#lgbtlitnetwork

I spent my waking hours obsessing over the hill. I could think of, speak of, nothing else. During the day I fell into a sort of trance; I ate little, spoke little, and paid little attention to anything I did. My mind was in the forest, wandering, wandering, and I could not find my way out.

Fourteen days after I first had the dream, I left work as usual. I got into my car, turned on the engine, and pulled onto the highway. I drove for fifteen minutes before taking my usual exit and continuing on the road for what felt like an unusually long time. It was then that I realized there were no other cars on the road and I did not recognize my surroundings.

I felt a momentary panic. I must have taken the wrong exit and not realized it. How had that happened? I pulled over to the side of the road and tried to turn on my GPS. No signal.

I pulled out my cell phone and tried to call one of my friends. No signal.

A lump welled in my throat and I felt my heart rate quicken. I was alone, I had no idea where I was, and I had no way to contact anyone. My eyes stung as tears threatened to fall.

I decided to drive until I found another person or another road to turn onto. I pulled myself together and pulled back onto the road. I had never been so terrified in my life.

I do not know how long I continued on like that. The road was monotonous and the sun’s position in the sky did not seem to move. I looked at the clock on my dashboard. 5:30.

I drove on and nothing changed. The pavement was rough and in some places broken; plants threatened to take back their land on both sides of the road and tree branches hung dangerously low overhead. The leaves were the color of the setting sun and the underbrush was a vibrant green. Everything was quite beautiful, but the consistency of my surroundings was unnerving. I checked my dashboard. 5:30.

I almost crashed the car. I knew for certain that it had been more than a minute since I last checked the clock. It could not possibly still be 5:30.

Perhaps the clock was broken, but that had never happened before. I could not force myself to believe it was a coincidence. The lump in my throat grew and I had difficulty swallowing.

As I continued to drive, I tried to regulate my breathing. Everything is okay everything is okay everything is okay I told myself over and over. I knew it was a lie. It was the only thing I knew with certainty.

I drove on and on and on for what felt like hours but according to my clock was no time at all. I noticed that I was becoming dangerously low on gasoline. So far, I had not seen a turn off or any sign of human life. My panic grew.

I felt my engine splutter and began to cry in earnest. When the car stalled, I sat in the driver’s seat sobbing in the middle of the road. After I could not say how long, I had used up all my tears and could cry no more. The clock was still not working. 5:30.

I knew that nothing would happen if I stayed in my car. I would not be saved, and eventually the granola bars and water bottles I kept in the back seat would run out and I would starve. I also knew that getting out of the car could lead to a violent demise by any number of nameless monsters. I opened the door.

There was a path leading into the forest on the left side of the road.

Unconsciously, I recognized it. Consciously, I hoped it would lead to civilization. I followed it.

I felt dread bubbling in my stomach. I barely heard my footsteps as I walked. I barely heard my breathing, which was unlabored despite the steep slope. I became concerned when I realized I could barely hear anything at all.

There was no bird song, no insect chirping, no leaves rustling in the wind. The forest was silent as death. My breath caught in my throat as I took in my surroundings. I knew this place.

My footsteps were measured and I knew where they would take me. I was terrified and excited, dreadful and hopeful; my emotions were a chaotic storm churning inside me. This did not feel like a dream. I did not believe it was one.

I did not know how long I had been walking when I arrived at the hill. It seemed more vivid than ever, the vibrant green grass almost glowing with life. I approached it in a daze, knowing I should be wary but too entranced to be so.

I approached the hill and my anxiety faded to a dull hum. The dread remained in my stomach, but I forgot why it was there. It became an annoying sensation I was not entirely conscious of.

I saw a hole, similar in size to the entrance of a fox den, located on one side of the hill. It was dark and I could not see what lay on the other side of it.

I cautiously approached it, crouching down to get a better view inside. I took half a breath and forgot to exhale. Inside the hill was…what was it? A cavern? A castle? It certainly looked like one. Three stories high with twin towers on either side, surrounded by a thick, twisted metal wall—there was no door to be seen, but each detail I noticed was more exquisite than the last. This was not a hill. This was a kingdom protected by the earth, buried beneath it, forgotten by everyone but...who? Did anyone know it existed? I leaned farther forward and my stomach plummeted. Directly beneath me was a drop so steep its end was swallowed by a black void. Eyes shut from vertigo, I pulled my head out of the hole, and it felt as if I were surfacing after having submerged my face in water.

I opened my eyes and watched them widen in shock.

I was looking at myself in a mirror, but it was a different me who looked back. My hair was tied back and hung like a sheet to my waist. My eyebrows were arched, my cheekbones pronounced, and my face looked more regal than before. I was wearing a high collared dress of black and purple silk. My breath caught in my throat as a door behind me opened.

In walked the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Her skin was a warm beige and her hair fell in swooping ringlets to just past her shoulders. Her eyes were a deep brown and a green velvet dress gracefully draped from her curved figure.

The girl gave me a smile that could start or end wars and planted a soft kiss on my lips. “You look beautiful,” she murmured.

“Not as beautiful as you,” I whispered back, a bit shaken by her kiss. It felt familiar. She felt familiar.

The girl laughed and smiled at me once more. “Come, or we will be late.” She took my hand and guided me out of the room. We entered a wide hallway lined with small paneless windows at even intervals. Intricate tapestries hung on the walls, and an indigo carpet ran the length of the floor. I did not remember a job or a family or an abandoned car in the middle of a never ending road. My fiancée led me down the corridor, and I feared nothing. Why should I? We were the queens of this eternal palace beneath the earth.

Within a few months, I began to dream of a silent forest the color of a heart the moment before it breaks. I dreamed of an invisible path that led to a road made of a strange black material I had never seen before. I dreamed of a shiny silver machine in the middle of the path, a carriage with no need for horses, and I knew that such a thing could never exist. I began to obsess over this dream, and my fiancée had to calm me when I became distressed by it.