#lien tag

While for the longest time I've written Lien, an age old OC of mine, as being cis female mostly in unfinished drabs and prompts hardly anyone has seen, I've been thinking about making Lien afab and androgyne? 

I'm still learning about gender identity outside the binary, but: Pretty sure the term bigender focuses more on switching between two genders within different spans of time (whether inside the binary or otherwise), while androgyny focuses of identifying as both male and female at once, or in-between the two. Lien would fit into the latter, if I change her identity.

For a while, prolly longer that I think I have/than anyone who knows my OCs are aware of, Lien has kinda struck to me as someone who could be androgynous. Maybe it's just me and it's probably really stupid and I doubt most folks I've shared info on her with would really see it, but I dunno.  But I've been so used to using she/her pronouns, and with I worried that the androgynous-thing was simply due her potential gender expression (particularly with Lien being homeless, since that'd limit clothing options majorly and womens' clothing can get pretty damn expensive tbh).

I brushed the thought off as maybe giving into gendered stereotypes. Gender identity and gender expression aren't the same thing after all, and there are non-conforming cis guys and gals (and not everyone who's non-binary makes their gender presentation ambiguous, of course).

But the thought persisted, and it grew. And while I guess the reason I brushed off those thoughts are valid, avoiding every single trait that may seem to give into even the tiniest implication of gendered stereotyping will get me nowhere.

For pronouns (been avoiding them up until now just in case, I'm as a fair warning I'm using she/her because will explain context): 'it' would be the utmost obvious no-no because why would you call someone that. I tried seeing if there were any actually described non-binary genders used in ancient/medieval China, but I've literally found nothing other than stuff on recent LGBT+ rights in modern day China. Lien's a Kung Fu Panda OC I am trash. 

So in the case of there not likely being alternative pronouns to draw upon (other than they perhaps?), Lien otherwise wouldn't mind at all (or really care about) what pronouns people use on her, either she/her//hers and he/him/his being fine. Just as long as gender specifically isn't openly assumed or obviously put question, she's alright-ish. Lien would know folks for the most part might label her as a woman based on voice (feminine but raspy? might change idk), or the other way around as a result of not affording nor caring to acquire more feminine luxuries and perhaps her species having sexual dimorphism (the female frogs are bigger, might cause some to misgender Lien as a dude), and it's shitty and yadayada, insert more informative filler. 

And since I'm planning on a fanfic with Lien not being quite the center focus (gotta make room for the canons after all, jeebus), perhaps for the narration itself I should use they/them/their pronouns, while others call Lien she or he depending on the context? Or should I just stick to she during (third person) narration, simply out of convenience? Lien I think would more likely be all "Just call me Lien" than actually recommend pronouns. Partially it's out of still being in doubt of her gender identity/being unsure if anyone would be particularly tolerant to accept it, and also to do with being a runaway from a bad household, so it's better to keep people guessing her physical sex than risking the chance of being sent back home because someone who knew her while she was passing herself off as cis female recognizes her.

That being said, there may or may not be planned sections for said fic where Lien is mentioned in another character's flashbacks, but said flashbacks would (probably) be in third person limited with the "limited" being from the view of a character that isn't her. Would it be inappropriate to refer to Lien as she during these contexts (if I decide to use "they" for the rest of the narrative), since Lien's assigned gender would be more enforced and true identity closeted during the flashbacks mentioned?

A part of me wants there to be a reveal that the frog from the flashbacks and Lien are the same person, but would such a reveal, if they is used, result in unfortunate implications? It's not meant to pander to some skeevy "unsettling sex reveal" or that kind of bullcrap , but I'm on the fence. I want to present Lien's gender identity properly, and while I have a pretty fleshed out idea on how Lien as a character perceives their gender, I'm questioning how I can use pronouns and in a way that's won't be confusing to the reader, while not erasing her identify or making her sense of secrecy (being someone on the run from a not-great family situation) accidentally come off as trivializing her gender identity.

"What about skills?"

"Hmm  let's see here," her sarcasm dripped as she scratched her chin in 'thought', "I'm pretty good at lying to myself.  Like my chances of survival, avoiding my problems, my sleep schedule, and my overall morale to be honest."

"You do realize I'm trying to help."

"And you do realize that that we're talking in circles~" Lien stuck out her thin long tongue. Not the best for sounding out raspberries, but it did its job as he chuckled and rolled his eyes.  "Oh Shu,  you have your family work stuff and me looking for work isn't the same thing." She smirked as the gaur raised his brow in annoyance. "Do you think it's as easy as walking up to some random on the street saying 'ni hao hi I'm a broke loaner with no actual skills can I work here please'?"

His face furrowed. "Maybe not, but does it matter if that's what it takes? I mean it's better than the streets-"

"With the night sky above and no underpaid overtime." As she said that, Shuang nearly jumped as the frog hopped from the nightstand to his head, but at least he was sturdy. "Just the way I like it!"

"...you really shouldn't do that without warning." He glanced upward, the frog using one of his horns for balance. .  Not a care, more raspberries.

"As I was saying, I don't need a job." She proceeded to playfully nudge his ear with her foot, before yet another skillset came to mind. "Oh yeah, and I know how to slip through the cracks without falling too deep! Like uh, how the jailors back at Gongmen should have locked me elsewhere, but I'm sure they have mandated cells my size these days."

Brief pause, mouth agape. "You escaped Gongmen Prison!?"

"No, jail," she emphasized, lucky that that the bull's parents were away from the house, "and it was getting a rehaul at the time. Had to do with some ax-crazy peacock guy blowing it up for being too small or something. He was ruling the city when I rolled on by, I dunno-"

"You escaped a jail. What. I just. Why."

She could feel the gaur shake in shock while latching on tighter to his horn. With a simper, she finally sat down. "Yep! Wanna hear the story?"

"..."

"Will take as a yes. So anyways, peacock-guy renovated the city's kung fu academy into the new jail. Weird right?  And the new jail was the only place that could house the new prisoners. Wolves and gorillas everywhere, and then there's little old me waltzing through the bars over a chorus of pissed howls. "

"..."

"I know that things look bad, but there has to be a way to help you on your feet! Maybe you have relatives or old friends that could take you in, I dunno. I mean no offence, you are a frog." He tried to ignore the look Lien shot him, biting his lip before he continued on. "...euh, you should have connections somewhere, right?"

The frog's shook her head. "Shuang. This is me. Not you and your father's rice business or your ma's herbal-medicine-whatevershedoes. And speaking of your baba- father, u-uh-" she caught herself mid stutter, "I mean, uh, father-"

"Shh!" He paused the convo at sudden hoofsteps. Though the sound ceased shortly, the two of them agreed that his parents' house wasn't the best place to have a pep talk. "It doesn't- wait. What was that about?"

She sighed, continuing in matter-of-fact manner. "Okay, let me break it down. Do. I look like. I'm living in tight-knit-friends-in-high-places-central. Take a wild-"

"I mean the baba-verses-father bit."  His voice raised with the interruption, but something about Lien's stiff, sudden posture made him soften his tone. "Why does it matter? It's just my dad." Shuang beamed softly at the dark green amphibian, but his reassurance didn't lighten the mood. "Intimidating, yes, but I'm certain he'd like you without uh, you know. You doing the thing."

Shoulders still rigid, there bode an apologetic air in her voice. "I simply didn't want to do him disrespect."

A puzzled, unintentional chuckle slipped past his maw. "Okay then? But they literally mean the same thing."

All Lien could do was lower her head like a scolded child. As she mumbled something he couldn’t quite pick up, Shuang couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret. He reached a hoof towards her, contrite, but the tender gesture barely registered in her downward gaze. Perturbed, she stumbled-hopped off his nightstand as soon as the cloven hand brushed her back.

The panic in her wide eyes between heavy pants. How they darted between the closed door and open window. The gaur froze as she fumbled back onto her feet, unsettled by the thought of further unnerving her. But he had to do something, anything.

What’s going on? What did I do?

“Li-”

“I have to go.”