#life_update

For a second there, I thought I left the internet for real. Nah, turns out when the whole world panics about the death of a platform, somehow everyone returns the next week like nothing’s happened. Despite migrating my followed content on my other platforms, I STILL ended up using Twitter the most in viewing online content.How could I stop? Everyone still uses that platform to some degree. Despite this, I did promise that Tumblr would be my new place for posts (clearly followed up on that order :P), and I still haven’t (and won’t) post another thing on that platform for god knows how long.

Sooo, how have I been (if that even matters to you)? 

I’ve been fine, I got through my first year of college at ASU, and overall I’m just been chilling with the inactivity. The most I ever post online is through my personal Instagram, which for obv reasons, I won’t be sharing. Besides that its been scroll, like, next platforn, scroll, like,... the usual.

It’s been sort of nice to be afk from the constant active schedule, especially when there are important things to worry about than being on social media. I honestly don’t know how some of y’all do it better, haha. 

How about the art? Where’s the art?

I really did leave the blog hanging with the doodle sharing. There’s still several pages of sketches there, but I haven’t really drawn in like... a year. Again, college had me on a chokehold, and will again once next semester begins, so I haven’t really done much creatively for awhile. I MIGHT, but I don’t promise. Social media for me, isn’t much of a priority than living for real life, which pretty much defines my reason for inactivity. Not that I don’t care about it, otherwise this account would’ve been deleted long ago.

Any new interests / miscellaneous section?

This is just to update y’all about my current interests and such. Pretty much realized through the past year that I don’t like Pokémon as much as I thought. During Gen 8, I made it an effort to become engulfed into the currents of the games, anime, media, etc... and honestly it was a hassle, and I hated it, especially on Twitter. I pretty much learned that the only thing I actually cared about were the various Pokémon themselves. Especially apparent from my ever-growing collection of plushes that I dedicate to once in a while. It’s a massive money waster, but god do I love it. My recent favorite is the Cult of the Lamb plush I had to order in under a minute before being sold out. That was a fun experience, and I know I’ve sneaked him into several ASU promotional material. Funny I mention that, because I haven’t really played video games either since college. 

If there is ONE thing I do have current interest in, that would be this one small show you may have heard of this show I’m not sure if you know this show so ill show you the show so you know its a little show called Bluey. I’ve been obsessed with this show since the end of my winter break, funny enough initial interest came from watching TikTok's of people (jokingly, I hope) to compete with 6 y/olds for Bluey plushes at Target. I guess i’ve liked too many of these posts for TikTok to start sharing full episodes on my page, and I've never been the same since. I’ve caught up with the series, and I gotta say it’s one of my favorite current pieces of animated media to come out as of late. Without saying too much, this show made me question many aspects of my life several times to where I could say I’ve actually learned how to better myself a bit. It’s crazy to me that a goddamn toddler program from Australia is actively teaching me morals at age 19, but here we are, I guess. 

Will there be Bluey in this blog? maybe, but I plan on posting Bluey related content on another blog @dsumpsbluey For now, my primary blog will share primarily Pokémon, art, and Pokémon art; not that I’m gatekeeping Bluey, but I got something planned for that other blog (plans, I’m totally great with those). Other than that, that’s pretty much it with what’s up with me. Sorry for being inactive for as long as I did, real life just caught up to me that’s all. Hopefully if you’re still reading this, you realize my current position of my blog. Just know that unless specified by me, this blog isn’t dead. Good day, or night, and until the next post.

Not gonna be much of a life update, I just wanted to reflect on something that’s been on my mind lately.

I’ve felt a disconnect between reality and what’s in my brain regarding my intelligence. I know that I have a bad memory, and sometimes I do/say some dumb stuff at work and IRL. E.G. Sometimes I’ll say something, but then immediately remember more details of the topic moments after, and now the thing I said makes me look like a dumbass because it sounds ignorant, or it’s something that I should (and do already) know the answer to.

So for a while I just thought that I was dumb. But here’s the thing: I’ve spent time around actual legitimately dumb people before. And not in a mean way, I can just tell that they’re not smart, and they live their life accordingly, so it’s really no big deal. But given this, I know I’m not dumb-dumb, because I know that I’m smarter than people that are actually dumb. And yet, I still do dumb things that really make my question how smart I am.

I think my stupidity comes from my bad memory. I have such a hard time recalling information -- at work, things that were briefed to me a couple of weeks ago are lost in a fog and it sometimes takes me hours to subconsciously recall important conversations. Or, sometimes information is presented to me earlier in the day, and appears in a separate scenario later, and I just can’t piece two and two together. I feel that this is an issue because it seems that none of my co-workers are affected by this - things that takes me forever to think of are caught nearly twice as fast by someone else.

I also have a hard time retaining information. For example, trying to solve a complex ledger problem at work literally makes my head hurt. No matter how long I take I just can’t focus long enough on the problem for it to make sense to me. This may be a tougher example, but another member on my team actively takes on the same problems that gives me hell and manages to get through it all. I don’t know what I can do to improve any of this.

I think the cause of my bad memory is that I’m so anxious all the time. For example, sometimes I get triggers that reminds me of a cringey moment - maybe I said some dumb embarrassing thing at work, or even if I make a comment in a group chat and get completely ignored. These moments play over and over again in my brain, and cause me psychological and physical discomfort throughout the day. The only thing that brings me peace is if I forget about these moments - forget about these triggers so that I won’t suffer through the replays anymore.

But if forgetting these memories bring me relief, then it’s easier for my brain to forget other things too. Like important things for work, or an active hunk of information to solve a problem. I feel that my brain thinks that if I retain too much stimulation, then I’d get overwhelmed when triggers happen, so over time it’s trained itself to only focus on a small handful of things at a time and easily let go of them so I can be at peace.

Maybe this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever thunk?? I don’t know, I’m probably just making excuses for why I’m not as successful as I’d like to be. But I think that my past depression and anxiety definitely has something to do with it. Once when I was a kid (maybe 7ish or 8) some guy at DisneyWorld screamed at me, and everybody turned to look at me and muttered in disapproval (or so I remember). That scenario tortured me for literally years on and off, and I still vividly remember it to this day. Now as an adult, embarrassing/cringey things might torture me for 1-2 days at most, but then I forget about it and move on. But I used to have really good memory when I was a kid, E.G. throughout middle school and high school I could glance at my class schedules once and have it memorized, and I used to challenge myself to memorizing bizarre facts about Greek Mythology. Now, I can barely remember facts about any of my friends, even though they’ve repeated those facts to me over some period of time.

• A P R I L • Favorites & Life Update

So………..it’s this funny think I realized one week ago, I thought I posted this article at the beginning of May but I didn’t and I have like no idea why. But beacuse of this little malfunction this is Favorites and Life Update for April, enjoy:

Favorites:

Movie: Power Rangers

TV Show: Riverdale *not just because Cole Sprouse is my childhood crush* *Exploring small town life, the darkness and…

Life Update • March •

In the last month, a lot of things have happened and I just wanted to make sure we’re all caught up on them because they’re all REALLY exciting! So. Let’s. Just. Go.

First thing’s first…I’ve been to national championships this month and I already made a post about that so I will let a link at the end of this post. And I got good grades in school.

But it’s just one think that’s really important…