#longquotes

From being just a girl!!

Schwieriges Leben oder? Wir versuchen jeden Tag aufs neue anderen Menschen zu gefallen und vergessen dabei ganz, dass das einzige das zählt ist, dass wir uns selbst lieben. Wir sollten ein Leben führen, in dem wir nicht schlafen gehen wollen, weil die Realität viel schöner ist als ein Traum. Glaub immer an dich und lass dich von keinem unterkriegen denn du bist perfekt. Und vielleicht ist ,,perfekt" so ein komplexes Wort und jeder hat eine andere Vorstellung davon, was er als Perfekt empfindet, aber wir sollten anfangen unsere eigene Definition für das Wort Perfekt zu schreiben. Geh raus, entdeck' die Welt. Tu Dinge die du dich nie getraut hast, Liebe aus vollem Herzen, Tanz' dir deine Seele aus auch wenn jeder zuguckt. Schreibe die  Geschichte deines Lebens und  kreiere deine eigene Definition von Perfekt, denn niemand ist ohne Mängel - wir sind Menschen und keine Engel.

berucap bagai angin, percaya dengan dusta

The first time a guy said he "loved me" it was over the phone and he didn't mean it. I received a text the next day saying there was a reason he deleted my number the last time he drank. Now I don't trust anyone's intentions when they attempt to get close to me. I don't believe that someone could see me as beautiful and I can't see myself completing someone else. I see myself as a mess. I am an introverted girl who spends her days pining over a guy who doesn't even care anymore. A guy who she used to be close to and who she now can barely stand to look at. I hate leaving my bed because outside of it I have to put on a smile and pretend like I'm okay. Most days I am okay and leaving my bed and house is fine. Yet some days I dread having to face people who can see right through my walls because I will be asked the question "Are you okay?". How am I supposed to respond to that? Where do I begin? How do I explain that my heart is in tiny pieces because it's been shattered by so many guys including my father? My father who was supposed to choose my sisters and I over and over again and who failed to do that. How am I supposed to say that most days I wish I could die without dying? I can't. I can't tell anyone. Especially not the person I want to tell. Because he and I are no longer the same as we used to be. I really miss our car rides home where I could blurt out my feelings and he'd comfort me with words or gestures. I really don't know what happened or why it did. All I know is that I hate who we have both become around each other. It's like we're strangers now. I experienced one night with him, ONE night. And now all I can think about is how his lips were soft and he knew how to kiss me and how to hold my hands in his face and how to show affection in small but big ways. I hate that I had a good night with him and that he denies that he remembers because I know he does. How could he not remember? Why couldn't I be the one to forget it? It's hardly fair that I'm left to pick up my own pieces. I miss the person I used to be.

I know that I'll find someone new one day. I know that I will fall in love with another different to the way I fell for you and this time they'll actually feel the same. But that doesn't mean that I don't wish everyday that it was you who loved me back. That doesn't mean that I don't still dream about you and think of all of the memories we've shared. Yes I will find another, but they'll be different to you. Maybe they won't have the same hair colour or glasses or a smile so big it takes up their whole face. I'm sure that the way they say my name will sound different to the way it rolls off your tongue. I'm sure that they won't look at me the same or kiss me the same and they won't playfully argue with me like you did. But somewhere down the track when I find this person.. maybe I'll forget all the things I did with you because I'll be too busy making new memories with someone who treats me better than you ever did. I know that I'll look for you in others and I'll try to find someone to replicate the way you made me feel. But they will never be you. They won't flick their glasses at me or make me laugh as easy as you did. They won't make sure I'm home safe or comfort me when I need it. And right now it hurts. It hurts so fucking much to know that it won't be me and you in the future. It sucks that I'll have to learn all these things about another person and that I'm gonna have to open my heart up again to another person who could ruin me like you did. Maybe the next person will be my true love, yet I'm still convinced it's you. I'm still convinced that the reason I can't get over you is because it's meant to be me and you. There's gotta be a reason as to why I can't move on. You're stuck in my head, thoughts of you consume me and I don't know how to get you out. I don't want to feel this anymore, I really don't. I hate having to keep my distance because I know I need better; I don't want better. I just want you in every way. I want you on a Monday morning when you leave for work early and kiss me goodbye. I want you on a Sunday morning after a big night out where we eat junk and cuddle for hours. I want you at night when you're feeling spontaneous and we just drive around. I want your compassion and your humour and all of your love forever. I know that happiness should never depend on another or that I need a significant other because I'm significant on my own; but sometimes I know I'd be so happy with you. I haven't seen you at your absolute worst but then again you've never seen me at 2am when it's dark and I'm crying so much I can't breathe because everything feels wrong. However, I could almost guarantee that if you and I worked out; my sadness wouldn't be so constant. I could make you happy and I'd spend every day proving it. But I don't have time to wait for you to give me a chance. So yes, I know I'll be happy in the future with someone who isn't you. But don't forget that most days I was happy because of you. Some days you made me feel wanted. But I'll never forgive you for leaving me in a puddle of tears feeling like I'm not good enough nearly every day. Thanks for giving me hope sometimes and then tearing it down. I don't know what I'd say if I got the chance to explain how shit you've made me feel. But if I did I could guarantee you that I'd scream at you until my lungs burned and maybe once you saw the pain in me you'd know that this wasn't just a crush. I could picture myself telling you all the times I cried and how I barely kept it together when you told me you didn't wanna be with me. You'd know how I wrote pages and pages about you and how all the memories of us still haunt me. We have or had something between us and it sucks that we will never get the chance too. I know I'll be happy and I do hope that you find someone who loves you like I did. However at the same time I wish you the worst so you could see how I felt for so long.

I learned that there was no perfect relationship. It was up to you to make it work , to make your own definition of a perfect relationship , to keep fighting for that one person and never giving up because that person was worth all your efforts and your love.