#littlspace

No one’s POV.:

It had only been the two of them at the very beginning. Chan and his first Stray Kids, Jisung. The two knew each other inside and out. That’s why Jisung knew he could trust Chan to always be there when he needed him even after their little group grew. While Chan slowly collected his members like Pokémon, Jisung was rather combative in the beginning, picking fights with everyone though Chan could tell the younger was just insecure about his position and tried to hide it by acting overconfident. Changbin too eventually saw through Jisung’s act when he joined them in writing songs for the group. With how much time the trio spent around each other, it was only a matter of time till they knew each other’s deepest secrets and though that made them vulnerable, it was probably a good thing.

At least, for Jisung it surely was. He had developed a little headspace and the moment his two overprotective hyungs learned about it, they did their best to care for their dongsaeng in any way they could. Chan read countless forum post on age regression, though his caregiver role came natural as an eldest sibling. Changbin had more troubles, being the youngest of his family, but he too tried to learn as much as he could. Baby sitting advice were his main source of information and it truly helped him come up with fun activities to entertain Jisung whenever he slipped. They also felt responsible to monitor the boy’s schedule to make sure he’d regularly get the opportunity to regress even if it was only for short periods, so he would have an easier time dealing with his anxiety. Of course, they’d occasionally get sidetracked while working but in the end, their dongsaeng always remained their first priority, so one of them would snap out of it in time to check in with Jisung.

Tonight was similar. Jisung had an important solo schedule the following day, so his hyungs had sent him home early to get enough sleep. They had promised not to get back too late either, so the younger could still get some snuggles from his caregivers. Feeling dizzy with nerves, Jisung realized he wouldn’t be able to sleep right now. There were too many thoughts coursing through his head, his mind racing a million miles a minute. If only someone found the mute button to shut up those critical voices in his head. With a sad sniffle, Jisung clambered onto his bed and picked up his Han Quokka plush. Slipping the plushie’s ear between his lips, he started to gnaw on the soft material and wondered when his caregivers would get home. Sure, he knew that Chan and Changbin still had some stuff to get done and that he should be grateful that they freed him time to rest before his important schedule even if it meant that the two of them had to carry his load too, so he couldn’t complain about the two of them still being at the studio.

As the hours passed, Jisung had finished watching both ‘Frozen’ movies in an attempt to distract himself from his nerves. He still wasn’t able to sleep though and found himself glancing at the clock more often than he’d like to admit. Being by himself while in his headspace sucked and didn’t Chan say they wouldn’t be too long? They promised! Of course, they wouldn’t abandon him before such a big event, right? Jisung hadn’t even noticed how tears started to run down his cheeks. Holding his breath, so Hyunjin wouldn’t hear his sniffles, the little snuck to Chan’s room and changed into one of his caregiver’s hoodies. The familiar scent soothed him some and he quietly waddled back to his own room. On the way there, a devastating thought crossed his mind though. There was only one logical explanation as to why Chan and Changbin would break their promise. Well, at least in Jisung’s mind there was.

‘They don’t care about you, Sungie’, the little realized. He barely made it back to his room before collapsing in a pathetic heap, sobbing helplessly to himself. He should’ve known. Having two overly sweet and patient caregivers had been way too good to be true and Jisung regretted falling for it. What was he going to do now? The two people he relied the most on didn’t care about him, had even abandoned him when he most needed them although they had promised they wouldn’t. With every sob, his throat felt tighter and the little desperately scrubbed his eyes with his sweater paws. By now, his nose was running too and he couldn’t even smell Chan’s scent on his hoodie anymore. The tightness was spreading fast, closing in around his chest and stomach. Jisung could barely get a breath in without choking on it.

The little’s heart was racing as he felt like he’d suffocate any minute. His chest ached and his stomach kept clenching and unclenching. Lurching forward, Jisung threw up over his lap, causing his breath to catch in his throat. Warmth seeped through his sweatpants as he coughed up wave after wave, a string of saliva still dangling from his lips after the gags had turned unproductive. His head spun and it was hard to keep a grasp on what was happening.

Hearing distraught hiccups as he passed his friend’s room on the way to his own, Hyunjin knocked softly but got no reply. He knew that Jisung often withdrew when he was overwhelmed and didn’t want to be bothered but his intuition told him that this was serious. “Ji, it’s Hyunjin. Can I come in?”, the older asked just loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door. There was no reaction, so he warned: “I’m coming in now if you don’t tell me to leave.” Again, no reply, so Hyunjin worriedly pushed open the door and tensed at the stench of vomit in the air. Jisung looked awfully pale and out of it when their eyes locked and Hyunjin crouched down, whispering: “What’s going on, Ji? Are you sick?” He tried to feel the rapper’s forehead but the boy flinched, so Hyunjin lowered his hand and promised: “It’s okay. Not gonna touch you, alright? Do you want me to call Chan-hyung?” Finally, a tiny, tentative nod. “Okay, hang in there. I’ll also get you some water”, Hyunjin hummed, dialing up Chan while hurrying to the kitchen to get his sick dongsaeng a glass of water.

Chan promised that him and Changbin would be there soon, were in fact already packing up. Placing the glass onto the floor, Hyunjin slid it closer to Jisung but the rapper made no move to pick it up. Neither did he take the tissues the dancer offered him to clean himself up. All Hyunjin could do was stay with him, a few steps away to not overwhelm him further. The older was glad when he finally heard the front door click, announcing their hyungs’ return. Once Chan slipped into the room, Hyunjin left to give them some space.

“Oh, Sungie”, Chan sighed, crouching down next to the little, “Can I touch you, love?” After receiving a small nod, the Aussie brushed Jisung’s hair out of his face and felt his forehead. The younger was a little warm to the touch but probably just from getting so worked up. “Let’s calm down, hm? Can you match my breathing?”, he hummed, demonstrating a few exaggerated breaths while pulling a tissue from the box. Wiping Jisung’s lips, Chan praised: “You’re doing so well, love.” He reached for another tissue to wipe the little’s tears and nose when Changbin came in behind him. Spotting the glass on the floor, Changbin picked it up and transferred the water into the sippy cup that still sat on Jisung’s nightstand. Hyunjin must have missed it in the chaos of the situation or he just hadn’t found it appropriate to point out at the time being.

Holding the sippy cup to Jisung’s lips, Changbin instructed: “Have some water, sweets. Doesn’t have to be much, just to get the icky taste off your tongue and soothe your throat.” The moment Changbin touched the teat to his lips, Jisung started to suckle. It was more instinct really and the older had to pull the sippy cup away, warning: “Slow down. We wouldn’t want to make your tummy unhappy again.” - “Let’s get you out of these pants, hm? We’ll run you a nice warm bath”, Chan smiled and helped the little to his feet. The leader had known that Jisung was anxious. That had been the whole point of sending him home early. Yet he hadn’t expected the night to take a turn like this.

While Chan got Jisung into the tub, Changbin cleaned up with Hyunjin’s help and prepared some chamomile tea. Though they wanted Jisung to sleep as soon as possible, so he’d be well rested for his schedule the following day, the rapper knew they’d probably be in for a long night. Hyunjin had barely said a word since his hyungs had come home but what was there to say? Yeah, he had seen the sippy cup but didn’t think much of it. It would make sense for Jisung to invest into a spill-proof cup. His anxiety often left his hands shaky, so he had spilled his drink on himself on countless occasions. If this was the solution he had found, Hyunjin wouldn’t mention it. Knowing Chan and Changbin had it handled and that Jisung would only get overwhelmed the more people were there, Hyunjin retreated to his bedroom after making sure that there was nothing else he could help with.

Grabbing Jisung’s pacifier from the secret box of little gear that he kept in his room, Changbin joined them in the bathroom. It was hard to tell whether the little had calmed down or just exhausted himself but he had stopped crying. “Sungie, do you want this, sweetheart?”, Changbin whispered, holding up the paci. There was the tiniest spark in Jisung’s tired eyes and he sluggishly reached out a hand, so the older handed it to him. His face was still puffy from crying and Chan carefully dabbed at it with a damp washcloth. Cupping his dongsaeng’s damp cheek, the leader hummed: “Are we okay now? You can tell hyungs what happened if you want to talk about it.” There was a moment of silence, Jisung avoiding their eyes as he played with some bubbles. “Chu came bwack fow Sungie”, he mumbled behind his pacifier.

Changbin crouched next to the tub and gently grabbed Jisung’s chin, so the little would look at him. “Of course, we came back”, the rapper sighed, “We promised you we would, didn’t we? There were just some things we had to finish first.” Jisung teared up again, so Chan warned: “No more tears, love. If you keep crying, you’ll get a stuffy nose and won’t be able to use your paci. Hyungs are here now, okay? We’ll get you into some of our clothes and have some cuddle-time. You look so sleepy.” – “I made some tea, so your sippy is already waiting on your nightstand”, Changbin smiled, picking up the boy’s towel. Together, they maneuvered Jisung out of the tub and bundled him into his towel. While Changbin stayed and dried the little’s hair, Chan picked out another one of his hoodies and Changbin’s shorts, hoping that wearing their clothes would soothe Jisung.

It was surprising really how quickly Chan had been able to fall asleep with little Innie in his arms. The leader would have expected himself to stay up at least another hour, dwelling on the thought of Jeongin forgetting about his littlespace. Sure, they had all noticed that their youngest didn’t slip into his headspace anymore but they had just assumed he didn’t need it. Now he felt stupid for not asking his dongsaeng why he had stopped slipping. Being the oldest, he was always attentive when it came to the other members, so when Seungmin came to wake Jisung up, Chan woke up too. Still, he pretended to be asleep and only moved his arm a bit to cover the pacifier between Jeongin’s lips. He knew the others wouldn’t go to their schedules if they knew that the maknae had slipped after what felt like an eternity. Sure, they always babied their youngest but it was still different when he was in his headspace. Chan felt a bit selfish for keeping Jeongin to himself while making all the other members go to work but he knew that they couldn’t all miss their schedules and it wouldn’t cause too much suspicion if only the two of them stayed back, besides, now that Jeongin remembered, he’d surely slip more frequently in the future.

Grumbling, Jisung rolled out of bed and made his way over to the other two. Though he was surprised to find Chan in his room, the rapper figured Jeongin had had another of his nightmares and had sought comfort from their leader. Before he could get close enough to the bed to notice anything off though, Seungmin stopped him, whispering: “They’re not going today, hyung. After Innie felt bad yesterday, Chan-hyung texted me that he’d stay back with him and that we shouldn’t wake Innie at any cost.” That did a good job at waking Jisung up. He knew his roommate wasn’t himself lately and especially after him collapsing during practice the previous day, he had hoped the younger would open up but it only seemed like he was doing worse. “Channie-hyung also told me not to worry too much, he’s going to explain everything when we get back. Everything will be okay, yeah? I trust him to take good care of Innie”, Seungmin smiled when he noticed the older’s concerned look. Though not very happy about that answer, Jisung nodded and quietly went to get ready and Chan had to suppress a sigh of relief. He knew he could trust Seungmin and really had to make sure to thank him later.

Chan stayed cuddled up with Jeongin and listened to the commotion outside their room. He didn’t want to go back to sleep right away, afraid that somebody would check on them one last time and would notice the pacifier. As soon as he heard the front door click though and it became quiet, he relaxed and decided a few more hours of sleep couldn’t hurt him either after almost staying awake with the little the whole night. It was already early afternoon when he woke up to someone poking his cheek. Chan sat up, looking sleepy and confused, which earned him a giggle from the little, sitting on his legs. “Good morning, Innie”, the leader smiled, voice low and raspy after sleeping for so long. The younger happily clapped his hands, giggling: “Daddy!” Now that his caregiver was awake, he finally had someone to play with.

Seeing the little already wide awake, Chan had to shake off his sleepy haze rather quick and checking the time, he felt his heart sink.  It was almost lunchtime and he hadn’t even fed Jeongin breakfast. “Aww, are you hungry, Sweetie?”, the leader cooed, pinching his dongsaeng’s cheek. The maknae looked at him with big puppy eyes and nodded. Picking the little up and placing him on his hip, Chan chuckled: “Very hungry or does daddy have enough time to cook you pancakes?” – “Pancakes”, Jeongin squealed, bouncing a little in the older’s arms, who struggled to keep them balanced. The leader then got Jeongin settled at the table, so he could color something while Chan prepared their late breakfast. It had been a while since he had the time to really cook something for breakfast. Usually they were too busy and settled for something quick like toast or cereal but today was different. He had promised himself that he’d make today special for Jeongin after he had struggled all alone for so long. Sure, when the maknae came out of his headspace, they’d need to have a talk about going to others for help and not trying to fend for himself but for now, he just wanted the boy to be happy and forget about his worries.

“Innie, look!”, Chan exclaimed, flipping the pancake by throwing it in the air and catching it with the pan again. The little happily clapped his hands and waited for the next pancake to be flipped. Chan felt his heart beat faster when he noticed how impressed the boy looked and started to comment on all his actions like he was on a cooking show, which Jeongin found really entertaining. He soon forgot about his coloring book and gave the older his full attention. The little was so distracted from his rumbling tummy, that it didn’t even seem to take long till his daddy joined him at the table, setting down two plates and putting his coloring book and crayons away. Chan then also got some bananas and strawberries as a topping because he knew the younger loved Nutella on his pancakes but should also eat something remotely healthy. He gave Jeongin a few strawberries to much on, so he’d be occupied till the leader had spread two pancakes with Nutella, topping one with strawberries and the other with banana slices. Then he cut it into bite-sized pieces and lifted one to the little’s pink-stained lips, chuckling: “Oh no, the airplane needs to land.” The younger instantly opened his mouth and allowed the caregiver to feed him. Chan switched between feeding little Innie and eating a few bites himself. By the time they finished their meal, his hands were sticky and so was Jeongin’s face, so before he even considered clearing the table, he carried his dongsaeng to the bathroom to wash up.

Chan had thought the little would go back to coloring while he did the dishes but he soon felt a chin on his shoulder and turned around, facing a pouty Jeongin. “What’s up, cutie? Why do you look so sad?”, he cooed, booping the little’s nose with some foam on his finger. Instead of the lighthearted giggle he had expected, he only got a small smile. Wrapping his arms around the older’s middle and burying his face in his chest, the maknae admitted: “Innie tiwed, wan’ nap but I jus’ got up. Nuh, wan be lazy.” – “Aww, it’s okay, sweets. You’re not lazy, just really run down and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. If you want to take a nap, Daddy will tuck you in, yeah?”, Chan smiled. It had come a bit unexpected because Jeongin had been asleep for a pretty long time but the leader understood that the exhaustion that had accumulated over weeks couldn’t be fixed with a few hours of rest. “Cuddles please?”, the little pouted and Chan was quick to agree: “Sure, just let daddy finish up here and I’ll be all yours. Maybe you want to go and get your paci, plushie and blanket ready and I’ll be there in a second.” Jeongin nodded and shuffled to his room, before coming back out to wash off his paci and to collect Drippy, who had been left on the couch. A small smile spread on his lips when he remembered how the plushie had gotten its name. Hyunjin had bought it for him because Jeongin really loved goldfishes and Jisung used to move it around, pretending it was swimming around the little, and singsong: “Drippy, droppy, drippy, droppy.” To Jeongin ‘Droppy’ sounded too gloomy while ‘Drippy’ sounded cheerier, so he started to refer to the plushie as ‘Drippy’.

Popping the paci between his lips and suckling on it, he sat down on his bed and played with Drippy as he waited for his daddy. He barely noticed the door open and only looked up when he felt the bed dip beside him. With a smile, Chan opened his arms and let the younger cuddle into him while he moved them to lay down. Jeongin gave a content sigh and closed his eyes. After the caregiver had started to draw shapes onto his back, it didn’t take long for the little to doze off. Though he was glad that his dongsaeng was resting now, it hurt the leader to see just how drained his youngest member was. Sure, he knew it was bad when Jeongin almost collapsed but seeing him knocked out only two hours after getting up, was impressive and Chan was glad he had made the right decision and kept the boy at the dorm to rest. What impressed him even more was that the little’s huffed breaths lured him to sleep too. He wasn’t used to sleeping much, so he never really got much sleep even if there’d be enough time to but with Jeongin pressed against him, it somehow worked. Not for long though, at least it didn’t feel long to them when the leader’s phone rang on the nightstand, waking both of them. “Yeah?”, Chan mumbled sleepily, “Mhm. See you in a bit. Maybe gather everyone in the living room, yeah? Okay thanks, bye.” He ended the call and groaned, pressing his face into the pillow till the little started pocking his arm, curious what the call had been about.

Chan sat up and gave Jeongin a tired smile, explaining: “That was Seungmin, the others don’t know that you slipped again yet. You’re okay with telling them, right? We all really missed this side of you, so I’m pretty sure you’ll get lots of affection as soon as they’re back.” – “Minnie-hyung? And- and Minmin-hyung and Binnie-hyung and Jinnie-hyung and Jiji-hyung oh- oh and Lixxie-hyung?”, the younger beamed. “Mhm, all of them, so should we get up and maybe fix our hair, so that they won’t laugh at us too much?”, Chan chuckled, smoothing down a strand of the little’s hair. Jeongin nodded and let the older carry him to the bathroom. When they exited, they could already hear their members talking in the living room. Though they didn’t understand much, the mood seemed dull as the atmosphere was thick with worry. The maknae grew shy as six pairs of eyes were on him all of a sudden and he his face against Chan’s neck, who spoke up with a small smile: “Hey, cheer up guys! Everything’s fine, I promise, our little Innie here has just become a bit of an insomniac lately, being stressed and thinking a lot. That’s also why he collapsed yesterday, he was simply exhausted to the bone. He asked me why he never felt like this when we were about to debut. Turns out, he forgot about his littlespace and that’s why he suddenly stopped slipping. I eased him into his headspace and made sure he’d get the chance to catch up on the hours of sleep he lost. He just woke up from his nap and isn’t used to being little anymore, so he’s a bit shy but everything will be fine.”

The members had broken into massive grins as heavy weights lifted off their chests. They knew that something had been wrong for longer than just a few days but if it could be fixed as easily as having Jeongin regress again, it wasn’t nearly as bad as they had feared. Even after Chan had finished his short speech, the little didn’t dare to look up at the small crowd in their living room. Sure, he knew all of them and he had been happy when he heard they were coming but now, he couldn’t help but feel shy. “Hey there little foxy”, a soft voice spoke right next to him and though hesitant, he looked up at Hyunjin with innocent eyes. The dancer pinched his cheek, drawing a quiet giggle from the boy, who instantly made grabby hands at him. In Hyunjin’s arms, they went around to each of the other members who patiently waited for their turn talking to their youngest, so he wouldn’t overwhelmed. As soon as he had interacted with all of them, he started to feel more comfortable and urged Hyunjin to put him down, before waddling off to get Drippy and proudly introducing the plushie to them as though they had never seen it before. Jisung took the plushie and sang the small tune again, ending by booping Jeongin’s nose with the stuffed toy. The maknae laughed happily, seeming so lighthearted and carefree, before tugging on Felix hand to show him what he had colored the previous night and this morning. There were no words needed for the other seven members to agree that they wouldn’t allow their baby to lose his safe place again because his fake smile was severely lacking the spark now visible in his eyes.

Over the course of the early evening, Jeongin tried to catch up on play time with each of his hyungs, which felt impossible. He could never get enough of playing with them, feeling fuzzier than ever from the amount of affection he received. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling though and he just let himself drift, enjoying not having to worry about a thing except for making sure to spend equally as much time with each of his hyungs. Chan could see some small changes in the little’s behavior but it wasn’t until Seungmin played peek-a-boo with him that Jeongin slipped deeper than ever. At first only Chan and Seungmin noticed because the youngest continued doing what he had done before slipping even younger, which was giggling at every thing his caregivers did. His stomach had started to ache from all the laughing a while ago but he couldn’t care less, they were just too funny. Seungmin gave him a chance to catch his breath and hugged him tight, watching how the younger started to chew on his fingers. At that point, all of them had realized what was going on, so Jisung rushed off to their shared room to get his pacifier. When the rapper returned, Jeongin sat in Changbin’s lap, chewing on the chords of the older’s black hoodie and giggling every once in a while, as Changbin pulled funny faces at him.

It seemed like Jeongin had gone completely none-verbal and only replied with other noises but his caregivers knew him well enough to know exactly what he wanted every time. Though they hadn’t spent time together like this for a long time, it still felt the same, maybe even better because they were much closer now than they had been during the survival show. The little seemed to have missed them as much as they had missed him and kept crawling from one member to another to cash in on all of their affection but as it got late, dinner seemingly forgotten, he settled in Felix’ lap and stayed there. At first the others were confused but when the maknae yawned widely, they chuckled. They really should have figured that he was to tired to constantly move between them. “Aww, sleepy baby?”, the Aussie cooed, patting Jeongin’s head. The younger whined and nodded, which should’ve been Chan’s clue to get him ready for bed but after already skipping one meal of the day due to them being asleep, the leader wouldn’t allow his youngest to skip another. Instead of taking him to his room, he picked Jeongin up from Felix’ lap and swayed him in his arms, humming: “You still need to eat some before going to bed, Innie. What do you want for dinner?” He wasn’t expecting an answer but he also wasn’t expecting the boy to get so frustrated with him for keeping him up.

Hyunjin came over and took him out of Chan’s arms to calm him down again, while Felix mashed up a banana and mixed it with some vanilla yoghurt. Hyunjin calmly sat down at the table with Jeongin in his lap, holding him still, so that Felix could feed him with ease. Since it was only a small meal, Chan used the time to also prepare a bottle for the little and when he walked off to put it on Jeongin’s bedside table, he found Jisung rearranging the pillows and plushies in the maknae’s bed to create a comfy nest for the younger. He gave the rapper a smile, asking: “Hey, is it okay if I stay here tonight? I slept so much better last night than I can remember sleeping in a looong time.” – “Sure, hyung but please don’t turn my alarm off again. I almost had a heart attack when Seungmin woke me before my alarm going off at least three times”, Jisung replied. “As if you’d ever wake up from your alarm”, the leader laughed, causing the younger to join: “Hey, I do wake up from my alarm! I just decide to stay in bed till somebody violently drags me out but I am aware of the time. I wasn’t aware of it this morning.” – “Alright, alright, we’ll all have to get up at the same time tomorrow anyway”, the older chuckled, leaving to check if Jeongin was done eating.