#loki crying

*Dream /Nightmare start*

Loki stood in front of Odin, eyes widened and heart breaking as Odin spoke.

“You are not my son, you are a brat left in the bifrost where I should have left you!” Odin’s voice came out, growled and angry.

Tears sprang to Loki’s eyes even as he looked away, trying to deny what his father or the man he believed was his father was saying.

“N-no, why didn’t you tell me?” He asked voice cracking and breaking on the words, dread filling his stomach as he realized the effects of Odin’s words.

Odin just looked disdainfully passed him as if declaring him to be an outsider, something he already knew, was enough of an answer. Loki’s hands shook so he clenched them into fists, to stop their traitorous tremors. He felt a knot forming in his stomach as his thoughts spiraled.

‘Was this why everyone was horrible to me? Is this why Thor never helped or sided with me? Was I ever important to anyone?’ His thoughts raced as he waited for Odin to speak.

But Odin didn’t open his mouth, he just stared passed Loki as if he didn’t exist.

“W-why didn’t you tell me?” he asked again, voice shaking violently even as he tried to keep it even.

Again Odin did nothing but ignore him., Loki blinked and looked away lips trembling and eyes squinting trying to hold back tears.

“W-was it because I’m a monster? Something parents tell their children as a bed time story, so they behave? Is it because I’m just a nightmare?” He asked loosing the struggle to keep his voice even and the tears at bay as one rolled down his cheek, illuminated by the candle light.

Odin didn’t make any move to answer any of his questions, going so far as to close his eyes in a sign of dismissal. Loki’s hands shook and he closed his own eyes, tears falling freely.

“ANSWER ME!” he screamed more begging then demanding.

*Dream/Nightmare end*

“…PLEASE!” Loki woke with a shout.

I bolted up right, eyes barely open but hands lit up so the room was illuminated. Before I could say anything Loki stumbled out of bed and from the room. I stood and followed him letting the energy fizzle from my hands.

“Sweetheart?” I asked softly, not wanting to startle him anymore then he already seemed to be.

His nightmares were always bad and the fact he had unconsciously projected this one….worried me more then I wanted to admit. He didn’t respond to me, so I watched as he walked over to the large window wall, opening an upper one and gripping the frame of the lower window tightly. I heard him whispering something to himself that I couldn’t make out, so I moved a little bit closer.

“Monster, maybe he was right….” He whispered softly, shaking lightly as the tears kept falling.

I didn’t listen to anymore and hurried my steps closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face between his shoulder blades, hearing his breath catch at my sudden appearance pulling him back from his thoughts.

“You are a sweet kinda caring man. Whatever that bastard told you it was a lie and it was wrong.” I said firmly squeezing him gently to make my point clear.

I felt Loki stiffen up as if he was struggling to believe what I was saying, before he sagged with a sigh, turning and dropping his head onto my shoulder.

“You don’t know everything about me.” He said quietly.

I heard the fear and pain still in his tone and started rubbing his back gently.

“Loki, my love.” I started softly, my voice gentle and soothing. “I know you and that’s the important thing. I know who you are in here.” I paused and lifted my head pressing a kiss over his heart, and turning to look into his eyes. “I know what it’s like to have demons inside of you. I know what it’s like to be called a monster or a demon. But you? You are not now nor have you ever been a monster.” I said firmly not breaking eye contact.

I saw the struggle in his eyes as he processed my words, Odin’s words still playing on his mind.

‘I’m going to kill that man.’ I thought as I watched Loki slowly process everything.

He swallowed thickly, green eyes closing and his head dipped down, landing on my shoulder again. I felt him take a shuddering breath and felt a single tear hit my shoulder.

“I’m not Asgardian. I’m…” he paused shaking his head softly.

I let my hands run up and down his back turning my head pressing soft kisses to his cheek and the side of his face where I could reach.

“You are you. Lo, the person, the being who you are is more important then what your genetics are.” I said softly, trying to give him some kind of comfort.

He hummed softly and I still heard the wet noise on the back of it and felt him shaking lightly.

“I am a frost giant, a Jotun.” His voice carried softly to me, caked in fear and worry, I felt him tense in my hold.

I did the only thing I could think to do. I tightened my grip on him, pulling him close and using one hand to lift and turn his head slightly I pressed a firm kiss to his lips, trying to push every ounce of love I had for him into that one action, as well as trying to push away all of the doubts that were most likely swirling in his head. It took a few seconds for him to respond, but I felt the relief in the kiss when he did. After another minute, we pulled apart and I rested my forehead to his.

“I love you so much, Lok. Nothing will change that. Especially not something you can’t control like genetics, especially when you’re so amazing, sweet, kind, caring, loving. Nothing about you could drive me away from you. I promise you that.” I swore, my tone firm and strong, trying to show how much I meant my words.

A small smile took over Loki’s face even as another couple of tears rolled down his cheeks, he buried his face back in my shoulder and tightened his grip on me.

“I can’t believe how lucky I got, that you gave me a chance.” Loki said softly, and I felt a feather light kiss on my shoulder.

I nuzzled my face into his chest and pressed a kiss there, not using words to tell him again that I got just as lucky, but using my actions. We stood there for a while longer, just wrapped in each others arms.

“Do you think you want to try and get some more sleep?” I asked around an hour later when I heard him stifle a yawn against my head.

He hummed softly and nodded lightly.

“I think I can sleep again, as long as I’ve got you.” He said softly and I pressed another kiss where I could reach.

I looked up meeting his eyes.

“You’ll always have me Loki, that’s a guarantee.” I said quietly a small smile on my face.

He smiled back before we slowly pulled apart, keeping only connected at the hands, we walked back into the bedroom and crawled under the covers. Loki’s arms wrapped around me pulling me close and I responded by tangling our legs together. There was a few seconds of silence where we just relaxed.

“Salem?” Loki’s voice carried in the silence of the room.

I hummed lightly letting him know I was listening.

“How did you…?” He asked softly.

I knew he was asking how I knew about the nightmare, and gave a small sigh.

“You yelled when you woke up. But before that you actually were subconsciously projecting your nightmare to me.” I said softly not wanting to admit it, but knowing he deserved to know.

I felt his breathing stutter, and started rubbing his back a bit.

“I’m so so…” I cut him off with a soft kiss.

“Don’t be. I’m almost glad it happens. It lets me know when you need help, when you need me. I just wish it wasn’t only nightmares that triggered it.” I said softly.

Loki looked at me in disbelief, like he couldn’t understand why I was ok with him projecting his nightmares to me.

“I-…I don’t understand.” He said softly confirming my thoughts.

I smiled softly.

“You don’t always share what’s bothering you, or what your nightmares are about. When it happens it lets me know what’s going on, and how I can best help you.” I said softly trying to explain.

He blinked and gave a small smile before he sighed softly and pressed a hard kiss to my lips.

“I love you, so much.” He said softly when we pulled apart.

I smiled up at him.

“I love you too. So, so much.” I said just as softly.

He smiled and pressed his face into my hair, and I in turn turned back, pressing close to his chest.

“Always.” He whispered so softly I almost missed it.

I smiled softly and pressed a kiss to the skin in front of me.

“Forever.” I said just as softly.

“A spell. To prevent me from feeling too full.”

“Lokes, I don’t follow.”

He traced the backs of his fingers down your cheek as you leaned into his touch. “I felt rather… uncomfortable… after we finished our feast. So I cast a simple spell to help me feel better.”

Aww. He’s telling me he didn’t feel well. He’s getting better. He’s getting better at telling me when he’s not feeling good. And yeah I know you can hear me. Whatever. You’re sweet, Lokes.

He huffed out a laugh.

“Don’t suppose you can spare a spell for me, can you? I’m brozzen.”

“You’re what?”

“Brozzen. You know, full as a gun.”

“I’m certain I have no idea what that means.”

“Full of food…”

“Ah.”

“So… yay or nay. To the spell.”

“I… I don’t know that I should, little one.”

“How come?”

“You’re Midgardian.”

You both fell quiet.

In the silence, your thoughts led you back to the tunnel in New York. How he talked about your fragile Midgardian form. How he constantly quipped about you being a lowly earthling and how he was all Godly. He lived for five thousand years, and he was surprised you hadn’t reached a life expectancy of three hundred. And in the cell… he had healed you. He used magic on you when he gripped your arm too tightly. Here on Asgard, he had given you a little boost of energy in the mornings when you were tired…

Part-way through your train of thought, you became aware of a light buzzing.

“Lokes? What is it.” You turned around in his lap. You found him glancing over the water, deep in thought. You placed a gentle hand over his. “Are you okay? I can hear the white noise thing.”

He gave you one solemn nod. “I, umm… I intend to research Seidr in more detail. Specifically, its impact on Midgardian anatomy.” He looked up and offered a tight smile. Despite his regal façade, his eyes were glassy. You pressed a kiss to his forehead and leaned into him.

“It’s alright.” You leaned into his chest. You felt an arm wrap around your back. Then another. You closed your eyes. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut. A tear still managed to squeeze its way out, snaking down his cheek. You heard his breath become shaky, and looked up. “Hey….” The more you looked at him lovingly, the more rapidly he breathed. The tears came and he couldn’t stop them. You didn’t try. You held him, wrapping both arms around his back and squeezing as hard as you could.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I’m here, Loki.”

He cradled the back of your head with his hand.

You’re here. For now.

All you heard was white noise.

***

You felt strong hands bristling up and down your arms, running over the goosebumps and tiny hairs on the surface of your skin. You lifted your head from his chest. You weren’t sure if you had napped, but your grogginess suggested the affirmative. Loki stood, taking you with him, as you instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist, your arms still locked around his back.

You grumbled sleepily. “What are you doing? It was nice there… the sunset.”

“You’re freezing, love. We’re going inside.”

As he reached his chambers, he turned so his back faced the heavy curtains, moving them aside with his hips. As he turned, you looked over his shoulder and saw the inky night sky of Asgard, those white diamonds even more prominent now it was dark. And you still didn’t recognise any of the constellations.

“I’ll tell you about them, love. The stars. Another evening, though. Your warmth is the priority.”

“Mmm, you know what would warm me up?”

“Yes. Tea and a fur pelt.”

“Your cock.”

He laughed as he placed you onto the bed, looking down at you. “I was unaware until this afternoon in the gardens that you harboured a cock-warming fetish. You continue to surprise me, my Midgardian minx.”

“Midgardian Whore actually, use my Sunday name please. And it’s you who started off the cock-warming thank you very much.” You smirked as you looked up at him. He gazed at you hungrily.

He shook his head free of his lascivious thoughts. “Tea and fur pelts, where did they put those…” He backed away from you, glancing around the room. You caught his hand in yours before he walked away.

“I want you. I want you, Loki.”

He turned around, his mouth opening slightly.

“I’ve wanted you all night.”

He swallowed hard for the third time that evening. “Th-that may be so. But I must ensure you are sufficiently warmed first, you…”

“I’m not a china doll. I won’t break.” You continued to stare at him, stretching out on the bed. Your gown fell to the side, exposing a leg all the way up to your thigh. “Come on. Lie down with me.”

He nodded dumbly, taking a moment to come to his senses, before he grinned, scooped you up and placed you over on the bed to make room for him as he lay down next to you, eliciting a yelp from you as he lifted you. He lay down next to you, laying on his side as you draped your leg over his. He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply and relishing in the sensation.

“You’re certain, love?”

“Hmm?”

His eyes burned into your soul. “You’re certain. That you wish to do this. That you are able to, in your condition.”

“My condition?”

“Well, yes. You’re freezing. And you mentioned how full you feel.”

“Yeah. I’m still full. I thought the nap would help more than it did...”

He cocked his head, clearly feeling your answer wasn’t sufficient.

“Okay, fine. Yes. Yes, I’m good. I want to do this. I… I would like a little magic, though. To not feel so overfull.”

“I’m… I’m not certain how Seidr is impacting you, little one.”

“It’s not harming me. I’m fine. If it was bad, I’d be feeling it already. Please Lokes. I feel kinda sick actually. I ate way too much.”

He gave a nod and, slowly, straddled his legs over your waist, reaching down and placing his fingertips at your temples. Before you felt the usual spark and warmth of Seidr, you heard him chanting.

Norner vær så snill å beskytte henne.

Beskytt henne mot denne magien.

Sørg for at hun ikke kommer til skade.

Norns please protect her.

Protect her from this magic.

Ensure no harm comes to her.

He paused, then continued to speak.

Med denne trolldommen beskytter jeg henne med kraften til min kjærlighet.

Jeg erklærer det.

Og sånn ble det.

With this spell, I protect her with the force of my love.

I declare it.

And so it is.

The spark of warmth came. You thanked him.

“What were you saying, baby? It sounded beautiful.”

“It was Asgardian. A protection spell. One I created for you.”

“I loved it.”

“And how do you feel?”

“Much better. Not as full. Thank you.”

He gave what can only be described as a sad smile.

“Hey, can you believe we’ve only fucked once?”

He rolled his eyes, then looked at you. “Honestly, that mouth, love. Disgraceful. How do you sleep at night.” The mischief bled through his features, before he lowered himself down to your face to kiss you. His kisses were gentle at first, soon becoming passionate and heated. Between gasps, he whispered to you.

“How do you feel… about using magic once more…?”

“What… what do you mean?”

He stopped for a moment, leaning on his palms and looking down at you.

“This elaborate outfit of mine takes time to remove. I can ensure we are both naked instantly.”

You raised an eyebrow, cocking your head and not at all believing what he was suggesting. “Oh really? Well I’d like to see you try.”

He smirked, clicking his fingers and resulting in the two of you laying there completely nude.

“Holy shit.”

He chuckled, resuming his kisses, starting at your lips, moving over to your neck, down your chest, over your breasts, down your stomach and to your thighs, his breath ghosting over the place where you wanted his touch the most. With expert care, as though he was trying to pleasure you and simultaneously not break you, he swiped a finger through your slick folds and up to your most sensitive bud, circling it and keeping his eyes trained on your face as your eyelids closed and your mouth fell open in response to his touch. He pleasured you to climax, and slowly entered you. You opened your eyes.

His hand brushed an errant hair away from your face. He spoke in the faintest of whispers. “Are you okay, love?”

You noticed how his arms trembled under the force of his own weight. His bottom lip quivered. His eyes glazed over with emotion. You reached out and cupped his chin with a gentle hand.

“I am. Are… are you okay?”

He nodded, his eyes glassy.

“Hey…”

With a gentle strength, you placed your hands on his shoulders and rolled him so you now lay on top of him. He looked up at you, all of his strength and power and stature suddenly forgotten under the weight of his feelings for you. His chest rose and fell. His head clouded with emotion. He rested his hands on your hips.

My goddess…

You smiled down at him, lightly gripping his length, which had slipped out of you during your shift in position, as you guided him to your entrance. His eyes fell closed at the feeling of the tip of him against your warmth. He forced himself to open his eyes, watching as your mouth fell open with the sensation of his cock entering you. You waited a moment, adjusting to his size, before slowly riding him, your fingertips spread over his chest, his hands remaining on your hips. He continued to look up, entranced.

Your movements were languid and unhurried, and the more time that passed, the more emotional the God beneath you became. He appeared to attempt to hide it as he moved one hand to your center, circling your clit with the ring finger of his right hand.

“Hey…” you breathed. “No…” You pushed his hand away.

He frowned.

“This is about you, Loki. Your pleasure.”

He smiled dumbly.

Relax, baby. Allow me to give to you.

He permitted his eyes to close, his head tilting back into the pillow, exposing an expanse of muscular neck. You leaned down to place kisses all over his neck, continuing to move him in and out of you as you maneuvered yourself into missionary. You kissed all along his jawline and you deepened the arc of your hips, moving yourself all the way off him so his tip rubbed against your entrance, before taking him in fully. You repeated the movements, noticing him writhe and huff and groan beneath you. You increased the speed of your hips, noticing how the rate of his breathing increased with your movements. He let out a grunt that seemed to surprise even him. He felt a heat rise throughout his face and a tightness in his belly.

“Darling… I… I can’t… I can’t hold on…”

“Then don’t, baby. Let go for me.”

Within a breath he came hard, an animalistic groan leaving his mouth as his head tilted back further, spilling himself inside of you as he body turned rigid, the muscles of his stomach flexing underneath you. You slowed your hips to a stop as his body wilted. You watched as his chest rose and fell, deeply and slowly, his eyes opening groggily as his breathing returned to normal. He spoke through hooded eyelids, still dark with desire.

“You are a sorceress, yes?”

“All Midgardian magic, I’m afraid.” Your hand rested on the side of his face, a thumb stroking his inexplicably smooth skin.

He let out a long blow of air through pursed lips, then started to laugh lightly.

“I believe I am a little delirious.”

“It’s okay.” Your tone was soft in volume, yet held a certainty. It’s okay. It’s okay, Loki. Anything you’re feeling is okay. You don’t have to be perfect for me. Ever.

Unbeknownst to you, his faculties had returned sufficiently for him to be able to hear your thoughts.

You lifted your hips, allowing him to fall out of you. This resulted in a grumble from the man beneath you. This made you chuckle.

“Minx.”

You gave another light laugh, and allowed him to turn you over as he moved to lay on his side. Your back was flush with his chest once more.

Mmmm…. It feels just like when we sat outside.

Yes, darling. He placed a kiss on your bare shoulder. To be frank, I could have taken you right there on the balcony…

Loki?

Yes love.

You don’t have to make a joke. Or pretend to be tough or unaffected. It’s… it’s okay to be vulnerable.

You felt every limb in his body tense up. And with a long breath out, he relaxed into you. He rested his chin on top of your head, nuzzling into your hair and breathing in the scent of you. Without another word, you felt yourself become heavy, your eyes seeming to pull you into a void, as you fell into a deep and restful slumber.

You were already fast asleep as he lay there holding you.

You didn’t see a solitary tear roll down his cheek. Moments later, sleep took him.

When he woke an hour later, he crept out of the bed slowly, using his powers to dress in silence. 

He ensured you were sound asleep before he left his chambers and made the first of what would become regular nocturnal visits.