#like completely

🙏🙏 there's a vision here I swear

😭

here i am, taking a witching hour piss, I get ready to leave and look at the mirror hanging on the door. look at my face to see if anything is growing, ya know, facial hair.

and what do i see at the corner of my eye? some anomaly lined across the shower curtain wall but a FUCK ASS HOUSE CENTIPEDE.

and i don't mean some small boy minding his business, I can tip my hat to those fine lads, but the devil was out for me that night.

call me a believer i couldn't keep her if I tried, but I believe when YouTubers say don't do shit at 3 am,

DON'T PISS AT 3 AM!!?!?!

cause this boy was over my head the entire time I was wizzin and I never noticed.

the way I turned my head back like i owed this guy money and he finally found my tax-evading ass, how I faced the guy while I backed out of the bathroom, eyes trained on him like some weeping angel mess in lethal company, my hands feeling up the wall like we were making out while I searched for the light and fan switch.

i aint pissing at 3 am again.

I'm glad ur parents didn't use protection, ur a nice gal :3 /pos/silly/lh

I have never been stunned by words like this, holy shit

Those are the words of all time

cw for grief + drinking (gang is celebrating post exams) !! and anik being really REALLY bad at processing that grief !!! breakdowns !! dont read anything ur not comfy with u guys :(

Percy couldn’t imagine Anik as a heavy drinker, but it seemed that he, in fact, was; they were all in his and Deja’s apartment, crowded in the living room, the TV on only for the sake of white noise as Cameron poured them all generous amounts of liquor into their glasses. Perhaps Anik had a stronger tolerance, too, though if he did, Percy couldn’t tell with the amount that he was drinking. 

It was snowing outside. Midterms were finished that day, and Anik was set to return home to Canada during the winter break. Cameron and Deja would go back to the city, and Elio would be spending Christmas with the rest of his extended family in Hawaii, leaving Percy and Jamie to fend for themselves. Percy hadn’t originally wanted to go home for the holidays- he’s been hoping that everyone would spend it together, here -but he’d already told his parents what he thought were his plans before finding out that everyone would be splitting up this winter break. Jamie was the only one staying (it seemed to Percy that he had an aversion to going back home, seeing as he didn’t leave during the summer or spring breaks, either) and while Percy loved Jamie, they’d never spent such a long time alone together. 

The drinks were fruity, the sweetness slipping down his throat comfortably. It left a warm, fuzzy feeling in the center of Percy’s chest and cheeks; he felt soft, sleepy. Anik leaned over and poured himself another glass, before downing almost half of the entire thing in one go. 

Deja’s brows furrowed. She wasn’t much of a drinker, Percy knew. “Anik, maybe you should slow down,” she suggested. 

“C’mon, Dee~” Anik said. His face was flushed, a pretty shade of pink on his cheeks. He appeared breathless, somehow, like he’d just walked into the room from the snowing cold, windswept. “You know me! You know my tolerance!” 

Deja’s lips pressed together in a thin line. “You’re forgetting your own limits, it looks like.” 

Elio laughed; something straight from the chest, like thunder or a volcanic eruption, throwing an arm around Anik and pulling him close. Anik laughed along. Percy had never seen Anik laugh so freely, unless he was drinking. He snorted when he laughed. 

“Yeah, c’mon, Dee!” Elio smiled, eyes almost closed into a crescent moon. Though Anik was taller, Elio had the poor boy trapped in a headlock. “Look at him! He’s enjoying himself! Midterms are over, he deserves it!” 

Cameron gave Deja a withering look, before turning his head towards Elio and Anik. They seemed to know something that the rest of them didn’t, some sort of cause for concern. Percy looked to Anik again, though he seemed fine, regardless of his bright red flush. He looked comfortable, clad in plaid pajamas and a Batman T-shirt. A bit of that sweet booze Cameron had bought spilled on the collar of his shirt, but it was barely noticeable against the black fabric. 

Cameron hesitated before placing the bottle further on the coffee table, away from Anik’s reach. He didn’t seem to notice; he was laughing away at something Elio had said, Elio’s arm still around Anik’s shoulders. Percy would venture to guess that Elio also figured that Cameron and Deja didn’t want Anik drinking, and so this was a safer way in preventing him from doing so, albeit subtle. 

Anik hiccupped, laughed at himself, then hiccupped again. “You’re all so nice,” Anik slurs, smiling wide and giddy, like a child on Christmas morning. In a way, it was almost endearing; Deja grimaced, as if she knew something was coming. 

Anik continued speaking. “I just- hic! -love you guys so much, even though I’m- hic! -not a good person, you guys stuck around anyway-” 

Elio just laughed and laughed, a tear springing in the corner of his eye. “Hey, I never knew you were a sappy drunk!” Even Jamie seemed amused by the fact that their usually stoic friend was suddenly spouting poetic about his friendships. 

Cameron, sitting on the other side of Elio, leaned over and gave Anik a small, fond smile. “Looks like someone had too much to drink.” 

Anik looked up then, face still flushed and giggling, eyes seeing right through Cameron, as if they weren’t even there. 

And then- 

“Kenji?”

Cameron and Deja froze. Percy looked to Jamie and Elio, and both boys shook their heads in confusion. 

Anik only continued, moving from underneath Elio’s arm and closer to Cameron. His eyes were wide and wild, lips parted slightly in something akin to disbelief. 

“You’re here… You grew out your hair? How come ya never told me, Ken? I coulda gotten Yuna to help you with it.” 

He had his hands on Cam’s shoulders, heavy lidded eyes looking up through his eyelashes. Cam only smiled, though, placing their own hands on Anik’s arms and gently pushing him away. 

“It’s not Kenji, Anik. It’s me. Cam. Cameron?” 

It seemed to have dawned on Anik then, who he was really talking about. He looked like a cornered animal at that moment, shaking his head, his grip on Cameron tightening ever so slightly. 

“Cameron…” 

He bursted into tears. With a shaking voice, words slurring together, he repeated, “I’m sorry. Oh God, I’m sorry,” over and over again, until his forehead was leaning against Cameron’s collarbone. His entire body was trembling with the force of his crying, and Percy thought that his tears would flood the living room entirely, leaving the couches floating like little toy boats. 

Cameron held Anik closer, for their part, soothingly stroking Anik’s back as he sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” 

Cameron gently shushed him, letting Anik cry into his hoodie. Deja had gotten up, taking the bottle of liquor from the coffee table and opening a cabinet to put it back. Elio looked frightened, and Percy felt the same way his friend appeared; none of them had ever seen Anik break so thoroughly. It was as if someone had shattered his heart into a million pieces, just at the realization that the person he had been talking to was not Kenji, whoever he was. 

Jamie had more of a sympathetic look on his face. He got up from beside Percy, and sat between Anik and Elio, helping Cameron to soothe the other boy. Anik ran out of tears to cry eventually; his breathing even out, and for a moment, Percy believed him to be asleep. Cameron still held Anik close, unsure of whether to hand him off to Elio, already waiting to carry Anik back to bed. 

Deja sighs. “Sorry. I knew we shouldn’t have let him drink so much.”

Jamie shakes his head. “It’s alright. No need to apologize.” He stayed seated on the couch, still stroking Anik’s back in long, soothing lines. He looked to be in deep sleep now; his head rested against Cameron’s chest, mouth parted slightly open, the dampness of his cheeks reflecting the lights of the living room. He looked small. 

Elio took Anik from Cameron and carried him on his back, letting Anik’s arms dangle over his shoulders, cheek smushed against his back- even though Anik was taller than Elio by a few inches. It didn’t bother Elio in the slightest; he just gave a sad smile to Cameron before hoisting Anik up just to be secure, and taking him upstairs. 

“I’ll come with you,” Deja said, and Percy felt an ache in his chest. He wanted to join them. 

Anik’s room was the farthest down the hall. Deja opened the door with a soft click, and Elio gently layed Anik down on the bed, knocked out cold. Deja reached over and pulled the blanket over Anik’s shoulder, then seemed to change her mind before moving it higher so that it almost covered his mouth. Like this, Anik looked much younger, like a small child who had fallen asleep in the midst of a party. The feeling you had when you would fall asleep in your mother’s lap, and she would have to carry you back to the car, as the lights of the room faded and the laughter of aunts and uncles and cousins made a makeshift lullaby to lull you to sleep. The digital clock in the kitchen would read midnight. That must be the ache in Percy’s stomach. 

“Is he going to be okay?” Elio asked hesitantly. He looked scared, almost. Not of Anik, Percy was sure, but of the situation itself. 

“He’ll be… alright, once he sobers up,” was Deja’s reply, though it did little to soothe either Percy or Elio. “Sorry. This isn’t the first time something like this happened.”

“It’s not?”

“No. He… drank a lot after the winter break when he came back last year. He had to do all his exams early so he could fly back to Canada. Sorry- I don’t really think it’s my place to tell you what happened.” 

Elio shook his head. He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “No- no! It’s okay. But uhm, could you tell us who Kenji is?”

Deja shrugged. “I didn’t know him personally. But he was a friend of Anik’s back home.”

Percy wanted to reach out, to tuck a loose strand of hair behind Anik’s ear. He could hear Elio and Deja talking, though the noises filtered into the background, until it became nothing but white noise, like the TV still playing in the living room with Jamie and Cameron. They were having their own discussion of what happened, Percy was sure. 

Eventually, Deja said, “Do you guys want to stay the night? It’s late.” 

Elio agreed, and so did Percy, and they pulled out the couch and brought out the extra blankets; Percy tossed one to Jamie while he was still mid sentence with Cameron. Jamie only gave Percy a brief side eye before returning his attention to Cameron again, wrapping the blanket around him. 

“I’ll be in my room if you need anything. We’ll clean… all of this tomorrow,” Deja said, before turning her heel back to her own room. It felt strange this time, to be sleeping here. This wasn’t the first time Percy and the rest of them had an impromptu sleepover, but the air felt stilted now, charged with an uneasiness that came with Anik’s sudden breakdown. 

He turned the name over and over in his head. Kenji. Anik had never mentioned him. Not once. Though it had only been a few months of their friendship, Percy liked to think they were at least semi-close. He knew Anik and Jamie got along much better, but even Jamie had seemed confused at the mention of that name. 

An old friend from back home. 

Percy buried himself beneath the blankets, hiking it over his shoulder and shifting about before finally getting comfortable. He could see Jamie and Elio do the same; Elio seemed to want to discuss what happened more, though Jamie looked determined to avoid it entirely. Percy found himself somewhere in the middle, and in that space between the living and the dying, awareness and bliss, he fell asleep. 

_______

Percy awoke to the smell of eggs. Sunlight filtered through the window, shining right into Percy’s eyes. He groaned, turning over before eventually being shaken back to consciousness by Jamie, leaning over him, blond hair falling over his face like a curtain. 

“Wake up. Cameron’s made us breakfast,” he said. He placed a glass of water beside Percy’s head, and a small red tablet. “This’ll help.”

Percy took the glass wordlessly, looking over to see Elio already awake and about, chatting with Deja, leaning against the kitchen counter as Cameron occasionally chimed in, waving around the spatula. Almost everyone else seemed to be awake except him. 

He sat up, pushing the blanket off his torso and stretching his legs as he made his way to the kitchen area. Elio automatically wrapped his arm around Percy’s shoulder in a sideways hug, and Percy leaned into his warmth. Though it had stopped snowing, the sky was a blinding shade of grey, and the snow sparkled beneath, like tiny crystals trapped inside. 

“Anik’s still not awake, is he?” Cameron asked, leaning backward. Deja shook her head. 

“Better to let him sleep,” Deja said. 

It seemed that Deja spoke too soon, however, because Percy could hear the door from down the hall being pushed open, a soft yawn and quiet footsteps soon following. Anik entered the room, scratching the sleep out of his left eye. 

Deja gave him a small smile, leaning up to gently ruffle his hair. “Look at you, Sleeping Beauty. Good morning.” 

“Mornin’,” Anik said, mid-yawn. He looked worse for wear: dark bags beneath his eye, face flushed with sleep rather than alcohol. Deja passed him a glass of water and tablet; Anik took it from her wordlessly, downing the entire glass in one gulp before setting it back down. 

Cameron turns around. They smile as if nothing had happened last night; the look on Anik’s face is uncomfortable. He walks up to them, brows furrowed together as if in shame. 

“I’m sorry about last night.”

“Don’t be! It’s alright, Anik,” Cameron reassured, but Anik shook his head. 

“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have drank as much as I did. I didn’t mean to- to call you that.” 

Cameron only shrugged, though, and said, “I’m surprised you even remembered that.”

Anik’s laugh was small, with the tiniest smile on his face. “That’s the only thing I remember.” 

It was almost jarring to see Anik return back to being normal, after how he had been last night. Percy had thought that maybe Anik would still be distraught; though, it was more alcohol induced if anything. But now, he looked almost normal. His eye bags were a bit deeper, more bruised, pink still lingering in his cheeks and hair mussed from slumber, but nothing about him hinted at what had happened the night prior. It was something Percy admired about Anik, this strange ability of his. 

Gently, Anik took the pan and spatula from Cameron. “Have you eaten?”

Cam shook their head, and Anik sighed. Then, with a sleepy, yet bright smile, he said, “How about I make breakfast to make up for last night, hm?”