#lilrel

Aight so boom.

I’m gonna get straight to the point. If you’re like me you can’t escape “the bird box” phenomenon. Shit sweeping the nation dawg. It’s people talking about this movie who I thought only watch Madea (Tyler Perry you can go to hell dawg). I legit didn’t know y’all knew they had movies that didn’t have black men in a dress. Oh It’s getting spicy in this motherfucker. Oh yea. Y’all hate this movie like it’s your dad you never met. I’ve seen people call this movie the worst movie ever. Funny to ya boy. That would mean “Takers” was never made. I’m still mad Chris Brown front flipped over a 20ft gate. That movie was bad. Like bad. But Aye I’m on fandango yesterday, right. I see Will Ferrell has a new movie. That mother fucker has a 0 rating. I can’t even make that up. I felt so bad for Will bruh.

Bird Box started and I immediately knew the ending. It’s Sandy and her new nose and these two little kids in a house. She was giving them little kids a pep talk. That was a sign that everybody else was dead. Spoiler Alert: I was not wrong. So let’s get this straight. The movie wasn’t trash per say. I’ve seen a lot worse. Did y’all see me mention takers? Because boy he flipped..Never mind. They should have given more context about whatever the hell is going in the wind. Let’s step back just a bit. The whole premise of the movie is that some fucking wind blows. Next thing you know you’re doing some wild shit. You can’t control it. It’s like some neurological monster that controls you. Whatever you fear you have it consumes you. Is that accurate ? Shit. I dunno it felt accurate. Let’s go with that. Most of the movie the characters eyes are covered. In every house we see the windows are boarded and covered. There’s even a scene where ole boy drives a car where the windows are painted. He basically drove that hoe in Stevie Wonder mode. I dunno dawg. Don’t ask me. So a wind monster you can’t look at is the villain. However their are some people the wind controls that are still normal. It’s weird. Which is where the birds come into play. You gotta keep some birds around because those little fucks can sense “the wind”. Brazy right? Not as brazy as this though... there are two black men in the movie who don’t die first. Mind blown? I know. I know. 2018 we really progressing as far as ethnic movie deaths go.

Rod from Tsa who goes by Charlie in this movie might’ve been the best character. Guess what? Rod dead. He died in a freezer, baby. It was fucked up too. Charlie knew the grocery store had grub there because he had just locked it up. Charlie didn’t even want to take that ride. The nice black guy made him. Aye Trevante got heaven points. Ain’t no black man ever gonna be that trustworthy during an apocalypse. You can’t even ask a black man to use a phone charger. He’ll ask you for your whole social as collateral. That boy Trevante was a good human being. Thats why he is dead. Spoiler alert. But before he died he did get some of Sandy’s pancake. That thing was flat flat too. To be fair for a 50 year old white lady Sandra Bullock looks pretty good. John Malkovich was the realest mother fuckin person in the movie. He was me. I ain’t trusting none of y’all. If the world was ending today and I had nothing but room, it’s gonna be my dead ass alone in the all rooms. Open the door? Bitch is you crazy? I’m sorry beloved. Human nature is to survive. John Malkovich can survive with me any day. Honestly none of the other characters are important. No disrespect. They dead anyway so what are they gonna tell me.