#lorinda

WILDWOOD, Fla. – “A suspicious person in the parking lot of the X-Mart Adult Supercenter” got the attention of sheriff’s deputies who rushed over to see what the excitement was about. They ended up arresting a woman whose son was sitting in a car. It happened in Florida in the early hours of March 3, 2024. “[A deputy] was conducting a vehicle search following a K9 alert,” her arrest report…

"Won't work," interrupted Lorinda.

"But…"

"Didn't you learn anything about tactics or strategy?" She looked at Merrick.

 "How was she supposed to be an effective slayer if her planning was this bad?"

"That," harrumphed Merrick, "was my specialty."

Lorinda rolled her eyes. "Whatever. The thing is, you need a plan that makes everyone think that you're already gone. Once the Council believes you're dead, or banished, or whatever, they don't bother trying to look for you."

"What are you saying?" The ghostly Lorinda looked shocked, then appalled. Then both shocked and appalled. "You mustn't render him assistance!"

"Shush, you."

"My dear," said Merrick, "your cleverness is as deep as it is, to be frank, unwelcome in one so fair. And you forget the purpose of all my actions. Namely, your beauty." He reached over than stroked her cheek with two fingers. "Or perhaps I should say, my Lorinda's beauty."

Lorinda didn't even blink. "I appreciate the compliment. But still – hunted down, destroyed, no chance of survival? Hardly seems worth it."

"To you, perhaps."

She shrugged. "Tell ya what. I've got about two or maybe three dozen cousins, roughly my age and female. A couple of them even have red hair and are, well, more buxom than yours truly. Plus, I can't think of a single one I wouldn't mind getting possessed by Casparella over there."

Merrick frowned. "Casparella?" The ghost also looked puzzled.

"Never mind. The point is – you can get what you want, and keep it. And in the process I get to keep being me, coupled with a little bit of revenge on the side. I don't really like my family much," she finished with a shrug and a smile. "What do you say?"

"Desist this at once!" said the ghostly Lorinda. "Your morals are every bit as reprehensible as…"

At that Merrick made a gesture and the ghost shuddered, falling silent. He looked at the living girl before him. "Very well. I am listening."

Lorinda grinned.

-"Lorinda's Kiss" (5x07)