#lifesmold

“Oh, Mis — Albedo.”  Her surprise fades away; she even manages a smile, tinged with embarrassment as it may be.  He’s found her at an inopportune time; well, no.  It’s nothing extreme.  But rather than being neatly tied into the ponytail it usually is, her long hair cascades down her back in loose waves.  “I didn’t expect you to be in so early...good morning.”

       ❝ ——— now, albedo, ❞ was kaeya invited into the PERSONAL SANCTUM? no, not precisely, though he wouldn’t say that he’s entering uninvited, either ( except that, in all technicality, he certainly is : he just doesn’t care ) but rather, that he had simply been passing by and decided to, spur of the moment, burst into the laboratory, lean against the doorway ( ostentatiously, some would argue ) and give him a passably stern look, though it was certainly belied by the amusement in his eye. ❝ when was the last time you had a proper meal? it doesn’t do to be a shut in, you know. alchemy shall always be waiting, your stomach won’t be, ❞ he’s even wagging his finger / shame on you, albedo.

        ❝ is it? ❞ an easy response ——— immediate, lingering on too rapid, akin to the frenetic thrum of a pulse gone too fast too—lurching. the humor of it all ( truly stomach gripping laughing on the floor until you cannot breathe anymore humor, at that ) is that it ISN’T A LIE for the initial moments that the words are given life.

        IS IT DANGEROUS TO BE SEEN AND KNOWN? well, isn’t it a comfort? isn’t it gratifying, to be known and acknowledged? doesn’t it alleviate bone deep loneliness, weariness pulling at every last inch of your skin?

        kaeya has draped themselves rather ostentatiously in albedo’s laboratory again. he hasn’t even made a true attempt to snoop into the various things lying about : he’s too busy staring ( quite fascinated ) at another project of his, at the pretty petals of the flower, the arching of its leaves : ALCHEMY MADE. but not a ( ... ) certain something. he wonders if it’s something that albedo is invested in, if it’s something that he’s started and finished, if it’s something that he’s pouring his very essence into. how much time has he spent on it? will he spend more on it? the desire to know is almost a compulsion, an intrinsic craving ———

        he’s made himself an IMMOVABLE IMMUTABLE PRESENCE ( again. ) intruding on albedo’s space without so much as a by your leave and he wonders, fleetingly, where sucrose has gone off to but discards the thought, though keeps the concept of her nearby. they like it here in the lab, where albedo sometimes looks at them with something that drifts away from the monotony of a blank expression and AT TIMES snipes back at him, this continuous give and take : where kaeya tries to peel back the curtain ( his layers if not his skin ) and fails and laughs GLORIOUSLY when albedo returns the favor. no one else bothers him here / there’s simply someone to bother.

        THEY ARE THE SAME. a lie?

        still : he lifts his gaze from one experiment to another : albedo isn’t looking at him ( of course not of course not ) but perhaps he was, at some point !! who’s to say and who’s to know but the kreideprinz, himself. this simply means that kaeya can look at him, which he does frequently enough, but here he uncrosses his legs and shifts his weight and crosses them again : broad strokes of a paint brush. extravagant, showy, overwrought, sweeps of his body and he fixes albedo with a slow smile.

        ❝ speaking from personal experience, i see, ❞ it’s an assumption based on the phrasing that he had been given but, well : kaeya is very good at making ACCURATE ASSUMPTIONS. he had been taught from a young age, after all, and who is he to forget the teachings of his beloved mother?

        IS IT DANGEROUS TO BE SEEN AND KNOWN? yes. yes. yes. those fleeting moments where the question hadn’t been a lie are gone and the lie remains and being seen and known is disconcerting at best. horrifying at worst. ( he remembers diluc’s face, beloved brother mine i do love you so i love you so, that expression burned into every last inch of his mind / he cradles it, nurtures it, REMEMBERS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS that moment where, at last, they had been seen for who they truly were. ) they are wrapped in layers upon layers upon layers of frigid ice, kaeya as a concept lost and drifting : who is he really, anyways?

        a weeping boy from khaenri’ah. a prince with no crown. a monster of the abyss with no fangs. the son of crepus ragnvindr. the brother of diluc. cavalry captain of the knights of favonius. frost—heart. defender of mondstadt. harbinger of war. no ——— no. no? not quite. danger. dangerous. DANGEROUS.

        ( with diluc there had been no danger. with diluc it had simply been and he had screamed / wailed / bled for it. known well that he would not die. and besides : they hadn’t been in their right mind, anyways. had simply ——— acted. spoken. confessed at an altar of all of his lies. )

        ah, but who is albedo, anyways?

        ❝ what a shame... i would like to see you for who you really are, ❞ kaeya watches the delicate way that albedo exists. as he is and as he breathes ——— how gently he conducts himself with others. with many. with sucrose and klee and the rest. THAT IS NOT A LIE ( not the way that much of kaeya is, at least, half of a lie ) / it is simply not the whole truth. they watch albedo continue to work, the passivity of his expression, and kaeya wants to laugh. how much to reveal? how much to say? they are disjointed mirrors, some day the structure they’ve made will come crashing down ( down, down. )

        ❝ but you’re looking for agreement... perhaps i do agree, ❞ too much, TOO MUCH. but then : when is anything too much, when it comes to albedo? kaeya does laugh, now, eye glimmering when albedo finally ( finally ) glances at him, and he tilts his head back and staring up, up, up. ( what a shame, perhaps they should have held his gaze. ) ❝ maybe it wouldn’t be so dangerous after all, they do say that to know someone is a comfort, ❞ he thinks of diluc / feels a disjointed compulsion to tear at his chest.

         a comfort. as if.

        there’s a certain way that the light catches albedo that makes him look ——— fragile. skin translucent, as though he were about to fall apart at the seams : it’s an utterly fascinating phenomenon, one that kaeya is half tempted to tell him to study along with the creation, purpose, and origin of life itself. they wonder what expression he would make if he were to say as much aloud, put into irrevocable words how BREAKABLE he appears, when the light hits him just so. perhaps albedo would grace him with a laugh, a raised brow, a quirk of his mouth in annoyance, a strange look. it’s hard to say which kaeya would prefer to see : any of them would be a treat, after all.

        it’s how he looks now, cast in clay / encased in light. not looking at him, instead staring down at a sheaf of papers, an expression on his face that’s nearly RUEFUL, a set to his mouth different than its standard neutrality. kaeya almost understands albedo’s desire to commit life to paper ——— he looks so very delicate and pristine that it almost seems a shame that someone isn’t capturing this moment. KAEYA WANTS TO REMEMBER IT FOREVER.

        luckily : he will.

        ❝ you know, albedo, ❞ kaeya suddenly wants, with an acuteness that sets its teeth into the back of his mouth / sinking into his larynx / blood pooling in his throat, albedo to MEET THEIR GAZE, but discards that want ( and it falls upon the pile of other wants, sending others careening further and further and —— further into the chasm ) because it’s silly, isn’t it? so childish, nearly juvenile, and he’s long since outgrown being the young boy who clung to his brother’s sleeve. ❝ you’ve managed to surprise me ——— quite the impressive feat. ❞

        ( it is because kaeya had half—thought that albedo would never even tolerate his presence, all but immune to his charms? but no, not quite : he had watched that NEUTRAL IMPASSIVE FACE giving way inch by inch by inch, bit by bit, passivity melting to make way for something that laid just beneath / something that stuck dirt beneath their nails as they unearthed what laid below and found ——— no, not quite. they suppose that they’re SURPRISED that he admits it so freely / so openly. )

        albedo manages to surprise him RATHER OFTEN, in fact, something that kaeya takes great pleasure in every time it happens because it’s a rare event, otherwise. it keeps them on their toes in regards to him ——— and it keeps albedo thoroughly interesting, he never quite knows what he’s going to get, and that’s the best part.

        and there : albedo’s eyes shift towards him and away again, quick as a gust of wind, easy to miss if only kaeya hadn’t been watching him LIKE A HAWK, taking in every last one of his movements. better and better.

        kaeya CHUCKLES quietly in response, as though being any louder would shatter this moment / would shatter albedo. or perhaps kaeya is the one who would shatter ——— how thick is the sheaf of ice that covers him, after all? ❝ worry not, albedo, ❞ the name rests in his mouth and tastes like salty earth, ❝ now that i know, i’ll be sure to increase my frequency of visits to your lab. your life should never know another moment without my presence, after all. ❞