#loo speaks

Because I just got my first submission I wanted to say:

Like I have always told myself I must be cis because my I never really had a huge issue with anything about being was the cisheteropatriarchy defines as a “woman” and my feelings of being “other” were never as strong as my trans friends and thus not valid or worth exploring, and it really never occurred to me that there are other options and ideas about gender that aren’t as...strict I suppose. (Plus I still do wonder how much of it is my actual understanding of gender and how much is just me not liking the way that society expects girls to be). Like I heard the term non-binary woman and things really started to move in my head and it just....I wonder how long I would have gone not questioning anything had I never been exposed to the concept of people who are outside in their own, natural way that doesn’t have to be anything. 

I struggled with same way with thinking about being polyam, like it just never came up so I never thought about it, or I figured if I was I would just Know, and it would be this big, life-changing Thing, but it wasn’t until I was deep in considering who I am that I wondered if this was a thing and not just a hypothetical idea that I was reading too much into or maybe me romanticizing something I sought out in fan-fiction to the point of projecting it on to myself.

(And I mean that opens up a new can of worms about how even when we don’t understand something about our selves we seek it out in media subconsciously, like being really into polyshipping or non-binary characters or queer relationships. Cuz I do know there are a lot of people who are attracted to that sort of thing well before the realize that There’s A Reason.)

But anyway it just reminds me so much of those people who realize they are bi/pan/omnisexual later in life because they never felt ‘different’ or had imagined being queer as this like Big Thing that you just know and takes over part of your life and thus just never questioned it or rationalized it away as just being a bit weird or thinking that everyone was like that.