help can i have some love i am feeling like an utter failure

i was feel much better than i had in four months but my friend called me out for guilt tripping my ex into talking to me and i completely crashed again. she's right and i feel horrible about myself so i'm having problems eating and doing nice things for myself. i had this whole plan going forward and now i don't and idk what to do and it feels really bad. and i need to write an email and take the SAT in a week and idk how to. i'm so mad at myself and at the world and i just want to be okay and i thought i was but i'm not anymore and ughhhhhhhh

why does it hurt why does it hurt it should'nt hurt it shouldn't hurt its been literally like 3 months what is wrong with me why do i miss him like this why do i feel so awful when he doesnt respond for an hour why can't i move on without him he treats me badly but i can't fucking leave without destroying myself and i can't do that now i have 3 finals tommorow and i'm too sad to study ughhhhhhhhhhh