#liammartuo

xxx

So that's how Liam found himself on a flight to Shannon, otherwise known as the longest 38 hours of his life (the different connections and everything combined). He was lucky enough to score first class the entire trip, but it didn't do anything to help his shaking limbs and flinching body if a stewardess came too close.

He knew he was being stupid; he'd gotten through the last 9 years without flinching from people coming close, so why the fuck was it happening now? Why him? What did he do to deserve this?

Nothing. It wasn't his fault his parents died in the fire. He hadn't meant to set the house on fire. He was young and it was an accident and he didn't deserve the blame. He didn't deserve to feel like... like this.

As the plane landed and hit the tarmac roughly he had already been asleep for 10 hours. He was awoken cautiously by one of the air hostesses who gave him a kind smile and informed him that he was able to get off the plane now. As he looked around he was surprised to see that the rest of the plane was empty (it was a relatively small one compared to the two decker he was on from Minneapolis to London). He gave the lady, Cassandra, a tight smile and gathered his stuff and walked off the plane and towards the baggage claim.

As he walked into the arrivals areas, expecting a driver with his name in the air, he was very surprised to find his Nan standing there. She was staring at him cautiously, like she was scared he would break if she opened her mouth.

As he dropped his bags and rushed forward into her waiting arms and embraced her, he let out a shaky stream of air. For the first time in five years, he felt like he could finally breath.

----

The Christmas break was spent touring the town of Ennis, as it had been the first time Liam had ever been to Ireland. She took him to the Cliffs of Moher and told him the myths she had learned growing up and then watched him softly as he closed his eyes and let the ocean breeze rush through his hair.

Apologies from her side were spoken quietly over dinner, to which he politely informed her that he understand and he had always loved her.

She smiled and shared stories of her youth with him, informing him that when she was growing up she had fallen in love with his grandfather, who had been an American from California whose family had owned the Orange Orchard that his father had grown up on. Much like how she had at first opposed Liam's mother and father's relationship, her parents had disproved of her and Greggory's relationships; so they had eloped and lived on the Orchard for the rest of her life. And eventually her parents had warmed to the idea and wrote her back into the will, which is why she was living in the farmhouse at the moment.

"I'm selling the Orchard." She announced quietly one night while they were sitting outside, bundled under blankets and listening to the peacefulness of the country side.

"What?" Liam asked, perplexed that his Nan wanted to give something that important up.

"We would still own it Liam, but I think someone else should have the opportunity to look after it." She explained quietly; she set her mug of tea down on the table beside her. "Mo chride, it's too hard to be there. I'm not a good person when I'm there. There's too many memories."

"I know," he whispered darkly, staring into the dark liquid of his own drink (hot chocolate).

"I know you've finished your A-levels already, and your SATs. You could finish your American classes online... Mo chride, would you like to stay here in Ireland with me?" She asked, her eyes flickering over his face to make sure he understood what she was asking.

"Are you asking me to give up everything back in Georgia?" Liam asked her, thinking back to his school friends. "What about Red? What about Xander and Gri- what about my friends?"

"Are you honestly happy there, Liam? Your last semester was extremely rough... you stopped eating, I p-pushed you and you separated your shoudler. Liam, your friend tried to kill himself. Are you sure that's a good environment for you." Her voice shook as she spoke. "I just want to look out for you, sweet heart. I know you're going to school in Britain next year, and living here could help you adjust."

"Just- just let me think about it?" He asked, his voice quiet and subdued.

"Take however long as you need," She replied, getting up from her spot and kissing him on the forehead goodnight. "Don't stay out here too long, you'll catch death."

--x

It was less than 24 hours later when he gave her his answer.

Sandra had started out nice. She would pick him up after school and they would do crafts and sometimes she would make supper if his mom came home late. They would giggle over cartoons and have tickle fights, and sometimes she would take him to the park to play with his friends if he ate everything on his plate.

She would never raise her voice to him no matter how rude he was acting, and instead of putting him in time out she would sit him down and talk through why he had a temper tantrum and how to talk to her next time when he was feeling like something was unfair to him.

It really wasn't until his dad started going away for months at a time and his mother started taking the graveyard shifts that everything started going out of control.

It started out simple enough, she had started staying in the bathroom while he took baths (which he thought was innocent enough, it was just a bath. How could you fetish an eight year old taking a bath?). Then she had started crawling into bed with him at night, using the excuse that she was used to sleeping with a teddy bear and that 'you'll have to do'.

It made his skin itch, but she was an adult and she wouldn't do anything to him that he didn't want.

Until she did.

Liam had been sleeping peacefully for the first time since his parents had started staying away from home for their jobs, and Sandra hadn't crawled into bed with him, so it was a little after 10 in the evening when his eyes finally closed and he succumbed to sleep.

It was a little after midnight when he was brought out of slumber by a somebody pressing their front against his back, a hand had already made its way down his pants. He froze in discomfort, his eyes widening as he tried to realize what was happening.

"Wha-." He began to ask when he was interrupted by a hand being slotted over top of his mouth.

"Be quiet, Liam." Sandra's voice cooed into his ear. Liam closed his eyes and whimpered in frustration; maybe, just maybe, if he stayed still she would give up and go away.

But it didn't.

She told him not to tell anyone or else he wouldn't give her any supper, and she'd hurt him- really hurt him.

He vowed he wouldn't tell anyone, but she didn't believe him and soon became abusive. As he was walking by her while she was cooking one day she grabbed his hand and pressed it onto the stove top, burning the palm of his hand. When his mom asked him what happened he told her he had been helping Sandra cook and slipped onto the burner; his mother had tousled his hair and told him to be more careful from now as as she checked over the burn to make sure it was okay.

These events had continued on for the next few months, and it was nearing on his ninth birthday when Liam had finally told his mother what Sandra had been doing- the abusing only. Not the fact that she had continuously climbed into his bed at night when he least expected it or made him so uncomfortable that he couldn't contain the sensation of bugs crawling under his skin and nipping at his veins.

His mother had fired Sandra immediately and began taking the early morning shifts instead so that she would be there at night for Liam. But she had noticed he had become more withdrawn to his peers and would even flinch when she would come into his room to give him a goodnight kiss.

So she took his to a child therapist where he would be able to talk about his feelings; every time the therapist would ask him about what really happened he would just adamantly shake his head and say, "I'm not allowed to tell, she'll find me." Pretty soon he wouldn't even talk about the abuse she gave him. Then he began to forget. Whenever Sandra's name was brought up he would push it out of his mind and ask his mother or the therapist who they were talking about. He forgot about the nights he would lock himself in the bathroom and fall asleep in the bath tub; forget the nights where he had tried to fight back and it resulted with an even worse punishment.

He felt her pull him up to her arms, taking him up. His chest was being crushed. He couldn't breathe. His hands were pinned in her one hand, while the other was where he couldn't keep away.

Liam pushed her off of him with all the strength he could muster and bolted. He could hear her yells echoing off the hallway walls as he ran as fast he could away. "Come back here!" She screeched, a long hand grasping his wrist and pushing his tiny body to the wall.

"No! No please let go, you're hurting me!" He could feel where her nails were digging into his skin painful- could feel where the blood seeped out of the moon shaped incisions and trickle pathetically down his arm.

Her hands moved to his trackies and motioned to take them off as he thrashed his head around. He bit into forearm and she let go of him with a scream, "You little fuck! You bit me!"

Liam dodged her body as she jumped at him and ran down the hallway again, not daring to look behind him this time as he ran into one of the halls many closets and shut the door behind him. He locked it and back himself further into the darkness of the enclosed space and wrapped his arms around his legs.

"Open the door, Liam!" The woman yelled from the other side of the door and jiggled the doorknob.

Liam let out a choked off sob get muffled into where he was biting the side of his cheek and shook his head profusely. "No!" He cried. "No, you're going to hurt me! Where's my Mum? Where's Nana?"

"They're gone for the weekend, you know that. Now get to your room!"

"No!" He yelled and threw a random shoe at the door, jumping as the sob reverberated throughout the room.

"Leave me alone!" He screamed, his eyes popping open from where he had them slammed shut. He was breathing heavily, and his heart was beating harshly in his chest as he looked around at his surroundings. There was a mop. He was in a fucking supplies closet. He ran a hand through his hair and willed himself to calm down; how did he get into the supplies closet? He'd sworn he'd fallen asleep in his bed.

Liam stood up and exited the closet slowly. He ignored the aching in his shoulder and walked down the hallway and back to his dorm; somehow in his sleep walking venture he had made his way across campus to the classroom building. So he had to brave his way outside where it was snowing, but really he'd made it over there in the cold so what was the difference. By the time he had made it back to his dorm he was absolutely freezing, so he changed into a new pair of pajamas and fell into his bed.

"Nana!" Liam exclaimed, jumping up into his Nan's arms and holding her tightly.

"Oh mo chride, you're getting so big." Leah (his nana) cooed, pressing kissing across the wiggling Liam's face. "Are you being good for mommy and daddy?" Liam nodded feverishly, eyes wide as he stared at his Nana's face. "I've brought you something mo chride." She set him down on the ground and reached into her bag, pulling out a miniature sheep dog plush. "His name is Champ."

"Did you get him when you were in Ireland?" Liam asked her, holding the plush tightly to his chest, his face red with pure excitement.

"Yes I did; got him right from the farmer. Said he was getting to old." She watched Liam as he pet the plush dog, her eyes soft with affection for the small boy. "How would you like to come with me next time I go?"

Liam looked up from his plush, smiling widely. "You mean you'd really take me?" Liam asked her, jumping from foot to foot.

Leah let out a fleeting giggle as she kneeled down and pulled her grandson in for a hug. "Of course I would mo chride." She kissed his cheek. "How about when you turn thirteen, we'll go on a trip during the summer? Does that sound lovely or not?"

Liam's eyes widened as he threw his hands around his Nan's neck, in just two years he be going to Ireland with her to visit the house she grew up in and he couldn't be more excited. "That would be amazing!" He exclaimed.

---

The thing with Nana Leah, was that she had always been that kind and generous, even after his parents died. The had cancelled his trip to Ireland, seeing as his parents had died on his birthday; he was in the hospital getting treated for burns, and his Nana wasn't able to make it out of bed.

She had made it up to him by presenting him with the stuffed penguin his parents had gotten him, as well as the gifts they had been hiding at her place. The first year after his parents death was lovely but sad. Most days he could barely keep a smile, but his Nana was there right along with him to comfort him even though she had lost her son.

But then Liam's fourteenth birthday had hit (they weren't celebrating) and that was the day she had snapped. He had crawled into her bed to cuddle, scared and alone in his bedroom. But she had gotten angry and snapped at him.

That was the first time she had put him in the cellar with the door locked behind him. He had a bruise on his harm for two weeks after the incident because of how hard she had been gripping his arm.

But he had forgiven her. It was okay. She was just sad, her son was dead; she hadn't meant to hurt him. But then it kept happening and happening and pretty soon he thought he just deserved it... he expected it. He was hoping that eventually she would stop, but knew that if he had lost his son, he would be angry too. So he didn't do anything about it- he didn't tell anyone.

Pretty soon he began believing the words she shouted at him; no longer calling him my heart (my chride), but rather worthless and nothing... Liam. He didn't want to be Liam anymore; he didn't want to be alive.

---

Liam woke up in a sweat, he sat up in the nurse's office on his bed, gasping as the move stretched out his skin and stitches. "Liam!" Nurse Vixen exclaimed, rushing over to him. "Shh sweetie, it's okay. It's okay, just hold my hand."

She held his hand and let him grip it as he rode out the pain before she went and brought some pain medicine over, just enough to help him get back to sleep without focusing on the pain in his stomach. "It's fine, just lay back down." She whispered softly, helping him lay back down on his pillow. "It was just a nightmare, you'll be okay."

xxx

---"Daddy, I wrote you a story." Liam, age 5, announced as he walked into his father's writing room. He slammed a piece of purple paper on top of the desk next to his father's laptop and gave him a wide grin.

His father smiled softly at his young son; he took off his glasses and set them on the desk. "Is it a good one then?"

"It's about a penguin who can dance!" Liam exclaimed, reaching his arms out for his dad to pick him up.

His father picked him up and reached for the piece of paper; his eyes scanned the words carefully, and when he set the paper down he stared at his son thoughtfully. "Well then, my little Penguin that was probably the best thing I've ever read; rivaling only to that of Poe."

"When I grow up, I want to write stories like you." 

-----

Liam, age 8, was sitting on the grass in his back yard. He was imagining what it would be like to fly, to leave the ground and take off into the sky and visit his father who was away on business. He picked at the grass underneath his fingers with precision, the feathery blades tickling his senses.

"Liam, what are you doing Penguin?" His mother asked, sitting next to his body on the grass.

"Mummy, have you ever watched a blue bird drop from a tree and take to the air?" He replied with his own question, turning his head to stare at his mother's face.

"No, I can't say I have."

"Me neither." He sighed; he turned his face to look up at the clouds. "When's Daddy coming home?"

She reached forward with an arm and brushed her fingers through her son’s hair. "Soon, I hope. Do you miss him?"

"Yes."

"Me too."

---

At age 10, Liam was sitting at the front steps of his house as he waited for his father's car to pull up into the drive. After a month of his father not being home, he was ready to show him what he'd written and the new songs he had learned on the guitar.

"Penguin, it's getting dark out. You should come inside." His mother called from inside the house, her voice trailing out into the night.

"I thought he was coming home tonight?" Liam asked her, his voice quiet.

"His flight is probably delayed. He'll be here in the morning, love." She stood at the door, leaning on the frame slightly and watched her son's still form.

He sighed, "Okay." He stood up from the steps and took one look down the drive before turning around and going to his room.

Later that night as he slept restlessly, tossing and turning, he didn't hear the door to his room open and the body slid inside quietly.

"I'm sorry, Penguin." The voice, his father, whispered, sitting down on the bed next to his son. "I broke another promise." He brushed his sons hair out of his face, a deep sigh escaping him. "I brought you something from the premiere." He pulled a stuffed penguin from his inside his satchel and put it underneath the blanket- Liam immediately went to grasp it in his arms, his breathing evening out. "See you in the morning, Liam."

----

It was Liam's eleventh birthday party and his father was nowhere in sight. He had been gone for six months this time, half a year (he had counted), working on some movie up in New York. He had promised he would be home for Liam's birthday... he'd promised.

Liam sat on his bed, the light from outside poured in from the back yard where he could hear the party his mother had thrown for him. He clutched his stuffed penguin closer to his chest, and if he closed his eyes he could almost smell his dad's cologne and could imagine them writing together and playing the guitar in the back yard again.

"Liam," his nanny (his mother had to work today, hired just last year when his mother took on the head nurse position at the hospital), Megan, said from the doorway, "it's time to blow out your candles."

"I don't want to... I don't want to get older anymore." He mumbled into the stuffed penguin's fur.

Megan sighed and walked over to the boy. "I know you’re sad that your parents aren't here Liam. But they spent a lot of money on your party and everyone just wants you to have a good time." She pulled him off the bed, allowing his penguin to fall to the floor and under the bed. "Come on now, its candle time."

He allowed her to drag him downstairs and outside where his friends and their parents welcomed him with choruses of 'Happy Birthday' and 'Hello Leeyum'. He gave them smiles as he stood in front of his cake and listened to them sing Happy Birthday to him.

He watched the flames of the candles, mesmerized by the flicking of the light. He reached forward and touched the flame, hissing at the heat as it bit at his skin.

"Liam!" Megan exclaimed.

His eyes snapped up to the guests who were watching them. "Sorry," he muttered, giving everyone a brilliant smile before he blew out his candles.

"What did you wish for Leeyum?" One of the girls in a brilliant pale blue party dress asked curiously.

"If I tell you, it won't come true." He replied. His parents. He had wished for his parents.

It didn't come true.

---

Liam woke up drenched in sweat. He sat up in bed and collected his thoughts and his dreams or rather memories. The dreams were coming more frequently, which meant it was nearing the day his parents died in the house fire.

He pushed his blankets off, moving to stand up and having to grab on to his side table to stop himself from falling as black spots filled his vision. He groaned in pain, struggling to take a deep breath.

He had to shower, he needed to get clean while he was still awake and well before his fever got even worse.

Liam moved over to his dresser and took out a towel and some clothes before slipping on his flip flops, grabbing his keys, and heading to the communal bathrooms. Stopping along the way to drink the rest of his Nyquil, hoping the medicine would make him tired enough to fall back asleep after his shower.

Strolling into one of the shower stalls, albeit slowly, he closed the door behind him and sat down on the toilet inside; trying to catch his breath he had to close his eyes, reaching out to the sink beside him to find purchase and not fall forward.

He reached to the side and turned the shower on as hot as he could, breathing a sigh of relief as the steam from the shower poured out from behind the curtain and hit his sinuses, almost clearing it up.

Liam stood up on shaky legs and put his towel and clothes on the bench opposite of the toilet and stripping off his damp clothes before stepping into the shower, shaking like a leaf at the cold tile under his feet. As he stood under the hot stream of water he had to place his hands in front of him flat on the wall, trying to stand up right as his legs tried to give out under him.

He closed his eyes, recalling the conversations with his friends all week. Annabeth being beaten by Caleb and then getting pregnant, not quite sure who the father is. Xander, who was usually quite cheerful, acting strange and off kilter. Lily and his inability to properly like her even though she was a lovely person and he desperately wanted to. And then Griffon who whispered sweet words to him even though Liam knew they weren't true.

There was just so much pain in the world and he couldn't do anything to fix it.

Liam hands slipped on the wall as he gave a sudden shiver. His head fell forward, slamming into the tile and giving a sickening crack as it hit with force. He slid down to the ground, his vision blackening as he gave a shuddering breath. He could sleep here, it would be fine - he hadn't had a proper sleep in awhile.

"Fuck!" Liam yelled, throwing his phone across the room in frustration. It hit the wall with a loud thump, the case exploding off it as it hit the ground. "Fuck!" He yelled again, grabbing his hair and pulling hard.

He was such a fuck up that just couldn't stop when he had the chance. He knew that Annabeth was probably feeling awful after the Caleb incident, but just the thought of Caleb having his slimy hands on Annabeth in a way other than loving just made his skin crawl and blood bowl.

"Fuck!" He punched the wall beside him, unsure if anyone was in the conjoining dorm room.

Liam scrambled off his bed and dug through his dresser drawer for his lighter, pocketing it as he threw a beanie on over his tussled hair; he slipped on his shoes and threw a sweater on to protect himself from the autumn wind.

He stormed out of his dorm room after picking up his phone from the floor, forgetting the key to the room, and down the hallways, his hands gripping his forearms as he continued down the hallways and out of the building. Angling away from the court yard where he was sure someone would come looking for him, he headed for the maze- not really sure of the layout, but not willing to be found.

He continued through the maze until he was out of breath from running, collapsing down in the middle, breathing heavily as he tried to make his thoughts coherent.

"Worthless"

"No one wants you."

"It should have been you in that fire."

Liam's hand dug into his pants pocket, pulling out the lighter and placing it in front of him as his phone started to ring in his pocket. He pulled it out and opened the call without thinking, thinking it might be Annabeth or Xander.

"Hello?" He asked frantically.

"Liam." Came the cold voice of his Nan.

Dread filled his stomach. "N-nan... how are you?"

"No need for formalities Liam." Her voice was sharp and stern. "I've been informed that you're under performing in English."

"But I've- Nan I've got a 90 in the class." Liam tried to argue, his tone wavering.

"If you're so determined to not be a teacher then you should prove that to me. This is under performing and I will not have it. Is that understood?"

"Yes Nan," Liam whispered, closing his his eyes.

"Excuse me?" She snapped.

"Yes Nan." Liam said louder, his eyes filling with tears.

"I'm coming down to visit the next long weekend. I expect your grades to be up by then."

"They will be." And with that his Nan hung up on him. 

Liam stared blankly down at his phone, his heart beating a thousand miles a minute as disappointment flooded through him. He grabbed his lighter from the ground and flicked it on, his hands shaky as he tried to find a spot not covered by clothes on his body. His shaking intensified as the tremors took over his body, the lighter falling to the ground as air refused to reach Liam's lungs.