life.

Sincerely,