1. "I have an idea for a novel. You could write it and we could split the profits."
I want to reply, "So you'll supply the idea and I'll supply the characters, plot, background, setting, style, research, editing, submission and revision? What kind of split do you have in mind?"
2. "You should write about {insert favorite topic here}."
This one just baffles me. A coworker once saw me editing the first draft of a manuscript titled Dracolytes, asked if I was a writer, and said, "You should write a book on Type II diabetes." The only connection I could see between Dracolytes and diabetes is that both words start with D and end with S. Other than that, I have no idea why my coworker would think I was qualified to write such a book, or why I might want to do so.
3. "I'd like to write a book. Could you help me?"
If someone asked me this, I'd describe what getting accurate criticism of a first draft feels like, and what the fiftieth form rejection can do to you. I'd talk about the time it takes to complete a manuscript, and the even longer time it takes to query and submit the thing. I'd talk about the scam sharks in the writing waters. I'd wind this up by cautioning the would-be writer that there is NO guarantee of publication and NO guarantee of money either.
Then, if he or she still liked the idea of writing a book, I'd suggest some good books and websites on the subject.
Then, once he or she actually started writing the book, we could talk.
4. "Where do you get your ideas from?"
I read once that a writer, tired of this question, started telling people that he subscribed to a weekly magazine that provided him with ideas, but it was for published authors only.
5. "You know, I've always wanted to be a writer."
A writer and a neurosurgeon were introduced at a party. "I always wanted to be a writer," the neurosurgeon said. "I just never had the time."
The writer nodded. "I know what you mean. I always wanted to be a neurosurgeon, but I just never had the time either."
Since nearly everyone writes (emails, letters to the editor, schoolwork, proposals, etc.), many people believe it's just one small step from there to authorhood. People know that you need to have studied for years to be a scientist or gone through rigorous training to be a firefighter, but being a writer is much more attainable. Sometimes, the implication is that the person could have been a writer if they had had just ten minutes' more time in the day.
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Going far beyond the usual sockpuppetry or spamming message boards with mentions of the book you've publishedâŚ
1. Anthrax scare
Sending an editor a can labelled with Anthrax and the biohazard symbol. Thatâs a good way to make sure no one ever opens anything with your name on the return address.
2. Telemarketing
I once saw this posted on an authorâs Facebook page :
âthis may sound crazy but... it's also certainly determined! How about opening up a phone book and just start calling people and asking them if they like to read?â
My first reaction: âThis may sound crazy?â
3. Fake publicist
I once read about a marketing guru who suggested "creating" a publicist to set up events, send out news releases and so on. This fictitious persona makes people think that you actually have a publicist, and I suppose this could work until someone wonders why this publicist has no internet footprint and no apparent experience. And even the best publicists canât do much without a good product and adequate distribution from the publisher. So at best, this isnât likely to go far.
Worst-case-scenario?
Our concom got a packet from a self-pubbed author's "publicist." It was one of the most GA things I'd ever seen. In addition, the author was asking for things we can barely afford to provide for our top guests.
4. Inappropriate locations for book signings
Even if an author has written the definitive book on abuse, a therapistâs office is not the best place to hold a signing. Though I once read a post by an author who wanted to hawk books in a women's shelter, though I suppose the shelter residents could be considered a more or less captive audience.
Though not as captive as those who arenât going to walk away no matter. An author whose book was about a murder once posted on a writers' discussion board about potential signings at the local morgue.
5. Shooting yourself
Earlier this week, we reported on a writer who was shot while traveling around the country to document the kindness of people for a photographic memoir he was working on. As it turns out the details of the ironic incident were fabricated by a publicity hungry man who was behind his own shooting.
đ list 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! get to know your moots or followers <3
â¨â¨thank you so much for the askâ¨â¨
Here is a list of five things that makes me happy
1. My favorite Mk men (Raiden, Kabal, Hanzo Hasashi (Scorpion), Tomas Vrbada(Smoke), Kuai Liang (Sub-Zero), Kung Jin and Grey Cloud(NightWolf)).
2. My Ocs and my Friend's Ocs, as in all of my beloved Ocs and Friend's Ocs.
3. My moots, can't continue being here without them. They are my little angels.
4. The Fandom, any type of fandom that suits my taste.
5. Art, any form (literature, painting, traditional art, digital art, etc).
One of my not-so-secret ambitions in recent year has been to write a talking animal story. There are actually a lot of different variations on the talking animal, ranging from xenofiction (where the animals behave as they actually would in real life, and this is reflected in their thought processes) to animals that simply stand in for humans (as they do in a recent book I read, El Deafo). ForâŚ
If youâre not sure what I mean, watch âFriendsâ episode - The One with Frank Jr.
I donât have a significant other so the List is moot, but I keep it for fun anyway. I think my List may be having a change soon. Since the inception of my list, Gerard Butler has always been on it. The other 4 spots have changed. I think I may be taking him off my list though. Have considered adding Jensen. Do you have any suggestions? Whoâs On Your List?
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List of Five Friday â Great Feasts in Childrenâs Books
List of Five Friday â Great Feasts in Childrenâs Books
ââWhatâs that? Tea! No, thank you! A little red wine, I think for me.â
âAnd for me,â said Thorin.
âAnd raspberry jam and apple tart!â said Bifur.
âAnd mince pies and cheese,â said Bofur.
âAnd pork-pie and salad,â said Bombur.
âAnd more cakesâand aleâand coffee, if you donât mind,â called the other dwarves through the door.
âPut on a few eggs, thereâs a good fellow!â Gandalf called after him, asâŚ
In my last post I said that given my record over the last few months I ought to make a post about the craft of not writing. It was a joke, but now itâs become a thing. In the time since then Iâve had to stop messing around and get down to it properly, but my brain came up with plenty of good excuses for not doing that. It would have been very easy to do no writing or editing at all in the lastâŚ
5 Ways to Make Your Charactersâ Voices Distinct
A lot of writers struggle to make their charactersâ speaking voices distinct. Donât believe me? Open two or three books youâve already read to a random page, find the first line of dialogue, and see if you can tell whoâs speaking without looking at the tag. Odds are, for at least one of these books, you wonât be able to.
In fairness, itâs not possible to make everyline uniquely characteristic ofâŚ
