#lifepain

A lot has happened in the past 2-3 years. Most of what happened just happened within the last 12 months. And I'm having somewhat of a hard time digesting and comprehending it. I used to have a huge amount of friends. 99% of them were online. They were some of the most meaningful friends I've ever had. I never met any of them, unfortunately. I wish I had. I lost most of them because I got tied up in life. I stopped logging on. I buried myself in work. Especially after moving across country with my girlfriend at the time. Everything was upturned. New job, new state, new place to live and sleep, someone I loved who used to be far away suddenly by my side every night. It was good and bad.

Things fell through with that girlfriend. We broke up. I left and moved back in with my parents. And it's such a hard adjustment. I don't get called He unless I'm with friends without my parents near. And even that's rare. My job here is so hard. And they expect so much out of me. I'm constantly exhausted. And life continues to move on. I wish I had the strength to deal with this.

All the things in my head are crashing in me every night, 

my late night thoughts are keeping me awake, making me tired of feeling sad, making me realize how everything suffocates me. 

how pain tortures me. 

i don’t know why am I hurting? 

why I feel like I’m not enough? that I’m not good? 

it breaks my heart. it’s like I’m always afraid for people to see me at my lowest. even no one even bother to ask me if something’s going on. 

because when people are happy.. or simply ignoring life, they wouldn’t notice how others are crashing into sadness. 

and so, I’m thankful that there are song writers who puts every word that our lonely hearts are dying to tell the world in a song. 

Songs are truly powerful. 

One day, you will just sit back, hear one song that could remind you of all the things you’ve been through. and then cry, word by word, your heart will ache. 

your tears will fall. Your eyes will tell the souls around you how badly you want to disappear. 

But there are songs too that can heal you, that can motivate you to trust up above, that he will never stop healing your wounded heart. 

He will never stop caring for what you feel. He will save you from the darkness you are running from. 

You will vanish and open another door that will give you hope, 

it’s like another day that you will wake up, surrender all the sins of yesterday to our Lord God, and start a new chapter of your life. 

You might get puzzled by it but some songs will explain to you, what’s your purpose in this world. 

I’m not always like this, 

Sometimes life can be heartbreaking, 

Come, hold my hand and feel my tremor, 

Come, kiss my lips and taste my remorse, 

Come, make love to me and watch my war, 

But I’m not always like this, 

Tomorrow I’ll bring rainbow and butterflies,