#lizords

I am going to condense the scug listings as it will me much easier and condensed that way, and I'm also going to add some more items to the shop as well!

yes of course!

alright so. see. in ninth grade i got a lizard (leopard gecko. he’s my sweet darling angel boy and i love him So Much). that year was also generally Wild because there was a lot happening, including but not limited to my father being a jerk about some things*. so my little lizard buddy helped me A Lot through it (which is where the Importance to me comes in. i promise the rest isn’t as serious)

another thing to remember is that i really like swords. and lizards. and lizords (lizards with swords).

*everything.

so, anyways. it’s my friend (from elementary school)’s birthday.

(actually, i think i had joked about it over a misspelling before. but this is when it Really Started)

and i get my (long-suffering, ever-patient) leopard gecko out of his tank and hold him, before—

i have this idea. my mom’s not in the house, so i think, why not? might as well. it’s just a single toothpick.

except that when she comes in, i end up telling her anyways.

so then, a couple days later, my brother gives me a little lego sword. i know what he means, because this is something we’ve both talked about.

i give him a little lego sword.

which, okay, that’s all fine and dandy, until it’s our winter break, right? i get bored (the night before i have to wake up early to go to my cousin’s house in texas) and end up painting this.

because, y’know, i have no impulse control ever in my life and i’m bored. (also, on the collar it says ‘give lizards swords’. the ‘lizords’ is a combination of lizards and swords. the red and black on the sleeve will be explained Soon)

and then we come back home, and my (sweet, loving, always patient, ever long suffering) leopard gecko is about as excited as a little leopard gecko can be. i give him a noble steed for his troubles.

also, he was crowned.

okay, so that’s also fine.

and then my biology teacher gives me a snake. now, in theory, i’d be all for giving him a sword (an idea which has now become a long running not-quite-joke in my family and among my friends), except that 1.) he’s too baby and 2.) we don’t have any that are big enough (we did eventually find some, i’ll post them at the end). however, he does really like curling around my arm.

so he gets his own shout-out on the lizord jacket. which, okay, that’s also okay, that’s even more than okay. but then i get another bearded dragon (he was really sick and didn’t make it, unfortunately)

and he is also “knighted” (by order of The Parent, jerkface’s brigade, #003)

and, well, i’m going to be going to a friend’s house for a birthday party, and one of the things we’re going to be doing is painting jean jackets. i realise that the lizords one needs,,, an update.

we’ve upgraded to “harpetiles” (herptiles with harpe swords [any sword is still okay to use though]) and “rapiertiles” (reptiles with rapiers [as stated before, any sword works]).

and, well, as stated before, he was sick when we got him. so after he passed, we went to the reptile convention, and i got an ax-olotl (axolotls with axes. unfortunately, i couldn’t ever get it to stand up in his tank, so i don’t have any pictures of him with it) and another bearded dragon.

both were quickly knighted (by order of The Parent, jerkface’s brigade, #004 and #006 respectively. i’ve purposely left out #005 because he was also sick. but yes, he was knighted as well)

and it’s Still A Thing. i’ve jokingly put it into,,, a lot of my writing, because yes. lizards need swords. give all the herptiles any weaponry you can find. i wrote a whole speech about it for english.