#lifewithasthma

I am writing this 2 days later almost. Primarily because last Friday was a unique experience. I was awake all night because I had first coffee around 9:45 on Thursday, and the second on 2:30am. I kept awake with the storm. I was studying 'female deselection' when the day broke, and it was dark, raining. I have been trying to get to a land where a small house has been demolished so there was soil. I wanted to bring some for my plants. I went it was raining hard. I collected some soil in a bucket, and and two plants. One fern and one mango. I wish they live to grow big bushy and happy as possible. That is how a day starts. I love rainy days.

Coffee effect wore off around 11:30am, that's when I went to sleep finally. Woke up around 1:30pm. Had my period. Hard physical work does wonders. YES. I meant that.

Day 3 - 25/10/2024

What I am proud of/happy about - (why do they have this green?)

I could see the daybreak while I was studying.

I started reading the book I wanted to, for so long. Read few pages, took some notes, did some reference work.

I brought two plants, immediately potted them. Cleaned the areas.

Did Spanish on Duo for 20 minutes. Took notes.

Slept for 4 hours. (The keyword is SLEPT)

Woke up, brushed, ate.

Did a meeting. (I was shitty in the meeting. But anyways. Will work on that)

Watched a movie. Was emotionally available enough to enjoy that and notice the details.

Made myself a tea that altered the period flow into magic.

Worked on a soundtrack we are trying to make for a friend. (Had been delaying this for so long!!!)

Did some journaling.

Slept within 1am.

What I am not proud of/happy about -

Couldn't concentrate on anything.

Routine was shitty.

Bad sleeping pattern.

Emotionally in a very bad place, and I have no idea how to handle this. (crying help to a wall)

Didn't start writing the proposal. YET.

Didn't take inhalers. NONE.

Today was shitty. Slept almost all day. The weather is rainy. I love that, because it makes sleeping fun. I want to cuddle in this weather. But still, I am proud of myself for certain things. It's almost the dawn of 25th Oct. But until the sun comes out, I think I am going to consider it to be 24th. *Peace*

I am lowkey losing my ability to process memories. Maybe this is an impact of the steroid from the halers. I do not want to live with my memories lost. Or, maybe life is going to change. But then, I won't be able to teach anymore. Because I lose words amidst lectures and sentences nowadays. I wish I could be my older self, who remembered more. Could learn whole scripts fast (*even others lines*). So, I am lowkey hating halers right now. Especially the lupihaler.

Day 2 - 24/10/2024

Things I am proud of

Woke up and folded sheets.

Brushed, ate properly.

Finished watching Bojack Horseman.

Started working on my memoir. I don't know why, it has always been my dream of writing this piece. So, today, I started. I keep feeling like writing a book.

Took a session. Earned a bit.

Didn't obsess over facebook.

Wrote payslip for one college.

Did some Spanish on Duolingo.

Made dinner for baba.

Read only 3-4 pages.

Replied to mithi.

Took nasal spray, took inhaler once.

Did some journaling.

Things I am not super proud of -

Didn't have a bath.

Had 2 cups of coffee after 6pm.

Slept way too much. 10 hours.

Didn't read much.

Couldn't work on my proposal.

Didn't take second dose of inhaler.

Day 16/100 | 8/11/2024

Nice and clean day!

What I'm kinda happy about

I'm not sure they call it productivity, but hey, I'm trying it my way.

Cleaned my bedroom, cleaned the sheets, ironed quite a number of sarees and clothes. (2.5 hours)

Brushed, bathed, ate lunch.

Went to take a class. Took it (well, almost!) (1.5 hours travel, 2 hours' class!)

Came back via bus. Finished a chapter on the bus. (1hr 40 minutes)

Finished Emily in Paris.

Ate dinner.

Took the nasal spray, and 8 doses of inhalers.

Covered head for almost all day. I don't know if asthma helps like that.

Did chores.

Did a self padicure ! 🌿

What I don't like about today

He keeps coming back in my mind.

Didn't have breakfast, couldn't finish the drying of clothes

Asthma coming back to rattle. My throat is sore.

Day - 15/100 | 7/11/2024

Wanted to sleep the whole day today. But read a little and watched a movie. It's good that I write this everyday now. Mostly when I'm writing this, I remember about the inhaler dose, and have started taking it, instead of writing, "Didn't take my inhalers today".

But I have to clean my rooms ASAP. Health is bad. I feel my chest congested quite a lot. Also I need to change my specs. But I think the more I do not feel like latching on to someone, the less I want to be alive, and the less I want to visit the doctors. It's going to be more difficult I think. Let's see!

What I could accomplish -

Finished a book today. (4.5 - 5 hours)

Watched a movie.

Took the nasal spray.

Taking the inhaler 2 doses.

Kept wearing a cap all day today. Feels good.

Bad things -

Day - 14/100 | 6/11/2024

What I could accomplish -

Woke up at 5am.

Sorted ed syllabus. Studied a little. (1 hour)

Bathed, ate, had my inhaler.

While chatting, learnt a new concept and brainstormed around that. (1hour)

Studied in the library (1 hours)

Took 4 classes.

Did a small card project 10-15 minutes.

Took another class in the evening (2.5 hours)

Took the nasal spray.

Had dinner.

Bad things -

Wasted 2 hours looking for a proper sandal and bought something I don't like.

Felt extremely exhausted.

Health is degrading for some reason.

Didn't yet respond to the student emails. Took only two doses of inhalers.

Had time but couldn't use it properly.

Day - 13/100 | 5/11/2024

I'm awake since 3am today. Need to sleep. Hard.

What I could accomplish -

Sorted out UG/CU syllabus my own way.

Bathed.

Made tea. Had tea.

Prepped for classes.

Wore a sari!

Traveled to college.

Took classes.

Socialized.

Sat for the orientation, properly. Without getting lost into thoughts.

Sat for a meeting. Talked to a student.

Went to an alma mater. Socialized bit more.

Had lunch.

Traveled some more. Slept en route.

Wrote two pieces of poetry on the train.

Took a class.

Could keep my head calm while returning.

Sat for a session. Conducted a relaxation.

Took nasal spray.

Took two doses of inhalers.

Hopefully will have dinner.

Going to change now.

Bad things -

Couldn't sleep. Slept only 2 hours.

Reached college 5 minutes late.

Dead scared about not being able to reach on time tomorrow.

Had to take two more doses of inhalers. But missed.

Miscommunication made me not be able to sit with some students.

Day - 12/100 | 4/11/2024

It was a hard day to say the least. The morning didn't happen. I woke up at noon. Then accidentally read some old letters to a lover. Got so anxious, I started having chills. Recently I have these breakdowns, which are not about as much intensity as a panic attack, but they are not good either. I literally had a lot to accomplish, while I went back to sleep. This vulnerability I do not like. I want to fight it back. But don't know how.

What I could accomplish -

Emailed for a correction.

Bathed.

Read around 50 pages from a book.

Had to look for a document, looked, found it. Printed it.

Packed bag for tomorrow.

Prepared for a class.

Traveled to take the class, healthy.

Took the class, it was a good one after ages. The student was very much involved.

Did some necessary communications.

Sat with the research proposal for more than an hour (st.1)

Ate properly.

Took the nasal spray (late).

Watched an interview. (45 minutes)

Bad things -

Woke up too late.

couldn't work on lesson plan or studying for lessons.

Forgot about the inhalers.

Emotionally very exhausted. I wanted to cry today, literally.

Being impulsive. Too impulsive.

Didn't work on Spanish.

Tomorrow is going to be very hectic. I want a full course of healthy sleep. Need to clean the bed. Need to clean the rooms. I don't know when I will be able to do those. *cries*

Day - 11/100 | 3/11/2024

Completed a lot of small tasks. Also I have a new found obsession - cleaning videos! Mostly lawn and carpets! ♥

What I could accomplish -

Replied to 7 emails, which means, I have went in-&-out of 7 different research projects.

A group research project.

Went to a place that makes me calm. Reflected a lot.

Self-discovered an interesting mindfulness technique.

Did a lot of necessary communication.

Watched Shoojit Sarkar's interview.

Had bhelpuri! ♥

Wrote a post for a friend's group.

Bathed, ate - lunch, dinner.

Read 38 pages of a new book. Might read a bit more. (or might not)

Bad things -

Didn't take inhalers.

Sat almost for an hour without mask let the air flow into my hair. Which it bad for my health. Now my throat is choking.