#long setup

So it turns out that dead skin cells that have been treated with spray-on tan have certain combustible properties.  It can’t really go very far in the way of being used as fuel due to the exceedingly high amount of carbon residue left over.  But a team of scientists have discovered that it makes for a great quick flash, like very weak gun powder.  This is perfect for celebrations and rallies, adding a harmless dazzle to late BBQs and prolonged protests.  I saw the company flier for the first time and it said:

Orange Us Dust!

The man sat in the lobby of the infirmary, attached to an IV delivering a treatment geared towards increasing white blood cell count. HIV had been a death sentence in it’s first few decades, but could be fought aggressively and efficiently with advancing medicine. Kai decided he would do anything possible to stay as healthy as possible, all for Caspian. He would remain his number one priority. He sighed heavily as the flow of the treatment began to make his arm ache, moving his eyes to the door as it opened. “Please ignore the whining patient in the corner please.”

Me: *places sign on checkout counter that reads, "No bills over Jackson."*

Customer: *comes in and buys a case of soda, two bags of family sized tortilla chips, and dip*

Me: *scanning items* "Having a social gathering?"

Customer: "Yeah, we're having a party."

Me: *rings up and bags items*

Customer: *looks temptingly at the candy below the checkout counter*

Me: "That'll be a Lincon, two silver Washington's, and three copper Lincoln's, sir."

Customer: *looks at me like I'm stupid before looking at the register screen for the price*

Customer: *shakes head, handing me a Benjamin*

Me: *groans* "Sorry, no Benjamins. We only accept bills under Jackson."

Customer: "But-"

Me: "I'm sorry, sir, no exceptions."

Customer: "But-"

Me: "Sir, your total is only a paper Lincon, two silver Washington's, and three copper Lincoln's. I can't take a Benjamin from with."

Customer: "But, dude-"

Me: *violently shakes head at customer because he's starting to turn into a white Chris Tucker.

Customer: "But, I'm all about the Benjamins,baby."

Me: *kicks out customer and looks into camera like I'm on the office*

Me: *drenches storage in booze and gasoline before setting the whole place on fire*