#interview with the vampire#iwtv#the vampire armand#assad zaman
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Well I probably should be Drug out to sea Where I can't hurt no one and no one can hurt me At least I'd be free And probably I'd see What caused me to be so detached completely
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I don't think that I'm afraid of not being loved or things of that nature, I think I'm afraid of things standing still. I'm afraid of not constantly feeling something. I'm afraid of not being in motion. My whole life, largely because of my anxiety (and the biological effects the disorders have on my body) is fast. It's moving. Constantly. I speak the language of motion, and without it, I lose myself. With stillness, for me, comes nervousness. Comes a loss of identity. I can't handle standing still or "feeling still" because I don't know how to process it, and in all honesty, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
I guess I'm just wondering how I can still fit into your life
When Life Gets Good, And Shows You Who’s Boss
Getting the internship on Capitol Hill is making me so emotional. Not only is it exciting and fun, but it really shows my progress and that makes me tear up more than I ever would have imagined. Being able to do something like this shows the world and myself that I am kicking my anxiety in the ass despite how debilitating it seems to be, and I want to become someone who can show other people that ANYTHING is possible, despite whatever it is in your life that makes you feel like you can’t do everything you wanted to do.
I am okay. I am okay, in fact--I am better than okay. I can do this.
I am emotional because my younger self would be so excited and more importantly, so surprised.
I want to do everything to push myself, and to show my “little self” that I am okay; I kick anxiety’s ass every time I wake up in the morning, every time I take a shaky breath. And for that, I own. I am proud.
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Sometimes, I get really greedy. Sometimes, I get really greedy and demand from life the answers I know that it cannot present to me. Sometimes, I get really greedy and demand for all of my questions to be answered, all of my confusions vanished, and all of my stress to fade away.
Sometimes, I forget that the stress, and the confusion, and the questions without their answers, and the nervousness are “humanly and earthly blessings” (if you will), that remind us of the ultimate thrill of life, the paradox of the definition of life being all questions with no answers, IS, in fact, the answer.
I always look for the answers, but I always have them. Staying connected, being true are always the answers to what I’m looking for. A faster heart rate, sweaty palms, confused thoughts drifting in and out of my head are what keep me here, what keep me attached. Without the continuous system of checks and balances floating amidst the chaos in my cluttered head, where would I be? Definitely not as present as I am.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this (which I guess proves my point even more), but all I’m really trying to say is there is nothing wrong with taking comfort in being uncomfortable. There is everything right with feeling content with being empty-handed, palms turned, expectant of a solution from life you will never receive. To rid yourself of the most stressful, demanding questions of life is to rid yourself of the truest form of your being.
cute brown boys make me weak
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if you give girls any kind of shit whatsoever for things related to periods or masturbation, you are a huge asshole and an even bigger hypocrite. it is completely unfair to shame and judge a female because of a cycle she cannot control while she suffers through it, and it is completely unfair to tease a girl for "pleasuring herself" or however you want to call it, just as men are high-fived for doing the same thing. a woman being aware of her sexuality and taking care of herself while she’s going through her cycle IS (quite literally) LIFE. it is not “gross” or “weird” or even “taboo,” please grow up and take a moment to consider exactly how you got here on earth....
