#lochlan

“Be safe, fellas. And you look after your brother, you hear?” “Oh, I will.”

Based on 95% of Saxon's words and behavior, like Chelsea I also would have quickly come to the conclusion that Saxon is soulless, interacting with his environment and other people in superficial ways that barely penetrate even a centimeter past his skin, never compelled to truly engage with the world, or allow any force to do even a little bit of substantive work inside him.

Most people unfortunate enough to have a conversation with him would probably assume that he's never known love in his life - and that he doesn't even know he hasn't, either. That's why it's so satisfying to me to witness the moments where Lochlan does something that briefly catalyzes evidence of something substantial existing within Saxon.

e.g., when Lochlan places his hand on Saxon's back and runs his fingers through his hair, Saxon's immediate unguarded look of euphoric overwhelm at the intimacy of the moment is absolutely wild. How few gestures of genuine, intentional affection has Saxon been the recipient of? For a moment, Lochlan's action allowed us to glimpse an interiority/depth of emotion in Saxon that he usually seems devoid of.

Also, in Saxon's flashback to the kiss, he is effusing such a palpable glow of vulnerability. You can feel it with the positioning of their bodies (Lochlan higher and bending down to Saxon), the warmth of the light, the softness of the kisses that Lochlan is bestowing on Saxon, Saxon letting the back of his fingers lightly graze across Lochlan's neck.

He is exposing his longing for tenderness. Lochlan's love and affection briefly shows us that Saxon is a human capable of feeling. He is a person relishing connection and intimacy with another person on mutually-informing emotional and physical levels, something that I'd assume neither of them have experienced before.

I will say that the story as Mike White has written it makes sense to me. These are two lonely brothers, raised at different times by bizarrely disconnected wealth-obsessed parents who either didn't teach the boys how to love others/cultivate relationships in healthy ways, or perhaps did and said things that actively hindered their children's emotional development and capacity for connection. Lochlan as the youngest child alone in a house with uninterested and distant parents, no instinct for developing love and intimacy with others and terrified that his loneliness will be forever. Saxon as the oldest child, out in the world grinding for useless and empty experiences with people just as vacant as him, incapable of getting anyone to love him and terrified that his whole life will be devoid of sincere intimacy.

I buy Sam Nivola's theory that Lochlan isn't sexually attracted to Saxon and that his actions were influenced more by his people-pleasing impulses. I think he recognized that Saxon has a physical/sexual attraction to him and, knowing how much Saxon prioritizes physical sexual experiences, wanted to offer gratification/consummation as a form of connection.

Although it may not be distinctly sexual, I do think that Lochlan gets a tremendous amount of pleasure from making Saxon feel good. He is happy to tenderly kiss the affection-starved brother that he loves deeply and that he knows loves him just as much in return. Saxon seems to actively crave both Lochlan's emotional and sexual attention, and Lochlan seems to enjoy giving it.

i live and die in this moment where saxon says "what?" but still opens his mouth wider and puckers up when he sees lochlan come back in for another. sitting there blushing. disoriented.

i had to gif it instead of using screencaps... are you seeing this... that last half-second of this gif...

when sax seems to register it whether "it" means 1. lochy wanting to kiss him again or 2. a person in his space = kiss time, making him automatically respond. his mouth opens and he starts kissing back before lochlan even makes contact.

New gouache set, back to painting ^^

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.